#ohmywhy

The loft was cold, but his bed was colder and his heart felt even more so. Tightening the grip on his comforter, he tugged the blanket up over his shoulders and squeezed his eyes shut, the pressure sending sparks of color booming behind his eyelids. Outside, the sounds of late night New York played through the streets and, somewhere in his building, one of his neighbors was hosting a wild party. Meanwhile, another seemed to be singing in the shower, loudly, their voice and choice of music grating on Kurt's last nerve.

Unfortunately, there was not much he could do about the noise issue. With how open his apartment was, many sounds were easy to hear... and, knowing that, he wondered how many times his neighbors could hear him crying through the night.

Another bass boom from the music downstairs rattled the partition curtain to his bedroom and he blinked his eyes open, allowing them a few gracious seconds to get used to the darkness before he grabbed his phone and clicked it on to check the time. The room was immediately lit up with artificial light, the background picture before him sending him spiraling into memories of when the shot onscreen was first taken.

It was one of him and Blaine, the two of them walking through Central Park hand-in-hand last fall after Blaine first moved into the loft. Sam took the picture and sent it to Kurt, telling him that he couldn't help but capture a moment when his best friend looked so freaking happy. It was obvious how in love they were (especially Blaine) in that picture, because their hands were swinging between them and Blaine was grinning over at Kurt like he was having the best time of his life. In reality, they were.

At least they were then... but now? Now things were strained. Ruined, in Kurt's opinion.

It was all his fault. Because he broke them to pieces, shattered their relationship into fragments that he was sure were now just specks of dust. A few months ago, he ended their engagement, telling Blaine that he believed they were better off as friends, that he didn't want them to grow to hate each other, and that their run was good while it lasted. Within days, Blaine, heartbroken over the failed engagement, packed up and left, taking every little crumb of his with him so that no speck of Blaine Anderson was left behind. Then he disappeared from school, from New York, and now Kurt had no idea where he was.

At first, Kurt was sure it was for the best. Maybe it was better for them to spend some time apart? To work on themselves separately, then become friends again later on. Kurt told himself that night after night: that the break-up was what they needed more than anything. Of course, as the weeks passed went by, he realized just how wrong he was. Because he missed Blaine with his whole everything.

He missed waking up to his fiance's humming as Blaine buzzed around the kitchen and made him a breakfast fit for a king. He missed those moments in the morning when Blaine would come speeding out of the bathroom already running late for class, taking Kurt's hands to rub whatever excess lotion he'd accidentally squeezed onto his palms into Kurt's. (Those days, Kurt couldn't help but bring the back of his hand to his nose and breathe in, taking in the scent of Blaine on him.) Kurt also missed the evenings of warm kisses and sleepy embraces, of waking up in the middle of the night after a nightmare to find Blaine beside him, holding him tight and murmuring calming words into his ear.

Now when he woke up at night, he was by himself. Always. Always cold and broken and alone.

Pulling the blanket a little tighter around his frame, Kurt used his free hand to unlock his phone and go to the photo gallery, his eyes falling onto a listing of pictures that documented the love he so foolishly let go. There were photos galore of Blaine saved. There was one of Blaine wearing an old Dalton hoodie, curled up on the sofa with Sam, both of them fast asleep during one of their superhero movie binges. There was another of Blaine and the rest of their friends, all smiling widely at the camera as they celebrated a successful performance at the diner. Dani was giving Blaine bunny ears in that one and it was so precious that it made Kurt's heart ache every single time he saw it.

The last photo almost always destroyed him. It was a pic Blaine messaged him the day they broke up, one that Blaine snapped just that morning while he waited in line for coffee. In the shot, he smiled tiredly at the camera, lamenting in the adjoining text that: it's much too early to be dealing with THIS LINE, but today will be busy busy so coffee's a must! He'd been busy busy because he was making wedding plans obviously. The very same wedding plans that Kurt didn't feel up to bothering with at that time.

(That morning, upon seeing the message, Kurt rolled his eyes and didn't bother to respond. He regretted it now oh so much.)

At the sight of Blaine's sleepy expression on his screen, Kurt bit back a sob, clicking his phone off as he dropped it to the mattress and cocooned himself up in his comforter. Nothing about his makeshift blanket burrito felt comforting. Nothing about the thick fabrics tucked around his body made him feel any better, not like the caring arms of the one person he loved the most did. He had always felt like he didn't need the comfort, didn't need the physical assertion that Blaine brought with his embrace and his love. But now, months after Blaine's disappearance from his life, Kurt realized just how much he loved Blaine's hugs, his kisses... just Blaine, every annoying quirk and then some.

A roar of celebratory shouts came trickling through the floorboards and Kurt gasped out another sob, watery eyes blinking through the darkness as silence fell around him again. It felt otherworldly, like he was stuck floating in space without a way to get back to land. Nothing about the disjointed sounds he heard from the building around him made him feel any better. Because, long ago, he could brush them aside and listen to the various noises that came from within his own apartment, the ones that reminded him of home. Whether it be Rachel's white noise machine, Santana's half-asleep rants, Sam watching something on tv, Artie talking movies with whoever would listen... or Blaine's- well, everything about Blaine. The soft breaths as Blaine slept, the quiet rumble of his chest whenever he'd snore just the tiniest bit. The deep growl of his voice whenever he'd wake up and pull Kurt against his body, asking Kurt if he slept well. The way he smelled like that perfect mix of everything Kurt loved and how he'd sometimes wash the gel from his hair so Kurt could run his fingers through the curls and wax poetic over how much he loved them.

Out of everything Kurt missed about the now empty loft, he missed Blaine most of all.

Now the side of bed that had been Blaine's was no longer dented as it used to be. His pillow no longer smelled of raspberries, his clove and bergamot cologne, or the soap and lotion he lathered himself up with daily. Instead it smelled like Kurt - his hairspray, his cologne, his lotion - all because his body searched for Blaine's warmth in the night and found nothing but a lonely pillow.

God, he missed him.

Another whimper escaped from Kurt's lips and he scooted down in the bed to cover up his face with the blanket, his arms soon curling around his waist to remain there as he cried, the memories of happier times  taking over as he wept over how horribly things went over the last several months. He was alone, all by himself in a giant loft with no one at his side. His friends were gone, the love of his life was gone, and all that was left behind was a shell of an apartment, of a happy life that once was. At that thought, the tightening in his throat grew worse and he coughed out another painful sob, letting it all out into the silence of the apartment, letting his voice be heard in the darkness.

