#okfics

“You’re being a little cryptic for, uhh…” Dan let go of Arin and rolled over, fumbling to pick up his phone on the cabinet besides them to check the time. He set it down, turning back. “A little cryptic for 3:42am, baby bear.” He smiled, moving his hands back to hold Arin’s. What could he say? He was cold, and Arin always maintained a consistent warmth.

“I never thought someone like you would fall in love with someone like me.” Arin squeezed Dan’s hands. Dan didn’t seem to understand, and with the way Arin’s tone became softer, he was growing more confused by the second.

“Call me an idiot, but I have, like-- no idea what you’re trying to say.” Dan huffed a quiet chuckle, trying to study Arin’s face in the dark. He could only vaguely make out the shape of Arin, and he couldn’t really see his expression as it was so dark.

Arin was silent. Dan began threading locks of Arin’s hair through his fingers again. He counted a solid two minutes before sitting up and flicking the lamp on next to them. Arin was crying.

“Oh-- Arin, are you--?” A silly question. Of course he wasn’t okay. “What’s wrong, buddy?” Dan asked him, as Arin hid his face under the duvet covers. Dan shook his head, dragging the covers off of Arin again. Arin seemed to cower.

“It’s stupid, don’t worry…” Arin rubbed at his eyes, but Dan was still concerned. “It’s really fuckin’... stupid.” Arin sighed, his breathing staggered. Dan rolled his eyes, deciding to run his fingers through Arin’s hair again to try and soothe him.

“You know I’m here for you, big cat.” Dan sighed softly. He hated seeing Arin pent up like this - he especially hated not being able to do anything about it. Arin dragged himself even closer to Dan, burying his face into Dan’s chest. Dan obliged, wrapping his arms around Arin to keep him as close as possible. “What’s wrong?” He tried again, hoping that since starting a relationship, they could be more open with each other. Arin nuzzled his head into Dan’s chest, choosing to remain quiet.

Dan let his mind run rampant with thoughts through the silence. Did Arin not think he was good enough…? He knew that Arin placed Dan on a pedestal when it came to that kind of thing - they’d had numerous quarrels over the years, and Arin would lessen his worth almost every time. It was heartbreaking. It was always praise for his band, or praise for his looks… and Dan had just throttled him for his annoyance and lack of observation. Back then, Dan didn’t have the courage to counteract; either he was too mad at Arin to respond, or he hadn’t wanted to come on too strong. A lot had changed since then.

“I’m not good enough for someone like you. That’s what I’m trying to say.” Arin mumbled into Dan’s chest, a choked sob following. “You deserve so much better than a guy who--”

“Stop.” Dan begged him to stop. He knew where this was headed, and he already knew everything that Arin thought about himself by now. “That’s all up here.” He reached up and tapped the top of Arin’s head with a sort of sad smile. Arin pulled away from Dan’s chest, looking up at him in shock.

“But I--” Arin started again. Dan shook his head, interrupting him almost immediately.

“I love you Arin. Like, super.” Dan explained, holding both of Arin’s hands and giving them a firm squeeze. “I love every single little thing about you.” He studied Arin’s face, watching as he now avoided to look at Dan. Dan tilted Arin’s head up, so that they were looking right at each other. Arin gulped. “I love you.” Dan repeated.

“Why?” Arin was crumbling where they lay. Dan pressed a gentle kiss to Arin’s forehead.

“...What’s this all about?” Dan tilted his head. There had to be something more to this. Cautiously, he moved his arms to wrap around Arin’s waist, and Arin visibly flinched. Dan’s eyes widened. “Oh, Arin--”

“I told you, it’s stupid…” He grumbled, momentarily embodying his signature title of ‘Grump’. Dan shook his head in disbelief.

“Arin, there’s nothing wrong with the way you look.” Dan moved to hug Arin’s waist again, and again, Arin flinched. “Come on, really?”

“Yes, there is, Dan!” Arin crossed his arms, finally sitting up properly. “I’ve put on too much weight, my hair awkwardly hangs around my shoulders, my beard looks like-- fucking ginger pubes--”

“I, personally, adore those ginger pubes.” Dan spoke up with a smile. “It’s-- the weirdest but most satisfying feeling when we kiss. A bit ticklish, though. But I wouldn’t change that feeling for the world.” Dan slowly reached out and scratched Arin’s beard, under his chin. Arin responded by leaning towards the touch, and a sly grin came across Dan’s face. “Wow. Guess I called you ‘big cat’ for a reason, hmm?” He laughed, and Arin batted his hand away.

“Fuck off, Avidan.” He chuckled, shaking his head and itching his beard. Dan then pressed a gentle kiss to Arin’s lips, and Arin returned the favour. He supposed that if Dan liked it, then the beard could stay. As they both pulled away, Dan was still studying his face intensely; Arin wouldn’t be lying if he said he was overwhelmed with the attention.

