#nuest angst

All the days he had waited patiently for you at this very bus stop never left his memory. The bus you took was number 27— and it didn’t matter where you needed to go for the day, you would always come back to Minhyun on that particular bus. He would wait for you to step off and run into his arms. No matter the weather or how busy he was that day, he would always be there waiting for your return.

The day wasn’t complete until you were back in his arms and he was lifting you slightly off your feet and spinning you around amidst laughter and the elated feeling in both of your hearts at seeing each other again. He would carry your bag in his left hand and lace the fingers of his right hand with yours, swinging gently back and forth as you both walked back to his apartment. You liked to plant small kisses on his cheek, even just for the satisfying reaction of seeing them flush a soft pink. 

This was your routine every night for years— from back when you were both in highschool, to when you moved in together, all the way until Minhyun proposed to you 2 years ago. You were sure that the precious moment you reunited every night would last for years and years to come; yet you were never able to step off that bus and be able to call Minhyun your husband.

A road accident— a case of drunk driving on dangerous road conditions due to snow caused a serious collision in the middle of the road. Most passengers were injured and rushed to the hospital, including you. 

Though Minhyun had hoped and prayed for your recovery every night and day, you eventually left him and took your spot amongst the stars. The night of December 14th was when Minhyun lost the love of his life.

He couldn’t bring himself to break the routine he had kept up for over a decade. Minhyun knew in the back of his mind that it was impossible for you to ever step off that bus and into his arms again. You were gone, yet your memory remained in the bus stop, and, as such, Minhyun would always come back to it. 

As soon as Minhyun stepped out of his apartment and felt the cold chill of the wind, he reached for the coat rack without thinking. It was only when he was halfway to the bus stop that he remembered that there was no need for him to bring your coat with him. He wasn’t sure if ghosts could even feel the cold. Or, perhaps, they were cold all the time? The latter thought brought a frown to his face, and a quick glance up at the sky as if to check to see if you were cold or not. Despite not getting an answer, he still felt a little more at ease by the action.

The bus stop was deserted, as always, and Minhyun took his usual seat without wasting a second. It took a few minutes for him to realize he was glad he had accidentally brought your coat along with him. As he hugged it a little close to his face, the faint scent of your old perfume reached his nose. It wasn’t very strong— having significantly faded over the years, but still definitely recognizable. 

Minhyun closed his eyes and breathed it in, letting each inhale and exhale fade away with the wind as his brain brought up his favourite memories of you. Your first kiss in high school, late night walks around the city, early mornings waking up next to each other, and the evenings you spent planning for your wedding were amongst the best.

He settled on the last thought a little closer, letting his mind drift to when you took him with you for wedding dress shopping. It wasn’t traditional for the groom to see the dress before the wedding, but you valued his opinion so much that you wanted to bring him along nonetheless. You had never told him which dress you had decided on after the day of shopping was over, but he was pretty sure it was one of the 3 he liked the most.

You had looked ethereal in all of them— so pretty that Minhyun almost forgot how to breathe. The excitement and happiness you had both felt at that time was unmeasurable. Truly, the best moments of his life were all spent with you.

There were times where Minhyun felt lost and confused. He knew you would want him to be happy. You were always watching over him, and so he tried his best to smile and laugh and move forward with his life for you. But he wasn’t sure how he was ever supposed to experience the same fulfilment in his life when such a large piece of it was so obviously missing.

No matter how empty he felt, he knew you were waiting for him patiently. He would wait for you as well, for however long it took for you both to reunite. But until then, he would continue to cherish your memories— the scent of your perfume, the lost feeling of your lips against his or the warmth of your body in his hold, the sound of your laughter echoing in the walls of his apartment, and the framed photos of you he had carefully arranged. 

With the revving of the bus engine as it lumbered along past the bus stop, Minhyun stood up again. He let out a breath and clutched your coat closer to his chest, adjusting the ring on his left ring finger to be back in its place. He hummed a soft tune he had been working on for some time since you had passed. Every time he repeated the melody in his head, he could only look forward to when he would be able to sing it to you, as all the lyrics were for you, anyway.

He would wait until that day— until you could hear his lullaby.

Running a few meters to catch up to him. Aaron didn’t stop along with you, but you quickly realize it wasn’t on purpose. As your hand grabs his elbow, he turns to watch you with innocent curiosity. He doesn’t mention the moment. And though you want to scold him - leaving your s/o behind is a no joking matter - the expression on his face makes you drop the topic. Aaron continues chattering about his day, so you listen, holding onto his arm just in case he doesn’t notice your departure next time.

Awkward glances. Aaron knows it’s not right, or at least how it should be, but he’s too confused to put thoughts into words. You, on the other hand, know he wants the best, which should be enough. The key word being should. When you’re brave enough, you return one of the stares. His first instinct is to retract, but just a look away has him thinking that perhaps it’s not the best course of action. Without a second glance, he reaches forward, to open the space by his side, just in case you decide you need it.

The lack of him in general. Neither your phone, nor your senses are graced by his presence. It’s as if he has never existed, and you’re close to believing that yes, indeed, he’s just a product of your vivid imagination. That he’s someone you’ve once dreamed about, or just a silhouette from family pictures, whose face is known, but ghostly. Days pass with you suffering from a heartache and that’s all he is - a ghost.

JR

Irritating pain in your eyes. The hour is late. The day’s effect is catching up to you. It’s too difficult to keep your eyes open. Jonghyun says something, but your clouded mind doesn’t catch a word. When you ask him to repeat, he just releases a good-natured laugh, as if your tragic state was a laughing matter. It’s his fault, after all. He’s the person responsible for keeping you awake past midnight. And even his adorable reaction to your sleepiness won’t correct his wrongdoings.

Holding his baseball cap, stunned that it’s the only thing of his you have that still smells of him. It’s weird to take comfort in something so... uncommon, but you’re too desperate at this point. The painful knowledge of him being away has you resorting to the strangest. Before the cap, you clung to his favorite yogurt. Before it, there was the shampoo he always uses. And though nothing has lasting effect, the moment of breathing in a familiar smell clears your head. Just a few seconds, but painless seconds.

Fingertips on your closed eyelids. Pressure on the lashes. Breath on your cheek. Coldness by your legs. Skin skimming against skin, only to disappear in a second. The hour must be late. A little concerned, you finally open your eyes. Jonghyun sighs in surprise. Like a deer caught in headlights, he’s frozen in his spot. Guilt strikes his features. He’s sure his carelessness woke you up. But who would be mad at the sweetest guy alive? If he can’t sleep, then so can’t you. That’s the verdict.

Small words of appreciation, you didn’t realize you needed. They always take you by surprise. One would think them an ambush, meant to bring Jonghyun a gift in the form of your embarrassed smile. But just a mention of his possible hidden intentions makes his face harden. How can you assume such vile things about his motives? All the compliments are genuine! Your embarrassment is just a bonus!

Being avoided. Though you lean forward to embrace him, Jonghyun turns away. His face is unreadable, empty. Your hands manage to lock around his waist in time, but they’re obviously unwelcome there. As if you were a virus, you’re rejected. Jonghyun stands stiff in your weak hold, wordless and emotionless. It hurts. It really hurts. You’re left with no other option, but to let him go. What he wants at the moment is not you. The only right course of action is to accept it.

BAEKHO

The plush of his lips on the back of your neck. It’s in a way restless - Dongho shows no sign of wanting to stop. His legs are settled around your hips, locking you in the embrace. There are things you should be doing instead of letting him lull you into sweet comfort, but he’s never once backed from an ambush. You may be trying to work, yet you do want him to take your mind off of the stress as well.

His silence. Mouth occupied by pancakes, Dongho doesn’t speak. Every then and now he just graces you with small noises of content. Their appearance is a spark of electricity, opening your mouth in a smile. Though your work doesn’t end at making him comfort food, the progress in lifting his spirits is still a success that should be celebrated. And so, you gift yourself with the continuation of staring at Dongho’s passionate eating habits. He’s too taken by the pancakes to notice it.

Fingernails scratching stitches on your jeans. He’s nervous, this much is obvious. The empty look on his face tells you that the thoughts have taken Dongho miles away, and none of your words will be registered by his mind. The scratching turns weaker for a moment as he glances at the clock. Its ticking seems to irritate him only more. Finally, you cover his hand with your own and Dongho smiles a little. You presence alone won’t save him, but it does give him a little bit of warmth and assurance, that at the end of the day, he’s not alone.

A little yelp of excitement, so inaccurate for a man built like Dongho. Though he’s more of a big bad wolf appearance-wise, his smiling face reminds you of a baby. He dances around the room, eyes bright and happy. None of the questioning looks you shoot his way are enough to grant you an answer. Dongho ignores your stares, until he finally grabs your hands to pull you along. For a long time he doesn’t explain what the hell is going on, but when he’s acting like that, you cannot just stop him. The questions have to wait.

How his fists tighten when he’s mad. Dongho doesn’t think about hiding them, he’s too taken by the all-consuming anger. It’s a normal thing to get frustrated, but somehow, seeing him mad is... different? You’re not used to the paling insides of his fingers, an effect of limited blood flow. You know he won’t do anything, it’s just his way of offloading, and yet, somewhere deep in your mind, you’re scared. Terrified, but of the possibility it will stay this way between you and him.

MINHYUN

Reaching for his hand when the moment feels vile. Minhyun, though not a fan of publicly displayed affection, doesn’t take his fingers away. They interlock with yours, grip quick to tighten in a comforting manner. The world instantly seems a little bit more bearable. As soon as you turn to look at him, Minhyun’s gaze meets yours. There’s a question whether you’re fine. Not wanting to have him worried any longer, you nod yes. With him, you’ll be fine.

The coldness of an ice pack. Your momentary lack of focus costed you pain and tears. Now Minhyun, taking the role of a house nurse, stands behind you, holding a bundle of ice cubes and using the moment to scold you. Because how dare you hurt yourself when he’s just a few steps away? How dare you not give him a chance to save you from the dangers of living? How dare you roll your eyes when he’s teaching you an important lesson of self-preservation? And don’t even think about whining at the coldness, it’s meant to freeze!

A laptop you have completely forgotten. Though Minhyun’s attention is all on you and he’s reaching lower your back, the sound of crashing electronics forces you apart. You take a look at his swollen lips before turning to search for the source of all commotion. Minhyun’s hands fall on your thighs, still not ready to let go completely. He doesn’t seem concerned about the noise. If anything, it’s the growing distance between the two of you that he’s wary of. When you sheepishly tell him that it’s his laptop that fell, he just grunts and then pulls you back.

Washing your hands when he encircles you from behind. Minhyun’s head rests on your shoulder, meanwhile his fingers cover yours under the stream of running water. He doesn’t speak. There’s no need, you know he expects you to wash his hands as well. It’s a little thing you have a habit of spoiling him with. As you silently comply, Minhyun laughs, chest trembling against your back. Though you can’t see, you can feel his gaze on your profile.

A heavy gaze. One that pushes you down, until you’re flat against the ground, trembling in fear, because you’re its object. Minhyun won’t say a word, but he watches, as if he was feeding on your terror. But how can someone be vicious enough to put a boot on your lungs and remain silent, indifferent to the tortures they’re putting you through? Of course, he’s awaiting a grand apology, but even tired, breathless from the anger olympics, you don’t want to relent. Not when he’s not free of his own wrongdoings.