It was what he wanted, right? He wanted this: the peace and quiet, to be left alone.

(Now that he thought about it, he never wanted that. He never wanted to be alone. He was scared to be alone... and yet there he was.)

Sobbing harder, he unwrapped his arms from his waist and pressed one hand against his mouth to stifle the distressed noises ripping from his throat. The other hand stayed where it was at his side, this time trailing downward to rest on his belly, slightly rounded in growth. The swelling bump felt foreign beneath his touch, but it had been there for a while now, home to the child he'd only just learned of, a baby created just weeks before he snapped Blaine's (and his) heart in half.

He never imagined his life to be like this, not at all. It wasn't supposed to go this way.

Within a year of his engagement, of what was supposed to be the happiest moment of his life, Kurt Hummel found his existence in shambles. He was all alone, all by himself in a city he just wasn't sure was the right fit for him anymore, especially now that he carried a secret deep within himself that changed everything. He was four months along and things seemed like they were only going to get worse.

If that was even possible anymore.

A floor below, the neighbors throwing the noisy party had switched from just listening to music to singing it and whoever picked the first song chose one that made Kurt's heart ache even worse. Because he was sure they picked up on his turmoil and decided to play with it, and as they sang, he continued to weep, his cries blending in with their voices as they sang.

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad And I just keep thinkin' about The love that we had And I'm missin' you And nobody knows it but me

::::::::::

Finding out about the baby had been a complete shock. They'd been so careful - or so Kurt thought - but when the weeks after their break-up went by and Kurt was sick as a dog and still couldn't stomach the sight of any food, he decided to go see a doctor. At first, he believed he was ill because he was so upset over the outcome of their relationship, but then he found himself putting on weight and not feeling hungry whatsoever. The usual foods that were his go-to snacks in sad situations suddenly made him feel cross and there were many, many bags of perfectly good food thrown out just because he couldn't stand the smell of them without being violently sick.

In fact, one of the only things he could keep down in the beginning was water. Ice cold water. He spent all day chugging the liquid, constantly making sure that the filtering pitcher his dad got him for Christmas was regularly filled up and that his ice tray was full as well. He'd gobble on ice and sip the frigid drink like it was his job. One day, he even ate a whole bag of fruity popsicles left behind by Dani after she came to visit him one hot summer afternoon, a week or so after the break up when his a/c was on the fritz and everything was pissing him off. It was only after he found himself tearing up over the last bite of a cherry ice pop that he thought something else may be wrong.

So, when he woke up the following morning feeling like someone ran him over with a bus, he decided to make the appointment. Within hours, he was sitting in a doctor's office, pasty white and shaking as he stared in horror at his physician and listened to the words 'pregnancy test' slip from his lips. A day or so later, the news was confirmed and all Kurt could do was hang up the phone with a thank you and slide down the wall, his non-phone-holding hand falling to his stomach as tears filled his eyes. Because the wee one growing within him was part Blaine as well. The babe making residence in his belly was created during a part of his life that he shut the door to... and he didn't know what he was going to do.

It wasn't until Elliot rolled into town and they met up for lunch that Kurt told anyone about the pregnancy. (He thought he'd have someone to tell whenever the six month mark of the NYC loft crew reunion came around, but then nobody showed and Kurt was left standing in the rain, tears in his eyes as he realized that he was the only one who cared enough to show.)

Elliot had listened to him rant and rave over the phone about everything before the break-up and he'd been there to offer Kurt a shoulder to cry on (even though he was hours and hours away) after the engagement ended, but as soon as Kurt told him about the baby, he said, "You need to tell Blaine."

You need to tell Blaine.

Those words had been on repeat in Kurt's head since the second he found out he was pregnant. He walked the whole way home from the clinic with that phrase screaming through his mind. A few times it became too much and he almost picked up his phone to call Blaine outright, but then he really thought about it and realized how horrible it would be to hear that kind of news over the phone, especially when they hadn't spoken since the day Blaine dropped his key on the kitchen table and said "Goodbye" before he walked out of the door and out of Kurt's life forever.

He did need to tell Blaine. But how?

"Someone has to know where he is. I, unfortunately, have no idea, but I'm sure someone else does." Elliot said a few weeks later, during one of their usual phone calls. "Blaine has tons of friends. Somebody has to know where he's at." 

Adjusting the bluetooth piece in his ear, Kurt nodded before he dumped a few cupfuls of frozen berries into his vanilla yogurt, breaking up some graham crackers over top of the bowl before he sat down at the table to enjoy his lunch. Elliot kept on talking, saying things about Kurt contacting their old friends to see if they might've heard from Blaine, and Kurt absorbed his words like a sponge, dropping his spoon for just a moment so he could scribble some of Elliot's advice on a notepad. "Part of me thinks he went to stay with his brother in California, but I'm not sure. Cooper goes off the radar so much, it's hard to tell with him. I thought about calling Sam since he's Blaine's best friend and all, but if Blaine asked him to not tell me anything, I don't think he'll budge."

"Yeah, but it shouldn't be that hard to sucker some info out of him. Sam's not a mean guy from what I remember and I'm sure if you told him it was an emergency, he'd spill the beans."

An emergency, Kurt thought, allowing his hand to fall to his belly. The baby wasn't technically an emergency, but Kurt really, really wanted to tell Blaine about it before he got too far along in his pregnancy - only because he'd feel terrible if Blaine found out any other way. Plus they could figure out what to do with this unexpected surprise. Kurt was pretty sure he wanted to keep the baby, but he just didn't know what Blaine would want and he wouldn't know until he told Blaine the news. "I guess I could try. It wouldn't hurt."

"No, it wouldn't. Anything to pass the news on, am I right?"

"Yeah. Definitely."

"I am glad you told me though. It must be hard hiding this from everyone."

"It is, but I... I want to tell Blaine first. Before I let anyone else know."

"It's a good thing you spilled to me first then, before you cracked and everything. Had you of told Dani, all of New York would know by now. It'd be on a billboard and everything."

"Tell me about it."

