Thomas’s Melissa gave birth today. I haven’t cried about anything that happened to us when we were overseas because really there’s no reason to, but when I held that perfect little girl in my arms, I swear there were tears in my eyes. Her daddy should’ve been the first man to hold her, not me. I don’t know the first thing about babies. Hell, I thought I’d break her how tiny she was, but Melissa insisted and who can say no to a woman who’s recently given birth especially when that woman has recently lost her husband?

She has her father’s deep green eyes. I took one look at them and couldn’t look away. They were Tommy’s eyes but so different, so full of life. It was weird seeing them on her face when only three months ago I’d held Tommy’s hand as the life leeched out of his.

The first thing I did when I got home a few weeks ago was talk to the VA doc. He said something about the way that traumatic memories work, about why I can remember plain as day just how sticky Tommy’s blood felt on my hands and how the breath had sounded raspy as he coughed and asked me to take care of his girls, but can’t remember the feeling of the shrapnel in my side. He said “that’s how our brains work. We remember things that are visceral.” And suggested that maybe sometime in the future I’d remember the attack in full on technicolor and the pain that came from the injury. Maybe even the surgeries that followed. And when that happened I should come back and talk to him.

Fuck that. I wanted to ask if he’d ever been to war. If he’d ever looked into someone’s eyes, knew that they had so much more to live for, and hated every god that ever existed for taking that life from them? I’d wanted to ask but instead I sat back and listened to him drone on and when he was done, I thanked him, signed my name for Athena, and told him I’d call if anything happened. 

Not that that’s ever gonna happen. I’m fine, and if the doctor couldn’t understand that going to war meant that I was already ready to die and that I would switch places with Tommy without thinking twice just so he could stand in that delivery room and see the miracle that is his little girl, then he can’t possibly help me.

Anyway, I’m fine. Went to the funeral and everything. Even smiled a bit and held Mel’s hand as they saluted her husband’s sacrifice. 

Vic had been undead for over 300 years.  Over three hundred years of assholes, imbeciles, lazy buffoons, all so boringly and utterly predictable.  Her migrations every 10-15 years were at first an attempt to keep herself safe from suspicion, both from her lack of aging and the vampire clans she put at risk in each area she ended up in.  But even through different countries, different languages, different cultures, people tended to remain the same.  Nothing she found surprised her.  No massacre or generosity… not even mass hysteria could elicit a true response of shock from Victoria Mossberg.

So, her migrations to new homes started to grow out of a third reason, too: boredom.  It wasn’t until a little over 10 years ago, when she heard about White Crest and all that it might offer in terms of jobs for her, did she really feel interest for the first time in a while.  For the better part of her time there, Vic had kept to herself, the wildness of the outlandish town doing well enough to keep her intrigued enough to stay.  But then, something changed, something pulled her in, and it wasn’t the vampiric activity she had sought out there.

Vic was never one for making friends, not after she was turned and her trust and innocence was ripped from her.  Despite claiming that she did to the vampires she came across for the good of humans, the human race as a whole seemed wildly untrustworthy to Vic, and it was thanks to her lack of guarding that she hadn’t been aware of it before.  Friendship and close relationships, as was proven to her, ended in despair, and so if you asked her how she allowed herself to begin to get close to the people of White Crest, she couldn’t tell you.  First it was a zombie.  Innocent enough, she thought, up until Morgan insisted on weaseling her way in, asking questions and making Vic second guess her way of life for centuries.  But infuriatingly, the friendships continued, and somehow, there was even a vampire in town she considered a close friend now, too. 

She hadn’t turned anyone in to a hunter in almost a year. 

So yes, the friendships and relationships were shocking.  Maybe it was her old age making her soft, or perhaps it was some sort of sickness, growing slowly inside her so that loss could eat her alive the way it did the day she died.  But the shock of the friendships was nothing compared to the shock of where she found herself now, in the middle of armageddon, watching over a peacefully sleeping baby from the threshold of her bedroom.

True to her nature, Dani put off one of her final truth or dares until the last minute.  It wasn’t that it was something she was dreading, really, but something always seemed to come up, squashing her chances of even thinking about starting her task (it certainly had nothing to do with her being a procrastinator). She had started preparing for the dare about a week before, when she bought the highest recommended cat harness from the clinic, in hopes that something high end would more easily entice Stella to be cooperative on their walk.  In the short time that they had the cat, Morgan and Dani had learned that, despite her disabilities, she was a lady that was going to do what she want when she wanted it.  Currently, she was a fan of knocking Morgan’s makeup off the dresser and listening for the fascinating sound the different items made as they landed on the ground.   So there was no doubt in Dani’s mind that even getting her into the harness was going to be a feat in itself.  