REN

The stark shape of his nose, digging itself into your cheek. Minki is trying to get a reaction out of you, but while doing so, he only causes you a meltdown inside. Instead of a grimace, he’s rewarded with a sweet smile. Minki wants to push your buttons more, the soul of a troublemaker is chewing his ear off, and yet he gives up. It doesn’t go past your attention - his defeated, but genuine smile is a sight to behold.

Delicate skin you are allowed to touch. Minki’s facing away from you, either moaning or whining, depending on what nerve you’re currently crunching. Few times he tries to swat your hands away, but you’re not that easily scared by his threats. They can’t be serious. When he makes a sarcastic comment about your great massage techniques, you act dumb and dig where it hurts him. Minki scowls, but gives up, promising he won’t open his mouth again. A few minutes is how long he can go without uttering a word.

The moment he forgets himself in the feeling of being close. Minki’s hot breath is blowing at your lips, and though you anticipate a kiss, it’s never placed. It’s as if some greater being has stopped the time for him, imprisoning Minki in the pose. Having him so close is heavenly, but just as happy as you are, the need to laugh overpowers. His eyes open at the sound, surprised. Once again, he returns to the body of a born teaser.

A pair of gloves, thrown at you seemingly out of annoyance. At least that’s what’s written on Minki’s face. Annoyance, because you’re forgetful enough to hurt yourself in the cold season. Stiff fingers have trouble putting the material on. You hesitate. Is it really okay for you take the gloves? Minki gave you them himself, but sometimes we hurt ourselves for others. It’s a reminder that he cares a lot, no matter how much of trouble he’s brought you. Or how deep is the frown on his features.

The face of disinterest. You hate it with burning passion. It’s his way of telling you that things aren’t alright between the two of you. That he feels distaste, as if he was staring at a plate of mold. Minki’s words are cold, pulled straight out of freezing temperatures. They make your back stiffen, eyes glaze over, hands tighten their grip. You want to disappear, melt away and seep through the ground to mix with the depths. Maybe then you wouldn’t have to suffer at the hands of his indifferent facial expression.

➛ pollenat’s list of headcanons

➛ pollenat’s list of shorts

➛ pollenat’s list of scenarios

You met him on a rainy day, walking on the riverbank on your way home from work. You clutched onto your umbrella as if your life depended on it even though your Converse shoes were already soaked since the early summer rain turned the streets into seas. Or maybe the skies merely cried upon seeing such a magnificent being as him, looking too perfect to be real.

You were in a rush, speeding up your steps to catch the next bus in hopes of saving yourself from catching the cold in the sudden heavy downpour. However, at one point you lost your balance over the slippery road and you would have fallen if it wasn't for him, a stranger with eyes that could represent the universe.

“Are you alright?” he inquired and even his voice was soothing and gentle, not just his touch on your elbow and the small of your back. He caught you and you were already starstruck in that moment looking at him as if he stepped out of a dream. There was something vaguely familiar about him but you couldn't pinpoint what it was. You just blinked up at him, both of you soaking wet and the raindrops on his eyelashes fluttered as he found your gaze on him.

“Yes, I– Thank you,” you whispered, voice faint in the drumming sounds of raindrops meeting the concrete ground.

“Careful,” the young man, barely older than you, smiled a small smile, eyes filled with warmth that made you long forget about the cold shivers running down your spine as he helped you stand steady on your feet again.

His warning echoed in your head replaying like a broken record. It reminded you of fresh green fields, scratched knees and tree climbing competitions. A kind voice saying Careful, Princess right behind your back.

You didn't stop wondering how come you suddenly remembered something you had no recollection of because in that moment your bus arrived and you made a choice in a split second. You thanked him again and then hopped on the bus watching him disappear in the distance, under the rainfall. After all you were told from a young age that you shouldn't talk with strangers. But why he didn't feel like one?

He found you again a week later in your favourite art café asking whether the other chair at your table was free to take. You called this fate, destiny, swearing even the stars aligned for you but little did you know that it wasn't coincidence, he was looking for you. But when he finally found you he couldn’t make himself tell you what he was supposed to.

Instead he told you that his name was Minhyun and that he came from far far away. Before you knew it you offered to show him around which he gladly accepted and this is how the inevitable started. You took him to your favourite places in town, telling him stories about you growing up, doing this or that at every possible corner. You had a lot to say and yet he never seemed bored listening to your rants. He rather wore a content, fond look on his face whenever you caught him staring.

“Yah, look at the palace, not me!” you scolded him playfully and brushed a lock behind your ear as you pointed at the highest tower of the fairytale-like place.

“As you wish, Princess,” he smiled and at his teasing you knew you shouldn't have told him about your childhood fantasy. Whenever you came here with your parents you liked to pretend to be a princess living in a palace like this. They must have found it cute to let you wander around like that. Just like Minhyun found this childish game amusing.

“Stop it,” you hit him absentmindedly in the chest, just out of a joke, a smile still present on your lips while despite his words he hadn't taken his eyes off you. Your hand brushed against his as you let it fall by your side and you only realized then how close you stood.

“Stop what?” he whispered in a quiet, deep voice and you couldn't tell whether he was just messing with you or he seriously wasn't aware of the effect he had on you. Come on, he made you blush more often than not and that wasn't an easy thing to do! You took a deep breath, watching your own miniature reflection in his coffee dark eyes before answering.

“Just stop it if you don't mean it,” you told him colder than you intended. Stop making me fall for you if you will leave eventually.

Because he said he would, that he has some business to do but then he will go home. You both knew it and maybe that was the cause of the guilt blooming in his eyes.

“Sorry,” he mumbled taking a step back and you swallowed the bitterness in your throat as you forced yourself to fill the awkward silence with the history of this palace. Although both of your thoughts danced around something else because he realized the mistake he made and you didn't know what to do with the mysteriousness surrounding him.

However, you had no idea that the more time he spent with you, the more he forgot about where he came from and why. Exactly how your memories of that other world faded once you stayed on Earth for good. As he was running out of time, your Kingdom was closer to its ruin than ever.

Warm summer days soon turned into colourful autumn leaves falling all around. The season of withering, the time of goodbyes. However, you didn't want to think about that. You wished to enjoy Minhyun's presence as much as you could without worrying about the future. And somehow, around him, it was easy to forget that you weren't meant to be. Maybe he felt the same way and that's why he stuck around. Playing hide and seek in the Palace Garden, long walks on the riverside, coffee dates and falling asleep to his voice while he was reading aloud a passage from the book he was currently interested in has become normal during the last few weeks and it tasted like a sweet, glittery dream you didn't want to wake up from. But no dream could last forever.

If anyone asked you would have admitted it was your fault. It was you who overstepped that invisible border between what was allowed and what wasn't. There were no written rules, no warning, only your heart aching with something akin to heartbreak.

"Minhyun," you called out since you liked the way the syllables of his name danced atop of your tongue. You liked the melody in it and the way he whipped his head towards you whenever you called for him.

He was seated beside you, seemingly immersed in the book in his hands before looking up, turning his coal black eyes full of warmth on you. His hair has gotten longer, you realized, it was hanging low into his forehead by now and you had the urge to brush it away. He hummed, questioningly, probably at the long, unnecessary pause while you just couldn't avert your eyes, fingers itching to touch.

"Is everything okay?" he asked softly, voice gentle and soothing, you felt your insides melt. Damn, you tried so hard not to fall for him, but it seemed like you wasn't trying hard enough. Because here you were dealing with all these feelings inside. Without them, it would have been so easy to laugh it off, to casually ask how long he was planning to stay. But instead you leaned forward, half your body weight over him, brushing his fringe aside, fingertips sliding across his forehead in a barely there manner.

There was a moment then, of holding your breath back, when neither of you moved. In that moment you saw sunsets over an azure sea, a white marble balcony with blue roses over the walls and a golden chandelier, its flames reflecting on the dress you wore. For a moment you wondered whether it was a fever dream awake or another memory buried deep in your mind. But a moment later you lunged forward, pressing your lips over his soft ones.

You froze right away, a part of you expecting to be pushed away but it didn't happen, not at all.

"Princess," Minhyun sighed into the seam of your lips sounding already breathless and his tone was nowhere near playful this time. 

Closing your eyes you pressed closer and a few seconds later Minhyun's palm slid to the back of your neck keeping you there, thumb stroking your jawline as he kissed you back. Being in his arms felt like the embrace of silk and heaven, his lips tasting like the sweetest honey and with one kiss you were his and he was yours.

It was easy being in love with Minhyun, or at least you thought so in the beginning. Nothing much  changed aside from the fact that now you walked hand in hand, greeted each other with kisses, and you could be as cheesy as you wanted, Minhyun was always ready to give you the hugs you needed.

After the first time you slept over at his place, a small but cozy rented studio apartment in the downtown, you just lied in his bed in the morning, his bare chest fitting close to your back while you played with his fingers.

"Your hands are always so cold," you came to the conclusion as you tried to warm him up by blowing hot air on it and closing your own hands around it. 

"It's alright. It's cold where I came from," he said, lips grazing over your shoulder pressing butterfly kisses onto the sensitive skin. When he felt you shudder, he rested his chin there, breath tickling the crook of your neck as he talked. "It wasn't always like that though. It used to be such a beautiful place with warm sunshine, evergreen fields and a sea made for sail."

"What happened?" you furrowed your brows, asking tentatively because there was always a kind of sadness in his voice when he talked about his home. You were sure he made painful memories there, so you didn't dare to ask him to show you pictures of it or ask too much about it at all. You were glad that he brought it up by himself this time.

"The new monarch doesn't care about anything else but power, she cares the least for her people and the nature giving its all,," Minhyun said and he sounded so much more than just a boy in his twenties. He talked as if he had seen empires rise and fall.

"It sounds sad," you mumbled, squeezing his hand in reassurance and pressed small kisses onto his knuckles.

"It is but hopefully it's about to change. Her reign is soon coming to an end," he claimed and this was the first time you realized his fish tank lacked fish just like his voice lacked full enthusiasm. There was something he didn't tell you but you didn't push him and that was just another one on the list of your mistakes.

Leaves fell and fell until the trees were left alone and Minhyun started to wear turtlenecks, fluffy sweaters and scarves you loved burying your nose into because they all smelled like him. As the weather turned worse you noticed him being more anxious than ever. You guessed it reminded him of that cold home of his. Partly to wash his homesickness away, partly because they have been urging you to, you prompted for Minhyun to come back home with you and meet your parents. You saw the hesitance in his eyes at the request but before you could start finding excuses for yourself, he smiled, fondled your cheek and agreed.

The meeting went more smoothly and less awkward than you expected it to be. Your parents welcomed Minhyun with open arms, telling stories about your teenage years. Somehow you would have expected them to interrogate the boy asking what he was doing for a living, where he was from but here was nothing like it. You were a bit relieved, but found it a bit odd. It became even more suspicious when you went to gather your boyfriend and your father for dinner and you caught a part of their conversation.

"Unbelievable, it's been 12 years and you haven't changed at all," you father mused out loud and you heard he tapped Minhyun's face in awe. "So is it true? She-"

"It's all true," the boy sighed and you had no idea what, or who, they were talking about.

"So it's time then? For her to go back?" Your father sounded concerned.

"Yes. The Knights have messaged," Minhyun said firmly, voice tensed and his confession hung in the air like the sword of Damocles threatening to fall.

It was your mother's voice that startled the men and they jogged down the stairs without finishing the convo. You said nothing when Minhyun asked what's wrong but on your way home, arms linked while walking you couldn't stay silent.