A few minutes of comfortable, friendly silence went by. Kurt finished off his yogurt and dropped the bowl into the sink to wash later, his eyes trailing along the kitchen as he took in how bare everything seemed without his friends' stuff there. For the last few mornings, he had a huge craving for Blaine's lemon blueberry pancakes topped with whipped cream and blueberry sauce. It was something special Blaine threw together for him every once in a while and for some odd reason, the baby had him craving those sweet and tangy cakes like nobody's business. "You must miss your dad," he whispered to his belly, cupping a hand over the bump. A snort from Elliot's end of the line snapped him back to the phone call and he reached up to press his earpiece further in. "What?"

"You! Talking to the baby! It's so sweet. I can't wait to be an uncle to that little rugrat. I'm going to teach it everything I know."

"You are not corrupting my baby."

"It's going to be so cute and innocent. I mean, anything spawned of you and Blaine has got to be the most adorable thing ever. It's going to be the most precious nugget until Uncle Elliot gets his claws on it. Can you imagine? A mini version of you and Blaine that acts like me!"

"Oh my god, don't even-"

"I'm making plans! Just you wait!" A bark of laughter bit through the phone and then Elliot quieted, his signal fading out a bit. "I'm sorry to have to cut this short, but I've gotta catch the train and I won't get service down here. You want me to call you later or-"

"I was thinking of napping before I head out to NYADA, but I can call you tomorrow or something, if that's okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Just give me a ring and I'll answer."

"I'm not too sure about a ring. Sounds expensive. Also I'm having another man's child so-"

"Ha ha. Funny. Anyway, gotta go. Talk to you later! Oh, and feed that baby some of those damn pancakes. You mentioned them three different times in the last fifteen minutes."

"I did?"

"Yep! See ya!"

Kurt bid his adieus and pulled the bluetooth out of his ear, his eyes instantly growing watery as he stared around the loft again, his heart panging in his chest as he realized just how lonely he felt. Talking to Elliot was like getting a well needed break from all the voices in his head, the ones that screamed at him for ruining everything and putting himself in such a predicament. Those same voices were the ones that haunted him at night. Sometimes it was just his voice, yelling that he deserved all the hurt he got. Sometimes it sounded like Blaine, his ex's distraught voice echoing in his brain, repeating like a broken record made just to torture him.

I'll never forgive you for this.

Maybe Blaine would stick to his word and never forgive him, but Kurt had to at least see him to tell him about the baby. He owed Blaine that much. He couldn't just keep it a secret, especially news as big as this. Caressing his hand down the front of his shirt, Kurt cupped his stomach and made his way out of the kitchen, trying his hardest to push the welling tears in his eyes away. He was sick of crying. He just wanted to feel like himself again, but he hadn't since the moment he found himself all alone in the loft, hadn't since the second he got the call that ultimately changed his life forever (again.) "Why am I so emotional?" He grumbled to the air, dragging himself to the couch for a quick nap before his meeting with Carmen Tibideaux. It wasn't until he got comfortable amidst a sea of pillows that an idea popped into his head and all thoughts of napping flew right out of his mind.

Typing in his phone passcode, he quickly opened the Facebook app and went to message Mercedes, hoping and praying that she wasn't too busy to see his question. I need a favor. I know I'll owe you tons but could you please help me out? Within seconds the message was marked as read and then his phone was vibrating, Mercedes' smiling face peering up at him from an incoming call.

"Hello?"

"Kurt? Hey hun, how are you? Something wrong?"

"Oh thank god, you saw my message! I need a favor and you're the only person who can help me out."

::::::::::

Talking to Mercedes left him no time to power nap like his body wanted, but it was worth it. His heart needed more attention than anything, so being able to get the valuable info he desired was of much more importance than a skipped nap, no matter how tired he felt later on.

Yawning, Kurt stepped off the subway and climbed the stairs to the street, slipping into the overflowing crowd. He kept one hand on his messenger bag and the other curled around a bunched up piece of paper, his fingers pressed tight against the crumpled ball as he walked. It held crucial information, something that could ultimately aid him (or harm him) in the long run, though he wouldn't know for sure unless he used it. Thank goodness he had such good friends - Mercedes, in particular. She'd been a huge help in finding out info about Blaine and by the time their phone conversation ended, Kurt learned that Blaine was back in Ohio for some odd reason. There wasn't much else he knew, just that Blaine was staying at his parents' home and was busy working on getting the Warblers back together. But that was all Kurt needed to know at the moment.

Now he just had to get back to Ohio. Of course, there was one thing standing in his way: NYADA.

Which just so happened to be the place he was on route to now. Weaving his way through the crowded sidewalk, Kurt wandered towards the main building of his school, hoping and praying that his classmates wouldn't notice how big he'd gotten over the last few months. School had started already for many of the student body (the underclassmen mostly), but he hadn't had any classes since it was work study time for the juniors. Most of his schooling required research and forms to be filled out about where he wanted to be placed throughout the semester. If he was lucky, after turning in his papers, he would have his request approved by Carmen and that's when he'd start working at whichever place he'd chosen. However, he wasn't sure if the old folks' home he picked would be considered worthy of NYADA's high standards. Not to mention, he wasn't even sure how long he'd be able to keep up with his school work considering how taxing the pregnancy was becoming - weight gain and all.

"Madame Tibideaux will see you now," the receptionist interrupted, shaking Kurt from his thoughts as he realized he'd been standing in front of the woman's desk for a few moments, long enough to have introduced himself unknowingly and for her to have buzzed Carmen that he was there. Nodding frantically, Kurt swallowed his nervousness and adjusted his NYADA hoodie over his growing belly some more, praying that the dean of students wouldn't catch on to his facade.

"Ahh, Mister Hummel. Glad you made it on time."

"Umm, yes. Me too." Kurt offered nervously, hating the fact that he was starting to sweat from how panicked he was becoming. With his hands shaking, he sat down and pulled a folder filled with his paperwork and other necessary forms out of his bag, handing them over with a quiver in his fingers that made him look like a tree shaking in the wind.

"Nervous?" Carmen coolly regarded, taking the folder with a practiced ease. She barely glanced at him before she went back to it, pulling out the contents from inside. When Kurt shrugged a little at her question, the woman smirked and went back to picking through his papers, reading over them with her lips pursed in thought. It took her several long (excruciating) minutes to go through the files, but eventually she finished, her dark eyes falling onto Kurt's stick straight position in the chair opposite her desk. "So you want to do the work study portion of your third year at the Lexington Home for Retired Performers?"

