βWhat You Deserveβ β Seungmin Angst (Part 1)
πΊTW: Emotional neglect and cruelty; Verbal abuse (insults, belittling); Gaslighting and emotional manipulation; Toxic relationship dynamics; Psychological deterioration (feeling worthless); Onset of depression; Loneliness, emotional isolation
πΊSummary: In a love that once felt like home, words turn into weapons, and silence cuts deeper than any scream. As distance grows, and cruel indifference replaces affection, she begins to lose herself β piece by fragile piece.
ββββββββ
A harmless jab here.
A teasing insult there.
The kind of playful cruelty that used to make her laugh because it was Seungmin β and he never meant it, not really.
Except somewhere along the way, the jokes stopped sounding like jokes.
And the cruel words stopped being cushioned by affection.
He started snapping more often.
Rolling his eyes at things she said.
Dismissing her excitement with bored shrugs and muttered insults under his breath.
βYouβre so damn clingy,β he scoffed once, when she reached for his hand across the couch.
βCanβt you survive without being attached to me for two seconds?β
It stung.
Of course it did.
But she told herself he didnβt mean it.
He was tired. Stressed. Something.
The excuses became their own kind of poison.
Because when someone you love hurts you, you find reasons to forgive them β until thereβs nothing left of you to forgive with.
The worst part?
He barely even looked at her anymore.
When he did, it was usually with some flavor of disgust or annoyance curling at the corner of his mouth.
βYou look exhausted,β he said once, without even glancing up from his phone.
βMaybe try actually taking care of yourself for once instead of whining all the time.β
The words sliced clean through her chest.
She felt the blood, invisible but burning, leak into her lungs, making it hard to breathe.
She started pulling away after that.
Stopped texting first.
Stopped asking him to spend time together.
But the more distance she tried to put between them, the crueler Seungmin became β like he could feel her slipping and hated her for it.
βYou think youβre punishing me by acting cold?β he sneered one night when she didnβt immediately greet him at the door.
βTrust me, sweetheart, youβre not that important.β
She blinked at him, the weight of his words settling heavy and cold against her ribs.
Not that important.
Not worth staying up for.
Not worth holding onto.
It became a pattern.
A ritual.
Heβd say something vile β
Sheβd flinch β
Heβd pretend nothing happened.
And every time, she shrank smaller, quieter, until she barely recognized herself anymore.
The girl who used to glow when she smiled now barely lifted her head.
The girl who used to sing around the apartment now sat in silence, afraid even to breathe too loudly around him.
She stopped laughing.
Stopped dreaming.
Stopped believing she was worthy of love at all.
After all β if Seungmin, the boy who once said she was his whole world, could hate her this easily, maybe she was the problem.
Maybe she was too much.
Too needy.
Too annoying.
Too broken to love properly.
He didnβt have to scream at her to break her down.
He just had to stop caring.
And day by day, piece by piece, he carved away everything good she ever believed about herself β until there was nothing left but a hollowed-out girl staring blankly into a mirror she couldnβt bear to recognize.
One night, sitting alone on the cold bathroom floor with the lights off, she realized something terrifying:
She missed the old pain.
The pain of missing him when he was away.
The ache of loving him so much it hurt.
Because this new pain β this numb, heavy, endless despair β was so much worse.
This was the kind of pain you didnβt come back from.
And somehow, deep down, she knew:
Seungmin didnβt even notice he had killed the best parts of her.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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βZindagi me logo ko ek aadat zaroor seekh Leni chhaiye hai - jo cheez haath se nikal jaye use bhool jaane ki aadat. Ye aadat bhout si takleefo se bacha leti hai.β
I'm in pain. I want to write about every layer of it. The pain has already made a home inside my skin. And somehow, I let it stay. To a person merely living inside a shell, pain is also a relief.
A rain of small burning drops sprayed part of his face. It was so fast that he couldn't react, he only felt the intense pain of tiny incandescent knives piercing his skin. When he closed his eyes it was already late. He brought his hands to his face, trying to shake off the fire that was devouring his skin and his eye inside, but he couldn't do anything. Just screaming in pain and frustration. Instinctively his body leaned back, trying to get away as fast as possible from that damn woman, but the heels of his boots hit the wooden floor and his back hit the ground. He kicked hard. His face was burning. His damn face was on fire! The pain was so excruciating that he writhed and screamed in rage until his lungs emptied and beyond.