"It was better than I expected. Almost as if they have known you all their life," you remarked carefully paying attention to Minhyun's facial expressions. He didn't even bat an eye.

"Almost," he agreed in a heartbeat and your heart churned. Something was really off.

But there was no way for you to know that 12 years ago a young, childless married couple offered to take the princess to safety, it was Minhyun, looking nothing younger than now, who sent you three off and now he came for you.

You knocked on his door and left him texts but he didn't answer. You started to worry, so you took the extra key from under the empty pot near his doorstep and stepped into his apartment. 

"Minhyun?" you called out for him as you walked inside. You didn't want to startle him in case he was just distracted but his apartment seemed lonely and eerily quiet. Only when you turned on the light you saw it.

His body on the ground.

"Minhyun!" you cried out rushing towards him and kneeling down beside his unconscious body. You took his face into your hands and hissed at how cold he was. You tried to gently shake him awake after you checked his pulse but it seemed to be in vain. You had no idea what had happened to him and panicking you were just about to call the ambulance when someone else burst through the entrance door.

"Stay put, he will be alright," the elder man reassured you as he checked the boy's body temperature. He looked like as if it wasn't the first time be had done it. It was both a relief that he would be alright but also worrisome. Was this a usual thing? Why didn't you know about it?

"What happened to him?" You inquired as the man put a pillow under Minhyun's head.

"Human bodies aren't made to take so much dimension travelling." The old man grumbled, he sounded angry but not at you but the boy for being so careless. His words made no sense to you.

"What? What does that even mean?" You required answers, you needed them but the man wasn't so keen on providing them himself. It wasn't his secret to share anyway.

"Ask him once he awakens. It shouldn't take more than a few hours," he told you and as fast as he came he disappeared too.

You let out a deep sigh and took a big breath. It wouldn't have done anything good to panic, it wouldn't have helped Minhyun. So you tried to calm down and sitting on the floor cross-legged you stayed by his side. You were there for him and you realized how much you would have given for him to be alright. 

"Princess…" he whispered in his dream but from the crease and sweat on his forehead it seemed to be a nightmare. You weren't even surprised anymore when he called you by this affectionate nickname, you rather got used to it.

"I'm here," you told him not caring if he didn't hear you as you took his hand in yours.

As if it only took the physical contact, memories that weren't supposed to be yours flooded your mind. And for the first time you saw him in them too.

"Come on, Princess, you can do it. Jump. I'll catch you," Minhyun promised with a cheeky smile on his eternally youthful features. He looked just like now, maybe a bit more tanned while your high voice and petite body was like a child's in this scene.

"Promise?"

"Promise. I'll always catch you," he said confidently as wind brushed past you, it felt more like a dream than a memory.

It wasn't supposed to blow up like this. You weren't supposed to get so mad over his temporary sickness and him being secretive about it. You tried to keep it in in order to be the supportive girlfriend you've always wanted to be but all your suspicions came back all at once when while searching for medicine you found a very talented drawing of yourself in his cabinet. A drawing of your 10-something-year-old self sitting in some kind of garden that looked magical even on that drawing. It just didn't make sense. So when Minhyun, while eating the soup you made for him, avoided your questions about his fainting you put it down onto the table. 

“What is it? Why do you have a drawing of me from when I was a child?”

Minhyuk just stared at the picture for a few long seconds then took a long, deep breath and looked you in the eyes. There was something cold and resigned in those always warmth-filled eyes.

“I know your don't remember but we used to know each other when you were a child,” he said and you found his wording weird, why didn't he say when we were children?

“We did? That's why my parents seemed to know you?” you furrowed your brows and okay, that was reasonable even if you forgot about him. You didn't understand how could you but still. You were patiently waiting for more explanation but when Minhyun dropped the bomb you weren't ready.

“They aren't your real parents.”

Astonished you blinked at him not quite believing you heard it right.

“What did you just say? How dare you...”

“You know I'm not from around,” he interrupted you trying to speak in a calm manner but it didn't help your jittery heart. “But you aren't either. You are the Princess of Edelaine,”

“You're crazy if you thought I believe this nonsense. Princess hah. you must still have a fever dream,” you shook your head violently. You refused to believe it.

That your childhood memories were made up or altered. That your parents weren't really your parents, just loyal commoners of Edelaine who took care of you on Earth after your royal parents' death. That you were not who you thought yourself to be. Edelaine, such a place didn't even exist. It made no sense.

And yet it did as you remembered all those flash-like vivid pictures produced by your mind. But you couldn't take it so you ran.

He tried to stop you at first but then he let you go. He left a thousand messages in the first day but that stopped too. You weren't sure he gave up or just decided to give you space and time to think things through but eventually you calmed down, recollected yourself. You even visited your parents, who probably heard the recent event from Minhyun and they confessed, telling you they aren't your biological parents but they loved you as if they were. When you asked them about this nonsense thing they said you should talk it out with Minhyun, so you really had no choice. Since you knew it was something you really had to discuss with the boy, you asked him to meet you in the café you first talked.

“Who are you? For real,” you posed the very first question once you both ordered and sat down at a corner table.

Minhyun had this firm, determined look on his face but his eyes were scared as if it might be the last time he could see you. No matter the confusion and betrayal you felt it scared you too.

“I am Minhyun, a High Knight of Edelaine,” he spoke up, voice quiet but confident. It was easy to tell that he was proud of his title. But then a heavy-hearted sigh came. “I am guilty of failing my mission to bring you back before the autumn equinox to the Kingdom which you are the rightful heir of. Furthermore I am also guilty of developing feelings for you despite being fully aware of the positions we are in.”

It was an unsaid I love you, you knew it well and yet it hurt, that he called his love something against the law.

“You should know that I don't care about status,” you remarked instead of inquiring further about his mission. So it wasn't destiny that had you meet that day, he carefully planned your encounter, he wanted to get close to you from the beginning. And now he says he wasn't supposed to fall in love? Then how could you not fall with him?

“But I do and your people will also care when you go back,” Minhyun said with a grimace and you noticed he said when and not if. He was so sure you would leave everything you know behind to live in a place with an evil ruler and a never-ending winter.

“Then let's not go back!”

“Why do you think I didn't bring it up? Why do you think I prolonged the days I could spend with you?” Minhyun sounded downright desperate and he avoided your eyes as he confessed: “Because I knew once we go home and if we survive the battle you will take the throne and marry a prince,”

So that's why he failed his mission...

“I don't want to!” you raised your voice. You didn't care about being a princess and there was no way you would marry for politics. But Minhyun wasn't so liberal with his way of thinking.

“That's your obligation, just it is mine to take you back. We can't let Edelaine be ruined in the hands of a tyrant. This is a sacrifice we must make,” he said and you never heard him talk like this, with such a lack of emotions in his voice.

“But why? Why can't we just stay here and love each other?”

Your question was followed by dead silence. Minhyun's dark eyes bore into yours. You could feel your heart threatening to shatter into small pieces as he talked.

“I… I'm sorry but I can't... You will understand once you return home, you will remember why Edelaine is worth saving...” he tried to reason but you didn't let him finish.

“But my home is here now. I won't go anywhere. Stop asking me to,” you stood up abruptly because you didn't want to hear about it. 

“Princess...”

“Stop calling me that too. And that's an order if you take it.”

And he took it. Minhyun left the realm that night alone to face with the court himself.

A few days later, out of which you regretted your hasty actions on the second one but Minhyun was nowhere to be found anymore, someone else came for you.

“Princess!” A guy in his twenties, a bit older than Minhyun, with nicely styled hair called for you on the streets and you turned to him with furrowed brows.

“Who are you?”

The guy bowed politely.

“I am Aron, a High Knight of Edelaine,” he introduced himself and suddenly you were fed up with knights and fairytale like stories.

“They sent another? I told Minhyun I wo-”

“The Queen ordered to execute Minhyun for treason,” Aron cut your sentence in half and hearing his words, you could only gape at him, heart beating in a hundreds of miles per hour speed.

“What? Why?”

“Minhyun got caught when he came back and the Night Mistress knows he has been sneaking out more and more to get you back, so she wants to demonstrate her power like this to scare off all the followers of the revolt,” the knight explained with a rather sad look in his dark eyes and you felt like you couldn't breath for a secret. You didn't even think about how much risk Minhyun took by coming here for you. “There's nothing we can do. She's the Queen and she has magic, she has the utmost power. Only you can stop her.”

What? It was crazy. How could you? But Minhyun's life depended on it, so you didn't bother with questions like this. You wanted to do something, anything. 

“How much time do we have?” you asked in a faint, shaky voice.

“Hard to tell, the Queen is pretty impulsive. The sooner the better,” Aron replied seemingly relieved that you weren't so against coming with him to save Minhyun.

“Let's go,” you said out of blue and followed the guy to Minhyun's apartment where with the help of the old men you knew from before they set up some kind of machine with the help of glowing crystals. Unbeknownst to you it opened the dimension gates and a step later you were in another realm.

At home, finally.

The moment you stepped over the dimension gate, it hit you with full force.

Everything came back to you all at once, all the memories of you growing up in such a beautiful and magical place. You remembered your favourite knight too, Minhyun who always seemed to be fond of you. Some could tell your childish crush on him and you had even heard servants whispering about how it could never happen. It wasn't because of the 12 years of age gap in their eyes but that you were a princess and he was a mere knight, High Knight or not.

But with memories, came the pain of seeing your parents die, your beloved kingdom buried under snow and the time stop. You remember being held by the held, being told that everything would be alright but you just cried and cried, morning Edelaine, the kingdom that now welcomed home.

“M'lady,” a group of four knights, the court of High Knight lacking Minhyun, greeted you in the hall where you arrived and you shivered from the cold. Ren covered your shoulders with a warm gown and you smiled at him as a thanks. Then Baekho told you that Minhyun was supposed to die in a few hours in front of the people, so that everyone could see what happens if you betray the Queen.

You were rushed to get ready, get on a white horse that was your favourite to feed with apples as a child and go to the Palace. With the four knights on your side and your old tiara atop your hair you head towards the snow-like Palace in this icy kingdom.

The crowd gathered around the main square could be seen from afar. You didn't even try to be discreet as you and your horsemen break through them earning gasps and hopeful whispers from the people. You knew no fear when it came to Minhyun, you realized. You were terrified only for him and your people though seeing that he stood on a podium hands chained together with glass cage full of icy water beneath. One flick of the Queen's fingers and he would freeze to death in the most painful way. She could destroy everything you loved and you couldn't let that.

”Stop!” you screamed when you saw a beautiful but cold girl on the throne that she hadn't earned. She looked at you bewildered at the interruption.

“Who dares… oh, little girl. Are you lost?” she mocked you with a twitch of her red lips, she didn't see you as a rival as she stood up, sceptre in hands.

“I am the rightful heir of the throne, I am the only daughter of the late Queen and King. I was saved by the Knights and brought to another realm to grow up and come back to free my people,” you introduced yourself confidently that no, you weren't lost. People behind your back cheered as you got off the horse and walked up to the Queen. No, you weren't lost.

“So today I claim my throne. You, intruder, need to surrender,” you told her authoritatively as you stood right in front of her.

“Me? Surrounder? Don't kid yourself,” she laughed at you and she poked your chest with the head of the sceptre. In her hands it formed a snake but you knew it was different with every owner. The sceptre had its own magic and only some could use it, it only behaved for a few. It was easy to tell that it was the only source of her power, too.

