#nory

It had been five months since Naveed had seen Cory. It was crazy that it had been that long, it definitely didn’t feel it. Going to University, getting out of that town, that was the start for Naveed. It wasn’t going to be easy; Naveed knew that. But it would be different, it would be a real start. And it had been. He could truthfully say he was enjoying it. It was difficult at times, and there were those moments when Naveed thought about packing it in, going back home for good. But that hadn’t happened, Naveed had stuck with it for five long months.

It wasn’t intentional, not seeing Cory. They’d said their goodbyes back at the end of the summer, with Cory determined to go back to school and actually do something with his life. This was something Naveed could take with him, knowing that he wasn’t leaving Cory behind completely. That eventually, Cory would do the same as him, follow him maybe. That was the thought Naveed had when he came back for the holidays that December. He was excited, excited for a break, to see his family but Cory? He was going to see Cory again. Naveed wasn’t naïve or stupid enough to think that things would change between them, but in away he’d accepted that. Things hadn’t gone the way Naveed had wanted but maybe that was for the best. They were still best mates, Naveed still wanted to see him. Cory was never the best at texting, and if Naveed was honest, some days he was so busy he’d forgotten himself. They had kept in contact, but it was never anything important or deep that they spoke about. So, this would be the first proper time the two had seen each other.

Or so Naveed had thought. The thing with Cory was that sometimes he didn’t help himself, sometimes he was forgetful, unreliable. Naveed understood how hard it was, or at least tried to, for Cory. Seeing all his mates, everyone you know, moving away, leaving, whilst he was still stuck there. It was bound to be shit, bound to make you feel a bit shit. But Naveed had thought he’d at least want to see him, if no one else. It was different between those two. It wasn’t like with Riz, or anyone else for that matter. They understood each other in a way that no one else did. Or at least they had.

Five months, where had the time gone? That was one of Naveed’s first thoughts when he got home. Naveed’s life had changed so much since he was last home. It wasn’t intentional that he hadn’t come home beforehand, but in a way, Naveed was glad. He was afraid that maybe he’d want to stay if he came home for too long. Naveed knew that was stupid, knew that being away from home was a good thing but that didn’t mean he could never come home and visit. But the first time would be strange, he knew that at least. Maybe that was why he had put it off for so long.

Naveed was completely clueless about Cory, which was something he hadn’t expected to find out. It was his second evening back home when Naveed found out. He’d gone for a walk, trying to clear his head. There was this one assignment that he struggled to finish, and he needed to get out of the house. Walking around home was different from walking around Manchester. Strangely enough, Naveed actually felt safer in Manchester. It was getting pretty dark when Naveed found himself by Zain’s dad’s restaurant. He wondered if Cory still worked there on the weekends. He hadn’t mentioned it before but that didn’t mean it wasn’t happening. Without meaning to, Naveed glanced through the window, expecting to see it jammed packed. It was, but what Naveed hadn’t expected to see was Cory, wearing the exact same uniform that day they all said goodbye and the same face of regret.

It wasn’t as if Cory was hiding something big, he was still working there which was fine. But it wasn’t until Naveed ran into Hayley and Razia, when he realised Cory hadn’t been to school since September. Cory had been filling him with such bullshit about school, about resits and everything. About how he was going buckle down this time, about how he was actually going to try. But it was all a lie. Cory hadn’t even bothered to try. After everything, nothing had changed. He was the same old Cory.

Naveed had messaged Cory as soon as he got home, wanting to see him, wanting to catch up. But it was silent. Cory didn’t respond. He didn’t respond when Naveed messaged him happy new year. He didn’t respond when Naveed sent a worried text, just checking up on him. Naveed wasn’t stupid, he knew if Cory wasn’t replying, it was for a good reason. He knew he could have gone to his house, but that was a boundary Naveed didn’t want to cross. He didn’t even know if Cory still lived there, had he lied about that too?