“And your hair… God your hair…” Dan placed his hand in Arin’s hair and ran his fingers through the strands. Arin leaned into the touch once again, savouring the moment. “I love how smooth it is. You’ve seen my hair, dude. I love being able to play with it as often and as much as I want…” Dan grinned, ruffling Arin’s hair. “Plus, it looks really nice when it’s long. So you just have to wait for this ‘awkward stage’ or whatever you called it to pass. Happens to everyone! Happened to me. Don’t you remember?” Dan giggled, and Arin followed suite.

“Of course, man.” Arin agreed. He’d always wanted his hair longer. And if Dan thought it looked good… then it couldn’t go wrong. He paused and held his breath - he knew what was coming next. Dan paused as well. It was unspoken between the two of them - Arin had been stressed with work on different projects, and they’d only recently taken a month off for self-care and such. Even then, Arin had been dissatisfied with the lack of work he had. He was the kind of person who needed to be working constantly in order to feel any kind of satisfaction.

“I love your body.” Dan said softly. “And… I’m not just saying that.” He gently carressed Arin’s waist again, ignoring the way that Arin flinched when they made contact. “I love how warm and soft you are, it’s comforting. I love cuddling up to you on nights like these…” Dan scooched a little closer, a small smile on his face. He lowered his voice, speaking in a whisper. “And I love watching your entire body jiggle underneath me when we fuck.”

Arin screeched, pushing Dan away lightly with a bright red face. “Leigh Daniel Avidan, you dirty bastard!” He was laughing, incredibly embarrassed. The two of them, in sync, leaned closer and shared another kiss, Dan snaking his arms around Arin’s waist. Arin tilted his head as they kissed, muffling a quiet moan as Dan gave his sides a squeeze. Dan pulled back and pressed his lips to Arin’s jaw, then slowly moved down to kiss along Arin’s neck. Arin lifted his head, gasping as he felt Dan nibble at the skin there.

“I love you, Arin.” Dan mumbled against his skin. “Don’t forget that.” And Arin nodded, grazing his bottom lip with his teeth.

“I love you too…” He said breathlessly, as Dan pressed his lips against Arin’s neck again to suck at the skin there. He let out a breathless moan, whimpering as Dan left a flushed red mark against his neck. As Dan pulled away, Arin pressed a hand to the side of his neck, sucking in air through his teeth. “Looks like I’ll be wearing a scarf to work tomorrow, huh?” He grinned.

“Is someone embarrassed?” Dan smirked, as he moved to hold Arin’s hands again. He then yawned, feeling the hour of 4am strike him with tiredness. “Dude, I’m fuckin’ exhausted. Can we sleep now?” He asked. Arin nodded, shuffling himself back under the covers and turning away from Dan. Dan raised his eyebrows, flicking the light off. “Did I do something wrong?” He asked gently, worried that he might set Arin off in tears again.

“Spoon me.” Arin mumbled into his pillow. With a soft chuckle, Dan obliged, shuffling down and cosying himself around Arin. He wrapped an arm across Arin’s waist, and he didn’t flinch this time.

“Dan.” Arin looked over to Dan. “How long do you reckon you’ll be around? It’s still a little weird for me to have another person in the house.” Arin admitted. Dan was staring ahead, burned out. He felt numb, and scared, but… mostly tired.

“I have no idea.” Dan shrugged. “Could be hours, could be days .” He sipped his drink carefully with a soft smile. “Ah… this is really good, man.”

“No worries.” Arin patted his shoulder lightly. He took his hand back and fumbled with his sleeves, not knowing what he should do in a situation like this.

“So, nothing happened with Suzy?” Dan continued casual conversation, trying not to linger too much on the current situation.

“I didn’t go.” Arin frowned. “My anxiety started playing up, and I… I bought tickets, but…” He looked down and fiddled with a loose thread on his sleeve. Dan gently rested a hand on Arin’s back.

“Hey no… that’s alright. There’ll always be another chance.” Dan reassured him. “It’d be nuts if things worked out fine first time, right?” And Arin nodded along with him.

The two of them remained silent. Arin busied himself with the threads on his sleeve, and Dan spaced out as he tried to make sense of what was going on in the movie on the TV. Alas, he hadn’t the slightest idea. He wondered if this Arin was fluent in French.

“It’s pretty late.” Arin looked up at the clock on the wall. “We could both do with some sleep, mm?” He smiled warmly, standing up and holding a hand out to Dan. Dan held Arin’s hand and dragged himself up with ease, a quiet yawn escaping him. 

Arin led them both upstairs and gestured to one of the doors. “That’s… Dan’s room. You can sleep there, if you want. But if it’s weird, you can sleep in my room instead.” Arin smiled nervously. It’d been weeks since his own Dan disappeared. Maybe that was what happened to this Dan.

“I’ll take Dan’s room.” He gave a nod, resting his hand on the handle. “You’ll be okay by yourself tonight? Do you want me to stick with you?” He asked. He figured Dan had been away for quite a while, and he didn’t want to wake up to Arin’s lifeless body somewhere in the house. But Arin was quick to shake his head.

“No— No I’m okay, but thanks.” Arin laughed sheepishly, going to his own door. “I promise I’ll still be here when you wake up. Hell, I might even be awake.” He snorted. “...I hope you get some rest.” He said in a softer voice. “I understand this must be hard for you.”

