#origonal characters

A month ago Jughead Jones had broken up with Keys, rather brutally. It had been an ungly affair and it had left them struggling to keep up. Keep up in school, keep up with their siblings, keep up with their Serpent work… The ban had been the only thing keeping them together, but they were currently backstage, minutes until they were supposed to go on, and they looked second from throwing up.

Talon approached Keys, a worried look in his eyes and his drumsticks in his hand. “Keys?” They looked over in a snap, as if they’d had to tear themself away from the dead stare they had locked previously on the stage. Talon shifted, his worry increasing. “Do you want to call off today’s show?”

Immediately Keys shook their head no. “Absolutely not. OUr band means something to people and-”

“I know, I know,” Talon interrupted. “I just mean… you don’t owe them anything. You’re not just a safe place, you’re a person. If you need a break we would all more than understand.” Keys went quiet then nodded after a moment, but seemed no closer to admitting weakness. Talon couldn’t push anything so he just sighed. “Okay. Three minutes.” Keys nodded again and Talon moved back to their others, who were discussing strategy on how to help Keys.

Three minutes passed a lot faster than Keys would have liked and they felt their bandmates behind them as the five of them surged onto stage. After being announced by Fangs, who paused to do a handshake with Talon like he always did before dipping backstage and out of sight, they took their places and Keys plastered on a wide smile. “How are we all feeling today?” They asked the audience. Everyone cheered in an answer, as ready as always to have a great time.

Cane stepped forward next, guitar around her neck and microphone in her hand. She rarely kept mics on the stands unless she was playing. “We love to hear an excited audience, right, Keys?”

“Hell yeah,” Keys agreed warmly, even as they felt their insides freeze over. “Tonight we have a good line up for you that we’ve been pretty excited for. We picked some fun covers to start with but will be ending with an original song for our very special crowd and venue. How does that sound?” Another uproar of excitement and it almost had Keys genuinely smiling.

“We’re gonna start with an old favorite: ‘Fire and Gold’ by Bea Miller,” Cane cut in again.”As always, the signs we cover will be on the chalkboard we put on the right side of the stage. Make sure to check out the people who wrote these songs we love so much!” The second she was done talking she slotted her mic into the stand and then jumped into playing the beginning chords.

Keys leaned closer to their mic, trying to breathe evenly and let their emotions go. Just for a second. Just one moment, they begged the universe. “Like an astronaut that’s scared of heights,” they began. “With a heart that’s beating at the speed of light.” The second they said heartbeat, Talon cut in with the drum - a single beat that sounded like a heart.”You’ve been waiting for this feeling all your life. Sometimes it’s just hard to realize.”

Bolt, on bass guitar, joined Keys as the next line started, harmonizing beautifully. “When you’re stuck in a moment, and your spark has been stolen, this is our time to own it. So own it.”

The chorus hit and Keys’ head swam with the lyrics, trying to keep their feet under them and their eyes focused as it seemed like the world had just spun upside down. The lyrics, one meant to speak to the audience, had hit home with Keys and they felt their throat close. “Baby we were born with-” They cut off as the rest of the music played, their forehead resting on their mic.

The room slowly stuttered to silence as the lead singer went silent and the band followed - first slowly, then suddenly all at once as even the audience stilled. A hand rested on Keys’ shoulder. It was Blayde. When Keys looked up they both looked at each other and the usually quiet and very awkward rhythm guitarist gave Keys a look that was so tender and comforting that it gave Keys the strength to do what needed to happen.

Keys looked back at the crowd. “Listen, I… I know what you guys come here for. Why you like our band so much. It’s cathartic for some, but really just an escape for most. A safe place that’s away from real life. Separate, like the walls are blocking you from everything outside. And it gives us so much joy that we can give that to you - something separate from the Jason Blossom’s murder or the Black Hood or gang drama or families or friends or complicated relationships or whatever is going on in this absolutely insane town…” They pursed their lips. “But that isn't why WE started this band. We started this band to express the things we wanted to go away. Our pain and our hopes and our struggles - not just pretend they weren’t there.” They sighed. “I went through a really ugly break up tonight-”

In one last desperate attempt, they scanned the crowd for Sweetpea. Just once more. Maybe he would be there. Just maybe… but no. For the first time since Keys had first performed with Awake Before Dawn, Sweetpea was nowhere within sight. It broke them.

“What do you want to do?” Blayde asked gently.

Keys’ face set. If Sweetpea hadn’t even shown up to be a supportive friend and Jughead had moved on, then so could they. “I want to sing just one album for you guys. It’ll be a bit of a longer performance, so feel free to come or go as you need. Can I do that for you?”

The audience cheered and Keys stood taller, a new fire in their eyes. They turned to their friends and Cane grinned mischievously, ready to cause some drama. “Please tell me you’re doing Sour.” Keys winked and every single of the band members began whooping in celebration. They had been waiting for Keys to snap, and seeing them take back control of their emotions and express themself instead of repressing themself was perfection.

“I think we’re going to start with brutal,” Keys said into the mic, before moving to the keyboard that they used when they played and sang. They started playing and for a second the audience braced for a slow song before they cut off, the three guitarists and Talon taking the room the lack of the long, slow keyboards notes left behind and filling it with a much harder, angrier sound.

Keys moved back to the mic, head bobbing and foot tapping with the beat. “I’m so insecure I think that I’ll die before I drink. And I’m so caught up in the news, of who likes me and who hates you. And I’m so tired that I might quit my job - start a new life. And they’d all be so disappointed, because who am I if not exploited. And I’m so sick osf seventeen - where’s my fucking teenage dream? If someone tells me one more time: ‘enjoy your youth’ I’m gonna cry. And I don’t stick up for myself. I’m anxious and nothing can help. And I wish I’d done this before - and I wish people liked me more-”

Keys’ voice was joined by Cane and Bolt’s as the three sang together. “And all I did was try my best - this the kind of thanks I get? Unrelentlessly upset… They say these are the golden years, but I wish I could disappear. Ego crush is so severe- GOD!”

