Um I need some help with something kinda personal and I literally don't know who to talk to about this so I'm dropping this is in various tags related to this issue of mine
Logically, I am human. It's in my dna. Thousands upon thousands of years of stories of survival and lust written in my genes.
Yet when it comes to the concept... The idea that humans value so much.
I don't get it.
When it comes to me... Being called human feels like a slap to the face?
A while ago I sent an ask to Creatingblackcharacters and mentioned how I struggled to see myself as human. I was advised to do something about that.
Even longer ago I confided in some friends that I struggled with the concept of humanity. I was assured I was human. It hurt. It made me angrier.
Even further back in time, I don’t remember what media I was watching, but the phrases "love is what makes us human" "x is a monster incapable of love" etc burned themselves into my soul.
Upon realizing that I hated the idea of being in a romantic relationship, that imagining myself falling in love felt like being buried alive, that I didn't even know for sure if I loved my family, I realized I was a monster. And, in my own way, I begged my family to not kill me.
Even further Back in time my existence was ignored by my peers and teachers. I was punished for things outside my control. I was once even told to forgive another student for punching me. I was not treated as a little human girl. I was an inconvenience.
How do I even begin to reconnect with humanity (whatever that even is) when I don't think I've ever been connected to it to begin with.
I want to create characters who are like me. But can I do them justice when I myself don't know what its like to be human?
What even is humanity? Every one says love. Or cooking. Two things I'm incapable of or bad at it. It can't be hands because some people don't have them. It can't be language because some people aren't good at that either, while certain animals do have ways of communicating akin to language. Tbh it seems like a dumb concept to me.
Is humanity not just... Humanity? /genuine question
But if I want to do my characters justice... Is learning to be human the only way? /genuine question