“...Thanks.” Dan smiled, a hint of sadness in his voice. “I hope you sleep well, too.” He entered this dimension’s Dan’s room hesitantly, closing the door behind him.

This Dan’s room was quite plain, but notable things in the room included a framed photo of Arin and Dan when they were younger, an orange bottle of pills on the bedside table and a glass of water that had been untouched for God knows how long.

Dan carefully made his way over to the photo frame, squinting at the image curiously. They both looked so happy! But the picture looked like it had been taken a few years back — with Arin’s slimmer physique and Dan’s shorter hair. Dan wondered how long the two had known each other, and how they’d met. From how Arin sounded about it all last time, they must be incredibly close — maybe even lovers? But there was no evidence that that was the case.

Dan glanced at the pills as he sat on the bed. He checked the label. They were antidepressants, but they were labelled for Arin. That was odd… for Dan to keep Arin’s medication in his room, rather than in Arin’s. He tried not to think too much about it.

He laid across the bed, spreading his arms and legs out as he stared up at the ceiling blankly. It felt wrong to be under the covers in a bed he didn’t belong in. He let his mind linger on his own Arin back at home, slowly closing his eyes as he attempted to rest.

Arin found it hard to sleep that night. In the morning, Suzy combed her fingers through his hair - it seemed to be one of the only things that calmed Arin nowadays. Arin cuddled into Suzy’s side with a sigh, shaking his head.

“He’s still not back…” He mumbled into Suzy’s shoulder. It was nearly 10am now, and Dan hadn’t contacted them, or shown up at the office. Arin was meant to be in the office two hours ago, but Suzy let him get a few more hours of sleep instead.

“I know, baby…” Suzy frowned, kissing his forehead softly. Suzy, like everyone else in the office, was worried about Arin. It’d been a while since Dan and Arin spent time apart from each other since they got together. And now Dan was gone - and nobody knew if he was coming back.

Arin screamed when he saw another Dan appear in the Grump Space. He could immediately tell that this wasn’t his own Dan. The man who stood before him had much shorter hair tousled on top of his head, and he also seemed slightly younger than the Dan that he knew. Dan stared at Arin in shock, body jolting as Arin screamed at him.

“You have legs!” Dan pointed at Arin in exclamation. Arin’s eyebrows nearly shot off of his forehead.

“Legs?!” Arin couldn’t even begin to understand where this conversation was going to go. His mind immediately wandered to a universe in which he had no legs . “The fuck do you mean, dude?!”

Dan smoothed a hand over his hair and sighed. “Look… can we sit down? I have no fucking clue what’s going on…” And then it clicked for Arin - this was the first time that this Dan had ever dimension-travelled.

The two of them sat down in the recording space, Dan looking at all of the equipment with utmost curiosity. Arin had never had to deal with this kind of thing before, and it daunted him to go about explaining what might be happening. “So… you’re not the Arin that I know, clearly.” Dan gave a friendly but awkward smile, tapping his fingers against the couch. Arin was sat next to him, arms folded across his chest.

“What did you mean by… ‘I have legs’...?” Arin asked cautiously, which caused Dan to giggle.

“Hey, babycakes.” He giggled, draping an arm across Ryland’s shoulder. “Goin’ somewhere?” Ryland didn’t have the energy to shrug Alex’s arm away, so he kept it there.

“Just to the bedroom. I’m tired as shit. Someone kept me up last night.” Ryland growled in a tired voice. Alex pouted and moved his face closer to Ryland’s. The bigger man didn’t understand what was going on at first. He held his breath.

“Yeah, you do look kinda dead.” Alex remarked with a small smile. “It wasn’t that late, anyway. Mind if I join you?” Alex asked. Ryland practically groaned again, nudging Alex away from him.

“Dude, I want to sleep. You know, like… shutting your eyes and being quiet? And sleeping?” Ryland sighed, watching as Alex took his arm back with a hint of sadness across his face. He wasn’t mad, for sure, but he was still a little annoyed that Alex had kept him up for so long.

When Ryland made his way to the bedroom, Alex followed behind him, pouting. “You’re gonna leave me on my own?” And Ryland stopped himself. He knew that was only to guilt-trip him into letting Alex lay with him again, but similarly…

They’d developed a relationship where they couldn’t leave each other alone. Alex insisted on spending as much time as humanly possible with Ryland, just so he could cheer Ryland up, and Ryland stuck with Alex to make sure he didn’t drink himself to death. Though neither would admit this to each other. 

Ryland turned to look at Alex with a defeated sigh. “Are you gonna leave me on my own?” He smiled finally. Alex’s eyes lit up and he beamed excitedly at Ryland, practically dragging him to the bedroom. 

They reached the room, and Ryland sat himself on the edge of the bed. He was still in his lounge pants and hoodie, so he didn’t have to worry about changing in front of Alex. It’s something that Alex found incredibly easy to do, Ryland realised, as the other man was already tugging his shirt off. He looked away for his own sake.

