#nicedynmite

Lindsay was worried sick.

  It has been a full hour since Michael returned a text.  She just went out to made sure that everything was all set and available for their first Christmas Eve dinner as Mr. and Mrs. Jones.  She has promised that she will be the one to buy the groceries as Michael had stayed at home that day, but told her that he would be the one to cook.  Knowing Michael, she was pretty sure that it would be a feast more than enough for the two of them,  The thought always warmed her heart for the past few days, until now.

  His last text was him saying that he was waiting for her and their usual string of sweet nothings, all perfectly normal.

  She did her best to train her eyes on the road, but she kept on giving sideward glances to her phone, which was in a can holder in the passenger seat.  She was willing to wait it out, thinking that he may have just fallen asleep waiting for her.  Nevertheless, she picked up her phone to dial the person who knew Michael’s whereabouts second best to her.

  “Hello?”  Gavin’s voice blared over the speakerphone.

  “Hey, Gav.  Any idea where Michael is?”  Lindsay tried to sound casual, hiding the evident worry that she had been nursing for an hour already.

  “Nope.  Isn’t he at home with you today?”  The Brit replied.  Lindsay’s mouth hung open in exasperation, about to launch into a tirade when a cheery “Hey, Lindsay” chimed in the background.

  “Uhh… Hi, Meg.  I’m on the road now.  Supposedly, he’s at home.  Merry Christmas then, you two.  I’m sorry I disturbed you.”  She was about to cut the line when Gavin spoke in a reassuring tone.

  “Not to worry, my dear Linds.  The awesome Vav will look for your Michael and make him barrage you with texts!”  She had to laugh with that one.  Gavin sure cares about Michael as much as she does, but in his own little way.  Hopefully, he could be able to help her with her current dilemma.

  “Thanks, Gav.  Bye!”  She quickly ended the call and went back to focusing on the road.  However, just as she was building up her concentration, she stopped to see a traffic jam in front of her.

  “No shit!”  She exclaimed, not minding if the neighboring cars heard her.  Then, she started beating her steering wheel in exasperation.  What a great way to celebrate Christmas Eve, she thought.  She rested her forehead on the wheel and took several deep breaths.

  After staying in that position, her phone finally rang with Michael’s version of “You Are My Sunshine”, his assigned ring tone.

  “Fucking finally!”  She exclaimed again before she accepted the call and spoke in her calmest voice possible.  “Baby?”

  “Yeah, baby, I’m sorry.  Gav had to call me to call you.  I’m so stressed right now!”  He did sound like he was pacing back and forth, his breath rapid.

  “What’s wrong?  Oh my god, I’m sorry.  I’m stuck in a jam right now, ugh!  I wanna be home soon!”

  “No, no, no, please don’t be home soon.”

  Whatever he said, it rang in her ears.

  “What did you say?”

  “Oh, I mean… No, not at this time… Kitty, stop doing that!”  He said the last line quite loudly and it sounded like he put down his phone on a surface before she could even react.  Lindsay cut the line abruptly and stared angrily on the congested road.

  Who was Kitty?

  Was Michael cheating on her?

  Michael called again but Lindsay was too exasperated to answer.  Instead, she put her phone on mute and tossed it into the glove compartment of her car.  She wanted nothing more than to go home and go into the root of the problem.  Thankfully, the traffic jam only let up a few minutes and it began moving again.  Christmas sure did wreak havoc to everyone’s nerves, Lindsay thought.

  Fifteen grueling minutes later, Lindsay came barging into the front door.  The first thing she saw were red rose petals leading to the living room, which she followed.  The trail ended on the bottom of the Christmas tree, but the only thing she found was a torn box and wrapping paper strewn everywhere.  From there, the scene was dismal.  Toilet paper and socks were scattered all over the corridor.  Shoes were littered at the bottom of the stairs.  It was a good thing that the kitchen was spared, but in front of the door was a blockade of chairs.  Before she could go anywhere else, Michael shouted from the second floor.

  “Oh my god, can you not stay still, you pussy???”

  Lindsay gasped audibly at the remark and started sprinting towards where the sound came from, which was their bedroom.  As she went, she went through a litany about having been cheated on and getting an unprecedented divorce.  Upon reaching the door, she burst into her most commanding voice.

  “Michael Vincent Jones, what do you think you are…?”

  The door came flying open and only a loud thud was heard.  There knelt Michael in front of the bed, hair dishevelled, sweat beading on his forehead, and a fresh scratch running from his left temple to his jawline.  However, there was no one else in the room but him.