Desperately, he raised his trembling hands to his face to douse the flames that continued to burn due to the alcohol in the liquor. He felt the sticky skin starting to peel off and stick to his fingertips. But the worst was his eye. It itched and irritated; and when he wanted to open it he felt part of the skin eyelid being torn off.
During that moment in which he was thrashing on the ground, the woman had managed to untie the bard and they had run away together. He couldn't do anything because, if he could, he would have reduced them both to ashes. He scowled, clenching his teeth. His saliva dripped onto the front of his shirt as he wheezed as he struggled to his feet. When he managed to get up and stay on his feet, he staggered over to where his coat was hanging. He had to get out of there quickly and without leaving any clues. He had learned it from his mistakes from his past, but it seems he still overestimated women. Dammit! He must have killed her as soon as he saw her appear. Why the hell had he given her the chance to walk away? Once the bard had seen her charred corpse, he would not have resisted telling him even the smallest detail about the child's whereabouts. He put on his coat slowly, as if each movement had to be carefully thought before being executed. Thoughtfully he brushed back the hair that was falling untidy over his face and was sticking to his open skin in bloody sores. He clenched his jaw tightly as he hissed through his teeth. Involuntary tears rolled down his cheeks. He felt hot and salty as they reached his lips, mixed with blood from open wounds. He screamed. But it was not a cry of pain but of anger and rage. Standing in the middle of the hall he looked at the chair where he had tied the bard, lying on the floor along with the ropes. Rience looked around wildly, with the look of a madman. He felt the Chaos flow into his hands like a raging torrent. He looked at his hands, fire beginning to erupt from all his fingers at once, blazing like he had never summoned with his fire magic. He directed them towards the counter and the shelves behind it, full of liquor bottles that exploded as soon as the flames hit them; towards the furniture, tables and chairs in the living room and towards the small barrels stored in the back. Columns, walls, floor and ceiling immediately began to burn in an inferno while he laughed like a madman. He held that spell for a long time. Too much time. His hands turned from hot red to bright white, and his fingers looked like long glowing claws.
He staggered and nearly lost his balance. He felt his body was not responding to him and his head was too hot. The fire was devouring all the wood and soon the building would collapse. He had to get out of there. He tried to open a portal, but he couldn't. He was barely able to stand and his hands were shaking uncontrollably. The smoke began to fill all the space that was not filled by the fire. He coughed as he tried to cover his mouth by turning up the collar of his coat. He looked around for a way out, but his eyes was badly damaged and the smoke didn't help. He backed blindly until his back hit the door he'd entered through.
He went out into the alley coughing and spitting. The cold morning air filled his lungs as he took a deep breath. He tried to get away as fast as possible from there because the city people had already gathered around and had raised the alarm. Soon it would be full of nosy people. If they found him there, looking so terrible and suspicious, no one would have no doubt who was to blame for the fire . He found a hidden corner in a small alley where no one could disturb him and waited to recover a bit to summon enough magic to open a portal. He found a place, a place that stank of shit, but lonely and unpleasant enough for him to be alone for a while. He leaned against the wall and let his body fall, sliding little by little until he was sitting on the floor with his knees against his chest. He threw his head back and thought about who he would go to. "Lydia", he thought bitterly. "I have to ask that damn lunatic for help." Rience shook his head vigorously, as if he wanted to push away another thought. "No, I couldn't involve Faye", he thought, feeling his heart lurch in his chest. "I must to leave her out of this."
Rience heard more and more cries of alarm from the people in the streets. The city guard had begun to organize the citizens to extinguish the fire and he had to leave immediately. Get as far away as he could. He tried once more to reach out a hand to summon a portal. He was startled when he saw his hands had the appearance of long fiery claws with which he wasn't able to muster even enough magic to teleport. He shook them out and hid them inside his coat to put them out. As soon as he touched his shirt, he noticed that it was soaked with blood and sweat, but his hands no longer burned. He got to his feet. If he wasn't able to open a portal, he would have to walk to where Lydia lived.