Naveed didn’t want to be angry at Cory, but he couldn’t help it. There were just too many promises that Cory had made and then broken. It was like Cory never learnt from his mistakes; he would always just make the same ones. He’d be sorry, try to understand but then he’d just do it all over again. It annoyed the hell out of Naveed.

Naveed only had one week left before he was going to travel back to Manchester. The break had been fine, nice actually, but he was ready to have his own space back. He hadn’t thought about Cory for a while, or at least he’d tried not to. Everything else had seemed to take over, the festivities, the new year celebrations, the family visits, the last small pieces of work he had to finish before the year ended. But Cory was still there, at the back of Naveed’s mind. Naveed knew he’d have to see him; he’d have to face him eventually. Knowing what he knew now, it was important he spoke to him. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say. Naveed wasn’t angry at Cory now, not really. He was confused, disappointed but not angry. Cory still hadn’t replied, but at least Naveed knew why. He was embarrassed. He knew Naveed was back home and would want to see him. He knew he couldn’t keep the charade going, not for much longer. But Naveed just wished he was honest, if he’d just told Naveed in the first place, it would all be so much easier. It wasn’t fair for Cory to keep lying to, and then ignoring Naveed. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He just wanted Cory to talk to him, explain. But Naveed wasn’t sure he was going to get an explanation.

Gearing himself up to go see if Cory was working, Naveed had a thought. Naveed appearing at the restaurant and catching Cory in the act was probably the thing Cory feared the most. Maybe that wasn’t the best idea, considering. Cory had been ignoring his messages but what else was he going to do?

Deciding a text message might be a better start, Naveed grabbed his phone from his bedside table and settled down on his bed, typing out a short message.

Naveed: I know.

Naveed thought it best to be honest, something Cory clearly wasn’t very good at. It wasn’t unlike Cory to not be honest, but this stung a little bit more than usual. Cory replied almost immediately, the three little dots appearing and then disappearing once the message had been sent through.

Cory: What you talking about?

Well, at least he wasn’t ignoring Naveed anymore. Cory seemed to know how to annoy or even hurt Naveed without even meaning to. Naveed imagined that Cory thought the best plan of action was to just not say anything. He was sure as soon as he went back to university, Cory would have thought up some excuse why he was M.I.A and things would go back to normal, or at least how they had been the past few months. But that wasn’t good enough.

Naveed: So, you’re not dead and can reply then?

Cory: Sorry, had a lot on.

Naveed: Right

Naveed wasn’t going to give Cory an option, or opportunity to say no. Naveed wanted answers and if he was being honest, he wanted to see him too.

Naveed: I’ll meet you down George Street.

And with that, Naveed slid his phone into his coat pocket, left his house and started walking. Knowing this wasn’t going to be the most fun conversation, Naveed decided not to attack Cory for being such an idiot and go in with a calmer approach. He hadn’t seen him for five months, five long months. A lot had changed for Naveed; university had been good for him. He’d been allowed to be who he wanted to be, he wasn’t so afraid anymore, he was happier. Cory on the other hand, well, it seemed like nothing had changed at all. He was the same old Cory, not being honest, not being truthful. To himself or Naveed.

Cory was waiting for Naveed when he got there. Well, he would be, his house was far closer than Naveed’s. That didn’t mean Cory was particularly eager, just that he’d left within good time. Cory was wearing a grey hoodie; it wasn’t zipped up and Naveed could see the light t-shirt underneath trying to creep out. Naveed couldn’t leave the house without his mum fussing and forcing him to wear a winter coat. Maybe things hadn’t changed at all.

“Hey.” Walking closer to Cory, Naveed wave ever so slightly, trying to catch Cory’s eye. It didn’t seem to work but Naveed carried on, moving closer and closer until he was only a few feet away.

“Hi.” Cory nodded towards Naveed, avoiding his eye. He seemed to be focused on his shoelace, which was clearly far more interesting than Naveed.