"Yes ma’am. I worked with them previously and they're all wonderful people, very talented and hardworking. I enjoyed my time there and it helped me learn and certainly grow as a performer to be around people who are so seasoned in their craft. I felt very welcomed and happy there during my short stay and I would love to focus my junior year project on them. I feel like I'd hone my craft better around people who have been in this industry before and a friend of mine, Maggie Banks - you may know her - is also a resident there."

At Carmen's slight nod, Kurt ended his longwinded speech, settling back in his seat with wide, hopeful eyes on the woman who could make or break his desire to spend his work study program with people he already knew and loved. It wasn't until her gaze fell from his face to his stomach that he realized he'd made a terrible, terrible mistake.

As he was speaking, he'd let his palm fall to rest on his belly; something that he did unconsciously time and time again as the act was something of comfort to him, especially when he got nervous - which was ridiculously common these days. Oh no.

"Mister Hummel, are you certain that you'll even be able to keep up with all the work required for this upcoming year? Given your condition, I mean." When Kurt's face paled considerably, Carmen pressed a button on her desk phone and paged her receptionist in, waving the woman off to fetch Kurt something to drink. Within minutes, the woman was back, pressing an icy glass of water into Kurt's trembling hands. "Drink that. We don't need you fainting and hurting yourself or your baby." Kurt failed to catch her words the first time, but when he finally looked up and caught her stare with his own watery, emotional one, he obliged. "Good. Drink up."

A moment passed as Kurt greedily sucked down all the water in the glass, carelessly using the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe off his lips as he struggled to fight back the tears from spilling down his cheeks. He was so screwed. Carmen was sure to expel him now that she knew about the pregnancy.

"This isn't my first rodeo," Carmen stated, catching Kurt's shocked gaze once more. "Certainly you don't believe you're the first student I've had to fall pregnant during my time here at NYADA?" Kurt shook his head no in reply and Carmen continued on, "Once or twice a year, we do have some students who've encountered slip-ups. It's not uncommon, especially for people of your age group. However, with how meticulous NYADA is and how we strive to teach only the most dedicated and talented performers around, we cannot have pregnant students running around this school like it's a common thing."

"Are you... kicking me out?"

"No. From the looks of you, I'd assume you are only a few months along and, luckily for you, it's your work study year, so any rigorous activity over the next few semesters won't be as strenuous as it was last year or even your upcoming final year. Here at NYADA, we try to work with our students when instances such as this one occur. Nonetheless, being pregnant doesn't give you a free pass. You are required to take all the courses and complete all the work like your non-parenting classmates are. If you fall behind, you will be expelled. You are to keep up with your work and in the event that you cannot, you may apply for leniency before your grades start to fall. If approved, you may take the semester off. If not, withdrawal is the only option, but you can try to apply for re-admittance the following semester."

"...so I can stay?"

"If you feel like you are up to taking on this upcoming semester, you are more than welcome to continue on. If not, I'd suggest applying for a semester leave, though I'd suggest you'd wait to do that when you get closer to your due date. As of right now, I see no problem with you starting your work study at Lexington, just make sure to keep up with your deadlines and you'll be fine." Offering as much of a smile as one could expect from a woman of her caliber, Carmen slid Kurt's folder back across the desk to him, waving her hand at the door behind them. "Good day, Mister Hummel."

Heart in his throat, Kurt thanked the dean and took his papers, stuffing them in his bag before he shuffled his exhausted body out the door and out of the building completely. Once he was in the cooling autumn air, he inhaled deeply and let his legs give out, butt plopping on the ground as he leaned his head back against the wall, a relieved breath puffing from his lungs as he celebrated the fact that Carmen Tibideaux of all people allowed him to stay at NYADA even though she knew he was with child.

It was really all he could ask for. Finally someone was giving him a break. At least in one aspect. Now all he had to do was head home for a week before he started at Lexington, tell Blaine about their baby, and hope for the best there. If his luck were as great there as it was here, maybe things wouldn't go so bad.

Maybe.

::::::::::

Ohio in September was just as he remembered. (Though when he thought of it that way, it surely sounded like he'd been away from his home state for much, much longer than a few years.)  The leaves were changing and falling from the trees as autumn set in and the majority of Lima was covered with poster boards and banners celebrating back to school as well as the just-around-the-corner Homecoming season. As he watched the town he grew up in pass by, he sighed and stroked a hand over his belly, once again hidden beneath a loose fitting hoodie. The bus he rode was sparsely filled, so he had his own seat, but still, he was cautious about how he acted in regards to his pregnancy. Ohio was still as bigoted as it had been when he first moved away and he certainly didn't want to deal with another repeat of what happened to him several months ago back in the city.

Honestly, he wasn't one to reflect much on the night of his bashing, but sometimes he couldn't help but remember that fateful, horrible event. Back when it happened, he had an amazing support system to keep him centered and focused, one that didn't let him fall backwards into a rut he couldn't get out of. Now, whenever he found himself slipping, it was hard to find a hand to grasp. Sure, he had Elliot and Dani and a few of his friends from work and school, but he hadn't known them as long as he had his previous supporters. He missed the comfort that Rachel, Santana, Mercedes, and the others brought even though a long time ago, he might have shoved them away in order to deal with certain things on his own. Now he wished he had them by his side, especially at that moment during his time of need. But that's what brought him back to Ohio. His family and friends were here and over the last few months, Kurt had learned so much about himself and why he acted the way he did. He knew he was in a better place now than he was then and he just had to talk to some people about it first, to let them know why he'd been so good at pushing them away.

Just thinking about what he was about to do sent a shudder down his spine and he swallowed heavily, shutting his eyes as the bus rocked due to the bumpy, pothole filled road they were on. He hadn't been on the bus long, having caught it after taking another bus over from Cleveland, but still, he was ready to get off and be back in his parents' home. He missed his dad and Carole like crazy. Ever since he found out about the pregnancy, he wanted to call them and tell them the news, but he held them to the same standards as Blaine when it came to sharing such a personal thing. They had to be told in person. He wanted to let them know they were going to be grandparents and then be able to spend some quality time with them. Enough that he could soak up some knowledge about impending parenthood too.

Are we there yet? His mind wondered, urging him to glance out the window once more to see just how close they were to the closest bus terminal. His dad would be there to greet him, already notified that Kurt was coming in for a few weeks before he had to ship back to NYC and start up his NYADA work, and Kurt couldn't wait to wrap his arms around his father and be wrapped up in return.

