#nonbinarydysphoria

I'm still dealing with dysphoria and all that. But the addition of a new, accepting person in my life has made a world of difference. Thank you to every open minded, caring, accepting person who supports those around them. It changes people's lives.

Ugh, I feel this so hard, especially lately.... :/ bleh! #nonbinary #theythem #dysphoria #nonbinarydysphoria https://www.instagram.com/p/B1Orh55hHSNagsW-iwWZgnjUYHjeYPj7ZMbGaA0/?igshid=iw4jj7fck8zb

So, this isn't inherently related to gender, but it's something I'd like to talk about here anyway. At this time I don't have an anxiety diagnosis (and of course I don't want to self-diagnose) but I will certainly be talking about anxiety with my therapist when I am able to go again. I have had what I consider to be worsening anxiety for a while now. While it can be anxiety about many things, what affects me the most is anxiety about my health. I frantically Google various symptoms at least once a day. I am always convinced that I either have an infection or am about to contract one. I remember that recently I found a pimple near my lip and worried I had hand, foot, and mouth disease. I've worried I had assorted STDs (a while ago I briefly worried I was PREGNANT) even though I'm not sexually active and it would be near impossible! Folliculitis, West Nile Virus, pinworms, yeast infections, blood clots, you name it; I've been afraid I had it. The tiniest itch or blemish can keep me up at night. It is exhausting and frightening, and the worst part is, it keeps me from being able to relax and partake in activities that most people do normally. For example, I really want to be intimate with my partner and I have every reason to believe it would be a safe, fun activity. But I physically can't do it because I'm worried that somehow, we would give each other an STI (despite us both being virgins, monogamous, and using protection). Or, I'm convinced that I'll have some other kind of irritation or infection that isn't necessarily sex related. It is embarrassing and it's holding me back from growing and healthily experiencing new things with my partner. I'm starting to realize that my thoughts about my health come from a place of fear and uncertainty, just like a lot of my other concerns/anxieties. I don't quite know yet how to overcome it, but I'm sure talking about it with my therapist will help. I don't want it to dictate my life anymore.