Wanting to avoid any awkwardness, Naveed spoke again, “Should we walk?” He gestured towards the park across the street. It was a place the two boys knew only too well. Countless late summer evenings were spent there before they went their separate ways.

“Yeah, yeah...” Nodding along to the boy beside him, Cory quickly followed Naveed across the road. Cory didn’t even check the road before crossing, just watched Naveed walk in front of him. Now Naveed had turned his back, Cory could focus all his attention on his friend. He watched as Naveed’s slender legs seemed to glide across onto the pavement. How the puffer jacket he was wearing almost engulfed him. The way his arms would fall from his side every time he took a step. Cory couldn’t help but look at every small detail, everything he’d missed in those five months. It almost seemed too long. It was as if Cory had to look, otherwise he’d forget.

“I saw-”

“I’m sor-” The two boys spoke at the same time, clearly wanting to get to the point of this meeting. Cory couldn’t help but smirk – why was it so awkward? Had enough time passed for things to have changed between them? Was it Cory’s fault? He knew he had to fix it, for him and Naveed. “You first.”

Naveed sighed before speaking, he didn’t want to accuse Cory of anything, but something had to be said. He’d had enough of the lies; he’d had enough of how Cory acted. Naveed thought things had changed since school, moved on. “I saw Hayley and Raz.”

“Right.”

“They told me.”

“OK.” Noticing that Naveed was looking directly at him, Cory made sure to avoid his eye once again. He stopped in his tracks, unsure what to say or do next. He took a moment to himself before moving to sit down on the nearby bench. He wasn’t sure if Naveed would follow, he wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t.

Shaking his head at the boy sitting just below him, Naveed followed, slightly kicking Cory’s leg to move him over. As he sat down, he made sure to keep a little distance between the two. “I just don’t get it,” Naveed sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why do you think? It’s embarrassing.” Cory was getting angry. “You go off to uni, having the best time ever. And I’m stuck here. Everyone, and I mean everyone went.”

“But I thought-”

“That I’d go back to sixth form and that would fix everything?” Cory hadn’t meant to raise his voice; he didn’t want to shout. It wasn’t Naveed he was annoyed or angry at, it was himself. Naveed was right of course; he was right as per. Cory had messed it all up. “Jordan’s gone, my dad’s still a mess, I’ve barely kept hold of this job.” Cory made sure to look at Naveed in that moment, his eyes sharpening onto

“Did you even try?”

“What?”

“Well, did you?”

“Course I did, not a complete idiot.”

“So, what happened? Why couldn’t you do it?”

“It just wasn’t the same. I couldn’t do it, couldn’t face it. Not without...” Cory looked down again, not being able to finish that sentence. He didn’t understand why it was so hard, why he couldn’t just say it.

“Without what?”

“Without you.” Corey almost whispered this, as if he didn’t want anyone else to hear this admission, only Naveed.

Leaning his back onto the bench, Naveed shifted in his seat a little, edging closer to Cory. It was nice to hear that, nice to hear Cory needed Naveed. But Naveed wasn’t always going to be there, Cory had to understand that. “Can’t rely on me for everything, Cory.”

“Yeah, did a bit too much of that didn’t I?”

Ignoring Cory’s attempt at lightening the mood, Naveed carried on, “OK, so you couldn’t go back. Fine. But why lie?”

“Dunno.”

No, Naveed wasn’t going to let it slide. He was going to get it out of Cory, he was. He just wanted to understand why. “All those messages, it was all bullshit. How’d you think that made me feel?”

“Like crap I reckon.” Cory understood, of course he did. It wasn’t fair on Naveed to lie, to pretend. But what else was he going to do? He didn’t want Naveed to worry, didn’t want to him to feel like he had to come back for Cory. Naveed was actually doing something with his life, Cory couldn’t drag him down, it wasn’t fair. “But no worse than I felt writing and sending them.” Naveed started to nod along to Cory as he spoke, trying to signal he was listening and that he understood. “Felt like a right phony. I mean, who says they’re going back to sixth form and then lies about staying? It’s embarrassing enough having to retake a year.”