Ryland shuffled himself into the bed and Alex scooted in from the other side, making himself comfortable next to Ryland. That got Ryland thinking… why did they do this?

They’d never explicitly said that they were in a relationship, but sometimes they held hands and cuddled. Ryland had always politely declined a kiss from Alex, which hadn’t Alex so bad, when he could still kiss Ryland’s cheek and forehead without argument. They weren’t strictly together. And yet, they shared a bed. They spent all of the time in the world with each other. What were they?

“Alex.” Ryland began, shifting in the bed to face Alex. Alex was closer than he thought, and the thinner man scooted over a bit more so that he wasn’t practically on top of Ryland. Ryland raised an eyebrow before continuing. “What… What are we?” 

Alex stared at him in confusion before smiling fondly. Then it was Ryland’s turn to look confused.

“When I’m with you, I’m happy.” Alex said, leaning forward to plant a gentle kiss on Ryland’s forehead. “And that’s enough explanation for me. But if you wanna put a label on it… I’m fine with that, too.”

Ryland watched Alex in adoration, a small nod following. “I’m happy with you, too. That’s enough for me right now.” Alex cuddled up to Ryland’s side, resting an arm over Ryland’s waist.

“He…!” Barry was quick to straighten his back, looking to Arin with a determined face. “I don’t think he’s lying, Arin. You know Sexbang wouldn’t go this far. He’d have had his fun for five minutes, then have gotten bored.” Barry tried to explain. Arin merely rolled his eyes and used one hand to gesture Barry to the control panel, Barry obediently hurrying to his side. They switched places silently, Barry hovering both hands over the control panel, looking to Arin for further instruction.

“Keep the ship on her course.” Arin patted Barry’s shoulder, beginning to walk back to the room where their Sexbang-lookalike was being held. “I’ll talk some sense into him.” And before Barry could argue, Arin was already out of the door.

Dan had been chained to a thick metal pole, which threatened to zap him if he tried to break away from him. He figured it was something to do with electric currents running through the pole. He had moved himself to sit on the floor next to the pole, staring at the cuff on his hand until Arin finally walked in.

Dan wasn’t too bothered about being held captive, because he knew in around an hour he’d be back home anyway. It just so happened that this time around, he’d been mistaken for an enemy – more specifically, Danny Sexbang, from in-universe Ninja Sex Party. He’d only been able to speak to Barry so far, this being his first time meeting Arin; Barry had been more understanding than he’d expected, but he was still sceptical.

And when Dan looked up at Arin, he wasn’t surprised to see Arin Neverbone from in-universe NSP. He held a certain presence about him, with a constant frown on his face, dressed in hot pink outfit. It was like someone had smashed this version of Arin with the Arin from Starbomb.

Arin walked up to him and crouched down by his side, a small sigh escaping him. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do here, but the game's over, Danny Sexbang. We’ve won already, so don’t try to act like you didn’t just appear here and we didn’t just capture you.” Arin scanned Dan’s face, and a sense of unsettling doubt weighed in his chest as ‘Danny’ showed little sign of understanding.

“My name’s Dan, firstly.” Dan began with a smile. He wasn’t scared at all, which made things easier. “Dan Avidan. People call me Danny sometimes. I’m a dimension traveller.” With that, he held out the hand that wasn’t cuffed to the metal pole, hoping that mentioning his ‘occupation’ as such would fully explain himself to Arin. Arin’s breath hitched.

“A dimension traveller…?” Arin said softly, crossing his legs so that he was properly sat next to Dan. “We’ve been trying to work on shit like that for ages.” Dan was surprised with the sudden informality, but accepted it – after all, this was just another version of Arin Hanson.

Dan found himself explaining his situation, Arin listening along with interest. Yadda yadda, an hour every day. Yadda yadda, a different Arin every time. Yadda yadda, trying to make a difference.

Once he’d given Arin the information he’d needed, the Captain nodded, scratching his beard. “I’m sorry we mistook you for an enemy.” He apologised. And with the simple gesture of a hand, the chains from around the metal pole (and Dan) were released. Dan wriggled his wrist around with a small smile on his face. “I thought we’d finally found him.”

“...Danny Sexbang?” Dan questioned. A small nod followed from Arin. “Are you chasing after him, or something?”

“We had an alliance, and he broke it.” Arin began. Dan’s eyes widened in realisation. This was Samurai Abstinence Patrol, wasn’t it? “That’s when it started, anyway. But one day, Ninja Brian- he’s the chief officer- sent to us that Danny had gone missing.” Arin fiddled with one of the black fingerless gloves on his hands. “We’ve renewed the alliance until we find him.”

Dan was silent for a moment. Everything was slowly starting to piece together. Some Arins he’d met didn’t know a Dan, and others… their Dan just straight-up disappeared – like the mermaid, or the guy who lived in Paris. And Arin mentioned having a nightmare about him disappearing… his stomach was suddenly filled with dread. Looking at Arin, he took a sharp breath in.