Smiling at that thought, Kurt patted his belly once more and directed his attention back to the front of the bus, listening as the driver announced their upcoming stop. Giddy, he bounced in his seat a little and practically jumped out of it whenever the bus came to a complete stop. A few other passengers climbed off with him and they all grabbed their bags before splitting up to different parts of the station. Kurt barely had a chance to unclip the top of his suitcase so he could roll it towards the parking lot when he heard his father's voice come calling over the crowd.

"Kurt! Over here!"

"Dad!" A blinding grin spread across his face and Kurt rushed over, letting the suitcase drag behind him as he ran into his dad's arms, tears welling up in his eyes as his father's strong arms enveloped him and encased him in that comforting scent that a younger Kurt had always adored. (Who was he kidding? Kurt loved his dad's familiar smell even now. Especially since he was becoming more and more appreciative of everything his dad ever did for him.) "Oh my god, dad! I missed you so much."

"Whoa, kiddo, are you okay? Why are you crying?"

Kurt didn't even realize the tears had escaped, but now that Burt had called him out, he realized just how hard he was crying. Too upset to answer, he tucked his face into his dad's shoulder and continued to weep, listening to his father's soothing voice try to calm him as the man talked him down from the emotional ledge he teetered on.

Not once during that whole embrace did Kurt realize just how close his body had pressed to his dad's, that his rounded belly was quite telling in such a tight hug, no matter how baggy his hoodie may have been.

::::::::::

Carole intercepted him the moment he stepped in the door, wrapping her arms around Kurt tightly as she welcomed him back home. Luckily for Kurt, he had his duffel bag in front of his stomach when he walked into the house, so Carole didn't feel the bulge he hid underneath his clothes. Burt was still eyeing him warily however, but didn't say a word, knowing damn well that his son would come to him sooner or later (and it was probably sooner, considering how antsy the boy already was.) "Are you hungry?" Carole asked, watching as Burt took Kurt's stuff and carried them upstairs to his old bedroom. Kurt just shrugged, looking around the house like he was worried they'd changed everything and didn't tell him about it. "Don't worry," his stepmom soothed. "We haven't moved around much."

"I just missed home. That's all."

"Well it missed you too. As did your dad and me, but you know that already." Carole went in for a hug again, but caught a side one as Kurt leaned his torso away from her body, worried that she'd feel his belly and instantly know.

"Anyway... food? Your dad and I were thinking about going out to eat or we could order something in, if you'd like? We haven't had time to grab groceries, so I was just gonna do that tomorrow. Unless you want to go to the store now?"

The poor woman was talking at a mile a minute and Kurt knew she was babbling. It was something she picked up after Finn's death - when things became harder for her to cope. Sometimes she shut down, other times she rambled. She was probably just nervous having a child in the house since she and Burt had been alone for so long. After Kurt left for NYC, Finn was still around for them to see, even after his stint in the military. Now, with Finn gone and Kurt living several hours away, it was just Carole and Burt all alone in their giant house. Sometimes Kurt wondered if they'd sell it and move to something smaller, just to make it easier on them (especially Carole) but he never said anything, afraid to offend.

"Kurt?"

Carole's worried tone broke his distraction and Kurt smiled back, taking her hand within his own. "I would love some Chinese. Do you think we could order some of that? I would kill for some cheese wontons and some chicken lo mein."

"Sounds good. I'll go find out what your dad wants and call it in." She squeezed Kurt's hand, then let it go, heading up the stairs just a bit before she stopped and turned to him once more. "I'm so glad you came home for a bit, sweetheart."

"Me too."

:::::::::

The late night air was slightly chilly with a hint of a lingering summer breeze; it reeked of burnt wood, soggy mud, and grass, but Kurt kind of loved it. It reminded him of early fall evenings when he'd sit in the backyard with his mom and roast marshmallows over an open fire. They'd tell ghost stories and make s'mores, laughing at Burt whenever he'd leave his marshmallow over the flames too long and end up catching the damn thing on fire.

He wondered if the new family living in his childhood home loved the backyard fire pit as much as he did.

"You're not too cold out here, are ya bud?" His father asked, his shadow looming over Kurt's seated form as the older man made an appearance in the doorway. Kurt shrugged, sliding his hands into the sleeves of his sweatshirt while he continued overlooking the darkened yard, taking in the sights and sounds of the night. Memories of evenings spent with Blaine in this very yard made his heart lurch and he wished that Blaine was beside him now, holding his hand and reminiscing.

You might've been by married now, his mind supplied and Kurt bit back a sob, a shiver trailing down his back as he heard the creaky screen door open and his dad step out onto the back porch. "Pretty sure getting sick isn't something you want to do in your condition-"

If Kurt's heart stopped in that very moment, he never would've known considering how frozen his whole body became when the depth of the words spoken to him finally hit him full force like a ton of bricks. "What?"

"That's why you came home, right? To tell us about the baby."

"How did you- I- How did you know?"

"I've been around pregnant people before, Kurt. It wasn't hard to sort out that that wasn't a beer belly you were hiding under your shirt. Not to mention, when you hugged me, it just felt like it."

Kurt opened his mouth to retort, but his voice cracked and before he knew it, he was sobbing, hating the fact that his emotions were completely left field now thanks to his pregnancy. "Dad-"

"Shh, it's okay, kiddo. It'll be alright," Burt whispered, dropping down to sit with his son on the steps. He took Kurt up in his arms for the millionth time that day and held his little boy tight, his own heart breaking at the painful sounds Kurt was emitting as he wept. Behind them, Carole wiped away her own tears, watching the father and son from her perch in the doorway. Earlier, after Kurt finished loading the dishwasher and fled outside for some air, she and Burt had a talk about Kurt's strange demeanor, about how quiet he'd been over dinner and how he just offered them polite smiles and downward gazes the whole time.

It was then that Burt said he suspected that there was something more than just heartbreak looming under the surface and it wasn't until he said that he thought Kurt was pregnant that Carole finally understood. Now, seeing her stepson break down in Burt's arms, she knew her husband had been correct and it broke her heart even more than she thought it would.

::::::::::

"What am I going to do?" Kurt asked, now sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of steaming honey lemon tea, his fingers wrapped around the mug. The tears had barely stopped and his eyes felt like they were on fire. All the hurt, pain, and anguish kept spilling out of him like an always dripping sponge, over saturated with water and left to drip dry alone. Though he wasn't alone, not right now, not with his parents sitting across from him at the table, talking to him in that calming tone that it seemed like only parents knew.