The other two went quiet as Keys finished, “It’s brutal out here.” As the music played for a second, Keys let the anger and rage they felt surge through their body, finally coming free. Not just what they felt at Jughead and Sweetpea, but at the world. How everyone ignored the real problems and how everyone always questioned what Keys saw happening for the band and all the pressure and how even after everything Keys and their friends did to claw their way to the finish line, it still moved further and further away, destroying everything in its path.

Society was a machine that produced miserable adults who wished for a youth they were never able to experience, and this stupid town with its endless bullshit was the worst of it. That on top of what had happened recently… maybe Keys went a little harder than they meant to.

“I feel like no one wants me, and I hate the way I’m perceived. I only have a few real friends. And lately I’m a nervous wreck, because I love people I don’t like and I hate every song I write. And I’m not cool and I’m not smart and I can’t even parallel park-”

Once again Bolt and Cane joined Keys as they all sang the chorus and the entire time, all Keys could do was think about how much the lyrics hit them right in the gut. How lonely they felt, and how much they loved Jughead and Sweetpea but wanted to strangle them at the same time. They had stopped writing songs and left it to Blayde a while ago, unable to enjoy anything they offered to the table even though they’d once been proud of the work they did with Blayde. Above it all, they really did feel like a failure.

Falling short of where they thought they should be, and everyone expected them to be and -

“God,” they scoffed. “It’s brutal out here.”

The song began to slow and the beat got lazier as Keys took their mic off of the stand at the front and moved it to the one by the keyboard again. They notched it and began playing right as all the other instruments cut off except Bolt’s bass. “Got a broken ego , broken heart.” They took a shaky breath and felt anger turn to anguish as they kept going. “And god, I don’t even know where to start.”

The song ended and there was a single moment of silence before the audience broke into cheers and Keys was brought out of their head and back to reality. Reality that welcomed them, warm and accepting and understanding. Forgiving, for once. A relief.

Cane grinned back at Keys. “What next, boss?”

Keys thought for a moment but felt suddenly lost without direction. There was so much to unlock and how were they supposed to get through the whole album after all of the things that the one song had exposed and drained from them? I guess the next question was really that out of all the things they really needed to express, what was most demanding. They looked up again with determined eyes. “We’ll be doing Jealousy, Jealousy next,” Keys announced into the mic.

Bolt stepped forward, beginning to do the first few chords as Keys pulled the mic from the stand by the piano and began wandering across the stage toward them. “I kinda want to throw my phone across the room, cause all I see are girls too good to be true. With paper white teeth and perfect bodies, wish I didn’t care,” Keys began, eyes on Bolt, who rolled her eyes in agreement. “I know their-”

Thi time it was Blayde and Talon who jumped in to harmonize, since they wouldn;t be doing much else this song. ‘“-beauty’s not my lack,” the three sang. “But it feels like that weight is on my back, and I can’t let it go-”

Talon and Blayde went quiet as Cane joined Bolt’s bass with lead guitar, Talon coming in on the drums as well. “Co-Comparison is killing me slowly.” Blayde jumped in every once in a while to harmonize, and with their entire band behind them, Keys had the energy to keep going again. “I think I think too much about kids who don’t know me. I’m so sick of myself, rather be rather be - anyone, anyone else. My jealousy, jealousy started following me. Started following me.”

Everyone dropped away again, leaving Talon and Bolt to play while Keys sang. “And I can see everyone getting all the things I want, and I’m happy for them but then again I’m not. Just cool vintage clothes and vacation photos - I can’t stand it, oh god, I sound crazy-”

Keys’ head began to swim again. They’d been listening to this album on repeat since they had been introduced to it by Cheryl, who wanted to help but didn’t know what to do. They’d asked the band to play it so many times they had it memorized, which is why they could pull this off so well even though it was last second.

It was different on the stage. Being vulnerable and honest like this hit so much harder - like everyone in that room was experiencing Keys’ emotions at the same time. And that joint suffering was so much stronger, to the point that what had been prodding emotions and tickling thoughts were now wrecking balls and tsunamis of psychic attacks.

They sang and they thought of Cheryl and Veronica, who were two sides of the same coin. Fire and ice. Both rich girls who had almost everything they wanted and lashed out at others just because they could, until their perfect little world had turned on their heads with one tragedy that had changed everything. Cheryl had come out of it much different than Veronica, but even she still had moments where she didn’t quite connect to the middle class Northside citizens - let alone the Southside people, who were doing much worse.

There was something about joining a gang to get by and being around drugs and violence constantly and the fact that not a single Serpent would EVER call the cops - not because they couldn’t, but because the cops never actually DID anything. There was something about Jughead being homeless without anyone noticing, and how he wasn’t the only one who had pulled off such a stunt.

Something about newspapers slandering Southside for heinous crimes when most of the people that suffered because of those messages were teenagers who weren’t even close to the description of the newest threat or had nowhere near the power needed to create the havoc ruling Riverdale that time. Something about how it always turned out to be the very rich people of Northside Riverdale and how after it came out, it was forgotten and brushed off the rug and everyone forgot how they’d dragged the Southside for something that had nothing to do with them…

Keys hated being jealous of the Northside. They hated the clean windows that hid dark secrets and the pastels and smiles and bright makeup that hid claws and teeth and eyes that saw true darkness and tongue that swallowed secrets more twisted than anyone in the Southside could even dream of.