“I think we’re disappearing.” Dan blurted out. Arin looked confused, so Dan continued. “All of us. Every instance of Dan Avidan that ever existed.” Dan looked down at his own hands and gulped. Arin scooted closer to Dan with a frown.

“But why would they be doing that?” Arin asked gently. He seemed worried, and Dan didn’t blame him. He was worried, too. Dan was trying to come up with an answer, but he couldn’t think of one.

Then, something struck him – how tense had they been before they started dating? It had been a brief comment from Arin, about how Dan was doing anything other than dedicating time to Grump sessions, and when he wasn’t busy, he was too tired to even hang out. Had anything changed since they started dating? Sure, they’d cuddle and…

Oh God. They’d cuddle and Dan would sleep through Arin staying up. Then they’d be too tired to spend as much time as they’d planned at the Grump Space, and go back home. Then Dan would go out…

Oh God.

The cycle would repeat itself constantly. For days and days. Without cuddles, how long had this been going on for?! And did Dan ever take a moment to check how Arin was holding up?! Was he too busy, even for such a simple thing as that?! Arin dedicated hours of his time for Dan – meeting with him after every outing, staying awake to make sure Dan didn’t disappear.

Oh good fucking God.

Realising Arin was staring at him in concern, and that his breathing was becoming quicker by the second, he spoke. “I haven’t been there for him.” His eyes focused on the cold metal tiles of the floor. “The other Universes derive from the Arin that I know.” And that’s all Arin needed to hear to understand.

They were both calmer after a while. Dan had spoken about ‘living in the moment’, and though the subject was heavy on their minds, Arin insisted he gave Dan a tour of The Cruiser. They finished up at the front window, next to Barry, who had to receive a full explanation from Dan yet again. Arin took control of the ship, Barry going off to calculate their next movements.

“Ninja Brian thinks we killed him.” Arin admitted, staring out at the surface of Earth once again. Dan snorted

“Are you kidding? Jeez, I knew the Samurai Abstinence Patrol was vicious, but…” He giggled, Arin turning his head quickly in confusion. “If anyone’s gonna kill anyone, it’s Ninja Brian himself, right?”

“How… do you know about us?” Arin didn’t seem tense, merely curious, perking up. Dan ran a hand through his own hair and chuckled softly.

“It’s a song I wrote for my band, Ninja Sex Party.” Dan grinned as he saw the excitement rise on Arin’s face. “Something like… ‘No sex until you’re married’, am I right?”

Arin nodded excitedly. “Oh my God, we exist in another universe?! That’s so cool!” He quickly looked back at the front window. “Damn… guess we’re trying to make a difference somewhere.” He smiled happily to himself.

The two stood in comfortable silence, watching the stars twinkle. Dan never thought he’d get to go to space – he knew Arin would be jealous, and their good friend Mark, too. Speaking of which…

“This is gonna be a little random, but…” Dan looked around the main hub of the ship with a hum. “Do you know a guy named Mark? Mark Fischbach? Or uhh… Markiplier?”

Arin looked back at Dan and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. He’s on the communications team for our crew, but it’s only me and Barry for the time being. We’re short-staffed for the summer – people got family to see, holidays and stuff…”

Dan felt a giddy smile come across him – he’s happy that there was at least one Mark that finally got to go to space.

Dan had a coughing fit back at the Grump Space bathroom, the sudden change in air quality throwing him off. He stood up and cleared his throat properly before wandering to see Arin. He found Suzy first, who was one of the only people at the offices.

“Welcome back, traveller.” Suzy smiled, patting the seat next to her. She’d been by herself for a while, it seemed, and needed the company. “Did you have a good trip?”

“I went to fuckin’ space!” Dan grinned. Suzy gasped, turning her whole chair to face Dan. They chattered for a good fifteen minutes, before it hit Dan that Arin wasn’t in his own office – the door was wide open.

“Where’s Arin? Is he okay? He was afraid, Suzy fiddling with the necklace around her neck.

“I don’t know.” She said. Never a good thing. “He was really quiet when you left. But I think he was like that anyway, right?” Dan nodded. “I tried talking to him, but he didn’t really want to. So, I went out, bought his favourite ice cream and gave him a huge tub of it.” She laughed nervously. “It seemed like a good idea at first, but I genuinely think he’s torn through the entire tub.” She’d felt bad for that; Suzy had only wanted to cheer Arin up, but she couldn’t know that Arin would use that as comfort food, or that it would make him feel worse. Dan listened sadly, standing up.

“He’s probably in the Grump Room. I’ll talk to him.” Dan waved to Suzy before heading over there. He was already scared for Arin. And after what he’d realised earlier, he was even more scared now.

Arin was curled up with a blanket and, of course, the now empty tub of ice cream. The room was dark, only illuminated by the light of their gaming screen, which was showing some kind of Mega Man game. Dan didn’t know which one – he wasn’t an expert, unlike Arin. Arin didn’t even hear him come in, staring at the screen as he fiddled lazily with the buttons on his controller.

“Hey big guy…” Dan slowly approached Arin, sitting at the other end of the couch. Arin jolted, looking at Dan in surprise.

