What if husband doesn't see our children grown up?
I know it's been triggered as there has been a debate yesterday in UK parliament about allowing a drug called Orkambi to be available to patients with cystic fibrosis. This drug is widely available worldwide and treats the cause of CF - not the symptoms. It's not a cure, but it can slow down irreparable lung damage (which ultimately results in lung transplant or... well death.)
Life expectancy for someone with CF is 40.
I know all these facts, I know what I signed up for when I met him and we had children. But I still feel that with my pure determination and stubbornness, that he will live way beyond any life expectancy. I'm aware that isn't exactly rational.
But during the debates they talked about how lung decline can happen so quickly, over weeks, not months or years. And I don't think I has grasped the enormity of that. Husband's lung function is around 82% currently and relatively stable.
What if? What if? there are so many of those and I just feel the enormity of it. I need him to live for me, but I need him to live for his children. I was in my 20's when I lost my parents, an adult and the thought of putting our children through that premature loss makes me feel such despair.