#okc fail

Okay so this story has been passed around my sci-fi club, been brought up during club elections, and been incorporated into my D&D campaign, but there are still some people out of the loop, so I thought I’d create this succinct account of the StarTrack incident.

To set the stage - this all occurred at my sci-fi group’s weekly game night. I had “turned on straight people” (allowed straight people to see my profile) briefly so that my platonic better half could reply to previous messages of “nice boobs ;)” with “Pathetic” and other such appropriate statements. While she was in the process of doing so, this message came in.

I’m the blue, the guy is the red. As you can see, at this point in the conversation, I only had the vaguest idea of the lows which this conversation would reach. My comment, “star track?” was merely to poke fun at this fellow nerd’s spelling of Star Trek.

What. Okay. I had given him his chance to repent of his spelling sins, but it seemed he truly believed that Star Trek was Star Track. I was starting to doubt that he was actually a fan. A minute of google searching revealed that “StarTrack” was an Australian logistics company, similar to FedEx in the US. I kept the official StarTrack site open in one tab. It was time for some light trolling. He would soon realize his mistake.

You... don’t like the new name also? Okay kid, are you trolling me back? You obviously think you’re talking about a TV show, because I should be a writer for it, but at the same time... I’m obviously talking about a logistics company. Are you just agreeing with everything I say? At this point I was leaning towards “this guy’s a troll”, but dude, I love mutual trolling. I was so here for this. So, armed with an entire site about StarTrack, I continued my trolling.

You asked me to coffee? Okay. At this point I was uncertain if the trolling was actually mutual. Did he actually believe I was this obsessed with StarTrack? Well, either way, I didn’t want to get coffee, so I pulled an excuse from StarTrack’s website.

That, my friends, in case you are wondering, is StarTrack’s mission statement. It’s what I look for in a guy, people. Mmmmm, infrastructure~ (I was literally copying and pasting at this point.)

At this point, I thought that he had realized. I mean, loyal and respectful? Is that a dig at my trolling? I thought I’d get one last good StarTrack comment in there before he yelled at me and quit the conversation.

BUT NO. That didn’t happen. He didn’t get huffy at me about my trolling - instead, I GET ASKED OUT FOR COFFEE AGAIN. Apparently he hadn’t gotten the troll memo yet. I have now twice been asked out for coffee to talk about an Australian logistics company. Probably the only other people who can say that are StarTrack workers.

I could tell at this point that this sham of a conversation was coming to a close. But, I realized, I could make it go out with one hell of a bang.