“Their win is not my loss,” Keys sang, Blayde harmonizing with them. “I know it’s true, but I can’t help getting caught up in it all. Co-comparison is killing me slowly. I think I think too much about kids who don’t know me. I’m so sick of myself, rather be rather be - anyone, anyone else. Just jealousy, jealousy-” They felt that disgust and rage induced injustice rising in their chest and they let it explode as they almost screamed, “Yeah all your friends are so cool, you go out every night in your daddy’s nice car, yeah you’re living the life. Got a pretty face, pretty boyfriend too - I wanna be you so bad and I don’t even know you. All I see is what I should be - happier, prettier, jealousy, jealousy. All I can see is what I should be; I’m losing it, all I get’s jealousy, jealousy.”

God and now they were thinking about Jughead and Sweetpea again, and that was the wound that hurt the most.

“Co-comparison,” they sang much quieter, a sneer rising to their face. “Is killing me slowly. I think I think too much about kids who don’t know me. And I’m so sick of myself. Rather be, rather be, anyone, anyone else. Jealousy, jealousy… Oh, I’m so sick of myself! Rather be, rather be, anyone, anyone else. Jealousy, jealousy started following me.”

The song ended and this time people were faster to cheer. This was a sound of agreement, of more than just understanding or supporting, but of also understanding. Keys chuckled, turning to the others. Everyone was grinning back at them. “What next?” they asked.

“I vote ‘hope ur ok,’” Bolt blurted. Keys looked for any of the others to disagree, but they all nodded, ready to jump into a new song.

Keys addressed the crowd again. “This next song is called ‘hope ur ok’. Be prepared for it to get a little slower.” The crowd cheered again and Cane started to play the first notes as Keys turned to Talon, moving the mic away from their mouth to address him personally without anyone overhearing. “These first bits always remind me of you. Mind if I serenade you?”

Talon’s eyes got very large as his expression softened. “Let me get Fangs okay?” Keys nodded, turning around to beginning singing. If they were going to sing to Talon, it only made sense that his brother would be here too. “I knew a boy once when I was small. A toehead blonde with eyes of salt. He played the drum in the marching band.” It was then that Talon came back on stage, dragging Fangs after him, and both boys moved to Keys, who put their free arm around Talon. They sang to both boys, who began to understand the message they were really trying to deliver. “His parents cared more about the bible than being good to their own child - he wore sleeves because of his dad. And somehow we fell out of touch. Hope he took his bad deal and made a royal flush. Don’t know if I’ll see you again someday, but if you’re out there, I hope that you’re okay.”

As a gap in the song stretched, Keys kissed Talon on the forehead then exchanged a hug with Fangs, and both boys moved to the back, wiping tears as Keys moved to Cane. Keys and Cane both had a lot of younger siblings, and they both understood what it was like to be the oldest in a family that needed guidance. Keys’ siblings had needed a lighthouse in a bad storm, being boats lost in an unforgiving ocean. Cane though… she’d done more than just guided them.

When Keys moved to Cane, she already knew what was happening and they sang together, sharing the message with the other person equally. They both felt the love and the understanding and the appreciation as the second verse started. “My middle school friend grew up alone. She raised her brothers on her own. Her parents hated who she loved.”

This was another front they bonded over. While Cane only had one brother, and Keys had an even amount of each, Can was a lesbian and Keys was a Serpent in love with Serpents. Their parents had been equally unaccepting, and it had never been pretty or easy for either of them. Their shared familial struggles was what had brought them to be friends in the first place.

“She couldn’t wait to go to college. She was tired because she was brought into a world where family was merely blood. Does she know how proud I am she was created with the courage to unlearn all of their hatred? We don’t talk much but I just gotta say: I miss you, and I hope that you’re okay.”

Cane wiped her eyes, going quiet as Blayde took her spot to harmonize with Keys as Keys leaned forward touching their foreheads together for a moment before turning away and moving back to loop their arm around Blayde. “Address the letters to the holes in my butterfly wings. Nothing’s forever, nothing’s as good as it seems. And when the clouds have ironed out and the monsters creep into your house and every door is hard to close.” Bolt moved closer to them, still playing bass as Blayde fell silent, and the three all looked at each other as the song began to come to a close.

“Well I hope you know how proud I am that you were created with the courage to unlearn all of their hatred. But, god, I hope that you’re happier today. Because I love you, and I hope that you’re okay.” Keys gave Blayde one last squeeze before moving to the keyboard again, taking over as Bolt finally went silent. The entire band stood around Keys as the last chords sounded out, and for one moment it wasn’t about the crowd or the practices where they’d never really addressed how each part of this song spoke to them. It was just about them, seeing each other.

Knowing each other. Loving each other. Who needed some stupid boys when they had this?

Cheering came from the crowd again, but it was softer this time. Warmer. They all grinned at each other before they returned to their positions, Keys sighing as they realized that the time for being united and angry at the world and ignoring the real reason Keys had turned to this album had come to an end. “The next song we’re gonna be singing is called ‘1 step forward, 3 steps back,’” Keys announced to the audience.

Cane gave an encouraging smile. “You’ve got this. Get it out.”

Keys sighed, nodding before beginning to play the first few notes back. The others mostly let Keys just play the song on their own, knowing that going into this they needed a second just to think and play and let it flow. “I called you on the phone today,” they began. “All I did was speak normally, and somehow I still struck a nerve. You got me fucked up in the head boy. Never doubted myself so much. Like am I pretty, am I fun, boy? I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff.” And of course this made them think of Jughead immediately. The days he would be so kind and warm, and the days that he would be stressed or feel like he was pulling everyone down and would push Keys away or bite their head off. Why had they endured it so long?