“It can’t have bee-”

“Don’t say what I think you’re gonna say, ‘cos you don’t get it.”

“Cory...”

“I’m not like you, I’m not smart like you. It was easy for you.” Cory knew what Naveed was trying to say, and he was grateful, he was. But there wasn’t any point. Cory wasn’t going to go back to school and that was that. It was stupid of him to say it, stupid of him to even try. “I wasn’t made for school, alright.”

“OK, but you know, I wouldn’t have cared. It wouldn’t have mattered.” Naveed turned to face Cory as he spoke those words, trying to get him to understand it wasn’t the lie, it was that he lied. If he’d just been honest, faced the truth, it wouldn’t have been so bad. Naveed would have understood, he would have wanted to help, but the lie made it all worse. He got that Cory was embarrassed, got that he was left here but if he’d just told him. Why couldn’t he do that?

“Really?” Shaking his head, Cory slouched back hitting the bench ever so slightly. Saying it wouldn’t have mattered was wrong, it was stupid. Of course, it would have mattered. The moment that Cory would have mentioned it, Naveed would have worried. He would have questioned Cory; he might have even come back. And Cory couldn’t have that, no matter how much he wanted it. Naveed had to live his own life, and maybe that didn’t involve Cory anymore.

“Why couldn’t you have just told me? I would have understood.”

“No, you wouldn’t have.”

“Why wouldn’t I? I’m your best mate, Cory.”

“Pfft.” Naveed knew that sound was at the situation, not at what Naveed was saying, but it hurt, just a little. It was like Cory wasn’t listening, like he’d decided how it was going to be and that was that.

“You didn’t have to lie.” Naveed sighed, pulling the zip from his jacket up and down. He knew that sometimes people bent the truth, told a little white lie, he’d spent enough of his time doing that. But for him and Cory, it shouldn’t have been like that. They shouldn't have any secrets between them, not now, not after everything. “Is that why you ignored me? Why you wouldn’t message back?”

“Yeah, it was.” Cory sniffed, clearly embarrassed at what he’d done. He didn’t know what else to say, or what else to do. He was going to be caught out, he knew that. He wished he hadn’t lied, of course he did but once he started it became harder and harder to stop.

“And if I hadn’t seen you, what then? It would have just carried on?”

Cory would have liked to say that wouldn’t have happened, but who knows? Once a lie starts, it's hard for it to stop. Cory didn’t like to lie, he hated lying to Naveed, but he just couldn’t stop it. He just couldn’t bear the disappointment that Naveed would feel when he realised. But this way wasn’t that great either. “No, I, I dunno, alright.” Cory knew he couldn’t just brush it off, not now. He’d have to face it. “Look, I’m sorry. Shouldn’t lied, not to you.”

“Does anyone else know? Like Riz?” Naveed asking, fiddling with his fingers. He was glad Cory had acknowledged that, he was glad of the apology, he just wished he hadn’t lied in the first place. He thought him and Cory were different, thought they’d shared everything.

“No, just you.” Cory hadn’t told anyone, no, but other people had found out. He’d imagined if Hayley and Razia knew, then Riz did, not that he’d said anything to him. He hadn’t seen him either, hadn’t seen anyone. He didn’t want to face it. “Well, I haven’t told anyone else. My dad wouldn’t notice, and I didn’t wanna...”

“Cory, you’re such an idiot, you know that?” Exasperated with him, Naveed knew there was no point trying to argue anymore. What was done was done. Naveed was angry, a little hurt but he could tell Cory felt bad, it was written all over his face. And Naveed getting angry, wasn’t going to help. This was Cory, his Cory. Yeah, he was an idiot sometimes and didn’t listen, did stupid things and regretted immediately after. But Naveed couldn’t stay annoyed at him, and he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to see Cory like that.