“Shit, is it midnight already?” Arin seemed genuinely shocked, resting his controller to one side. Dan nodded, rubbing Arin’s arm as he tucked one leg under himself.

“Yeah, buddy. How long have you been locked up in here?” Dan asked, sliding his hand up to thread his fingers through Arin’s hair. Arin tilted his head ever so slightly, closing his eyes, enjoying the relaxing feeling of Dan’s touch.

“Since you went.” Arin admitted quietly. Dan just nodded, removing the empty plastic tub from between Arin’s thighs. Arin shifted slightly and sighed. “Sorry.”

“You don’t gotta apologise for that.” Dan responded just as quiet, putting the tub aside and out of sight. “I’m just glad I’m here now, y’know? I’m sorry I didn’t really bring it up earlier. I know this is gonna be a long conversation, and I wanted to be ready for it.” Dan explained. Arin looked confused, shifting so that he was propped up against the armrest of the couch.

“What do you mean?” Arin asked. Dan’s expression saddened. He rose to go to the door, putting up a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door (one they barely ever used when recording) and locking it. Arin watched him, only slightly terrified, and Dan returned to sit on the couch closer to Arin.

“Arin…” Dan started, clearing his throat. He had no idea how to approach this. He opened his mouth to continue, but Arin interrupted him almost immediately.

“What about today? Where’d you go? Who did you see? Was I super-smokin’ hot?” Arin grinned, obviously trying to change the subject. Dan just stared at Arin in disbelief.

“This is serious, Arin.” Dan shook his head. “Like… Like, real talk? But actual real talk.” Dan hoped that Arin would understand, and Arin seemed to just about, but something was holding him back about being totally serious with Dan. Was he hiding something?

“Did I do something wrong…?” Arin asked, his eyes a little wider. Dan quickly shook his head and reached across to hold onto Arin’s hand.

“No, no…” Dan squeezed Arin’s hand with a sad smile.

“Oh.” Arin looked at their hands, squeezing back. “Then, what’s up?”

Dan drew in a long, deep breath. This was definitely going to be a heavy conversation, and he wasn’t sure that he was ready for it. Maybe he wasn’t. But Arin was watching him expectantly, and if they didn’t talk about it soon…

“Arin, how are you feeling?” Dan watched the younger man’s reaction, studying every bit of body language he could recognise. Arin seemed to tense under Dan’s eye, itching at the back of his neck. A less-immediate response from Arin only made Dan worry more. “Okay, on a scale from like… one to ten, where the higher numbers are happier. If that’s easier?”

Arin took a moment to think, staring at the gaming screen in front of them. He never wanted to worry anyone, but Dan and everyone else back at the office seemed to be worried enough already, so he guessed he failed on that one.

“I don’t know.” Arin started, averting his eyes from Dan’s concerned stare. “I thought I was one of those people who, like, are always fine and shit. I’ve never had anything be so difficult.” Arin sniffed and looked back to Dan. Dan rubbed his thumb over the back of Dan’s hand.

“You don’t have to be fine. It’s okay not to be fine. Nobody can be fine all of the time. Then we’d be, like...:” Dan looked at the ceiling as he tried to come up with some sort of analogy. “Like Smiler from the Emoji Movie, you know?” To which Arin snorted at, snuggling into Dan’s chest as he rearranged himself on the couch.

“God, you’re just gonna bring up that, right here right now?” Arin giggled. Dan ruffled Arin’s hair with a short sigh and a smile.

“You know what I mean though, Ar.” Dan was running his fingers through Arin’s hair again. “I’m worried about you. Suzy’s worried, Ross is worried… pretty much everyone is.” Dan pouted and pressed a gentle kiss to Arin’s forehead. “You can talk to me… I’m not gonna tell anyone your personal shit if you don’t want me to.” And Arin understood that, with a quiet huff.

“I feel so lost…” Arin bit his lip. “Like everyone’s so far away, even when they’re right next to me.” He fiddled with the bottom of Dan’s t-shirt as he spoke. “Everyone’s got shit to do, and for once I haven’t really got anything worthwhile going for me.” He sighed, and Dan grew more concerned. What else was there? “It’s hard watching you go every time, to have the time of your life with someone who’s exactly me, but more interesting. Some guy with some purpose.” Arin pushed his forehead into Dan’s chest and groaned.

Dan was heartbroken. He hated hearing Arin talk so lowly of himself. He wrapped an arm around Arin’s waist and held him close.

“Arin… you’ve got plenty going for you. What about Grumps?” Dan spoke in a soft voice, being as caring and as understanding as he could. “What about your voice acting stuff? I promise you’ve got a purpose in life, even if you haven’t found out exactly what it is yet.” Dan lifted Arin’s head up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Arin kissed him back, pulling away with a soft sigh.

“I guess you’re right, then.” Arin was defeated. “I hate being left alone. It makes shit like this happen.” He scooted closer on the couch, until he was practically on top of Dan. Dan accepted, just making sure his arms were wrapped around Arin.