  “Baby, I’m so sorry! I just...”  Michael wiped the sweat from his brow.  “It’s just I’m having a hard time dealing with...”

  “With what?  Are you hiding anything from me?  Are you cheating on me?”  Lindsay answered forcefully, emphasizing the last sentence.  Michael braced himself to answer but before he could, a soft mewling sound came from under the bed.  Lindsay stopped and walked slowly towards their bed.  Kneeling down, she peered under it.  That was when she had her realization.

  Under the bed was a gray kitten, purring softly and wagging her little gray tail as it looked at her.

  “Seriously, Michael?  Is this what you can’t deal with?  And is this supposed to be under the tree?”  She questioned as she picked the kitten up from under the bed and nestled it on her lap.  She pet the kitten gently and it purred contentedly.

  “Yes, but, for the past hour, it did nothing but spite me!  How…?”  He dumbfoundedly stared at the sight of Lindsay and the kitten, his wife whispering affectionately at the kitten while she held it to her face.  After a few moments, Lindsay stood and went over to Michael, the kitten cradled to her chest.

  “That’s your fault, baby.  You do not apply rage on such itty bitty lovelies.”  She inspected the long scratch on his face with her free hand. and then proceeded to softly kiss it.  “Thank you, Michael, truly!  This is the best Christmas ever!”  She exclaimed.  It was as if the last hour did not happen at all.

If Gavin was completely honest with himself, things weren’t going entirely to plan. In fact things weren’t going well at all. If he took current stock of the situation he had to realise that a) he was in fact falling to his death b) the others were nowhere to be seen and c) this was kind of, almost entirely his own fault.

But really he was inclined to blame Ryan. Stupid Ryan.

*

Three months earlier

“Dude have you ever thought that maybe your obsession with beating Mogar and the Mad King, is getting slightly… pathological?” Ray said mildly as he watched Gavin pour over the latest plans for some ridiculously complicated stunt involving a helicopter, which they didn’t have, a harpoon which for some reason they did and Jack’s latest gadget, a freeze ray that, despite its name actually stopped time. It had a few bugs apparently which meant that currently it only slowed time down in a couple metres radius around the user. Still, Gavin was kind of into it. Of course.

“It’s that King” Gavin muttered feverishly. “Him with his superior powers, his do-good attitude and those perfectly muscled arms.”

There was a slightly pregnant pause. “What?” Ray demanded.

“I mean what?” Gavin spluttered. “I meant um his… cheating. That he does. He cheats. All those loopholes.”

Ray peered at him suspiciously. “I think you need to get some more sleep.”

“Yeah” Gavin said gratefully. “That’s probably it.”

“But I’m serious” Ray said. “I mean we never win. Austin has two superheroes that are pretty determined to protect it. Maybe we should just throw in the whole evil villain thing all together. Or start anew in another city which isn’t protected by a hothead and a psychopath.”

Gavin made a small non-committal sound but otherwise didn’t answer.

“I mean,” Ray pressed on determinedly. “Arguably the only thing we’re good at is running away. I hate to think what the King would do if we actually caught us.” He shuddered.

“Well don’t worry about that” Gavin said. “Because I think I’ve finally found some leverage on our dear superheroes.”

He reached for his laptop and tapped a few keys so that the massive screens that took up one wall blazed into life. Several pictures of a pretty red headed women appeared on screen.

“Lindsay Jones” Ray read. “Who’s she?”

“She’s someone that Mogar wouldn’t want to lose, let’s put it that way. And as Mogar and the King are partners, I’m pretty sure both of them would do whatever they could to protect her.”

“So… what are you suggesting?” Ray asked. He had a sudden punch of foreboding to his gut. He and Gavin caused mischief, sure. Millions of dollars’ worth of damage to the city too, on occasion. Usually accidentally. But this. This was in a whole different ballpark.

 “We find Mrs Jones. And we lay a trap. Then we wait.”

“Kidnap, Gav?” Ray asked anxiously. “Not really our style.”

“No” Gavin admitted and Ray was slightly comforted to see that Gavin at least looked uneasy about it. “But if we pull this off then we never have to worry about those pesky superheroes again. Trust me. It will be worth it.”

*

Michael was having a bad day. People didn’t realise that there were downsides to super powers but really if he accidentally pulled the doors off any more cars people were going to start getting suspicious. Not least the guy that sold him the car and couldn’t understand why he kept bringing it in for the exact same fairly unexplainable issue.