That very tone he'd be using on his own child someday in the future. The near future.

He placed a hand on his growing stomach and sniffled, watching his parents' eyes fall to where he was touching. His hoodie was off and his shirt was just tight enough that it was obvious he was a few months along in his pregnancy. Carole had cooed at the sight of it originally and then she had him tell her everything about how he found out, how far along he was, and when his due date was. He quietly obliged, crying in between the stories of how sick he'd been following the broken engagement and how the only other person who knew was Elliot. By the time he was sure he told them everything, Burt was dead silent, yet he'd taken Kurt's hand with such a gentle touch that Kurt broke down all over again.

"You said Blaine's here in Ohio, right?"

"Yeah. He's in Columbus. According to Sam, he moved back in with his parents and is working with the Warblers back at Dalton. He's supposed to be back at NYADA right now because the semester's already started, but he's not. I don't know what happened there." He paused, "If he dropped out because of what I did, I'll never forgive myself. I-"

"Don't go working yourself up over the what ifs, Kurt. Keep yourself calm for the baby. Maybe Blaine decided to take a semester off? Maybe he decided to do his work study stuff back in Ohio instead of New York?"

"But he's not a junior! I mean, yeah we took classes together last year, but he's still a semester behind me. He would've had to start already. There's so much more for him to do! Plus he had June and everything! I just- what if I ruined that for him?!"

"Kurt-" The boy stopped and looked at his dad, his blue eyes so glassy with tears. Burt's breath caught at the broken expression in them. "Listen to me. You can't get yourself all worked up over what might've happened with Blaine. You're here to see him, right? Well, ask him yourself when you two meet up. Ask him why he's not back at school. Like I said, maybe he was able to do his work study here. Maybe that June woman pulled some strings and he was able to come home for that. You'll never know unless you ask."

"...I know."

"Does Rachel know? I'm sorry if you said she didn't already. I missed a bit when I went to heat up some more tea," Carole interrupted, looking sorrowful as she looked at her family.

Kurt frowned, staring at his cooling drink while his dad kept a firm grip on his hand. "I don't know where Rachel is either. After her show bombed, she went into hiding and wouldn't answer anyone's calls or anything."

Carole looked at Burt and the two shared a moment to themselves before the woman turned back to her stepson. "Oh. Umm, well, she's home now. I ran into her dad at the store and she's back here, living with him for the time being. Just got home a week or so ago, I guess. At least that's what Leroy said."

"She's here? In Lima?"

"Yeah. Not sure for how long, but she is. Maybe you can stop by and see her while you're here?"

Kurt nodded, glancing down at the table. As nervous as he was about seeing Blaine again, there was a bud of excitement growing within him that seemed to blossom the more he thought about seeing Rachel too. She was also one of his best friends and after going months without her at his side (to annoy him, to make him laugh, to piss him off, etc.) he really missed the girl. Offering his parents a weak smile, he pulled his hand away from Burt's and rose from the table, taking the last sips of his tea before he spoke again. "I think I'm going to head to bed. The pregnancy makes me really tired now. I guess it's all this energy my body puts into growing this baby," he laughed weakly, smiling a bit when his parents did as well. "Thank you. You know, for everything. I think I will try and go see Rachel tomorrow. I know I said I wanted to tell Blaine first before I told anyone else, but Rachel- she... as annoying as she is sometimes, she's really good at helping me sort stuff out - not like you guys don't!"

Both Burt and Carole rolled their eyes, but waved him off to bed anyway, sending him upstairs with goodnight hugs and quiet feel betters. Within minutes, he was washed up, changed into his pjs, and laying in his bed, his heart still aching over the memories that particular piece of furniture held. With a hand on his belly, he murmured soft words into the night air, hoping his baby could hear and understand him and that it didn't resent him for wrecking their lives so terribly.

::::::::::

Following the ice cream/jelly incident, Kurt's cravings grew stronger and stranger.

One evening, Blaine came home from a night at the gym, his body still disgustingly sticky with sweat and clothes sticking to his form. All he did was press a hello kiss on Kurt's mouth on his way to the bathroom to freshen up but before he had a chance to hop into the shower, Kurt intercepted him, dragging him back into their bedroom while he nuzzled his face against Blaine's damp body and took in the musky, tangy scent of Blaine's skin. For weeks, he couldn't get over Blaine's natural scent, the smell so intoxicating that sometimes he begged for Blaine to stay home so they could cuddle while Kurt pressed his nose into Blaine's collarbone and just breathed.

(Another night, when he thought Blaine was fast asleep, Kurt even licked a stripe up the side of Blaine's neck after a vigorous round of sex, lapping up a few beads of sweat like it was normal or something. Blaine hadn't been asleep whatsoever and he almost burst out laughing when Kurt sighed happily behind him and went back to sniffing him like some sort of dog. However, Blaine knew better than to upset his pregnant husband. There was nothing worse than having an overly emotional, teary eyed Kurt staring at you, eyes full of sadness and embarrassment over something he really couldn't control. They went through it before when Kurt's baby brain kicked in and he forgot his keys on the way out of the apartment. Blaine, at that time, laughed, slightly teasing his hubby for his forgetfulness... and after the burst of angry tears he was subjected to, he vowed for it to never happen again.)

There was also a time period when Kurt became obsessed with the smell of vinegar. A whole month went by with their apartment smelling like a vat of rancid/sour all because Kurt would pop open a bag of salt 'n vinegar potato chips or he'd straight up open a bottle of vinegar itself just so he could sniff it.

It was so weird. But according to the what to expect books, being obsessed with certain smells (and repulsed by others) was normal for a pregnancy. Even the creepy food cravings were common, though they boggled Blaine's mind day after day.

::::::::::

As Kurt bulldozed his way through his second trimester and into his third, he hit major milestones that had him and Blaine on their toes. They were readily preparing for their baby's arrival - only ten more weeks to go - and while they did so, Kurt's desires for certain food mixtures became more strange as the days grew long. Things that he once hated were suddenly very wanted. Things that he once loved were suddenly foods he never wanted to see again. The weeks went by with Kurt testing out dishes that made Blaine's face go a little green and by the thirtieth week of his pregnancy, Kurt was hungrier than ever.