“Princess!” Minhyun screamed at you, voice fearful but you knew what you were doing, Jonghyun told you everything you needed to know on your way here and you remembered enough to be confident.

“It's your last chance, cousin. Give me back my throne or you'll regret it,” you told her and the angry fire in her eyes didn't change at all. These were the eyes of someone who was taken in by the King and Queen after her parents' death, someone you studied together with, someone who you thought as a sister but she always resented you because you were a much younger girl and yet one day you were supposed to be the Queen and not her.

“Oh boo-hoo, I'm so scared. I killed your parents, I will make sure you follow them too but before that you watch as your precious knight dies,” she smirk and with a hush of the sceptre the floor beneath Minhyun disappeared and he fell into the ice cold water.

You yelled his name, the knights wanted to help him but an invisible wall stopped them. The people gasped and screamed, some even cried, because you knew how loved Minhyun was by all. You needed to act quickly.

“The thing is, cousin, that it's not that you weren't born into the right bloodline, but that you aren't worth to be a Queen,” you told her gritting your teeth and she tapped your chin with the sceptre with a confident look on her face. She thought she won.

“Oh really? Because you would be so much better?”

“Better than you,” you said and quickly you wrapped a hand around the sceptre. It glowed white for a moment but then it faded and you two fight over it like kids fighting for the same toy. Somewhere in the middle of the ruckus a small force shot from it and as it hit the glass cabin, it broke it so Minhyun could finally breathe again.

The sceptre's power pulsated under your fingers, you could feel it changing and as it glowed up again and again it became hotter. Hot enough for the Night Mistress to took her hand off of it hissing, staring at the burn mark on her palm in disbelief. In your hands the sceptre formed sun-shaped diamonds on top and with a relieved smile you hit its bottom to the floor which sent a strong wave of magic through the land, melting the cold away.

While the people watched in awe as the kingdom turned back to the magnificent place it was, the knights captured your cousin who threw insults your way but you didn't care. You rushed to Minhyun who was still shivering slightly in the pool of melted ice.

“Are you alright?” you touched his face and he looked at you with so many different emotions in his eyes, you couldn't tell how he felt.

“You came back,” he said in awe.

“Of course I came back, it's about you,” you cupped his face but he turned his head away so your hand fell. It felt like a slap.

“We can't,” he whispered and you gulped, eyes locking with the same pain in them.

You couldn't even tell him that you loved him because nurses came to check on him and your were pulled away by the knights. Then somewhere in the middle of the cheers, someone yelled:

“All hail the Queen!” and more and more followed, the people kneeling down with a happy, proud smile on their faces before you. One by one the knights followed, bowing their heads. Even Minhyun, when you looked at him, he knelt there in that marvelous black-silver uniform you remembered from memories. For a moment you caught his stare and you knew his feelings didn't change. It just broke your heart.

You knew you were supposed to be happy, your people certainly were but it wasn't your happily ever after.

Being back in Edelaine felt like awakening from a long dream. Once all the snow melted, it reminded you of the green fields and colourful flowers you have remembered. Though it still needed time to heal and recover from the damage the Night Mistress caused things have started to be looking up. But whatever magic stopped time, it still held on strong and while immortality might not have sounded too bad for some, those who were stuck in the last 10 or so years wanted nothing more than time to pass again.

Of course, your cousin in prison, held within iron walls to suppress the remains of magic in her, didn't say a thing. You didn't expect her to, she was way too much stubborn to talk now when she loved the chaos she caused and she had nothing to win. You knew she just waited for the right time to come and offer a deal. She had always been like that: cunning, a real strategist. You wondered how long she had planned her betrayal against the crown, the murder of your parents, just how many of your innocent games were like killing time for her while she looked at you wishing you would die?

But life had to go on, even without answers. The Kingdom needed a ruler and missing all your lessons through adolescent you weren't exactly fit for that role. Because of your blood and the fact that you save them people still loved you like a queen already telling you how much you resembles you mother. Hearing it still felt a bit weird because half your life you had known a different woman as your mother. Now you felt like you had two lives and two of everything. But lucky for you, you didn't quite had to choose as your step parents also came back to Edelaine after you.

So weeks passed and you had etiquette, strategy and history classes and also meetings from early morning until the evening every single day. You didn't complain though, actually you were grateful that you had something to do , something to take your mind off Minhyun. Your… relationship with him was quite complicated because even if he was there whenever you had a gathering with the Council of Sages and the High Knights, you two were never alone. And from how distant he acted, you had a feeling he didn't even want to. It was awkward around him as he seemed to avoid your gaze and only talked to you if it was necessary.

Even if he was within an arm length, he felt like being miles and miles away.

Whenever you had some free time you went to the Palace gardens to clear up your mind and rearrange your messy thoughts. You liked strolling in-between the rose bushes, lying under the trees rich of green leaves. Sometimes you even played that silly game with the petals murmuring under your nose. This is how a familiar face found you one of these days.

"Can I join you, Your Highness?" that someone asked and looking up at Aron, you smiles at the knight reassuringly.

"Sure. I would be happy if you did," you nodded and made enough place for the young man next to you on the bench. You remembered him from before too but mostly from Minhyun's stories since he was the senior he liked to mention the most. You knew that all of the High Knights were on good terms and close like a family, so sitting next to him watching the petals brought by the winds swirl in the air you couldn't help but feel like you were there with one of Minhyun's brothers.

You wondered what he told about you to the other knights, what they knew or suspected about what happened in the other realm.

"Is it weird to be back?" Aron asked kindly, his voice like a soothing cream but you missed the careful tones of Minhyun.

"A bit," you nodded looking down at your dress, suddenly missing jeans. "It feels like my two lives clashed and I'm both and neither at the same time. I'm not sure I could make a good queen like this."

"It's normal to feel like that. You will get used to the royal issues soon again. You were born to be a queen one day and the people love you, you will be fine," Aron reassured you and you were reminded of the days the Knight took you out to visit your people in Edelaine. Kids wanted to braid your hair, their mothers telling you how proud the late Queen would be and they thanked you for coming back. You were absolutely moved how loving they were. Only a minority who supported the Night Mistress and some who thought you shouldn't rule were against you taking the throne but the bigger part of  your court supported you. You were grateful for their faith in you and that's why you promised to become a queen whom they would be proud of and someone who cares about them dearly.

"Will I? I have no idea about politics. I don't know what to do with the kingdoms my cousin caused pain. They want revenge now and we are not strong enough," you admitted your fears not understanding how he can be so optimistic but he rushed go reassure you even now.

"You have no idea how much strength it gives people that you came back. So you shouldn't worry about politics, that's why you have advisors," he said and from his mouth it sounded so easy to just let go of the worry. But if your thoughts didn't revolve around the future of your Kingdom they focused on Minhyun and you didn't know which one was more painful.

You hummed watching as singbirds flew by, the sound of the fountain's waterfall echoing in your ears. Back on Earth you had no bigger problem than handling your bills and balancing your time between work and social activities but now you had the weight of a country on your shoulders, it suddenly felt too much. You didn't even know when was the last time you had free time like this when you had an opportunity to enjoy the wonders of this place.

"Can I ask you a favour, Your Highness?" Aron spoke up quietly after a while and sadness was evident in his voice. Worrying you whipped your head towards him.

"What is it?"

The knight looked at you pleading and your heart churned from the shock upon hearing his request.

"Can you ask Minhyun not to leave?"

Running away from your problems instead of facing them had always been your forte but you wouldn't have thought that Minhyun is the same as well. Sure, he kept delaying telling you the truth just so you could stay in that blissfully oblivious state that it can last forever. But now? He wanted to leave without telling you anything? It didn't make sense. You asked around, getting your hands on his sent-in request that claimed he was looking for other ways to serve the country instead of being a High Knight specialized for the safety of the crown. He requested to be transferred to the borders or to the groups seeking peace in neighbouring countries.

But it hurt. Hurt that he wanted to leave without telling you.

So you did what you always did when you were conflicted, you wanted to look down at the things from another perspective. Quite literally as you climbed higher and higher on the cherry tree in the middle of the Garden. You were almost at one of the highest but thick enough branches when you slipped, barely catching yourself before falling down.

"Careful!" You heard the yell and for a moment you thought it was all your silly mind's doing, an illusion in daylight but then you looked down and saw him there.

Minhyun wore his everyday uniform, elegant black pants and shirt with silver additions over his shoulders. His hair was parted, it got a bit trimmed since you last so him. When was that? You really couldn't tell. Maybe it was the meeting on monday when he looked away as soon as you caught him staring.

It was the first thing he said to you in weeks. Your heart leapt in your chest, your mouth trembled. Just one word and yet it brought back so many memories. From your childhood and from your first meeting with Minhyun as a grown-up. You still remember the rain and way he held you, you believed you hadn't seen such a magnificent being before. Since then you had seen his flaws and yet, you didn't change your mind about it. In your eyes he was still painfully perfect.

"You are keeping me safe anyway, don’t you?" You sit down on the branch, your long skirt covering your dangling legs. There was something challenging in your voice and Minhyun didn't answer, both of you knew he would keep you safe. You sighed. "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough," he replied quietly and you let out a forced, embarrassed laugh. Cool, he saw your attempts of climbing. Of course he did.

Silence fell upon the two of your and there was a bit of anxiety and anticipation in the air around you. Neither of you said anything and while you loved silences with him you loved it more when he just kept talking, telling you stories, reading from books even if they were heartbreaking. In the end it was you who shattered the silence into tiny pieces like a mirror smashed into miniscule glass granulas.

"Are we gonna talk sometime? Or are we just gonna forget it ever happened? That we ever happened?"

Your question cut through the tension of the atmosphere like a knife headed straight at his heart. Even from this distance you could see the flinch on his face. Sensitive topic, you knew.

"It was you who walked out when I asked you to come back, your Highness," he reminded you and it hurts, the pain in his voice, between his carefully rolled syllables.

"Quit the polite talk, it dances on my nerves," you snapped at him more harshly than you intended. Head lowered you continued in a smaller voice. "I'm sorry about that by the way. I shouldn't have left like that."

"It's okay, you are here now," he nodded but nothing was okay. You had no chance to talk properly since your argument because then he was taken and then you couldn't find a place and time alone so this moment felt special.

"I am. But it feels like you're miles away," you told him raw and honest. You seated a few meters above him, so you couldn't meet his eyes but holding on the chance you didn't want to waste the opportunity to tell him: "I miss you."

Your soft words are carried by the honey-tasting wind and you see Minhyun forming a fist from his hands. He doesn't say it back and it breaks your heart.

"You will be crowned in two weeks, you should focus on it," he reminds you and the corner of your mouth twitches in disappointment. You try to fight the tears poking your eyelids by blinking rapidly.

"That's why you sent in a request to get discharged?" You asked, meaning: was it because of you, because he couldn't handle your affection?

For a whole minute Minhyun doesn't say anything but when he does, he sounds like when you were at his apartment lying in his bed talking about past memories, the home he loved so much.

"I grew up here, you know? Your mother took me in after I lost my parents in the war. She gave me shelter and education to bring me up as a knight. I have served your Kingdom all my life. I don't look like it but it's been thirty years. I can't stay here forever," he clarified and yes, you knew it was unfair and selfish of you to ask something like that but still, you yearned for his presence and in his eyes you saw (or rather you hoped you saw) the same. So why now? Why so sudden? The answer seemed all too easy.

"It's because of me? Because they are trying to find me suitors?"

Minhyun looked puzzled at first then he scratched the back of his neck. At least he was honest now.