“Cause it’s always one step forward, three steps back, I’m the love of your life until I make you mad. It’s always one step forward, three steps back. Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy I don’t understand. I don’t understand.” Keys tried not to think about the worried questions that had led to shouting matches. The prodding curiosities that had led to cold shoulders and dark glares and eye rolls. The beginning of the end when Keys had been curious of Jug’s Northside friends, that had eventually turned to and ended with their curiosity about his relationship with Sweetpea. The final blow.

“And maybe in some masochistic way, I kind of find it all exciting. Like, which lover will I get today? Will you walk me to the door, or send me home crying? It’s one step forward, three steps back. I’m the love of your life until I make you mad. It’s always one step forward, three steps back. Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don’t understand.” They sucked in a breath, trying to center themself again as the old doubt and worries that they no longer had any right to came rushing back. “No it’s back and forth, did I say something wrong? It’s back and forth, going over everything I said. It’s back and forth, did I do something wrong? It’s back and forth, maybe this is all your fault instead.”

The last line released something in Keys’ chest, just like it always did. They continued, no tears or pain or regret. Just relief, as the audience had at some point taken their phones out and waved them back and forth to the beat of the song. “It’s always step forward, three steps back. And I’d leave you but the rollercoasters all I’ve ever had. Yeah it’s always step forward, three steps back. Do you love, want me, hate me? Boy, I don’t understand. No, I don’t understand.”

Cane’s arm went around Keys’ shoulders as the crowd screamed in support. Keys wiped their watery eyes, shaking away the heaviness in their shoulders. “Okay well if we’re jumping right into regret and missing the past,” Cane began. “Driver’s License next?”

That made Keys nod. “Yeah that sounds good.” They turned to the crowd as they felt a little guilty for playing two songs in a row that only required a singer and a pianist. “Uh, here’s ‘Driver’s License’. Cane, this was always your favorite. Want a go?”

Cane grinned, happily grabbed her microphone. She always said there was something to the rawness of this song. “I expect my people to harmonize with me?” She asked, looking at Blayde and Bolt who both nodded eagerly. Then she turned to Keys, nodding that she was ready, and Keys began to play the beginning chords. Soon her voice rang out, so much rougher and rawer than Keys’ soft, full voice. “I got my driver’s license last week - just like we always talked about. Because you were so excited for me to finally drive up to your house. But today I drove through the suburbs - crying because you weren’t around.” She shook her head, and for once didn;t act dramatic or anything. Her eyes drifted to Keys, and everyone in that room knew she was singing for Keys. Singing what Keys wasn’t ready to say just this second. That Cane’s anger came from being angry FOR Keys.

“And you’re probably with that blonde girl,” Bolt cut in, mimicking the same way that Cane moved and sang the words - they were angry for Keys too, singing for the piano player, angry at the men that had hurt their friend. “Who always made me doubt. She’s so much older than me - she’s everything I’m insecure about. Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs cause how could I ever love someone else?”

Cane and Bolt looked at Blayde, knowing they were shy but offering the opportunity if they wanted to sing. Powered by their unified force of being angry at what had happened to Keys, they absolutely grabbed a mic and started to sing the next line. Where Bolt’s voice was more smooth and silky, Blayde’s was airy and thick with emotion. “And I know we weren’t perfect but I’ve never felt this way for no one. And I just can’t imagine how you could be okay now that I’m gone. Guess you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me. Because you said forever, now I drive alone past your street.”

Talon came into the next verse with a beat, but just one continued thump against the bass drum, leaving him the opportunity to grab the mic when Bolt offered it and join in on the protective anger they were all expressing that had Keys watery-eyed all over again. “And all my friends are tired of hearing how much I miss you.” He winked at Keys, making it teasing, and they laughed. “But I kind of feel sorry for them, cause they’ll never know you the way that I do - yeah today I drove through the suburbs and pictured I was driving home to you.”

Cane cut in again again with the chorus, Talon improvising a harmony to sing along with her. “And I know we weren’t perfect, but I’ve never felt this way for no one.” Blayde jumped in with a different harmony for the next line. “And I just can’t imagine how you could be so okay now that I’m gone.” Bolt followed the others, pausing a second to listen before jumping in next with yet another line. It was beautiful, and Keys watched them, smiling through tears. “I guess you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me, cause you said forever now I drive alone past your street.” They all looked to Keys who shook their head as they joined for the next bit.

“Red lights, stop signs. I still see your face in the white cars, front yards. Can’t drive past the places we used to go to cause I still fucking love you babe. Sidewalks we crossed. I still your voice in the traffic, we’re laughing over all the noise. God I’m so blue. We’re through, but I still fucking love you babe.” Keys stumbled on the keyboard then looked down, abandoning it.

The others went suddenly silent too and Keys and the next lines in a silent room, without support or a crowd or a piano. For one second, they were completely alone in a way that was almost a relief. “I know we weren’t perfect, but I’ve never felt this way for no one. And I just can’t imagine how you could be so okay now that I’m gone. Guess you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me. Cause you said forever now I drive alone past your street. Yeah you said forever now I drive alone past your street.”

Quiet. Applause. Keys sighed and thought about which song they should do next. “Enough For You,” Keys told the others before they could ask. They could all tell that Keys was getting a little low energy, but that the performance was also helping them release something immense and suffocating, so they nodded and went along with it. The next song needed no support or joint emotions or editing. It was a message directly to the two boys who had ripped Keys’ heart out. No questions were asked, just like they’d always done in practice, as Cane got their acoustic and hooked it up to the speakers and Bolt got stools for all of them as they sat in a sort of half moon curve, facing the audience as Keys let out a breath and Cane began to play the beginning notes.

