Prince Peach

Dealing with internalized transphobia and/or exorsexism? I really do hope you can heal, and people shouldn't be an asshole to you for it! Yelling at you for having problems won't help mend things.

Feel alienated from the trans label from past experiences with gatekeeping, or even past experiences with a different topic than gatekeeping? I'm so sorry that happened, and I don't blame your reaction. People should respect how you deal with the aftermath of your experiences.

Just don't want to call yourself trans, even if you don't have any specific reason? That's okay too, and people should still treat you with respect!!!

Have any other reason(s) not listed here? You still deserve respect, and if it's from a personal issue, yet again I hope you can sort that out!!!!!

Obviously, you shouldn't generalize non-binary people as not being trans and shove out non-binary people who do call themselves trans, but seriously... there's a difference between not wanting to be invited yourself and excluding people who do want to attend. The first situation is perfectly fine, although the second is not.

So yeah, I say "trans/non-binary" not because it's a matter of me thinking being non-binary is completely separate from being trans, it's to still include the non-binary people who don't identify as trans.

Respect pronouns

Respect labels

Respect identities

It is not your place to tell people whether they are valid or not. Remember that.

Respect that there will be places where you, as an allocishet person, aren’t allowed. Don’t be a dick about it.

Don’t out anyone. Ever. Even if it’s ‘not a big deal.’ Even if they’re passing. Even if they’re not. Under no circumstances do you out someone without their permission. Ever.

Go read the above bullet again.

Respect that some people won’t trust you at first and/or will keep some things to themselves since you aren’t part of the community. That’s okay, it’s their choice. Respect it.

If you see one of us getting hate, or being bullied, or being hurt, step in. Divert the person’s attention, offer comfort, something. Don’t just look away - and don’t join in.

Support us, but for god’s sake please don’t speak over us.

If you mess up - whether it be pronouns, or something unintentionally disrespectful, apologize!

Learn what different labels mean

Use gender neutral language when you can. Make it normalized.

If you’re comfortable, and it’s okay if you’re not but if you are, make it known that you’re an ally! Get a bumper sticker! A sign! A poster! Let people know that you support us and respect us.

If you don’t know what something is or if something’s okay, ask!

Support us through all of our relationships, or lack thereof, just like you would someone who isn’t lgbtq. No asking ‘who’s the man and who’s the woman?’ No asking how it works in bed. If you desperately want to know, there’s this wonderful thing called the Internet. But don’t ask us.

Include trans, nb, and intersex people in your art/writing! Include ace and aro people! Include lgbtq people in general!

Neopronouns are a thing. Learn how to use them.

Never call us a f*g. Never call us a d*ke. Never, ever, ever use slurs unless someone specifically tells you to call them, and only them, that thing.

Queer is different. It has been reclaimed by a large majority of the community. Many of the people who call queer a slur are trying to divide us. Yes, it was once a slur. Yes, it might make some people uncomfortable- and if that’s the case, don’t use it around those people. But for many, it is their identity. Please respect that.

Wear pronoun pins if you feel comfortable.

Thank you so much for supporting us

Here’s a short list of things only you can decide: 

- Which pronouns are the right ones for you 

- Which name is the right one for you 

- If you want to have romantic relationships 

- If you want to have sex 

- Which kinds of sexual activity, if any, you enjoy or want to try 

- If you want to take hormones or get surgery 

- How you label yourself 

- How specific you want your labels to be 

- Who you want to come out to 

- Which questions you are comfortable with 

- How much information about your identity you want to share online 

- If you want to present feminine, masculine, gender-neutral or any mix of those 

- How exactly you want your relationships to be like 

- If you want to marry and have kids

Your parents can’t decide that.  Your friends can’t decide that. People on Tumblr can’t decide that. “Lgbt+ allies” can’t decide that. Your church can’t decide that. I can’t decide that. 

Nobody but you can decide that for you. 

With all my love, 

- It’s not as scary as it seems. You’ll be awake one minute, preparing for top surgery and be awaking up after top surgery (wondering if it really happened) the next.

- Chamomile tea and Benadryl can both help with itchiness after top surgery.

- You should not take T for a week after top surgery.

- Do not use icepacks or hot packs after top surgery (as they can destroy the healing skin).

- Bendy straws are your friend.

- You will probably need someone to help you sit up and lay down.

- Rest the first two days after top surgery, even if you don’t feel like you need to, you will thank yourself later.

- You can ask as many questions as you want. Getting top surgery is going to effect the rest of your life so you should ask any and all questions you have. You can also request certain specifications done to your chest.

- Drains may seems scary but they prevent some of the swelling and they promote healing. After your drains are out a lot of your pain goes away but the drains are definitely worth it.

- Always have someone with you for 24 hours after your surgery.

- The ace bandages that you have to wear after top surgery will feel a bit tight but won’t hurt nearly as much as binding.

- It might be hard to get on and off of high beds and chairs so make sure you have a step stool handy.

- Use pillows to prop yourself up.

- You have to sleep on your back after top surgery and should do so for 3 months if you get nipple grafts (the recommended time for sleeping on your back varies depending on who you ask but I still recommend 3 months just to be careful).

- After top surgery you should not lift your elbow above your shoulder for a few weeks (usually 6) or until you are healed.

- After top surgery you can not lift any more then five pounds (for about six weeks).

- Buy some button up/zip up shirts that are a couple sizes too big for you. You’ll need these to go over your drains.

- Shave your armpits before top surgery. The hair will get in the way of your bandages and possibly the surgeon while preforming surgery if you don’t.

- Go around the place you will be staying after top surgery with “T-rex” arms to see what maybe a problem for you after surgery and find a solution to it before you get home. (Ex. if you have to reach far into your sink to wash your hands it may be best to get a washbasin). 

- If your results aren’t perfect they can always be revised. 

- If your nipples are smaller then you’d like them to be, or oval when you want them to be round then you can always get a tattoo artist to tattoo around the outside of them to fix those imperfections. You can also get your nipples tattooed on instead of the nipple grafts.

- The nipple grafts require three weeks of dressings after surgery while the rest of your chest does not need nearly as much work.

- Your chest won’t look great after top surgery but over time it will look a lot better. They recommend waiting at least 3 months to a year after your surgery to get revisions. 

- You might be really nauseous after top surgery and you might not be able to eat normal foods right away. Get some sourdough bread and ginger ale the day before your top surgery and allow the ginger ale to flatten just in case you can’t eat normal food.

- Have someone to talk to about what you are going through really helps.

Instead of framing trans around the negativity of gender dysphoria, wouldn’t it be more productive to frame it in the positive terms of gender euphoria? Dysphoria is primarily caused by cis society’s concepts of male and female, man and woman. That means dysphoria is ultimately something that re-centers our community around cis norms.