From pepperoni and tomato salad to hot 'n spicy pork rinds. From blueberry cake donuts dipped in applesauce to ice cubes drizzled with maple syrup. From unpeeled raw potatoes to orange juice mixed with just a hint of mint, no craving was left unsatisfied.

Kurt ate everything he could.

"I don't understand how some people don't gain a bunch of weight during pregnancy," Kurt groaned out one day, body perched on the sofa with a plate balanced on his bump. His words were thick, his mouth unfortunately sticky from the peanut butter he'd smeared on his sandwich. Occasionally, his talking would cease as he crunched on the sweet pickles he layered in between the peanut butter, orange marmalade, and bananas, but mostly he kept on talking, oblivious to the slight discomfort his husband seemed to be displaying as Blaine watched him chew with his mouth open. "I mean, I feel like eating everything in sight."

You have eaten everything in sight, Blaine thought to himself, not unkindly. He was surprised mostly, by the increase of appetite in his husband; the appetite that was much more hearty than he expected. Kurt did like to eat; the boy enjoyed plenty of food without a care, but he was also keen to keep up with his exercise routines. Now that he was pregnant, he did exercise here and there and he really didn't gain that much weight, but he was certainly putting away the food, that's for sure. Blaine would go to the grocery store to pick up whatever Kurt wanted and then it'd be gone within a day or two... or maybe even hours. It was like the pregnancy turned Kurt into a bottomless pit, a horribly hungry, capable of making the most disgusting food imaginable bottomless pit. Their grocery bill was atrocious.

"You want a bite?" Kurt asked, holding out his sandwich with a smile that made Blaine grin back even though he kind of wanted to gag at the sight of all that mess smashed between two slices of bread.

"No thanks, sweetheart. You enjoy your sandwich. I think I might go make myself a salad."

"Oh okay. Hey! While you're in there, could you get me a glass of milk please? And could you put some ice cubes in it? Shaved ice actually! Not the cubes! Oh, and maybe some of that vanilla syrup we use in our coffee? Thank you! Love you!"

Yeah, Kurt was having some pretty serious cravings.

::::::::::

In the middle of week thirty-one of the pregnancy, Kurt decided to switch it up a little...

By offering Blaine his brand new concoctions, that is.

At first, when the cravings originally kicked in, Blaine supported his hubby's eccentric tastes and questionable palate. He wholeheartedly bent over backwards to get Kurt what he needed, whether it be a bag of tangerines or a bottle of thousand island dressing (for Kurt to dip almost everything in.) He rolled out of bed and went to pick up take-out if Kurt was too tired or he'd make a special trip to the market for that bottle of malted chocolate syrup that Kurt just had to have on his ice cream (the one that Kurt teared up over when he realized that they didn't have malted syrup in their fridge - as if they ever did before.) Blaine was one of the best, most supportive fathers-to-be he knew.

But there just was one thing he couldn't do: eat Kurt's craving inspired cooking.

Upon Blaine's sleepy arrival into their kitchen, Kurt spun on his heel and grinned, wandering over to kiss Blaine good morning before he turned back to the stove and the food cooking on it. "Okay so, I made us breakfast and I hope you'll like it because I do."

"You made us breakfast... now? It's four in the morning."

"Yeah... your point? Miss Thing here-" He gestured to his swollen stomach, barely covered by one of Finn's old band t-shirts, "-decided that she wanted to keep me up all night, so I decided it was the perfect opportunity to whip up some breakfast. I made scrambled eggs with cheese; you can add salsa if you want. We only have peach-mango-jalapeno salsa, but it's good on eggs, I promise!"

To which Blaine thought, Umm no? Eww.

Kurt continued, not noticing his hubby's slightly disgusted look, "There's also turkey bacon and toast. But you have to try my version of toast because it is so good and you'll never want to put anything else on your bread ever again, I swear!"

I promise. I swear. Blaine, you'd LOVE this! All Blaine could think about was the monstrosity his husband was about to bestow upon him. The kitchen didn't smell toxic and he was certainly lured from their warm bed by the scent of bacon and toast (and also by the fact that Kurt wasn't in bed at all), but still, there was something odd about the way Kurt was trying his hardest to sell his toast experiment.

"Okay well... lay it on me?"

At that, Kurt beamed, turning to put two pieces of bread in the toaster. Once those were down, he reached over and grabbed a bowl with a thick off-white cream in it. It didn't look like butter and it didn't look like whipped cream; in fact, it looked like a lighter version of vanilla pudding... which creeped Blaine out a lot. Before he could put much thought into it, the toast popped up, ready and steaming, and Kurt swiped the bread slices out of the toaster and threw them on a plate, smearing thick globs of the mystery spread on them, smoothing it down with a knife. "Okay here! You're gonna love it! Trust me!"

I do... I think. I'm trying? Taking the plate from Kurt's hands, Blaine walked over to the table, sitting down with the toast in front of him, the strange stuff on it slowly melting into the bread in the weirdest (coagulated) looking way. "What is this?"

"I can't tell you until you try it."

"But what if I'm allergic to it?" What if I don't want to eat it? What if I throw it up?

"You're not allergic to anything, dummy. You'll be fine. Just try it!" Clapping his hands together, Kurt waited, watching Blaine with anxious eyes as his husband took a slice of the bread up to his nose and sniffed it. "Quit smelling it! Just take a bite. It's good. See-" He stole a piece from Blaine's plate and took a huge bite out of it, humming happily at the taste, "-it's so good!"

Blaine's nose scrunched, but he took the bait anyway, clamping his teeth down on the bread with a big enough bite that he could taste everything. Every salty, tangy, sweet (?!), greasy taste hit his tongue with a force that could not be reckoned with. He paled, feeling his throat tighten, but when he saw Kurt smiling at him as he finished off his own piece of toast, Blaine chewed his bite and swallowed it, willing his stomach to just hold onto the food until he had a chance to wash it down with some milk. "What-" He started, his voice scratchy and wrecked, "What is that?"

"It's something I thought of just now! It's butter and Miracle Whip mixed together! Isn't it delicious?!"

Somewhere in the back of Blaine's mind, the idea of Kurt dropping dollops of butter and the tangy mayo-like dressing into a bowl filled his thoughts. All he could see was giant jars of mayo and sticks of butter dancing their way through his stomach, all over his body from his arteries to his heart to his brain. Everywhere. "Oh my god-"

"It's so good. I didn't think it would be, but it's not as bad as a thought. I mean, don't you thi- Blaine? Honey, are you okay? You look kind of-" Before Kurt could finish his sentence, Blaine was up like a shot out of his seat, tearing out of the kitchen and into the guest bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him before the sounds of him being sick filtered through the walls. "Oh no. Blaine! Oh honey, I'm sorry!"