Dear Jughead, Keys seemed to say in that one breath.

“I wore makeup when we dated cause I thought you’d like me more if I look like the other prom queens I know that you loved before. Tried so hard to be everything you liked, just for you to say you’re not the compliment type.” Keys had known that Jughead had once had feelings for Betty, before that had ended in a rather large blaze of crash and burn. Then there had been a short stint with Toni, which had ended pretty quickly. Keys really had tried to be prettier and stronger and more confrontational. Had tried to be smarter and cleverer and more badass - just like they had been. Keys was too soft though, and too exhausted by trying to maintain a look instead of going for comfort. It hadn’t lasted, and Jughead hadn’t seemed to notice anyway.

“And I knew how you took your coffee and your favorite songs by heart. I read all of your self help books so you’d think I was smart. Stupid, emotional, obsessive little me.” Keys was known far and wide as the staple mom friend in every group they were a part of. If they weren’t the only one who could get Jughead to sleep, they were the one who got Jughead to focus on school work or see things from other peoples’ perspectives. Every book he recommended they had read within a week, two if it was especially long. Every song he loved they listened to, and always knew what to play to satiate his mood in every situation, no matter what was going on.

“I knew from the start this is exactly how you’d leave. You found someone more exciting, the next second you were gone. ANd you left me there crying, wondering what I did wrong.” Despite how wonderful Keys was, they’d made a joke once about how boring they were, and another time they ‘d made a comment about how much more fun Toni was and interesting Betty was and driven Sweetpea was. Even if they didn’t admit it, it had always been obvious to them. Not to others, who had reassured and dismissed and reasoned. But Keys had always known.

“And you always I’m never satisfied but I don’t think that’s true. Because all I ever wanted was to be enough for you. Yeah, all I ever wanted was to be enough for you.” The phone lights in the swaying crowd were out again and Keys’ bandmates thought back to all the times that Keys had tried so hard and done so much and given all of them. How they had asked and been unsure, and all anyone could see was the heart eyes that Jughead gave Keys every chance he got. It still didn’t make sense, and it made everything about this situation even more infuriating. Why had he dismissed someone who did so much and gave so much for him? Why would he leave behind someone like Keys? Someone of the type that everyone searched their entire lives for and some never even found. Who would be so stupid, and how had it been the one person it had once been so obvious felt the same way for Keys? How could they have all been so wrong?

“Maybe I’m just not as interesting as the girls you had before. But god, you couldn’t have cared less about someone who loved you more. I’d say you broke my heart but you broke much more than that. Now I don’t want your sympathy, I just want myself back. Before you found someone more exciting, the next second you were gone. And you left me there crying, wondering what I did wrong. And you say I’m never satisfied, but I don’t think that’s true. Cause all I ever wanted was to be enough -

“And don’t you think I loved you too much to be used and discarded? Don’t you think I loved you too much to think I deserved nothing? But don’t tell me you’re sorry boy, feel sorry for yourself. Because someday I’ll be everything to somebody else.” They smiled at their friends, reaching out to interlace their fingers with the closest person, which appended to be Bolt. “And they’ll think that I’m so exciting. And you’ll be the one who’s crying.” They looked at each of their friends, letting them know that Keys knew that the four of them were that somebody. That if Jughead couldn’t see it, these people could, and that was all that mattered.

“Yeah, you always say I’m never satisfied, but I don’t think that’s true. You say I’m never satisfied, but that’s not me, that's you. Because all I ever wanted was to be enough. But I don’t think anything could ever be enough - for you. Enough for you. No, nothing’s enough for you.”

And what else was there that needed to be said about that?

Quiet. Cheers. Keys turned to the others, who all smiled and looked for news on what they’d be playing next. They simply stated, “Traitor?” Everyone nodded and movement began to happen as Keys turned to the audience. “So the next song we’re playing is called ‘Traitor.’ While my friends get set up here, I just wanted to thank you so much for your patience and letting me have this tonight.” Cheers and Keys smiled, body relaxing. Here they were safe. Here they were seen, and accepted, and it was okay. As the band settled, Keys shifted gears. “Here goes.”

Blayde had a tambourine, a mic on a stand in front to carry the sounds of the instrument though the room. Cane carried a small shaker, her and Bolt sharing a mic as they prepared to do back up vocals. Talon had gotten what the group fondly referred to as a drum box - a hollow rectangular box that he sat on and leaned over to drum on. There was a system inside the box that allowed him to hook it up like a mic - it would be loud enough without needing to wire a mic awkwardly. All Keys had to do was drag over the keyboard and they were good to go.

“Brown guilty eyes and little white lies. Yeah, I played dumb but I always knew that you'd talk to her, maybe did even worse. I kept quiet so I could keep you.” This was the song that always hurt Keys the most to sing and think about. The song that spoke volumes of the time at the end when Jughead got short tempered, more than ever. Distant too, canceling plans or not showing without warning, and Keys would always find out he was with Sweetpea. They had tried to be trusting and level headed… but more so it was denying the truth. Then they’d gotten together two weeks after the break up, and Keys had known exactly what had happened when they weren’t looking.

“And ain't it funny how you ran to her the second that we called it quits? And ain't it funny how you said you were friends? Now it sure as hell don't look like it.” Keys scoffed, shaking their head, and closing their eyes momentarily before opening them again to watch where their fingers were going as they played the next notes. The others all exchanged looks - Keys had never shown this much irritation at this song. They hadn’t realized just how bad it had been.