So when his phone blared with Ryan’s special ring he just knew it was going to be some bullshit.

“What?” he snapped, car door still in his free hand.

“X-Ray and Vav have got Lindsay” Ryan said without preamble. Michael froze, his hand tightening so much that the door handle crushed in his grip.

“What?” he breathed.

“Don’t worry” Ryan said. “I’ve already tracked them. One of the old abandoned warehouses by the river.”

“I’ll be there” Michael said and hung up. He rubbed a tired hand over his eyes. X-Ray and Vav really were the absolute worst.

*

“Testing… is this thing on?” Gavin peered into the camera mounted precariously on a pile of old crates. Behind him Lindsay shifted uncomfortably, crudely duct taped to a seat. There had been a lengthy debate about whose responsibility it had been to bring the rope.

“Vav? Is that you? I assume you’re behind this.”

There was a flicker and then the King’s face blazed into life on their monitors, blinking disapprovingly down at them, complete with crooked crown perched on his head.  

“Ah the Mad King, just the man I wanted to talk too” Gavin said, leaning casually back in his swivel chair with his hands behind his head. Ray rolled his eyes.

“Hola, your Kingship. I’m here too. Just in case… you know it mattered.”

“X-Ray” the King nodded curtly before swinging his attention back to Gavin. “What do you want, Vav? You are aware of course that I know exactly where you are.”

“Aw King. You’re all business. You never have time for chit chat anymore.”

“Maybe if you weren’t so extremely predictable” the King said.

“How dare you?” Gavin said, outraged. “We’ve never kidnapped anyone before. I thought that was proper clever.”

“You left a trail of destruction in your wake that meant a five year old could follow you. As usual.”

“Yeah well” Gavin muttered. “The helicopter was a little harder to control than I first realised.”

“And the harpoon?”

“Insurance.”

“You shot it through a billboard!”

“It was in my way!”

The King sighed. “Look let’s get down to business. I assume you want something or you wouldn’t have taken Lindsay.”

“Maybe I just want your attention” Gavin smiled coyly. “You never call anymore. You’re so grouchy all the time. I mean I really think we got off on the wrong foot.”

“The wrong foot of you trying to kill me?” the King asked. “Because yeah that did bum me out a little bit.”

“Misunderstanding” Gavin said airily. “It’s in the past.”

“You tried to drop a piano on me” Ryan pointed out.

“I just wanted to know if that would actually work. It was all for science, King. You can appreciate that, right? And besides, you were fine.”

“I’m not sure why your ‘science experiments’ always have to result in massive damage and injury.”

“Maybe I just need someone to tame my wild ways” Gavin sighed wistfully. Ray rolled his eyes so hard he was surprised he didn’t strain something.

“What you need is a good kicking” the King said stoutly. “And I’m gonna give it to you.”

“I love it when you talk dirty.”

“Guys, please!” It was Lindsay that had spoken. “When you’re done flirting with each other can we get back to the issue at hand? I.e. my rescue?” X-Ray and Vav were notoriously awful at everything they actually attempted to do so Lindsay wasn’t actually unduly worried. But her butt was kind of going numb. Time to speed things along.

The King had the decency to look a little ashamed. “You’re right, Lindsay. I apologise. Alright Vav, what do you want?”

“I don’t want anything. If you know where we are, why don’t you just come and rescue her?”

“Yes because that quite obviously isn’t a trap, is it?” the King.

“King” Gavin feigned hurt. “You wound me. But yes you are correct. But as it happens we will kill her if you don’t turn up soon so… it’s your choice really. Mogar really would be most upset if you let that happen, I’m sure.”

Gavin slammed a button and a lazer blazed into life, the red point of it starting at Lindsay’s feet but, even as they watched, raising slowly up towards her face. “Clock’s ticking, King” Gavin said and killed the connection.

“Umm” Ray said, peering at the contraption. “This is in fact a lazer pointer” he said. “It’s just a light.”

“Yeah” Gavin agreed. “I don’t want to hurt her. I’m not some kind of barbarian, X-Ray. Please.”

“Huh” Ray said and glanced at Lindsay who was looking a lot calmer now she knew that the worst could happen was getting a light shone in her eyes. “So now what?”

“Now… we wait.”

The words were no sooner out of Gavin’s mouth when the wall shuddered violently as something smashed against it.