Several minutes went by before he got a response. "...it's okay."

"No it's not. I made you sick. I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"I didn't think you'd get sick over that stuff. It'd be just like making a sandwich, like a dip or something! You put Miracle Whip on sandwiches and you eat it with cheese and stuff! That's not much different than-" The sound of Blaine's retching quieted him once more, a frown deepening on his face as he leaned against the door and placed his hands on his stomach, listening to Blaine be sick. "Sorry hun."

"...it's fine."

"I know this sounds kind of mean, but-" Kurt stroked his fingers over his belly, patting it lightly when the baby inside fidgeted and kicked, "-since you most likely aren't going to eat that piece of toast, can I have it?" Blaine answered him by being sick once more, so Kurt walked off, polishing off the toast in record time.

Later, he'd apologize to his pale-faced green-tinged-skinned hubby by letting him be the little spoon as they cuddled in bed. Sure, his round belly made it hard for him to curl around Blaine fully and Blaine did make him brush his teeth several times before they cuddled, but it all worked out in the end. Kurt even got to breathe in Blaine's sweat damp skin as he held him and cooed over how sorry he was that he caused Blaine to get sick.

Needless to say, after that little issue, Blaine didn't try any of Kurt's strange craving inspired foods ever again.

Of course, months later, Blaine found himself really confused when he walked into the kitchen to make a bottle for the baby's late night feeding and caught Kurt sitting on the counter, eating that god forsaken toast again, licking his fingers with a guilty look on his face.

Being pregnant is not Chris’ favorite thing. He finds himself more often than not wishing it were Darren pregnant and with strange cravings and swollen ankles and constant indigestion and bloating. He dreams almost every night of their next child; Darren will carry it. And Chris will get to be the doting husband. But for now here Chris is, eight months pregnant and always uncomfortable. He’s lucky that Darren is such an amazing husband. Darren’s always there to rub Chris’ feet and massage the tension from his shoulders. He picks up any and all foods that Chris demands, helps tie Chris’ shoes when Chris can’t reach them, and constantly tells Chris how beautiful and special he is. Darren’s no fool; he knows how hard this pregnancy has been on Chris, and he truly feels awful about it. Yet still, there’s absolutely nothing sexier than knowing that his husband is growing a life inside of him. Inside of his husband is a child that he helped create and that Chris is fostering and growing for nine months. His husband: the protector. It’s so hard for Darren to keep his hands to himself when he’s around Chris. It’s not even that he’s protective of Chris; he knows that Chris can protect himself. But the fact that there’s a baby inside of Chris? It leaves Darren feeling weightless. Sometimes he can hardly believe it. He stares at the ultrasound pictures as often as he can. He has them inserted in his wallet so that every time he goes for some cash or a credit card he sees a picture of his unborn son. Darren’s always been a physical guy. He manifests his feelings in touch, and this situation is no different. He has to touch it to believe it. He loves to caress Chris’ belly and feel their baby kick. He loves watching as Chris’ belly dances with imprints of Matthew’s feet. He worships Chris’ tummy. He loves how tight it is and how obvious it is. Chris may feel fat and swollen and huge, but when Darren looks at Chris all he can see is beauty and strength. He does whatever he can to make Chris’ life and pregnancy easier. Sometimes it’s a major inconvenience, other times it’s…fun. Chris and Darren have always enjoyed an active sex life, and the pregnancy never changed that. As a matter of fact, Darren likes to think that the pregnancy actually only made them more adventurous. As Chris’ body grew and changed, he and Darren had to be more creative when finding ways to get each other off. Chris quickly become uncomfortable kneeling, his stomach started getting in the way of worshipping Darren’s body, and it became difficult (and then impossible) to ride Darren. Toys became a large part of their sex life, especially when it became hard for Darren to bottom, Chris’ stomach getting in the way. Chris would sit at the end of the bed as Darren sat doggy style, fucking his husband with a dildo or a vibrator. And when Chris wanted to bottom? Darren spent weeks finding the right position for that. Like tonight, with Chris on his side and Darren behind him, spooning him. Darren gradually works his way inside of Chris—agonizingly slowly and trying to make this moment last. Every few thrusts his hand makes its way down to Chris’ belly just to caress it. He feels the tension in it as Chris tries to stave off his orgasm. “I did this to you,” Darren whispers, nipping at Chris’ earlobe before kissing his way down to Chris’ neck. He’s still grasping Chris’ belly. “I’m close,” Chris whines, eyes closed. “What can I do?” Darren asks, wanting Chris to come first. Chris’ pleasure has always been Darren’s pleasure, but it’s even more so now that Chris is pregnant. “Better angle,” Chris moans. “Here,” Darren replies as he lifts Chris’ right leg up and over his own. It allows Darren better access, makes it easier for him to thrust faster and deeper. “S-So good,” Chris stutters out. He begins grasping at the sheet below him, and Darren can tell that Chris is about to come. “That’s it, baby,” Darren says, steadily thrusting in and out and in and out. “That’s it. Come on.” A few seconds later and Chris is gasping loudly, his cum painting his stomach. It’s the hottest thing Darren has ever seen, and he can’t help but speed his thrusts up. He lowers Chris’ leg and brings his hand back to his husband’s stomach—he can’t help himself—and he starts rubbing. He can feel Chris’ cum spreading, and Darren moans some more as his hips stutter. He comes without warning, hips jerkily moving through the aftershocks. He stays inside of Chris as long as possible, loving the feeling of his cum in his husband’s ass—an absolute perk of having a pregnant husband is not having to use a condom. When he finally pulls out he scooches back, allowing room for Chris to fall into his back and relax. When Chris does, Darren examines his handiwork. Chris’ stomach is a mess, cum everywhere, some of it drying and flaking. Chris laughs as Darren continues rubbing. “So this is a thing for you,” Chris smiles. Darren grins back and leans down to kiss Chris’ shoulder. “You’re a thing for me,” he responds. He removes his hand from Chris’ stomach so he can entangle their fingers together and kiss the back of Chris hand. “One more month,” Darren says. “One more month,” Chris smiles, sighing dreamily.