“You betrayed me! And I know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt. You'd talk to her when we were together. Loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter. It took you two weeks to go off and date her. Guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor.” Keys swallowed, and the crowd went silent. No phone lights. No swaying. Just… shock. Everyone knew that Jughead and Keys had been dating. Everyone knew who they had been singing to this entire time. And Jughead seemed so good and level headed and kind, but there was no denying the way what Keys was saying affected them. Some icky things had happened behind closed doors, and no one was sure if they could see Jughead the same. They hadn’t thought about it before, but now...

“Now you bring her around just to shut me down. Show her off like she's a new trophy. And I know if you were true, there's no damn way that you could fall in love with somebody that quickly. Ain't it funny, all the twisted games? All the questions you used to avoid? Ain't it funny?” Keys’ face was twisted, lips quivering, but they just kept going and everyone began to slow as they watched them. God, how did you hurt someone so good so deeply?

“Remember I brought her up and you told me I was paranoid? You betrayed me, and I know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt. You'd talk to her when we were together. Loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter. It took you two weeks to go off and date her. Guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor -

“God, I wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you. When she's sleeping in the bed we made, don't you dare forget about the way you betrayed me!” Keys belted, their fingers stilling on the keyboard as their eyes squeezed shut tightly. Several times they had tears in their eyes but none had yet to fall. Now, a single one did, trailing down their face. This time, Keys didn’t bother to brush it away, and everyone let them hurt for a moment.

“Cause I know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt. You'd talk to her when we were together. You gave me your word, but that didn't matter. It took you two weeks to go off and date her. Guess you didn't cheat, but you're still - You're still a traitor! Yeah, you're still a traitor…” They sucked in a breath, being able to play the last bit but falling silent again for the last line. Everyone watched in almost sick fascination as the Serpent sat on that stage, openly showing the full expanse of their emotions. They weren’t just being open, they were being completely vulnerable and honest and it was heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time.

“God, I wish that you had thought this through, before I went and fell in love with you.” The song ended and there was a heaviness that felt over the room. So much pain in one song that the others were put to shame. They’d all heard Jughead dismiss it before. He’d been asked about Keys, and he would simply explain that he had been wrong about who he was in love with. That he had broken it off as soon as he realized, and tried to be respectful of Keys’ wishes and that was why they’d hung out before. Keys, on the other hand, had never talked about it before and seeing it now was the perfect rebuttal to every reasoning he’d ever given. If he wasn’t sure, why hadn’t he clued them into it? Why weren’t they aware of the testing phase? Why hadn’t he gotten it all figured out before they’d stood before him, bare and at his knees, just to be turned away from someone else?

To say it didn’t sit right was an understatement.

Keys shook their head, wiping the one tear away before refocusing. They weren’t trying to hide what had just happened - it was too obvious. They changed the subject for their own sake. “I suggest favorite crime, deja vu, good for you, then happier.” The others nodded, not wanting to interrupt the flow that Keys was clinging to. It was a good flow; they didn’t even have to move position, and the mood was already set. Cane just started playing, and Keys launched into it.

“Know that I loved you so bad, I let you treat me like that. I was your willing accomplice, honey. And I watched as you fled the scene, doe-eyed as you buried me. One heart broke, four hands bloody.” This song incorporated Sweetpea so beautifully, that everyone found themselves holding their breath. This was a kind of broken that indicated healing, and it was amazing to watch. “Those things I did just so I could call you mine. The things you did, well, I hope I was your favorite crime - Keys actually smiled, shaking their head fondly, and everyone smiled too, mirroring the bittersweetness and swaying to the almost soothing sounds. Where it had been raw and rough before, it was smooth and cool now - like a salve on top of a burn. Still sad, but better.

“You used me as an alibi. I crossed my heart as you crossed the line, and I defended you to all my friends. And now, every time a siren sounds I wonder if you're around cause you know that I'd do it all again. All the things I did just so I could call you mine. The things you did, well, I hope I was your favorite crime.” The Serpents were a gang, they did crime - it was a given. Some people had different ideas about that, but even Jughead Jones had done his fair share of willing, voluntary illegal acts. To think it was enough for Keys that amongst the chaos, Jughead giving them the simple pleasure of being his favorite… It was almost sweet.

“It's bittersweet to think about the damage that we do cause I was going down, but I was doing it with you. Yeah, everything we broke, and all the trouble that we made, but I say that I hate you with a smile on my face. Oh, look what we became! All the things I did, just so I could call you mine. All the things you did - well, I hope I was your favorite crime…” They chuckled and their voice broke. Bolt and Cane reached over, taking each other’s free hand, as if reassuring each other they were still there. The pain that Keys exposed now was ugly and broken and remembering they didn;t have to feel it, that they had each other, was enough to make it a little less heavy. In the same way, Talon and Blayde exchanged looks, too far to touch but wanting to soothe that ache all the same. Everyone seemed to react the same way, and those that couldn’t looked at Keys and desperately wished they didn’t know what it was like to face this kind of ache without anything to soothe it. Without any comfort.

“Your favorite crime,” Keys continued, their eyes focusing on the lights above the stage, as if staring at someone. It wasn’t clear even to themself if they were staring at Jughead or Sweetpea, both who they had thought of while singing. “Your favorite crime, cause baby, you were mine.” There was no applause for a second, and even when there was it wasn’t a loud or riotous thing. It was soft and slow and scattered - letting Keys know they were there, even if they didn;t want to be loud. Keys chuckled, appreciating the sentiment. To break the awkwardness, they transitioned directly into deja vu, a smile on their face.