"And what if I don't want to be here when you settle down with one?"

"I will turn them down one by one until you come, I can promise you that," you told him and you wanted to hold his hand, hug him, kiss him. He probably wouldn't have let you anyway, so you were glad you were on a tree while he was on the grounds.

"I…" won't come, he wanted to say (or rather: I have no right to come and offer you a life) and you knew that much, so you had a more urgent question:

"Do you regret it?"

At that he looked up, straight into your eyes, eyes shining with sad sincerity.

"No. Never," he said firmly but shook his head not long after. Your heart skipped a beat anyway. "But it's not that easy. You should marry a prince with enough gold and a strong army."

You scoffed at that. There was he against, thinking you cared about that, willing to become a martyr just so it could be the best for your Kingdom. But how could you love another? That wouldn't be a kind of Kingdom you want to build.

"I don't want to marry just to win a war!"

"Well, one of us have to make rational choices," Minhyun said bitterly and it felt like a slap in the face. Never before you wanted to hit him so bad.

"Then you should have thought of that before you made me love you," you told him coldly. You asked him, you asked him to stop if he didn't mean it. Where had it brought you? And yet it scared you seeing him being so nonchalant. "It wasn't your plan, right? To make me fall in love, so I would come back with you?"

"No, love wasn't part of our plan at all," he said with fond nostalgia and you believed him. He had no reason to lie. Not about this.

A week before your coronation you decided to pay a visit at the prison where your cousin was kept. It was weird seeing her like that, wrists on chains, clothes dirty but the growl on her face was just the same as that night when she was about to kill Minhyun and you too. All these days, werks spenz behind the bars seemingly didn't manage to break her pride.

"What? You came to beg?" she greeted you as soon as you stepped next to her prison. She barely looked up at you, not interested and murmured something like such an honor to have the future queen visit ironically under her nose.

"I have nothing to beg for," you shook your head. You didn't go there to give her satisfaction to have her way with you and the Kingdom. She had enough of that.

"You sure? Okay, then I think we have nothing to discuss," she waved her hand as if she was still the Queen who could boss everyone around I whenever she felt like it.

"Well, I have something to say and you will listen," you told her coldly and she stared back arrogantly. You couldn't believe that there was a time when you had thought of her as a sister and then she decided to betray your whole family, even the ones who took her in. Her ambition drove her crazy for power.

You thought of Minhyun, the boy who also grew up close because of your parents' generosity after the war. He could have been like that too. But no, he was one of the most loyal knights this Palace had known. Stop, stop thinking about him.

"The Court has decided to sentence you to a lifetime in this prison," you told her the decision your best advisors came to after her trials. It wasn't too much of a surprise though, he was too dangerous let out and she had many crimes – treason, murder and using black magic – that were unforgivable.

"Aren't you worried? Lifetime is a very very long time to keep me around, I might find a way to break free sooner or later," she smirked at you and you didn't like the confident glint in her eyes. She was planning something, she knew something. A scary thought.

"Give it a try, I'd like to see you try," you curled your hands around the cold iron bars before letting a pitying pout spread over your lips. "But do you really want to have forever here? Haven't you had enough of it?"

Your cousin scoffed, her smile turning into an ugly grimace.

"They want time to move forward, huh? They can't even be grateful for this gift I gave them. I made them gods and yet they worship a human," she looked at you with clear disgust in her voice. She still treated you as if you were a child, innocent and naive.

When you didn't answer she smiled all too knowingly.

"What do you think will happen when time melts? Do you think you can continue living on like this? Everyone here will age, just like you did. That loverboy of yours suddenly will be almost twice your age again. Do you want that?" she raised a brow but it was the confidence in the way she said loverboy that made your throat close up. You she put the puzzle pieces together. You doubted Minhyun told her, so you wondered how many people knew or guessed that something had happened between you.

"It doesn't matter what I want. Unlike you I care about what my people want," you decided not to comment on her remark about the boy and focus on what mattered in the grand scheme of things.

"Is that right? Then you know what they say, magic dies with its owner, so kill me, a lot want me to die anyway." Your cousin stumbled on her feet, falling onto the bars, grabbing onto the metal with a snarl on her face. Your guards pulled you backwards out of her reach. The Night Mistress seemed content with their reaction, the fear she could inject into their veins, your heart pumping adrenaline into your blood. "You can't, right? You're such a weakling, not made to be a queen."

It hurt. It hurt more than it should have hearing those words from her mouth.

"You know what's unfair?" she continued words spit into your face like poison. "You rule to be loved, I had to be feared and hated in order to rule."

Jonghyun and Baekho accompanied you away from her but for the first time you felt sad for her.

Her words echoed in your head even later, even after the Court's meeting Minhyun purposefully seemed to stay back until the two of you were the last ones to remain. He looked worried as he watched over you form those careful words.

"I visited her."

He nodded, understanding. Warmth was back in his eyes, it reminded you of a summer full of love.

"I know, Jonghyun told me," he admitted as he took a tentative step closer. "Are you okay?"

You wanted to laugh. You should have felt triumphant knowing the person who wanted to cause your ruin was suffering and at the place she deserved but there was something nerve wracking in her arrogance. It made you fear she was right about the things she said: about you being a poor queen bringing only loss and pain to further generations.

"Is it true? You all will get instantly older if time unfreezes? Can some older people just die from that?" You thought of all the people who cheered you on, the children who must have felt like they were forever young. How would a 10 years old suddenly adapt to a 20 years old's life? How could those who lose someone close to them from one day to another because of this deal with the grief? There was so many possibilities for a bad outcome.

"We don't know that for sure, it's possible she just wanted to scare you with that," Minhyun mentioned in his soothing, gentle voice and you wished he would have hugged you, reassuring that he would stand by you no matter what. "But don't worry, you don't have to make this decision all by yourself."

"But I'll be the one to blame nevertheless. I just don't want them to suffer because of a decision made in a small room like this. People don't deserve to get punished for my cousin's sins and because of my carelessness."

You lowered your head. You had never told these fears of yours to anyone but you knew that if anyone then Minhyun would understand.

"You care, Princess, you will make a great Queen," he said and the air got stuck in your lungs when he put a hand over yours, stroking mindless patterns onto your skin. It was the first skinship you had ever since that fateful day. You didn't dare to move or look up at him fearing you'd break this spell.

"How can you be so sure?" you asked in a small voice.

"Because and I know you. And… if you want me to, I can stay by your side to remind you whenever you forget it," Minhyun offered and this was what you wanted to hear from day 1, that he would stay, this was what Aron asked you to achieve but now, hearing him say it you felt awfully selfish. You didn't want to chain him to you.

"After I'm crowned, I will… I will accept your request of transfer," you promised and no matter how much it hurt you pulled your hand away, ready to leave when the knight called after you.

"Would it bother you?"

It was unsaid but both of you knew that he meant the age difference. He was in his twenties after all when you were merely twelve years old. But you had a childish crush on him even then. And when you were all grown up you feel in love so easily all over again but this time for real. You could have, would have done it without a heartbeat thinking again even if he was in his thirties.

"I would love you the same," you looked back over your shoulder, finding his soft brown eyes on you. Oh how could loving him become so difficult in such a short time? "Just as I love you now when you don't even say it back to my eyes."

At that Minhyun looked so so sad, your own heart churned and you had to look away. Oh could you still get your happiness?

Tanya had always been second. Second in line, second to be cared for. Her parents weren't too ambiguous, they were satisfied living a quiet life in the countryside and Tanya didn't know any other life. But when the war started everything changed. Her parents died, just like so many others in the attacks and she was lucky enough that the royal couple took her in as their niece after the tragedy. She had never liked the Queen and King, in her eyes they were too forgiving, they forgot what they lost in the war when they signed the peace agreements.

Being several years older she had no interest in playing games with the little princess but too afraid to be thrown out she gritted her teeth and beared with it. It was a common boy living in the palace who made it feel like a better place. She had watched him from afar, watching his training whenever she had time. He was the most humble, kind and handsome boy he knew and yet he rather chose the company of a ten years old instead of her. It was the final straw, she had enough of being second, never being the one who got what she had wanted.

And she wouldn't give up on that so easily. You had taken everything from her, now she wanted to do the same with you. It was almost too easy, she heard the guards speaking about the coronation ceremony days before it actually took place, so she made a plan. That morning she made no move, she was lying on the floor, pale and weak. Not even when the guards brought and made noises on the bars had she moved. No, she pretended to be dead or at least seriously ill and the silly, silly guards fell into her trap…

As soon as one of them came into the prison to check on her, she got up, wrapping the chain between her wrists around his neck. The other guard came to help the first one but she was more wicked than any of them. She killed off the first guard, showing no mercy as she took a dagger from his dead body and pointing it at the other's. She flashed a cunning smile at him before splitting his throat and taking the keys off his belt. Too easy, almost too easy.

But now comes the tricky part.

"She's on loose!"

Minhyun came across with Ren's shouting as he was on his way to the coronation hall but these words made him halt.

"What? What happened?"

"We don't know but the Night Mistress managed to kill off her guards and escape prison. She probably doesn't have any more iron on either," the other knight explained and Minhyun's mind went overdrive.

"The Princess!" he gasped as he realized you were in danger and rushed towards your suite.

From the mirror a lot more mature and sophisticated version of you looked back at you. The dress in white and lilac, the royal colours of your Kingdom looked magnificent but you didn't feel like a Queen at all. You still couldn't believe it was happening. You wondered how many things would change, how fast and how drastically. You were scared of the future to be honest bit you had to be brave and it was nice to know that you had great people next to you.

You whipped your head back when the quick knocks on your door interrupted your train of thoughts. For a silly moment you hoped it would be Minhyun to pay a visit before the coronation but it was a regular guard. You tried not to look too disappointed.

"Something happened, Your Highness. You should go to the safe chamber," the guard said in a panicked voice.

"What happened?" you asked for details after a nervous gulp as you took a step towards the hidden corridor behind a painting in your room.

"You will get informed, Your Highness, as soon as you're safe," the guard promised and nodding you hurried along the way he showed you, deeper and deeper in the wall structure of the Palace. You only noticed his absence when you arrived to your destination, the safe suite designed for attacks. And when you realized you weren't quite as safe as you were supposed to be, you had no chance to do anything about it.

"Hello-hello, little cousin," Tanya smiled at you all too confidently. You grabbed the first thing you could, a candlestick, but she didn't seem to care.

"What do you wang?" you hissed and she just laughed. 

"Why so rude? You know very well what I want. The throne and my powers back, preferably in that order. But you know what? I can get them both if you're dead," she claimed and she moved so fast flashing the dagger in her hand you barely had time to get out of its way. 

It was a tiring and stupid fight: you stumbling backwards while she kept attacking like a madwoman. Maybe she was. At one point you have fallen and you could only block the dagger's way with the golden candlestick that saved your life. Gritting your teeth you tried to fight back but the metal edge got closer and closer to your throat.

"You should have never come back," you cousin snarled. 

"You should have never started a fight you cannot win," you returned and pulled up your leg kneeing into her stomach and rolling away before the dagger pierced into the ground. You wanted to run back to the corridor but she grabbed your hair and yanked you backwards with the weapon in her other hand.

"You're a fighter I see, we have that much in common," she said breath fanning over your shoulder.

"But nothing else," a male voice added and you gasped when the grip on you loosened, Tanya being pulled away chained again.

It was a bit of chaos, four High Knights holding and accompanying the screaming girl, some guards asking whether you are alright but you only cared for one.