“I’m here now, it’s okay.” Dan rested his chin on Arin’s shoulder. “Things are gonna be okay.” And God, he hoped they would be.

After they’d managed to record a few episodes (it was about time!) the early hours of the morning were approaching, and though he knew it was a ridiculous time, Dan made the effort to text everyone at the office to ask them to keep an eye on Arin. He hated the idea of Arin feeling alone so much of the time, especially if it got him thinking negatively. The last thing anyone would want, worst-case scenario, would be losing a Grump.

Dan made the effort to drive Arin back to his own house, as Barry had gone back to Dan’s. He knew Suzy would take care of him, and Dan still needed some time to process what he’d heard earlier today.

Arin refused to be carried by Dan again, even when he was stumbling all over the place due to how tired he was. He hoped that Arin would get a decent amount of sleep tonight. But, when Arin finally realised he was going to his own place rather than Dan’s, he freaked out again.

“What if you’re not around tomorrow?” Arin was tense, Suzy quietly reaching over to link her hand with Arin’s. Dan didn’t know what to say. It was true; one day, he might be- well, God knows where! But Arin was so sure that having Dan close to him during the night, or staying up, would ensure that Dan didn’t disappear.

“I could crash in your spare room, if you really want me to.” Dan smiled softly. Arin was nodding quickly, Suzy also nodding by his side.

“I think that’d be best, then. I’m sure Arin has some pyjamas you can borrow if you need them. It’s cold tonight.” She walked further into the house, Arin following. Dan followed after them, a nervous feeling rising in his chest as he watched Arin. He was so worried for him, and yet he felt like there was nothing he could do.

That night, Suzy slept next to Arin, Dan taking the spare room – as planned. This time, it was Dan’s turn not to sleep; he was too busy thinking about all of the reasons why every Dan would disappear, and how badly it would hurt Arin for him to not be around. If Arin felt alone enough as it is… then, he really was worried for Arin if something happened.

“Uh.” Alex began, ruffling his own hair. “It’s not what it looks like.” He tried to say, slowly removing himself from the couch. He stood up and Ryland felt the anxiety rise within his chest, ducking down behind the couch in the hope that Ash wouldn’t stare at him (even though he knew fully well that Ash would still be staring.)

“Guys- is this- is this why you’ve been so weird around me lately?” She asked, sounding a little hurt. Alex quickly waved his hands and shook his head.

“We don’t- we don’t mean to be weird…” He tried to explain. Ash made her way over to the couch, gently putting a hand on Ryland’s shoulder. She could tell that Ryland was more worked up about this than Alex was.

“I’m not freaked out.” Ash tried to calm Ryland, patting his shoulder. Ryland immediately flinched away from her, sitting up with a groan. “Honest. I just… I didn’t even imagine that you two would… y’know.” She gestured to the both of them. Ryland scratched the back of his neck with a shrug.

“I know. You wouldn’t think Alex would go for someone like me, right?” Ryland chuckled darkly. Alex rested his eyes on Ryland and sighed softly. Ash’s expression softened.

“Don’t talk about yourself like that – that’s not what I meant.” Ash bit her lip, looking back to Alex. “How long… how long have you been…?”

“Five months and a bit.” Alex chuckled gently, scratching his head. Ash smiled at both of them, shaking her head and sitting on the couch next to Ryland. Ryland scooched over and Alex sat on the other side of Ash. They sat in silence, pondering over what to say.

“So, you’re not mad?” Alex finally spoke up again, his face expressing worry. Ash giggled and nudged Alex’s arm lightly.

“Of course not. What reason would I have to be mad?” She turned to look at Ryland and smiled at him, too. “I’m just sorry that I kinda came in between it all… I never meant to make you guys feel uncomfortable.” She fiddled with one of the bracelets on her wrist.

Ryland managed a small smile with a gentle shrug. “We just… didn’t know how you’d react.” He admitted. Alex nodded along.

“You’ve barely touched your cake.” He noted, taking another forkful of his own. “I thought you liked sponge?” He raised a eyebrow as he put the fork into his mouth, looking for an answer in Arin’s response. Arin sighed softly, looking down at the slice of cake on his plate. It was true - he did like sponge cake. A Hell of a lot! Which was one of the reasons why he refused to touch it. When Arin didn’t reply at first, Dan set his fork against his plate and let out a gentle sigh after him, resting his arms on the table as he leant forward. “Something on your mind?” His voice became quiet, hushed.

The gentle strum of a guitar hummed against the walls, ever so quietly, but if it were to be any louder, it might have suffocated the room. Both men were silent for a moment as Arin brewed over what he should tell Dan. The truth? It was maybe too much. But Dan had always been honest with him, and Arin had admired that.

“Why are you doing this?” The words tumbled out of the younger man’s mouth, muted and cryptic. Dan’s brow furrowed, watching Arin, hoping for more of an explanation. But there came none. Then, as he opened his mouth to question it, Arin was speaking again, moving his fork around the plate and poking at the sponge. “We could have stayed at home.”

Dan was dumbfounded, the tips of his fingers pressed firmly against the tabletop. Was he suggesting they go home? That he didn’t want to be here? It was so out of the ordinary for Arin to be so… distant. 