She approached Stella with kissy noises and her favorite treats, both to get her attention and to prove to her that this was going to be like, really fun if she just cooperated.  For good measure and proof (and maybe some clout), she gave Mogan, who had been watching from the couch, her phone to record her on instagram live. How else would everyone know she was completing her dare if she didn’t document it live? After a quick intro and explanation to her many viewers (her stepmom and her college roommate, so far), she got to work.

“I’ve got a present for you, Stellie”, she said, crawling back over to the cat who was sniffing at the treat bag.  She pulled Stella onto her lap with a grin, quickly showing the camera the harness.  It was something she’d done more than once at the clinic, so Dani wasn’t too worried about the first step of her dare.  She gently but swiftly took Stella under the arms with one hand, ready to pull the harness onto her with the other when the cat slipped away, running to hide under the couch.  “Oh shit.” She stuck her tongue out at Morgan, who seemed to find this whole ordeal funnier and funnier with each passing minute.

“Stellaaa”, she called, reaching under the couch.  Dani clumsily fumbled around until she found Stella.  Once she pulled her out again, she gave her a treat.  With Stella distracted it was much easier to get the harness on her this time, despite the still persistent struggling on Stella’s part.   She held her up to the camera and Morgan in triumph, laughing at how silly the kitty looked.  Stella, who wasn’t used to wearing anything, plopped over to the side as soon as Dani put her back on the floor. 

She laughed, assuring the camera and Morgan alike that Stella would be showered in treats when they got back.  She scooped the cat under her arm, then went to grab her phone from Morgan, kissing her gently.  “I’ll be back!”, she called out, and with seconds she was out the door.

Stella snuggled into Dani, not used to being out of the apartment since she’d been adopted.  She was squirmier than Dani had anticipated, and it was hard to balance holding her and filming for the instagram live at the same time.  “Stella is having so much fun!” she said with a laugh to her phone.  She tried to set Stella down gently, but as soon as her feet touched the ground, she did the same plop over that she’d done upstairs.  “C’mon, Stell... it’s a walk!” she said, trying to gently prod the cat along. She picked her up and put her upright, turning the camera back on her just in time to see her plop over again. 

“I don’t know how far we’re gonna get” she said to the camera with a laugh, trying once again with the same results.  The people walking by seemed to find this just as amusing as Dani did.  Once more, she set Stella upright, and for once, it seemed like she was actually going to cooperate.  That feeling of hope only lasted a second though, because for the last time, she let herself plop over.  Dani laughed out loud, picking up Stella, and turning the camera back toward her. 

“It seems queen Stella has spoken, folks.  No walk for us today.  I’ll check back with you when I by her her very own stroller... that might be our only hope.  See you soon!”

AUGUST

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“Hey, mom...” It had been a few months since Julie tried to reach out to her parents, but with possibly the biggest role she could ever have at the New York City Ballet coming up, she hoped that maybe they’d finally come out and support her. She stood in a hallway backstage; her back against a wall with her phone up to her ear. “I know you’re probably surprised to hear from me, but I just wanted to tell you that I’m gonna be Odette in Swan Lake this year and-” She paused, glancing over at the bulletin board and drawing in a sharp breath as she saw the cast list being posted. 

“-listen, I’d really like to see you there - both of you. This is going to be huge for me, so...I really hope I see you there. Okay. Bye.” Her eyes watched the group of girls that swarmed the bulletin board as she hung up her phone.

There had been plenty of talk about Julie being the one to take the lead role. It had been everything she had worked so hard for since Juilliard; since landing at the NYCB. Her best friend, Colette, and fellow dancers had shown nothing but support, so she was so sure she had the part in the bag.

Taking a deep breath and tucking her phone down into her bag, Julie made her way over to the bulletin board and pushed through the small crowd. The faces of her castmates as she passed them, however, suggested that disappointment awaited her.

She furrowed her brow as she finally made it to the front and quickly scanned over the cast list.