“Yeah, don’t need you to tell me.” Chuckling to himself, Cory turned to face Naveed, trying to gauge his facial expressions. He knew Naveed was hurt; he knew he shouldn’t have lied but that smile growing on Naveed’s face told him everything he needed to know. He wasn’t angry with him, and Cory was glad. That would have been the worst thing. He couldn’t deal with an angry Naveed. Naveed had only got really angry with Cory a few times, and he didn’t like to think back on those moments. They still hurt. But things were going to be better now, Cory was sure of it. “I’ve missed you.”

“Yeah? Missed you too. Thought you’d wanna come visit.”

“How could I? I was at school.” Cory moved to playfully bang Naveed’s shoulder, to which the boy beside him smiled and pushed him back. There it was, how it was supposed to be between the two of them. The tension had lifted, and things felt right again. “Is the offer still there, to come visit?”

Naveed wasn’t exactly taken aback, but he hadn’t expected that from Cory. That spoke about it, of course, back in the summer before Naveed left for Manchester, but it hadn’t been mentioned since. Naveed didn’t want to push Cory, especially if he didn’t want to come. But it was nice to hear him say it. “Course it is, as long as you tell me the truth.”

“OK, deal.”

Naveed smiled again, this time it was small but meaningful. Maybe he’d finally got around to Cory, maybe he’d actually listen. “You haven’t got sacked, then?”

“Almost, like three times.” Cory couldn’t help but laugh, it was stupid really. It wasn’t a bad job, and he wasn’t terrible at it, it just wasn’t exactly what he wanted. He wasn’t even sure what that was. He’d look at Naveed, proper university student, making something of himself and doing something with his life. That was good. But Cory didn’t know if that was him either. It was a constant struggle trying to discover what he wanted, what he was going to do.

“What did you do?”

“Dumb stuff. Don’t even hate the job, it's alright but...”

Nodding along, Naveed understood. It wasn’t a bad job, not at all. And if that was what Cory wanted to do, then good. But Naveed wasn’t stupid, he could tell. Cory wasn’t stupid either, all that stuff about school, Naveed thought it was a load of rubbish. Maybe Cory wasn’t a genius, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t do it, didn’t mean he couldn’t try. “I get it. You could still-”

“And you, how's Manchester? You never went into detail.” Naveed knew Cory was changing the subject and thought there was no point stopping him. He wasn’t going to budge.

“Didn’t wanna bore you.” Naveed shrugged; it was true. Whenever Cory did reply to his messages, he had asked about university, Nas, the city but Naveed didn’t want to go on and on about it. He didn’t want Cory to feel small, to feel left out. It was true that Naveed had kept some things from Cory, hadn’t been completely truthful.

“It’s not boring.” Cory frowned, turning his head towards Naveed. How could it be boring? Naveed had gone off and actually done something with his life. He was going places; how could that ever be boring?

“OK.”

“I am sorry, you know.” This sorry was more genuine, more sincere. Cory made sure to put emphasis on the word. He was sorry. He knew it was stupid, he knew Naveed would want to help him. He didn’t know why he kept doing this to himself, but he couldn’t help it. He supposed he felt better now, felt relieved that there wasn’t an ymore lies between the two.

“Yeah, I know.”

“When you going back?”

“Next week, got exams, so.”

“Right.” Obviously, Naveed wasn’t going to stay for much longer, Cory should have realised that. He’d wasted so much time avoiding Naveed, being scared of him finding out that he’d wasted so much time. But he wasn’t going to do that anymore, he was going to make up for all the mistakes.

“Yep.”

“I’m working all week, but...”

Naveed knew what Cory was trying to say, but he understood why he couldn’t say it. If Cory had just been honest, they could have spent more time together. But it didn’t matter, not really. He was being honest now, that was a start. And it wasn’t as if Naveed was moving to a different country. Manchester wasn’t that far. Cory could visit. Naveed could come back. They’d see each other. It would be fine. He knew it would. “I’ll come see you before I go, stop you moping about.”

“Oh, piss off. I don’t mope.”