He walked through the most hidden and winding alleys in all of Oxenfurt. Since he had come to the city, he had spent a lot of time going through them and studying them when he had been following the bard. He believed that, despite everything, he could orient himself very well. Unfortunately, his body didn't respond in the same way. He had to stop several times because he often felt dizzy and the sun that was beginning to rise in the sky bothered his eyes. In addition, he had to hide from the large number of guards who were roaming the city at that time due to the fire that he had caused. "Idiot" he said to himself. βI am nothing but an idiot.β
He came to a small, familiar alley and hid under the roof of a woodshed. It was a dark place, hidden from the sun's rays and very quiet. He sat down on some wooden logs. He wasn't comfortable, but his strength was failing him. He noticed how all his hair was soaked and he was sticking to his head. He felt his forehead burning and his breath heaving. He didn't even try to summon the portal. He had his hands hidden under his coat, fearing that at any moment they might catch fire. He didn't dare look at them in case it happened. He had always handled fire at his whim and had never had a problem. He didn't understand what was going on. He was scared, very scared.
He heard his name. Well, Rience wasn't his real name, but he didn't remember another. Someone had call him like that a long time ago, when he was wandering the streets with other kids. He believed that he was dreaming, because he heard it far away and he had his eyes closed at that moment. "Rience!" he heard it clearly. His teary eyes widened slightly. His left eye was full of blood and he was in a lot of pain. He felt like a person approached him and crouched next to him. "No, no, no," he thought, "she shouldn't see me like that." Rience's mouth twisted into a sad, tired smile as she made out Faye kneeling beside him. She was as pretty as ever, even more so, that morning. He felt how all the strength of her magic boiled inside her as she agitatedly asked what had happened to him. He wanted to tell her to get away, to stay away from him and to be happy, that nothing he could give her could be good; but he had no strength. He only could look at her with only one eye and smile like an idiot.
She brushed his hair back from his face and studied his wound carefully. With her soft hands, she gently opened his injured eye. He groaned in pain and a tear of blood rolled down his cheek. She breathed gently on his wounds and he felt it as sweet as a kiss.
Come on β she said as she tried to pull him up β I have to heal you.
He sat with his hands hidden under his coat, but she insisted.
Open a portal to my office at the Academy - she told him as she tried to grab his hands.
No! β he growled. He pulled away from her abruptly. He was in a lot of pain, but the pain of her being harmed by him was a much deeper pain. A pain that was deep inside him.
Rience - she said calmly. - You're badly hurt. I have to treat your wounds and I'm worried about your eye.
He laughed bitterly.
My eye? - He said through clenched teeth-And what about these? β The mage showed her his trembling hands β How are you going to make them stop burning?!
Faye reached for his hands, but he wouldn't let her touch them.
Nothing happens to your hands - she said looking at them carefully. She touched his forehead with her hand. β Your temperature is higher than normal. Much higherβ¦ The fever is making you delusionalβ¦
Rience looked at his hands again, more closely. Suddenly nothing seemed wrong with them, he just couldn't make them stop shaking.
I can't summon a portal - he confessed. - I just can not...
Well, then we'll walk - she said with determination as she helped him up.
She slid a hand around his waist as he put his arm around her shoulders. Just then two City Guards walked towards them.
What's going on? Is everything okay?- one asked as he took in Rience's suspicious appearance.
My husband... - said Faye sharply - He is drunk. Again!.
Do you need help, ma'am? -asked the other guard - Your husband doesn't seem to be looking well...
Rience bent his head down to rest in the crook of her neck, hiding his wounds. He just hoped the guards wouldn't notice that half of his face was burned. He felt Faye grip him firmly, perhaps a little roughly.
Yes, yes, yes! - she was playing the role perfectly - This bastard has been away from home for three days. Three days drinking out there! And while I'm staying at home, taking care of the children... What am I going to tell my children when they ask where their father is? - she yanked on him - I won't let you put another baby in my vomb!
Okay, ma'am - answered the annoyed guard - Take him home and don't make a fuss in the street, we're quite busy because of everything about the fire.
The guards passed him by, and the two of them also continued on their way.
The road to the Academy was long enough so them had to stop a few times to rest, but they finally made it there. Rience was exhausted and could barely stand. He needed her support to be able to walk. As soon as they reached the building, they attracted the gaze of several people who looked at them curiously. Rience looked pitiful, and Faye's dress had begun to stain with the blood from his open wounds. As soon as they entered her office, two people hurried in behind them. Rience might look almost swooning, but he stayed alert and spun around, flaring his hands to launch an attack. A tall, elven boy with long blond locks and a plump girl squealed in fright when they saw him.