PRINCESS ODETTE 

Colette Goodwin 

Julie Spencer - Understudy

Julie felt her heart sink down to her stomach. She wanted to feel nothing but pride for her best friend landing the lead role, but all she could feel was disappointment and betrayal. Why didn’t she tell her that she was also trying out for the lead role? Had the countless conversations they had about it being Julie’s dream role been all for naught? They were the questions that plagued her mind.

“Oh my god, Julie!” Julie immediately recognized the extremely excited voice to be that of Colette’s. “I can’t believe I got Odette! This is amazing!”

A lump had formed in Julie’s throat as she slowly turned around to face her best friend. “Yeah, it’s- it’s amazing.” She tried so hard to share in her excitement. “Why didn’t you tell me you were also auditioning for Odette?”

Colette furrowed her brow. “I mean, wasn’t everyone auditioning for her? You’d be crazy to not. It’s the biggest show of the season.”

“I mean, I realize that, but you knew how much this meant to me.” Julie paused, feeling herself become more heated. “You knew how much I needed this.”

“I’m sorry, Julie, truly, but-” Colette stopped.

“But, what?” Julie’s eyes narrowed on the other girl as she adjusted her bag on her shoulder.

“-you aren’t the only person in the world that needs something like this or anything for that matter.” Colette crossed her arms across her chest. “I’m sorry, but I really wanted this part, too. I know how much you wanted it and I didn’t expect to actually get it, but here we are. At least you’re my understudy.”

Guilt was starting to settle in for Julie the more Colette spoke. “I never said I was the only person, I just-” She drew in another sharp breath. “I really think this could be the one thing that really makes my parents understand and support me.”

Colette rolled her eyes and a small scoff passed her lips. “Why do they even matter still? Julie, your parents didn’t you support you then and they’re not gonna support you now. Nothing’s going to change.”

Julie couldn’t find the proper words for a response, so she bit the inside of her cheek and nodded before pushing past Colette to leave and go home.

OCTOBER

Things between Julie and Colette were strained for a while to say the least. The only times they saw each other after the cast posting was at rehearsals. She knew that she needed to be more supportive of Colette. After all, she was the one who took her in when her parent’s tried to prevent her from going to Juilliard. She gave her support when they didn’t and now it was time for her to return the favor.

But whatever it was, Julie couldn’t shake the possibility of things finally being good with her parents. No matter how much she wanted to hate them and move on from them, she still wanted to make them proud - just once. 

It was the last big, group rehearsal before opening night and Julie was still playing the waiting game. It was all she could really do as an understudy. Colette had just finished a run-through of her final dance and the cast had an hour to get food and relax before running through it one last time. 

As the cast flooded into the dressing room, Julie sat in front of one of the mirrors and went through her duffle bag to find the snack she had packed. Colette sat a couple chairs away, taking off her shoes. “Are you not coming to dinner with everyone?”

Julie’s head shot up at Colette’s voice, surprised that she was speaking to her. “No, I’m not that hungry and I brought food.” Her eyes fell to the other girl’s shoes as she took them off, noticing how old and tattered they were.

“Well, we’re just gonna be down the street if you change your mind.” Colette noted before getting up and slinging her purse on her shoulder. “Right, well, see you later I guess.” She headed off with a couple of others, making small talk as they left. “Man, I really need to get new shoes, but I always hate breaking them in.” The conversation disappeared into muffles the further they got.

Julie looked back to Colette’s shoes that sat with her other stuff on the chair, hating herself for what she was about to do. She got up from her chair and made her way to Colette’s things, picking up the girl’s shoes.

They were falling apart. The seams were stressed and on the verge of breaking. Julie glanced over at a small pair of scissors on the dressing table next to her, chewing on her bottom lip in thought before picking them up. 

All Julie needed was something to put Colette out long enough for her to perform as Odette in the opening show so her parents could see. Sure, she didn’t know for certain if her parents would come, but there was always a chance.

Scissors ready to cut half the seams at the base of the ribbons, her hand was shaking with regret even though she hadn’t done anything yet. Weakening the ribbons would cause them to snap and Colette would lose crucial support for her ankle. Julie tried to tell herself the most that would happen would be a sprained ankle. Colette would be fine. 

And that was how she justified her actions as the scissors cut through the seams like butter. It wasn’t a noticeable change, but from the moment Julie put the shoes back in their place, she felt sick to her stomach.

1 HOUR LATER

The cast returned to the auditorium. Most  of them took a seat in the audience to watch Colette’s dance, but Julie remained in the wings. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen - if anything at all, but she couldn’t face her castmates, her friends.