“Car rides to Malibu; strawberry ice cream, one spoon for two. And trading jackets, laughing about how small it looks on you. Watching reruns of Glee, being annoying - singing in harmony.” It wasn’t exactly right. They had bike rides instead, and never further than the cliffs that overlooked Sweetwater river. They had shakes instead, matching vanilla because they used to shout that it was the best ice cream and very underrated. They had worn each others’ clothes, but Jughead had always looked good in them. If anything, since he was smaller than Keys, they had laughed about how tight Jug’s clothes were on Keys, and how loose Key’s clothes were on Jug. They’d get comfortable on weekends and instead of watching shows and singing along, they’d write side by side, reading each other’s stuff and giving edits and critiques and compliments. That was something that was distinctly them. Things they only did with each other.

“I bet she's bragging to all her friends, saying you're so unique -” Keys scoffed in amusement so gently it was basically a hum, and the smile on their face now was a mix between smug and fond. “So when you gonna tell her that we did that too? She thinks it's special, but it's all reused. That was our place, I found it first - I made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you. Do you get déjà vu when she's with you?

“Do you get déjà vu? Do you get déjà vu, huh?” Was Jughead doing all of that with Sweetpea now? Laughing harder, because the size difference was even bigger? Talking about vanilla shakes, and Jughead’s story and going to Pop’s and sitting in the boothe that was the one they sat in only when they were alone? Were they going on bike rides? Kissing under the moon? Describing the reflection of the night on the water? The wind through their hair?

“Do you call her, almost say my name? Cause let's be honest, we kinda do sound the same. Another actress - I hate to think that I was just your type.” And maybe Sweetpea didn’t sound too much like Keys, but they both had deeper voices that switched between hard and cold, to soft and warm like it was a switch in their heads - easy and immediate. Above all, they were both Serpents. They both had the same things that came with being a Serpent - defense, toughness. Keys had all of that much less. Did Jughead like Sweetpea’s roughness more? “I'll bet that she knows Billy Joel cause you played her Uptown Girl. You're singing it together - now I bet you even tell her how you love her in between the chorus and the verse.” Keys wondered briefly if Jughead wrote short stories where Sweetpea was the main character - writing little love stories where they ended up together, like he had with Keys. Wondered if it made Sweets blush like it had once made Keys.

“So when are you gonna tell her that we did that too? She thinks it's special, but it's all reused. That was the show we talked about - played you the song she's singing now when she's with you. Do you get déjà vu when she's with you?. Do you get déjà vu? Do you get déjà vu?

“Strawberry ice cream in Malibu - don't act like we didn't do that shit too,” Keys belted, face twinging with jealousy just for a few moments every once in a while. Thinking of a world where Jughead treated Sweetpea and Keys the same and played it off both times as new and exciting… It made Keys wonder what Jughead had been like with Toni and Betty. Was he just a rerun for all of them? “You're trading jackets like we used to do - yeah, everything is all reused! Play her piano, but she doesn't know that I was the one who taught you Billy Joel. A different girl now, but there's nothing new…” Keys shook their head, trying to clear it. They couldn’t remember the other people in the room, or why they had ended up here in front of them. They were lost in memory and what if’s and-

“I know you get déjà vu! I know you get déjà vu!” Their eyes moved to their friends and then over the crowd, in an attempt to ground themself. In a moment of pure cruelty, fate decided that in that crowd scan, and not any of the others, Keys would notice Jughead. Jughead, next to Sweetpea. When had they gotten here? They were tucked in the back, eyes wide and bodies rigid. How much had they seen? How much did they know? Keys was caught with their pants down, and found anger surging through them. How dare they come here, now, after everything they’d done? How dare they come TOGETHER to the one place Keys was safe? “I know you get déjà vu,” Keys sneered, speaking directly to Jughead as their eyes locked.

The two stayed locked, Keys’ eyes blazing and Jughead stock still, eyes full of guilt and regret. He had been here the whole time actually, and had come to understand just how shitty what he’d done to Keys had been only at this moment. They had seemed so fine, and the relationship had felt like it was going down hill for weeks. He thought they’d been fine. Now…

The other band members were in place and Cane nudged Keys. “We’re ready for Good 4 U.” Keys smirked, standing and letting their stool being taken away and the keyboard being moved as they pulled the microphone off its stand as Bolt began the song on bass.

When Keys started, they were immediately coiled and pissed, their nose scrunched and their jaw locked and their tone tight. The sadness and mourning from before - maybe even acceptance - had all exploded into fresh, white hot wrath, and all of it was directed to Jughead who stood like a deer in headlights. He didn;t move a muscle, as if locked in a spell.

“Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily. You found a new girl, and it only took a couple weeks - remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world? And good for you, I guess that you've been working on yourself - I guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped. Now you can be a better man for your brand-new girl…” Keys started on the right side of the stage and then began to slowly move to the left side. They didn’t stop moving either, as if the redness in their vision had to be worn away by walking. With the hard left in the tone of tonight, everyone seemed to take a step back, looking around for where Key’s eyes landed. When they saw Jughead, the reality of the situation settled in and it very quickly got very awkward.

“Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy - not me, if you ever cared to ask. Good for you, you're doing great out there without me, baby - god, I wish that I could do that. I've lost my mind, I've spent the night crying on the floor of my bathroom, but you're so unaffected, I really don't get it - but I guess good for you.” Keys stepped to the edge of the stage, throwing arms wide and stance solid. They looked bigger somehow. Jughead had melted, and he still looked unable to move but rather than being afraid he just looked absolutely wrought with guilt. Tears were in his eyes, and suddenly he wished that he had been able to spare Keys. Undo everything that had happened.