“Wow that didn’t take him long” Ray commented.

“Noble people are so predictable” Gavin said. “And he had the audacity to call us predictable. Did you hear that shit?”

“Yeah but um… maybe focus?”

“Oh right. The King’s coming.” Gavin paused. “Shit the King’s coming!”

“Please tell me you have a plan?” Ray demanded.

“I have half a plan.”

“Half?”

“More like twenty percent” Gavin admitted.

“Twenty percent?” Ray yelled. “That’s barely a concept!”

“Yes well to be honest, Ray, I didn’t think we’d get this far.”

“Yeah I sort of thought that when you crashed the helicopter into the apartment building.”

CRASH

All three of them jumped as a sizeable hole appeared in the concrete. Gavin shrieked and jumped into Ray’s arms. Ray dropped him. 

“Dude, grab this” Ray said pressing Jack’s latest invention into Gavin’s hand. “Do things.”

“You’re the one with super powers” Gavin whispered.

“I’m not sure how x-ray vision is really going to help us here. And you should have thought about that before you took point on this ridiculous suicide mission” Ray snapped. But he softened slightly at the look on Gavin’s face and glared at the wall, using his vision to look through it.

“Jesus Christ, he’s got a JCB.”

“Ah I did wonder how he was doing that.” 

The King’s true powers were largely secret though it was well known that he had an uncanny gift with animals. But Mogar had always been the muscle on their team, which is quite possibly why Ray and Gavin always lost. They had nothing resembling muscle. Ray was quick, and calculated, with a good aim and a stubborn attitude but it was no match for Mogar’s brute force. And Gavin. Well. He didn’t have any real powers to speak of. He heavily relied on the gadgets that Jack made for them which invariably went wrong. Ray couldn’t help but blame the user more than the maker.

“Shit here he comes” Gavin said as the King appeared, silhouetted in the hole he had created. Dressed as he always was in kilt, long socks and black blazer, he should have looked ridiculous. Instead he always managed to pull it off with a certain amount of panache in Gavin’s opinion.

“Ah, Mad King” Gavin said, his voice only shaking a little bit. “How nice of you to join us.”

“This is a lazer pointer” the King snarled, gesturing at Lindsay.

“Fooled you!” Gavin said with a shrug and a sheepish grin.

The King full on growled and Gavin took half a step back, only to be shoved forward by Ray. It was odd really. Mogar was nowhere to be seen and he was the one who had kicked both their heads in on more than one occasion. The King usually did little more that stand back and watch. But there was something sinister about him that had earned him the nickname Mad King even by those he had vowed to protect. Something that suggested he was a lot more dangerous than Mogar if he wanted to be.

The King charged forward and both Ray and Gavin dived to either side and then ran for it, deeper into the warehouse. Gavin pressed the communicator on his wrist.

“Code: Release the robots” he muttered.

“You know,” Rays said conversationally, “the point of a code…”

“Just do it, Ray!”

“Autobots, roll!” Ray yelled and a dozen small flying robots swarmed into the air. They were another of Jack’s concepts. They were small and strong and good for basic tasks but weren’t really designed for warfare despite the nickname.

“Attack!” Gavin tried hopefully, gesturing towards the King who was hot on his heels. One of the robots zoomed towards the King, crashed into his crown and pinged off with a hopeless bleep.

“Gary, noo!” Gavin yelled.

“Code: time for Plan B” Ray yelled desperately. “Come on, Vav!”

“OK OK” Gavin said. He swung around, pointing the freeze ray at the King’s chest. “Take this.”

Gavin pulled the trigger and several things happened at once.

The jet of orange that spurted from the gun hit the King square in the ribs, making him stagger. Mogar crashed into the building, through a different wall incidentally. Gavin was thrown backwards by the force of the shot and was sent sprawling. Time seemed to slow for one short second, as the gun was supposed to do but then righted itself very quickly. And in that split second, the King vanished.

Mogar ran to his wife’s side, ripping off the tape with his bare hands. “Are you hurt?” he asked.

“No, I’m fine. But Ryan…”

“I know, I saw.” He rounded on Ray who was closer. “What have you done with him, you bastards?”

“I…” Ray stammered. “I honestly have no idea. Vav?”

Gavin shrugged helplessly, examining the spot where Ryan had stood. “Jack’s gadgets. They can…”

“They can what?” Mogar demanded.

“I mean…” Gavin looked like he was about to throw up. “They can go wrong… sometimes. There have been cases…”He paused again, looking agonized.