Julie’s heart had been beating noticeably faster, sweat was beginning to bead on her forehead. Colette took her position for the start of the dance, waiting for the music to begin. 

The first half of the dance went without a hitch - that was until she went on pointe. Colette went into a pirouette, but the repetitive motion of going up and down from pointe to flat foot is what caused the seams of the ribbons to finally snap. There was only a brief moment where everything seemed fine before shrill screams of pain could be heard over the music.

Colette had collapsed to the stage floor and Julie’s mouth was agape with terror as she realized how much worse this actually was. “I- I think my ankle is broken.” Colette cried as people huddled around her to help her. Julie

The week that followed only caused Julie to spiral even more. Opening night had rolled around and her parents weren’t anywhere to be seen. They never called her or texted her to say congratulations. Things were still the same. 

Colette’s injury wasn’t a clean break and news broke that it wasn’t going to heal properly. Therefore, she was forced to retire from ballet at the age of twenty-three.

Julie ended up getting the role that she wanted at the cost of her best friend’s career and never got the support she wanted from her parents.

There were countless thoughts running through Julie’s head as she looked upon the envelope that had been carelessly ripped open in a drawer of her father’s desk. It had been addressed to her  — from Juilliard — but she wasn’t the one who opened it. She had only come to her father’s study in search of, well, she had forgotten exactly what it was at this point.

Julie slowly picked up the envelope, pulling out the packet that was inside. Instantly, she knew by the thickness of it that it wasn’t a rejection letter. She didn’t know why, but small tears formed in the brims of her eyes as she began to read the letter on the first page.

Dear Julie Marie Spencer,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into the dance program at Juilliard.

A small smile had formed on her face and a tear had fallen down her cheek, but as her eyes traveled to the date, she realized it had been months since the letter had arrived. Before she had a moment to process it, a knock on the study’s door pulled her from her thoughts. Her eyes shot up to notice the older man stood in the doorway — her father.

“Jules-” Paul Spencer began to speak, but Julie was quick to cut him off.

“When were you going to tell me about this?” Julie asked in an accusatory manner. “And you do know it’s against the law to open someone else’s mail, don’t you? I figured since you work for the government, you’d be fully aware of that.”

The air in the study grew thick as Paul drew in a sharp breath. “I was going to tell you about it, but I wanted you to actually apply to other schools first. You always have to have a backup plan.” He paused for a moment, biting the inside of his cheek. “And yes, I am aware that it’s against the law, but you’re my daughter and, lest we forget, I’m the one paying for your education.”

Julie shook her head, feeling her face grow hot from the anger boiling inside of her. She always hated letting herself get heated like this, but this had been eighteen years in the making. It was time for her to take a stand.

“I don’t need a backup plan and you knew that. I got accepted into Juilliard. You should be happy for me like any good parent would be.” She gritted her teeth for a moment before speaking to his last statement. “It doesn’t matter if I’m your daughter or not. My mail is still my mail and, no, you’re only paying for an education that you approve of.”

Paul’s eyes grew a little wider as he took a few more steps into the study. “Are you really telling me you don’t think I’m a good parent?”

“You haven’t really given me cause to believe otherwise now have you?” Julie knew she was walking on thin ice at this point, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She knew how this was going to end. “You and mom are the ones who got me into ballet to begin with, so you have yourselves to thank for that. I fell in love with it and I’m not going to be sorry for that.”

“We put you in so many extracurriculars because we wanted you to experience everything and we’re glad that we did. I never asked you to be sorry for falling in love with ballet, Julie.” Paul shifted his weight as he leaned against the fireplace mantle. “All we wanted was for you to pursue a stable, practical career. It’s just smarts.”

Practical? Julie almost laughed at how ridiculous her father sounded. “If Juilliard is giving me a chance, then that’s enough to tell me that I’m doing the right thing for me.” She didn’t realize how tightly she was gripping the letter in her hands and quickly loosened her grip before clearing her throat. “I’m done.”

Paul furrowed his brow and started to move closer to his daughter. “What do you mean you’re done?” There was a hint of concern in his voice, but it wasn’t enough to make daddy’s used to be little girl falter.

“I’m done doing this dance with you, with mom.” Julie tried to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. “I’m going to go stay with Colette until August and then I’m going to Juilliard. I’ll find another way to pay for school.”

“Jules-” Paul tried once more, but was cut off once more.