Minhyun ran up to you checking you had any visible injuries and he looked more than relieved to find none other than a tiny scratch.

"I was so afraid to lose you. I will never let you go again, " he took your face into his hands, soft brown eyes boring into yours and you shoves your hands into his pockets pulling him closer. Funny but in this whole attack for one thing you were actually grateful for.

"I can't believe I had to get myself almost killed for you to make up your mind," you let out a chuckle in disbelief which made his shoulders shake too. 

"Sorry it took me too long," he then said in a serious tone, with no uncertainty there. That poug on his lips were adorable.

"You're lucky I love you," you said with a smile on your face as you stood on your tiptoes pressing a kiss on his mouth. You felt a bit like on Earth again, just being silly in love. However, Minhyun the always rational, had to remind you that you were for a fact a soon-to-be queen here.

"You still have suitors coming by tomorrow."

"Oh well you wanna sit on the throne next to mine when they arrive?" You winked at him playfully. For the first time out of all the occasions discussing this he grinned widely. 

"Would you change the law for me?" 

"Anytime," you answered with the same giddy smile. It seemed so easy coming face to face with the Court about the issue. Minhyun's eyes were melted chocolates, his fingers gentle and soothing on your skin.

"I love you so much," he whispered sealing the confession with a forever promising kiss and in that moment you knew that you didn't have to worry about your happily ever after. With him, it was already given.

“Should I let you drool too?” you teased, opening up your notebook as you prepared for the upcoming lecture. You glanced in Sohee’s direction and then rolled your eyes. “I don’t get what the hype about her is. She’s clearly very calculating.”

“What?” he murmured, aghast that you could use such a term about the girl who was currently offering a pen to a neighbouring student. He shook his head at your statement. “Don’t be foolish.”

“I’m not, because then I’d be like you,” you remarked, shooting him a look. “Staring at her through rose coloured glasses like the rest of those fools. She’s got something about her that smells like deceit.”

“And you are coloured green with envy,” Minhyun bit back, disgruntled by your negativity yet again. You weren’t normally like this and he felt worried for you. He knew over the years you had suffered from comparing yourself to others. Now that you were openly speaking your mind about Sohee, he wondered if you felt inferior towards the student in question. He was also annoyed, how could you not see how genuine Sohee actually was?

You didn’t reply, your lips pressed into a thin line as you gripped at your pen. Minhyun didn’t know whether he was satisfied with your reaction or not. He was glad you had ceased your opinions about Sohee, but he didn’t like hurting your feelings in the process. You were right, he was a reserved kind of person, and the friends he did have he cared for greatly. Even though you were making him feel uncomfortable, he didn’t like that he had done the same thing back to you.

The lecture began and he was focused on taking down his notes and trying to ignore the hurt that radiated from beside him. Before he could rectify the issue when the lesson was over, you were up and out of your seat, stalking to the exit and disappearing into the sea of other students in the corridor.

Minhyun sighed and shouldered his bag, trying to figure when he would next catch up with you during the day. He then went to walk off, stopping when a student moved into his path. His palms instantly started sweating with Sohee standing in front of him smiling. “Oh, uh sorry, am I in your way?”

“No, I stopped here intentionally,” she said, still smiling up at him and proceeding to make his heart race. “It’s Minhyun, right?”

“Uh, y-yeah.”

“I really liked the answer you gave in class today. I was wondering if you’d have time later on to discuss the topic more in full. I’ll be in the library later this afternoon if that suits?”

Kim Sohee had noticed him. And was now asking to meet up? Minhyun tried desperately to rein in any boyish fantasies that this was more than just about studying. All the same, his head bopped up and down and Sohee giggled at his enthusiasm. Clearing his throat, Minhyun composed himself. “I can meet you later.”

“Great, I’m really looking forward to it,” she mentioned, placing a friendly hand on his lower arm before walking out of the classroom.

He would have to make it up to you another time instead.

Minhyun felt as if he had stepped into a parallel universe. Not only had the study session gone well, Sohee had invited him out for coffee afterwards. There was an instant connection and although he was still awkward about being around her, she had laughed at some of the things he said and he had a really good time in her company. You were definitely wrong about Sohee being up to no good and he now had proof to refute your claims. He planned to tell you all about it when he met up with you in the lecture he shared with both you and Sohee, yet he was amazed to hear the latter student call out to him before he could raise his hand in greeting to you. Minhyun blinked at Sohee’s smiling face, soon mirroring the gesture back.

He barely saw the frown on your face at the interaction out of the corner of his eye.

“Minhyun, come sit with me, I saved you a seat.”

“Oh,” he started, looking up at you watching on intently before blushing and heading up the stairs. He stopped at Sohee’s aisle and avoided your gaze guiltily as he stepped into the row and sat down next to her instead.

He knew you would forgive him as soon as he told you everything later on.

“I really had a good time yesterday! We should hang out more, if you’re okay with that?” Sohee mentioned as soon as he pulled out his notebook and pencil tote. She peered at something inside the pen holder and then reached in to retrieve it. Minhyun cringed at the sticker set you had stuffed in there from the other night at the arcade. Sohee’s smile evaporated and she glanced up to you sitting alone and then back at Minhyun’s flushed face. “Oh, am I acting out of order?”

“Huh? No,” he mumbled, taking the photos and tossing them into his bag. “Y/N is just a friend I’ve had since high school. We were having fun the other night and took them. There’s no other meaning to them.”

“Really?” Sohee’s smiled returned and Minhyun started to feel at ease again. “Maybe you could take me there and we could do the photo booth together too.”

“Y-you’d want to do that with me?” he questioned and Sohee giggled, nodding shyly.

“Of course, it’s no secret that you’re handsome, Minhyun. Besides, I really liked our time together yesterday. I was kind of hoping we could keep meeting up out of class like we did. Would you like that?”

“Wow,” he breathed and then nodded shyly. “I’d like that.”

Class began and Minhyun couldn’t stop smiling. He was acutely aware of so many things about Sohee, like the way she swept her hair over her back so her neck was exposed and her fragrance wafted up to his nostrils, tantalising his senses. He honestly didn’t know what happened during class except what he was tuned into listening, watching and smelling beside him. He felt disorientated when he got to his feet and fare-welled Sohee.

He sobered up when he spotted you heading to the exit though, this time catching you before you could depart. “Hey.”

You stared up at him for a moment, scrutinising his expression and then you sighed heavily. “Wait here.”

“What for?” he asked but you didn’t give him any response, heading into the student centre across the hall and over to a photocopier. He watched you in confusion, taking the papers you handed to him when you were back at his side. Minhyun glanced down your notes from class copied on the paper for him and grinned. “How did you know I wasn’t very productive?”

“By the drool that was hanging from your mouth. I won’t do it again,” you warned testily but softened when he slung an arm around your shoulder in gratitude. You sighed. “Just don’t get too lost in your daydreams, Minhyun. She’s not as innocent as you think she is.”

“And how would you know?” he asked, disappointed that your good gesture was now tainted by your jealousy.

“I’m just looking out for your best interests but if you don’t want me to, fine. Good luck recovering when you crash down from this,” you informed him, shrugging off his arm and stalking away from him for the second time.

Minhyun hadn’t seen much of you lately but he had seen a whole lot of Kim Sohee. For the next two weeks, every spare moment between classes was spent with her. At first, it was more study sessions and coffee dates, Minhyun losing some of his awkwardness with each outing. And quickly it moved into something else, a tension underlying the time spent together until Sohee leant over on the bus one afternoon and kissed him softly.

“Are you alright with me doing that?” she asked gently, smiling shyly up at him. No words formed, yet he managed to nod once, his cheeks flaring when she leant in to kiss him again. He had always imagined kissing to be done privately due to his reserved beliefs but with Sohee kissing him like that, Minhyun didn’t know how to stop her either. And so when she kissed him again on campus, he didn’t react awkwardly, kissing her back as well.

When she pulled away, Minhyun realised you had stopped nearby and seen the entire interaction. Sohee smiled and moved over to you. “Y/N! Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there. Ah, I’m embarrassed to have kissed your friend in front of you.”

You looked between Sohee and Minhyun and then shook your head. “What friend?”

“Aren’t you friends with-” Sohee didn’t get to finish her sentence since you walked off immediately. Minhyun was hurt by your response and wondered if he should go after you or not. Before he could follow you, Sohee grabbed onto his arm. “Are you okay? I thought you said you were friends. I think from her point of view though, she might have considered you more than that.”

“Y/N?” he said and shook his head. “No, we’ve always been friends. She’s probably upset I didn’t tell her about us first.”

“In your eyes you’re friends,” Sohee said, looking up at him with a small pout gracing her plump lips. “But take it from another girl; Y/N definitely likes you. Oh no, I feel like I’ve taken candy from a baby. You don’t think she’ll hate me, right?”

Minhyun didn’t answer, looking at your retreating back and wondering if Sohee was right about you. It made him confused, and when she slipped her hand into his, he blinked rapidly, still feeling distracted as she led him in the opposite direction, away from you.

When Minhyun tried to approach you the next day, you avoided him entirely, and the following day you purposely turned away from him when you noticed him waiting at your apartment building’s entrance. Your cold shoulder continued and to avoid the freezing atmosphere between you and him, Minhyun turned towards Sohee. She was warm and inviting and when she had asked him over to study at her place, he hadn’t hesitated in saying yes.

But now he was kind of nervous. And unable to knock on Sohee’s front door.

“Minhyun?” He spun to see the girl in question walking up to him with shopping bags in her hands, in which she shook gently. “I stepped out to get some food to cook tonight.”

“Oh, sorry am I early?”

“No, you’re right on time, we can cook together, what do you think?” she suggested and he nodded happily.

Once inside her apartment, Minhyun settled into the notions of preparing dinner. He found out pretty quickly that Sohee wasn’t the best in the kitchen and took over. It was interesting; he was so used to the playful way you would help him in the kitchen, arguing whenever he tried to take over the dish when your confidence waned. Sohee just stepped aside altogether, watching him as if he was part of the meal as well.

“I admittedly don’t use the kitchen often,” she confessed with a giggle and Minhyun smiled, nodding softly as he focused on preparing the food. He glanced at the multiple kitchen gadgets on the counter and frowned. It sure looked like she knew more than she had shown with all the equipment he had available to use.

“Do you share the apartment with someone?” he asked, wondering if there was someone else who used the tools. They were definitely not brand new.

Sohee shook her head. “Nope, it’s just me!”

“Oh,” he said, internalising the issue as he smiled. “You have a nice home.”

“I’ll give you a tour after we eat, how does that sound?”

He nodded happily. “Sure.”

After dinner, Sohee showed him around the apartment. It was small but nicely furnished and clean. He smiled when he thought of your home, you were entirely chaotic compared. Minhyun was forever nagging you to clean whenever he was over, and sometimes he couldn’t help but clear up some of the mindless piles that you made all around your apartment. At least Sohee was more akin to him with her cleanliness.

“And this is my bedroom,” Sohee announced, opening the door. She stepped inside and Minhyun hesitated in the doorway of her private domain. She gestured for him to step in. “The TV out in the living room doesn’t really work that well, so I thought we could snuggle up in here and watch a movie together?”

“Are you sure? It’s my first time coming over and-”

“I’m comfortable around you, Minhyun,” she stated and he stepped into the bedroom, sitting down on her bed awkwardly. Sohee pulled him gently towards her body as she laid down and snuggled into his side. It was a little overbearing to be this close so soon, but he tried to relax, his full attention on the movie now playing on the TV.

