I am the One in Five(trigger warning: rape)
One in five college aged women will be sexually assaulted or raped by our graduation date.
One in five women will have their lives irrevocably altered, often times by someone we know and trust.
One in five women will lose their sense of personal safety and security, in addition to our naturally given sexual liberation.
66 percent of the one in five will choose not to report their assault, to suffer and recover silently. To spare themselves any potential re-vicimization.
34 percent will make the choice to report their assault, 7 percent of us will get a day in court, and only 2 percent of us will see justice served to our attackers in the form of a prison sentence.
Those 34 percenters will have to deal with the general public questioning their trauma, their truthfulness, and even digging into their personal sexual history prior to their assault.
We will be swabbed, poked, probed, prodded, and photographed in the name of evidence and an “examination”. We will sit there, silent, terrified, unmoving, and in shock. We will want to run, but will have no idea where we want to run to.
We will be forced to sit in a court room, in a witness stand, across the room from our attacker, while an attorney who knows absolutely nothing about us asks whatever questions he or she deems necessary in order to make us look dirty and unreliable before a jury— while they protect the very person who destroyed us.
We will be forced to sit there, and speak with our trembling voices. To answer “yes”, “no”, or to not answer at all. Our blood will run cold. Our hearts will feel as though they are beating out of our chests. Our stomachs will be in our tightened throats…none of this seems real. This is a new hell.
And for what, honestly? Are we trying to be vigilantes for social justice? Do we just want attention?
If you can’t read the sarcasm in those questions, I don’t know how you’ve made it this far.
The 2 percent chance of justice is what keeps us going…maybe he’ll pay, he’ll think twice before he hurts another woman.
Or, maybe, he won’t. But at least we did something.
Rape is a unique crime in the aspect that, much like murder, the victim’s life is being taken away. But, unlike murder, the victim is forced to march forward and live on.
The victim’s life of joy, wonder, and free spirited discoveries is suddenly snatched away and is replaced with a life full of unrelenting anxiety, fear, regret, and an immersion into the world of rape culture— where everything is our own fault, and we’re liars. Our society forces fresh and lifeless victims into a world where they are blamed for their own undoing.
When a person is murdered, many people mourn and unify around the loss of that individual. Murder is a moment— or maybe several—of terror and pain, followed by a rather prompt ending to the pain, and deathly peace. The murderer is found as quickly as forensics and evidence allows, and is punished to the fullest extent of the law.
When a person is raped, no one mourns. No one unifies. No one understands. There is no prompt ending, there is no relief from the inflicted pain. Time lessens it, but it never goes away. Our rapists are not found as quickly as evidence allows; and while it makes absolutely no sense, often times they are not punished to the fullest extent of the law— the victim is physically alive, with irreparable invisible damages, and they get to walk about as if they’ve done nothing…changed nothing…altered no one. They get to walk about society freely, pleased with the control they’ve gained over their victims at no personal cost to themselves. They walk about with a piece of OUR soul in their clenched fists; a piece that they forcibly ripped from our very being the day that they murdered a part of us, while their own soul remains— blackened, but intact.
I may have been YOUR victim, but I am not A victim. I will make sure no woman ever feels alone, and never suffers in silence. I will make sure you at least think twice before ever breaking another woman the way that you broke me. I do not fear you anymore, I pity you— because you felt so little control over your own life, that you deliberately sought to take control of mine.
You set me on fire, and watched as burned to ashes. You laughed as I burned and crumbled, and even dared to play with the remains of who I used to be.
Out of those ashes, I rose— like some sort of mythical phoenix— bigger, stronger, smarter, and with a thirst for not only MY vengeance, but for the vengeance of the every woman who has been silenced.
Our testimonials will be vindicated. Your disavowals will be controverted, and later invalidated.
I am the twenty percent.
I am the silenced.
I am “the girl that never happens to”
I am the girl who sits at the front of your class, smiling, and attentively taking color coded notes.
I am the girl who sits in her shower, crying, and rubbing my skin raw in a vain attempt to feel clean again.
I am the role model, and I am the model university student
I am the “slut” who was asking for it, I am the “liar without proof”
I am studying in order to make the world better, to help innocent victims of war torn countries reclaim their lives and their livelihoods.
I am “ruining” his life over “one moment”
I am a risk taker, a world changer, a shaker and breaker of chains and societal norms— I am celebrated.
I “knew drinking was risky”, I should have “played it safe”, I should have stayed home like society would like me to— the only way for a woman to “be responsible” and “protect herself” is to stay home and stay sober.
I am a model of grace, class, and a sort of effervescence that is hard to find.
I am a flirtatious tease, and I need to wear more clothes.
I am all of this. WE are all of this.
We are the one in five. We are everywhere if you are willing to see us. We are the bubbly sorority girl; we are the overachieving type A brainiacs. We are the presidents of organizations; we are hourly wage paid workers. We are your sisters, daughters, cousins, friends, grandchildren, and peers. We are the one in five, and we are through with letting you silence us.