#crisscolfuck

Darren looked over as he said that, saw the tiny smile on Chris' lips and the barely-concealed pain in his eyes and all Darren could do was nod as he spoke and then look away, the lump quickly forming in his throat making it so he wasn't able to do much else, lest he open his mouth again and a sob comes out.

He knew what Character Bleed was. He knew sometimes he had thoughts that weren't quite his own, but this was different than that. Over the last five years, six for Chris, Kurt and Blaine had become more to them than just characters. They had become a part of them. They were friends. Confidants in some weird way even. He felt like maybe he should watch Sybil sometime soon, would maybe identify with her more now that he knew what it was like to share his body, share his mind, share his heart with someone else for years.

Because that's what Blaine was. Blaine was someone else entirely, someone with his own dreams and ambitions and fears and hopes, someone with his own loves and heartaches, and ups and downs Darren knew every single bit of them in the same way that Chris knew Kurt's. 

So having to say goodbye to them now...having to say goodbye to Blaine, to let him go, it hurt more than he could have ever anticipated. 

It was real and it was visceral. It felt like he was losing a part of himself, felt like losing a friend, and when he realized it was similar to the pain he felt when they lost Cory he needed to clear his throat and blink hard, needed to get a goddamned hold of himself because he was not doing this right now.

But then he heard a little sniffle come from beside him and he whipped his head over so fast he was surprised he hadn't given himself whiplash. He saw Chris with his head bowed, hands in his lap, toying with Kurt's wedding band on his finger, "This is going to sound stupid," Chris started, still looking down, "But I..I feel like I'm losing my best friend."

Darren moved then, glad they were alone in the van, the windows tinted to the extreme, because it made it possible for him to reach out and grab Chris' hand, to lace their fingers together and squeeze comfortingly and once he did it was like the emotions in him had quieted down. 

Darren was holding Chris' hand....and it was like Blaine was holding Kurt's.

"I'm going to miss them too."

He saw Chris nod in agreement, felt Chris' fingers squeeze around his and this time it was his turn to sniffle softly.

"At least...a-at least we..know they're happy?" Chris replied, his voice cracking and a vulnerability to him that he barely ever let anyone see, not even Darren, who nodded immediately and held onto Chris' hand tightly as he let the younger man speak, "That's...all I've ever wanted for Kurt. It's stupid but...he's just been put through so much, you know? And to know that..he gets his happy ending, he got to get married and got to New York and all that, knowing that it really did get better for him..it means so much to me."

Darren smiled at that and he nodded, exhaling slowly, "They make each other happy. And they're more in love than I ever thought was humanly possible. It's kind of disgusting." He noticed Chris' smile widen then and like a magnet his grew wider as well, thinking about just how true that was because damn if Kurt and Blaine didn't love each other.

They were quiet for a few long moments after that, just holding hands, lost in their thoughts before Chris spoke up once more, "Even...even if it is goodbye. It doesn't mean that they're just..gone." Darren looked up, quirking a brow and tilting his head slightly in that curious puppy way of his and Chris just smiled, angling his body towards Darren's, reaching out for his other hand and causing a slight shiver to run down Darren's spine when he felt the cool metal of Kurt's ring against his skin, their fingers lacing together. "I mean...just because the show is ending doesn't mean that the past five or six years just...vanish, right? I mean...Kurt is still a part of me and Blaine is a part of you, just like Rachel is for Lea, Sam is for Chord, Artie for Kevin..." He trailed off, shrugging a bit

Chris looked at him then, eyes rimmed red and teary and Darren couldn't help himself as he moved, trusting in the van's tinted windows as he leaned in and kissed Chris softly, squeezing his fingers gently as he nodded, "You're right." he agreed, murmured softly against his lips and he kissed him once more, "We never have to say goodbye to them, not really."

Chris nodded, kissing him again and then pulling back just enough to press his forehead to Darren's, "I'm never saying goodbye to you either." 

Darren vaguely remembered the line, remembered Kurt saying it to Blaine multiple times and he closed his eyes, exhaling slowly against Chris' lips as he squeezed at his fingers, knowing that after this, it wasn't going to get any easier. Now they didn't even have the excuse of being costars to guise them, it was going to be difficult-- especially with Darren moving across the country to New York soon but....if Chris was all in, then he would be too. No doubt about it.