Twenty minutes later, Minhyun could tell Sohee’s attention wasn’t on the movie anymore. Her hand was slowly moving in circles on his chest and then her lips found the junction of his neck and shoulder, kissing soft kisses all up the side of his neck. He didn’t know what to do and just sort of laid there, trying to figure out what he could do or say.

“You’re so cute, you know that right?” she murmured into his skin and he blushed at the compliment. “Someone as deliciously handsome as yourself being so reserved seems so weird to me. Are you playing coy with me, Minhyun?”

“Coy? What, no I-”

She kissed him passionately then, blinding him with desires he didn’t expect to feel tonight. Sohee soon moved deftly over him and straddled his waist, her hips moving against him. Although his body was reacting, it was moving far too fast and he jerked his head back from her kiss.

“Don’t act up baby, I know you want this. I saw how you stared at me.”

“Sohee-”

She kissed his swollen lips again and then smiled seductively. “Shhh, don’t say anything else. Let me have it tonight. I know how innocent you are. I want to take it all. You’re such a turn on.”

“This isn’t a turn on for me,” he announced, sitting up and pushing her off. Sohee was back in an instant, her hands trying to undo his pants. He got out from under her attack and shook his head. “Y/N was right about you.”

“Right about what? That I’m the best thing to ever walk into your life? Minhyun, you should be begging me right now to take your virginity away from you. As soon as I learned you were one still, I knew I needed to have you.”

He gaped at her, now seeing the monster that hid behind the mask. He backed up towards the door and laughed hollowly. “No, thank you. That’s mine to give to who I want to and that definitely won’t be you.”

Banging on the front door and pressing the doorbell repeatedly, Minhyun waited for you to appear in front of him. He had raced here as soon as he had left Sohee’s, hoping you wouldn’t hate him too much. He had so much to tell you, and on the way here, he had laughed multiple times at himself. He had been entirely stupid and blind to everything you had said.

There was only one thing he was glad Sohee had opened his eyes to and tonight he planned to ask you about it. Banging once more, you opened the door and then promptly went to shut it. He shoved his foot in before you could and whined when you connected the door against it.

“Oh my god, why did you do that?!” you cried as he hopped around on one foot, your eyes darting between his injury and his face repeatedly until you offered out you arm for him to take a hold of. Helping him inside and onto your sofa, you groaned. “You idiot.”

“I am.”

“Why would you do that when I was shutting the door as fast as I was?! Do you want a broken foot?”

“It wouldn’t be as bad if it meant you were looking after me,” he mentioned and you ceased in fussing over his foot you had propped in your lap after you had sat on the coffee table across from him.

You then turned back to his sock and gently pried it off his foot. “You have Sohee for that.”

“So you are jealous.”

“What does it matter?” you retorted, gently running your finger over the bruise that was already forming. He winced and you smiled at the reaction.

“Hey, that hurts!”

“Good.” You got up after placing his foot on a cushion on the sofa and then went into the adjoining kitchen area. After returning with some ice in a cloth, you placed it down firmly on his foot. “Better?”

“I can’t really tell just yet,” he grumbled and you smirked. After a minute, he sighed. “Can we talk?”

“Why?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Did you have a lovers’ quarrel with Princess Perfect?” you wondered sourly and Minhyun reached over for your hand. You stared at him, your expression softening. “Are, are you okay?”

“Minus the foot, now I am.”

“Now?”

“I went to Sohee’s house tonight. It was funny, because the whole time I was there, I kept thinking of you. She had all these gadgets in the kitchen yet claimed she was a useless cook. All I could think about was how much fun we have when we cook together.”

“Fun?” you echoed and shook your head. “You’re a control freak in the kitchen! You take over so many times.”

“You laugh so much when we cook though, you always seem so happy sharing a meal with me,” Minhyun pointed out and you diverted your gaze, chewing on your lip lightly. “After dinner, she showed me around her apartment. I couldn’t help but notice how clean she was compared to you.”

“Not everyone is a tidy human, Min! I don’t know how many times we’ve discussed this.” You folded your arms over your chest in a huff.

Minhyun smiled at your antics before speaking again. “And then she took me into her bedroom.”

“Okay, stop there, I don’t need to-”

“To watch a movie,” he continued and you blushed at your hasty assumption. “Though, you’re right. Even I didn’t need what happened next. In fact, you were right about everything.”

“I was?” you asked softly, confusion etched into your gaze. “What happened?”

“Turns out she was preying on me because she somehow found out I was a virgin. She planned to take it away.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

You both sat in silence for a moment and then you finally looked at him again, sympathetic. “She didn’t, well I mean you seem-”

“I left before she could do anything. And I told her I wasn’t prepared to give her something that I had the right to decide to do when and with who I choose to.”

“Right.”

“Can I ask you something though?” Minhyun implored, leaning towards you a little. Whilst he knew the reason why he had been referring to you all night long before Sohee had tried to get into his pants, he wanted to confirm the suspicions he had about you before he said anything. “Do you just see me as your friend?”

“Of course, we’re friends. I mean, we haven’t really been lately because I was, well…”

“Was your jealousy over me not spending time with you or because you like me?” he asked when you trailed off and you snapped your gaze to his, unblinking. “Am I right in thinking you like me more than a friend?”

“Minhyun…”

“Because I think I like you that way too. No, I know I do. I didn’t realise just how comfortable I was with you until Sohee showed me. Sure, I was wrapped up in some fantasy about the dream girl. But that’s all she was to me. You, well we have a lot of history together. You know me better than I know myself. And whilst we don’t match in a lot of ways, I like to think we are like puzzle pieces that fit together because of that. You’re messy, I’m clean. You speak your mind whilst I tend to hold back and internalise. You’re the dreamer usually and I’m the realist and-”

“Minhyun, you’re rambling.”

“I am, aren’t I?” he said with a laugh and you grinned, moving over from your seat on the table and next to him instead. He smiled down at you and reached to push your hair behind your ear. “So, do you like me?”

“Do I have to answer right now?”

He blinked. “Well, I uh-”

You cut him off then, kissing him softly. Unlike when Sohee had kissed him, when your lips met his there was a spark that ignited within him instantly. It felt so unbelievably right to have your lips on his, and he lifted his hand to your neck, anchoring himself to you and deepening the kiss.

When it ended you nodded in answer. “I like you, Minhyun.”

“Your lips kind of gave me that impression already,” he said dumbly and then gently pulled you into his lap. You didn’t hesitate to wrap your arms around his neck and lean into him. “I’m sorry I was blind to what you told me. I should have listened to you.”

“You should have, you’re right.” You reached up into his hair and tugged it a little. Minhyun gaped at you after whining. “I should have said no and told you to get out. You came here after being with someone else and in every book, the protagonist always forgives too easily. I promised myself I wouldn’t do that!”

“But it’s me,” he told you with a smile and then pointed to his foot. “Plus, you hurt me so it’s not like you’re not getting the karma back that you deserved to receive.”

“It is you,” you agreed, nodding slowly. “It’s you.”

“It’s me,” he repeated and leaned in to kiss you again. “And it’s always going to be you for me.”

“How are you so sure? You couldn’t tell Sohee was a witch until she basically had her hands down your pants!”

“Because I know you too well. Now that you have a hold of me, you won’t ever let go.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t prevent the smile that crossed your lips. “You’re right there.”

“And don’t worry, I have no intention of leaving you either. I found my dream girl. She was right in front of me all along.”

_________________

All rights reserved © prettywordsyouleft

Still, he can’t will himself to move. The only reason he’d even eaten breakfast was because you brought it to him in bed before you went to work. Thinking of you, JR glances at the clock. You should be home any minute now. He isn’t sure how to feel about that fact. You did your best to help him, but sometimes you just didn’t seem to understand how he felt. He doesn’t want to tell you he’s spent all day in bed. He doesn’t want to risk seeing pity in your eyes or even disappointing you. He should shower quickly and think of a lie about what he’s done today.

His heart almost stops when he hears the front door open. You’re home.

“Jonghyun? Are you here?” You call out.

He debates pretending to be asleep, not yet feeling ready to face you. Still, he doesn’t want to be dishonest. Softly, he tells you he’s in the bedroom and not a moment later you’re seated on the bed beside him. There’s a smile on your face as you press a kiss to his forehead. “How was your day?” he asks before you have the chance.

“Well,,” you say slowly, as if you’re considering your words. “Something wonderful happened today: I got the promotion I wanted.”

JR wants to tell you he’s happy for you. He knows you’ve been working hard, putting in extra hours and taking on additional roles in the workplace. Instead, what comes out is, “Must be nice when hard work pays off.”

You freeze at his harsh tone, unsure if he’ll say anything more. You know how much he’s been struggling,and you’d spend the entire way home debating on telling him. You didn’t want to seem like you were rubbing your job in his face when he lost so much. You hadn’t wanted to hide it from him either, he was your boyfriend and had a right to know. You weren’t sure what reaction you would get from him, but you didn’t expect harshness. He’s never lashed out at you.

Now you’re unsure if you want to address his tone or brush it off. You decide to try to be encouraging as usual.  “Your hard work will pay off too.”

“You don’t know that. Hard work didn’t stop any of this from happening,” he grumbles.

You bite your lips, not wanting to upset him further. “I know it’s unfair, but-”

“No, you don’t,” JR sits up suddenly, making you jump slightly in surprise. “You don’t know! You haven’t had your dreams snatched away from you. You haven’t let down your family, your friends, and thousands of other people.down. You don’t understand anything I’m going through.”

“You’re right, I don’t know. I shouldn’t claim to. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you more. Did you eat dinner already?” you ask as you stand up.

“Yeah, I ate,” he lies, lying back down and rolling away to tried to hide away. He really wants to leave the apartment, but he still doesn’t feel like he can move.

“Jonghyun, you need to eat,” you sigh, knowing exactly what he’s doing.

“I told you I ate! I can take care of myself.”

“I’m just trying to help,” you say softly,hoping things won’t escalate into a fight.

“Just leave me alone.”

“Is that really what you want?”

“Yes.”

Without another word you leave the room and silently prepare a small dinner, no longer feeling hungry. JR can hear you quietly in the kitchen but does nothing. He part of him knows he should go apologize, but he also meant what he said. You don’t understand. He hears you softly enter the room and set a plate or bowl on the nightstand. “I told you, I ate already,” he says as you’re about to leave.

“It’s just a cup of tea. I thought it might help.”

“Is it going to get me career back to where it was? Will it bring Aron back?” JR growls as he sits up to look at you.

“N-no.” Your voice shakes. Usually JR felt better after he had your tea.

“Then I don’t want it.”

“What’s with you today?” You know it’s a dangerous question, but you have to ask.

JR scoffs at you, getting up and walking past you, “It’s nothing new, or did you forget my life has gone down the drain the past few months because yours is going so well?”

“Of course I haven’t forgotten,” you say quickly, watching as he starts to grab his things. “Jonghyun, just talk to me.”

“I don’t want to talk.”

“Okay, I won’t force you...where are you going?”

“I have to practice.” He can’t be here right now. He can’t deal with this. He needs to go. To better himself.

“I thought it was a rest day?”

“Do you want me to fail?”

“What? NO, of course not! I just want you to be happy. I love you and want what’s best for you,” you tell him.

“What’s best for me is not to be distracted right now,” he tells you as he walks out the door.

