#pan probs

being Bi/Pan/Queer/Not straight/ etc... comes w/ some struggles (for the sake of brevity i’ll use Bi to sum all those IDs up) a major one- is invisibility, both in the media and in real life.

another is assumptions. there’s nothing we can do about what other ppl assume about us, but we can decide how we view ourselves. all of our control starts and ends w/ ourselves. so, it’s great tht you recognise your issue is finding comfort w/ your orientation. 

this is v common for us Bi folx and a lot of the self-doubt of Bi identities comes from our shitty heteronormative society. they either ignore our existence, say we’re just slutty, tht we’re faking it for attention, or are confused. ugh! such B.S.

my fav Bi analogy is the werewolf. if you’re a werewolf, then you’re always a werewolf. when you look like a human-you’re still a werewolf. when you look like a wolf- you’re still a werewolf.

so too for Bi folx. meaning the person you date has no effect on your orientation/label. the only thing tht does is the gender(s) you’re attracted to. just like the skin choice of a werewolf doesn’t change what they are- they’re always a werewolf. so, no matter if you’re in a het or same-gender relationship, you can still ID as Bi.  

the other good news is tht according to recent science, more ppl are ‘not straight’ than are willing to admit it. partly due to our shite society, partly to gender inequality, and partly to the fact tht ppl think once you get into a relationship, from then on you’re only attracted to ppl the same gender as your current partner. ridic! 

so bottom line, you’re here, you’re queer, get used to it. 😜

as for my suggestions; open up to your queer pals and let them help you find your pride. the more you talk about it, the easier it will become. remember tht all of us LGBT+ folx have to come out literally hundreds and thousands of times in our lives, but it does get easier with practice. 

the short answer is, nope, you’re not wrong. the explanation being, as humans we’re attracted to whomever we’re attracted to, but who we choose to date is a conscience decision. it’s a choice and your reasons for making the choice to only pursue a particular gender are valid and totally understandable.