“I think you’re forgetting that it was your idea to come out tonight.” Dan huffed with a small smile, still wary of where this conversation was going. And if it were to be Arin breaking up with him, he would have to prepare himself for it. “Do you want to go home?” He asked, wanting so much to just reach a hand across the table, but knowing that Arin would simply ignore it.

“Here.” Arin cleared his throat, straightening his back. “This place. Cakes and shit.” He wasn’t being too articulate, but he really couldn’t help it. He’d had issues with opening up in the past. And today was no different. “It’s never a salad bar, or just a coffee shop, even.” His voice was harsh, but dulled over with a hurt that Dan didn’t understand yet.

“But…” Dan smoothed over his hair, thinking of how to respond. He didn’t understand. And he wouldn’t understand, if all of Arin’s responses were going to be held back. “We always come here. It’s convenient here, ‘cos it’s open late and nobody else really comes here. You know?” He raised his eyebrows an an attempt to receive some understanding from Arin. Arin hushed a laugh under his breath and looked to the window again. A bad sign.

“Sure.” Arin sounded like he was attempting to be angry, but he merely sounded upset. Dan’s expression softened as he listened to Arin, doing his best to at least be a good listener. “Take the fat guy out to a cake shop every couple of days. ‘Cos that’s what he wants. ‘Cos he’s fat.” His voice wavered, and his fists balled. Dan was taken aback, shaking his head immediately.

“Arin, do you listen?” He coughed and stared at Arin in shock. “That’s not what I said at all. Or what I said, ever.” Dan continued to stare at Arin. How had Arin even reached that train of thought? It baffled him, to say the least. “Ar, look at me.” 

Slowly, Arin turned to look back at Dan, his face reading ‘utter devastation’, as if Dan had actually said those things himself. 

“Didn’t say it, but y’thought it.” Arin was mumbling now, becoming less confident in his own words. He knew that Dan wouldn’t lie to him. But he couldn’t shake the thought of Dan always looking down on him like that. 

“Bullshit!” Dan nearly exploded, feeling a little attacked. He hated people denoting his thoughts and feelings for him, and Arin was no exception. “I’d never think of you like that. You know I don’t care about your weight or whatever. Like I said…” He calmed himself, seeing how Arin had tensed at even the slightest raise of Dan’s voice. “Like I said, this place is convenient. We can go anywhere you want, babygirl.” Dan finally reached a hand across the table, and Arin graciously took it. “If it bothers you that much… if you really want to go to a salad bar, I mean, we can. Or a coffee shop. Or even a fuckin’… restaurant on the moon! We’ll get you there.” Dan chuckled, Arin squeezing his hand as he laughed loudly. Their laughs bounced off of the walls of the shop, drowning out the buzz of generic coffee shop music in the background.

“I love you.” Arin’s voice was smooth, running a thumb against the back of Dan’s hand. “Thanks for putting up with me.” He smiled fondly over at Dan, who scoffed a laugh back at Arin.

“I don’t put up with you.” He explained. “I love you. You’re allowed to have insecurities, Arin. I’ve got ‘em, too. And you should know I’m always here to listen if something’s on your mind.” Dan reassured him, taking his hand back to finish off his cake. Arin did the same, taking the first forkful out of his cake to eat. Dan giggled as Arin made an over-exaggerated moaning sound.

“Fuck, what were we talking about?” Arin joked. And then both men were in hysterics again, giggling as the evening passed on.

Arin shuffled closer and pecked Dan’s nose with a kiss. He nearly stirred, pouting and reaching a hand up to itch his nose. With a mischievous grin, Arin kissed Dan’s nose again, from the top to the tip. Dan sleepily opened one eye, studying Arin’s face before deciding to open both.

“What’re y’ doin’, Ar…” Dan asked softly, followed by a big yawn. Arin simply smiled, going in for more kisses. He leaves little kisses all over Dan’s face, his hair flicking forward and tickling Dan’s skin as he did so, which earned Arin a feeble laugh from the older man.

“I just- I love you, you know?” Arin replied in an endearing voice, slipping his arm around Dan’s waist. With a tired smile, Dan rolled his eyes and tugged Arin a little closer.

“I love you too, big cat.” Dan said fondly, closing his eyes to kiss Arin. Arin reciprocated, leaning his head towards the kiss and stroking Dan’s back with his thumb. After Dan pulled back, he raised an eyebrow. “Have you not slept yet?”

Arin sheepishly grinned at Dan with a shrug. “I got distracted…” He immediately went back to peppering Dan’s face with kisses, as Dan giggled and accepted his fate. “God, I never want to stop kissing you…” Arin’s voice was sleepy. Dan shook his head and pressed a soft kiss to Arin’s forehead.

“We can kiss as much as you like in the morning, mmkay?” Dan said, stroking Arin’s hair and twirling a strand of his blond streak around his index finger. “I’m tired, buddy…” Dan admitted. “S’that okay?” He glanced at the clock behind Arin and let out a small sigh.