I must have been sick yesterday. I’m able to move around and start up my computer and make my breakfast. I’m still having a terrible time regulating my temperature in this environment but maybe that’s a neat thing my body does now. But to be fair the environment sure ain’t regulating its temperature either.
I cannot stress enough how in each situation here compared to Iowa where they are so similar but in my head I’m just like, “this is so much worse” I had finally gotten the WiFi at least temporarily fixed in Iowa after a 3 year wrestling match with the cable company and now I’m in a new place with a very flighty connection, it seems strong enough to do work so I have to let that go. The refrigerator situation and eating in general is much more anxiety inducing here(trying to do anything really). This is the land that I went to middle school and high school in and as a kid I never knew if it was just being a child and trying to find my place but I’m fairly certain now I and this land are not compatible. I feel even farther away from connections with friends here but that’s probably my brain and friends going through their own shit. And of course the cancer is so much bigger here.
This is not to say that I have learned a lesson and now I will be grateful for life at the Murbleage, both are bad. I will not rest until I have my own refrigerator and space. I never even for a second thought that I didn’t love Iowa or Fafner or having lunch with my dad, it just wasn’t a life. Just as a quiet coffee with my mom and a weekly excursion with my brother is not a life.
My brother baked potatoes for me last night, “something happened and I somehow turned the oven off for a little bit. they need more time. You can hit me.”
“Haha, I’m not going to hit you. I’m just going to set another timer. I appreciate you! But… don’t fuck up my potatoes again!”