Your stunned by the words. Was he breaking up with you or just leaving for the night? You stand for a moment, tears forming in your eyes, before you rush after him, only to see him drive away. You wipe your eyes and head back up to the apartment, unsure of everything. You want to call him, but he clearly didn’t want to talk and you don’t want to upset him more. You don’t know if you should wait for him to come back or if you should leave and stay with a friend. You want to let him know you’ll always be here for him so you decide to stay, but move your things to the spare bedroom. You feel sick to your stomach as the tears keep coming. You curl up in bed, putting on some music in an attempt to calm yourself. Other than that, you’re not sure what to do with yourself now.

Meanwhile, JR spends time running various choreography over and over even as his body starts to ache. When he finally stops and drinks some water he can’t help but think about what he’d said to you. He’d let his mood get the best of him and took his frustrations out on you. You worked so hard and he belittled you accomplishment just like that. He checks his phone to find you hadn’t messaged him, but he shouldn’t be surprised after how he treated you. He leaves the practice room and heads home, stopping to pick up some of your favorite dessert and favorite flowers. It was a lame attempt at an apology, but he isn’t sure what else to do. He can’t even be sure if you’re home still. He wouldn’t blame you for running off.

When he reaches the apartment, he enters as quietly as possible and heads to the bedroom to find some of your things missing. His worst fear had become reality. He’s about to message you an apology when he hears sound in the spare room and heads there. You’re curled into a tight little ball, with dried tears staining your cheeks. He whispers your name softly and you stir slightly. He slowly leans down to kiss your cheek, with this you finally wake.

JR speaks before you have the chance, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say. I’m really proud of you for getting your promotion, but I had a rough day. I let everything get the best of me and I just...snapped. You didn’t deserve it. I love you, but I don’t deserve you. I brought you flowers and your favorite dessert and I know that doesn’t make up for anything,” he says as he hands you the gifts. His apology is clumsy and awkward, but he means it. “I just...I’m so sorry.”

You set the gifts aside and sit up so you can hug him. “It’s been rough on you. I love you and that means I’m here. I’ll keep doing what I can to help you, but I need you to be open and honest with me from now on.”

“I’ll try,” he promises. “I just don’t want to disappoint you...or have you pity me.”

“As long as you’re trying I won’t be disappointed. We’re going to work through this,” you kiss his temple.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, how about you go take a quick shower and I’ll go put these in some water. Then let’s get some sleep. We’ll split dessert in the morning.”

“Sounds good to me,” JR pecks your lips before doing just what you said. The shower is quick as he’s eager to snuggle up to you, still feeling guilty for his behavior. When he lies down you pull him closer to you, letting him rest his head on you for a change. He smiles as you kiss the top of his head. “Thank you for taking care of me and being so understanding,” he yawns.

ARON

“Good night-” *the sound of lips smacking* “Hm? Oh- You’re home late.” “Yes.” *pause* “Sorry. I woke up you up in the process, didn’t I?” “Just come here already and let me sleep!” “Coming, coming.” “You said coming, but you’re leaving.” “I’ve got to wash.” “Wash in the morning then. It’s too cold to be alone in the bed.” “I’m-” “No excuses. Come on.”

“Aaron?” *sigh* “No, I’m not sleeping.” “I didn’t ask whether you were sleeping.” “Will you get to the point then?” *silence* “Do you think I’m funny?” *shuffling* “Wha- Why are you asking whether you’re funny?” “I don’t know, just want to know what you think.” “Huh, well. You are funny.” “Very convincing.” “Wait, (y/n)! Don’t be mad! You just took me by surprise!” “Well, you should be ready even for surprises!”

“Are you falling asleep?” “No, no. I’m not-” “Yes, you were! Mister, this movie is a cultural reset and you’re falling asleep on it!” “Oh, let it go, won’t you? I’ve seen it. Like ten times or something. Need I remind you the many times you’ve played it already?” “I’m doing you a favor. This is the highest form of education.” “I’ve already finished school.” “Not the school of life, no.” “Life? This is The School of Rock, not Schindler’s List!”

“Had a nightmare, huh? Don’t look so scared, it wasn’t for real. Just go back to sleep.”

“Can you stop?” “I’m not doing anything.” “Yes, you are. I can see. Stop being passive aggressive.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” *sigh* “Just stop, (y/n). Talk to me instead. It’s not healthy to hold back emotions.” “I didn’t ask for a session with psychologist.” “But you’re dating me, so you kind of signed up for it.” *silence* “Hm? Come on. Tell me. I’m listening ”

JR

“There’s a 5.” “Ah, I see.” *pause* “Oh, a 4! Can you see it?” “-You’re right.” “There’s only one missing in this square. It’s nine, obviously.” “Will- Are you going to solve my Sudoku for me?” “I wanted to play with you-” “Babe, Sudoku is a single player game. Get your own phone!” “No, thank you. I don’t want to play anymore since you’re being such a meanie.” “Jonghyun!”

“Aren’t you going to sleep?” *yawning* “Hm?” “You’re awake.” “Ah, yes. I suppose I can’t really fall asleep.” “Why?” “I don’t know. I just can’t.” “Hm.” *a long pause* “Do you want to do something? We can play on the console.” “Thanks, but don’t worry about me. Go to sleep.” “I can’t sleep when you can’t sleep.” *shuffling* “Come on, let’s play a round or two.” *pause* “... or three?” “Or three."

“Are you still eating that?” * pause* “Yes, why? Jonghyun, I’m not giving you the rest of my noodles! You had yours.” “Yeah, I just wanted to make sure...” *longer pause* “Are you really that hungry?” *sigh* “Okay, now I’m full. Take this. And stop making the eyes at me! I could’ve just made you more.” “But I’m not that hungry. And I shouldn’t be eating so late at night...” “You-” *sigh* “You’re a baby, is what you are.”

“You’re such a cuddlebug.” *pause* “Good for me, I guess.”

“You’re so distant lately. What’s wrong?” “Sorry.” “You don’t have to apologize. I’m not mad at you.” *shuffling* “I just want to help. Maybe there’s a way-” “I don’t think so.” *silence* “Oh.” *more silence* “Well, that’s alright. You can still tell me? You can’t?” *sigh* “I suppose it’s not my place to be pushy about your problems. Just know that I’m here. I want to be here for you, okay?”

BAEKHO

“(y/n). (y/n)?” “Mhm?” “Are you awake?” “Yes... I think? What’s up?” “I can’t sleep.” “And therefore I’m not allowed to either?” *pause* “Ugh. You know what? Forget I ever said anything.” *pause* “Okay, I’m sorry. Don’t be mad at me! Dongho!” *pause* “Dongho!” *shuffling* *a snicker* “I knew it. You always come back.”

“Ugh! Let me go Dongho!” “What? Why?” “You’re too hot!” “Well, thank you? I am aware of that. I just don’t know what my appearance has to do with us spooning.” “I wasn’t talking about your- your everything. I meant hot as in temperature-wise.” “I’m sharing my body warmth with you and this is how you repay me? By scolding? I worked hard for this!” “I’m going to suffocate!” “Stop being a grump. Just push the duvet off. Some of us have to sleep.”

“What do you think?” “Sounds super cool. I only don’t understand why flames?” “Why not?” “They’re pretty overused, don’t you think?” “Why would I care for that? They’re supposed to show my internal fire.” “Eww. You’re so sleazy.” “Don’t I have an internal fire?” “How am I supposed to know?” *pause* “Don’t raise your eyebrows at me!” “How are you supposed to know? For real, (y/n)?” “This conversation is officially over.”

“Your face is so weird when you’re sleeping. Good thing I love you.”

“Are you really going to spend the night on the couch?” *silence* “Dongho, don’t be ridiculous. Just because we fought earlier doesn’t mean you have to avoid me so much.” *still silence* *sigh* “If you’re going to ignore me then at least come to bed for yourself. In the morning you’ll be sore. The couch sin’t comfortable enough.” *pause* “Dongho, I’m serious.” “Goodnight.” *deep sigh* *feet padding against the floor*

MINHYUN

“I like the sound of rain.” “Me too.” *a long pause* “Tell me about your day.” *shuffling* “Wouldn’t you rather continue listening to the rain?” “I like your voice more than the sound of rain.” “Oh- Okay. That’s very smooth of you. Got me feeling a little bit flustered, not gonna lie.” “I know. Just don’t melt on me.” “I already started melting.” “First tell me about your day, like I asked you to.” *sigh* “Alright.”

“You need to leave me alone, mister.” “Hm? Why?” “That’s too evil.” “What’s so evil?” “You’re too cute and my poor small heart can’t take this anymore.” *snicker* “Too funny. You’re too funny.” “No, I’m being just dead honest.” “Go to sleep, (y/n). I can’t handle you right now.” “Good, because I can’t handle you either.” *snickering*

*sniffing* “Minhyun?” “Yes?” *more sniffing* “Are you- smelling me?” “Yes.” *again, sniffing* “Minhyun. Why are you smelling me?” “Your smell- It’s different.” “Oh, you’ve noticed?” “I mean- Yeah?” “Do you like it?” “I suppose? It’s- It’s different. I don’t think I’ve made up my mind yet.” “Ah, you’re a master at making hearts flutter.” “So I’ve been told?”

“Sorry I’m back so late. We’ll spend more time together soon. I promise.”

“I just wanted you to apologize. Is that so much?” “Are we getting back into it? I’m tired.” *a long pause* “You’ve never- explained, what I did wrong.” “I did. So many times. And you just didn’t listen.” “That- If you did then how come I’m still unaware of what I did wrong?” “As I said - that’s because you don’t listen!” “(y/n), I don’t want to get back into the argument, so stop being pushy about it.” *pause* “You know what - whatever.”

REN

“Hey.” “Yes?” “Why are you hanging out so much with Minhyun lately?” “Are you jealous? He’s just a friend, Minki. You’ve got nothing to worry about.” “Yes, I do. He’s my friend and you’re stealing him!” “He’s my friend too!” “I know him much better!” “Yeah? Well, I don’t annoy him as much as you do!” “I do not annoy him!” “Yes, you do! He told me.” “He wouldn’t!”

“What’s with you today?” “What do you mean?” “You’re never this cuddly! Do you want something? Is that it?” “I’m just cuddling you, (y/n)! I’m not offering you a suspicious package to smuggle.” “Yeah, but coming from you it is suspicious.” “Stop accusing and just love me!”

“Do you have any questions?” “Yes, one.” *humming* “What’s in it for me?” “What’s in it for- Are you kidding me? I’m asking you to do me a favor! Me, your boyfriend, or have you forgotten?” “Yes, but you want me to go out and buy you snacks, because you’re too lazy.” “-because I want you to do me a favor. In other words, I want to help you be a better person.” “Whatever you say, Minki.” “What is that supposed to mean?” “That I reject your offer.” “(y/nnn)-” “I can go with you, but not instead of you, you big baby! And don’t try to charm me! I know your ways.” “I’ve created a monster...”

“Can’t believe you’ve fallen asleep without telling me goodnight! Cute ungrateful brat.”

“Minki?” *silence* “Are you still mad at me? Really?” “Wh- Did you just hit me with a pillow?” “Yes. And? You were ignoring me.” “Because I’m mad at you!” “Then stop. I’ve suffered enough.” “And what about my suffering?” “Your suffering doesn’t matter as of now.” “Wow. You really-” “Stop frowning and come for cuddles!” *a deep sigh* “You- You- Ah, whatever.”

➛ pollenat’s list of headcanons

➛ pollenat’s list of shorts

➛ pollenat’s list of scenarios