so we're officially going to be taking care of my baby cousin, who for simplicity's sake I'm going to call Child. now, I love Child very much

don't get me wrong, I've basically imprinted on this thing and I will be caring for Child to the absolute best of my ability. I've met Child like three times and would do anything for his safety

but. like. I had to fill a lot of my mum's parenting roles when she was in chemo, and I'm still not doing great because of it. it sucked feeling responsible for my siblings when I was just a scared kid who's mum was sick

and she's changed so much since then that I can see myself and my siblings becoming some of the main caretakers for Child

and I don't resent Child, I'm really excited he's coming, I'm just so freaking tired of feeling like I'm a failure at taking care of people and feeling like I need to be a parent

and maybe it's because I'm so terrified and not okay with the concept of ever having kids of my own and this is some kind of horrible series of soft openings but still

happy for the coming of Child

I can't handle parenting anyone tho