“Well, good for you, I guess you're getting everything you want - you bought a new car and your career's really taking off,” Keys continued mercilessly, finally taking all their emotions out on the person they’d wanted the entire time. “It's like we never even happened - baby, what the fuck is up with that?” Their eyes filled with tears again too and the anger almost melted, balancing between that rage from earlier the look you might find on a lost child, unsure of where they were and how’d they’d gotten there and how to get back to where it was okay again. “And good for you, it's like you never even met me. Remember when you swore to God I was the only person who ever got you? Well, screw that and screw you - you will never have to hurt the way you know that I do!

“Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy - not me, if you ever cared to ask. Good for you, you're doing great out there without me, baby. God, I wish that I could do that. I've lost my mind, I've spent the night crying on the floor of my bathroom, but you're so unaffected, I really don't get it - but I guess good for you!” Keys had unraveled to that lost child, maybe even leaning into kicked puppy territory. They had retreated to the back of the stage, calves pressing into the bottom of the stage that Talon was sitting on with his drums.

“Maybe I'm too emotional, but your apathy is like a wound in salt. Maybe I'm too emotional, or maybe you never cared at all,” Keys continued without missing a beat. But their voice was quiet now, their eyes closed as if looking at the world was painful. With how Jughead’s world seemed to be spinning, they could only imagine how Keys felt on a stage, throwing up their emotions for everyone to see and judge and experience. “Maybe I'm too emotional - your apathy is like a wound in salt. Maybe I'm too emotional, or maybe you never cared at all…” Their eyes opened again and the pain that was in them was like a knife to Jughead’s gut.

“Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy - not me, if you ever cared to ask. Good for you, you're doing great out there without me, baby - like a damn sociopath!” Keys screamed the words, leaning almost double. When they stood again, their face had several tears falling down it. Not enough to be heard in their voice, or blur their vision, but enough that everytime they blinked a new track was made down their face. “I've lost my mind, I've spent the night crying on the floor of my bathroom. But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it - but I guess good for you!” They just shook their head and Jughead could feel the words they couldn’t say, each second they looked at each other another pound of weight on his chest until he felt like his ribs were being crushed. “Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily -” Kesy spun around, and everyone held their breath.

For a moment, they didn’t move. They just stood there back to the audience, as the crowd and Jughead and Sweetpea and even the members of the band all looked at Keys with worry. After a second, they just moved to Blayde, and they had some sort of silent conversation before the rhythm guitarist put down the guitar and moved to the keyboard. And, to everyone’s amazement, started playing. Keys was the only one that had ever played it - no one had been aware that Blayde was even learning. As the notes of the song began, Keys began singing too.

“We broke up a month ago. Your friends are mine, you know, I know you've moved on, found someone new. One more boy who brings out the better in you -” the change of pronouns made both Sweetpea and Jughead flinch, especially as Keys turned to the audience, slowly moving to the front of the stage and sitting down on it. For a second everyone thought they were going to walk to the boys in the back, but they just sat there, eyes on their lap. “And I thought my heart was detached from all the sunlight of our past, but she's so sweet, she's so pretty. Does she mean you forgot about me?” When they looked at Sweetpea for that line, their eyes soft and their tone warm, there was something about it that made the boys sick. Keys genuinely cared about Sweetpea so much, and this song was just as much for him.

“Oh, I hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me. I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go - so find someone great but don't find no one better. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier…” The drops of tears turned to streams and suddenly Keys was bawling right on stage, not even bothering to wipe the mess away as it fell down their chin and into their lap. It was so heartbreaking that it shook the Earth under them, and the three of them felt unstable and lost.

“And do you tell him he's the most beautiful boy you've ever seen? An eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean-” Anger rises again but they close their eyes, trying to real their emotions in. It’s apparent at that moment, they’re trying to genuinely let both of them go, in their own way.

“Remember when I believed you meant it when you said it first to me? And now I'm pickin' him apart, like cutting her down makes you miss my wretched heart. But he's beautiful, he looks kind - he probably gives you butterflies…” There’s a struggle as they visibly try to let go of every kiss and hug and embrace and intimate moment they had with Jughead. Every serenade during concerts and hand held in the dark and comforting hand on each other’s arms when things got hard that she had with Sweetpea.

“I hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me. I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go- so find someone great but don't find no one better. I hope you're happy, I wish you all the best, really. Say you love him, baby, just not like you loved me, and think of me fondly when your hands are on him… I hope you're happy, but don't be happier.” Keys looked at the boys she knew she loved more than anyone, and tried to loosen their grip on both of them. On the boy they had promised to stay friends with but had accidentally fallen in love with, knowing he would never love them back even as they stole each and every one of each other’s firsts. Let go of the nerd with the beanie and the bright eyes that matched his bright ideas. Let go of all that was and all that was and all that could have been.

I hope you're happy, just not like how you were with me. I'm selfish, I know, can't let you go - so find someone great, don't find no one better. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier…” They stand up on the stage again and for a second, they look like they’re about to say something. But then they’re eyes squeeze shut and they turn and book it off stage, handing the mic to Bolt as they pass her. And then they’re gone and Talon takes the lead on closing up the performance as the other three race after Keys, and the crowd awkwardly begin to shuffle to the door.

No one gets out of that building faster than Jughead and Sweetpea though, whose spells break the second Keys stops singing. Behind them, they leave a weird sense that this goodbye is only the beginning. The beginning to something better, or something worse, except no one knows which it is.There’s just too much between the three of them for it to all end there.

And in fact, Jughead has the realization for the first time that he had been horribly, horribly wrong. He hadn’t been in love with just Sweetpea, or even just Keys. If tonight had taught him anything, it was that he missed the way things had been between him and Keys as much as he loved all of the things he had between him and Sweetpea now.