“Just fucking tell me” Mogar roared.

“There have been cases of complete disintegration.”

Mogar who looked like he had been about to burst a blood vessel, paled so suddenly that Gavin was sure he was going to faint. “You… you killed him?”

“We killed him?” Ray echoed. He too glanced to where Ryan had once been. “We won?”

“We won” Gavin whispered. “Mogar… this wasn’t really our intention. I…”

“Bullshit!” Michael exploded. “You’ve been after Ryan since the start. You couldn’t be content to just stick to small town crime like the rest of ‘em. You wreak a trail of havoc wherever you fucking go. You really are the worst supervillains I’ve ever heard of.”

“Ah” Gavin said weakly. “But you have heard of us.”

Mogar seemed to swell with rage. And continued swelling. And then Gavin realised. He was shifting into bear form. Gavin had a distinct feeling his face was about to be ripped off.

It was unpleasant to watch really. Flesh stretching, reknitting and covering itself in fur, face elongating and teeth sprouting until a great grizzly stood before them. Gavin braced himself for the attack, with half a mind to just use the freeze ray again. But Mogar just bellowed mournfully, the sad cry of the bear somehow worse than any sound he could have made as a man. Then he lowered his haunches so Lindsay could climb aboard and took off, great strides eating up the length of the warehouse in mere seconds.

“Holy fuck” Ray said. “I thought we were bear food. I’ve never seen him shift before. Have you?”

“No” Gavin said weakly.

“But holy shit dude, we won! Super epic fist bump?” He held out a fist and Gavin tapped his own against it but only half-heartedly.

Ray peered at him. “What’s up? Your grand nemesis brought to justice. I thought you’d be crowing.”

“Ryan” Gavin said slowly as if trying the name on his tongue. “Ryan was what made all this worth doing.”

“Nah, man. Austin is ours! Mogar is nothing without his King. Trust me, this is a good thing. You’ll see!”

*

Ray was right about one thing. Mogar went completely underground after the attack. And once news got out about the Mad King’s demise the whole city went into mourning for the pair of them. The Mad King had been a feared but respected figure and Mogar had been much loved when people realised that his rage was mostly a front and he was actually just a great big teddy bear.

The city was ripe for the plucking. But really the whole fun had been in the game and if they were really honest they had no idea what to do with the city now that it was theirs.

“Um… go about your daily business” Ray commanded in what he hoped was a sinister tone, when the press asked what their intentions were. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

“What are our intentions?” he asked Gavin later that day. Gavin just shrugged.

“Do some science?” he suggested weakly.

That was how all this had started. A bunch of wild science experiments gone wrong, earning them their reputation as the “bad guys”. If Gavin was really honest, it was mostly his doing. Ray had been pretty content to spend as little time outdoors as possible. But Gavin had been missing Dan so Ray had agreed to hang out with him for a bit. He possibly didn’t realise that hanging out with Gavin usually included explosions.

Gavin had a certain knack for pyrotechnics and more than once he and Ray had tested this ability to its limits, half certain that Gavin did have one of the more milder forms of super power. But the tests had proved nothing except their propensity to stand too close to fire bombs.

It had also caught the notice of the official city superheroes both of whom Gavin and Ray had been pretty keen to avoid. They started masking and cloaking up when then conducted their experiments, hoping to keep them off their back for a bit longer.

One day when they were messing about in a junk yard, the resulting explosion had started a fire than had raged quickly out of control. Gavin and Ray had just scrambled to the top of a huge mound of junk when the King had arrived astride a giant bear.

“Shit!” Ray shouted. “They’ve tracked us down.”

“Yeah.” Gavin agreed. “It probably wasn’t hard.”

“What are we going to do?”

Gavin scanned the immediate area and noticed an old piano on the edge of their junk pile. “Something very stupid.”

Ray followed his gaze. “Are you crazy? That only works in cartoons!”

“Only one way find out” Gavin said. “Help me.”

They both put their shoulders in, shoving the piano to the side nearest the two heroes who were closing in with some speed, despite the uneven and dangerous terrain.

“OK” Ray breathed, looking doubtful. “On three. One… two…”

“Three!” Gavin shouted, shoving hard. In the second that the piano, teetered and then started to slide, he actually glanced down and caught the King’s piercing gaze. His breath caught oddly for a minute that had nothing to do with the smoke that was being pumped into the sky by the fire. This King dude was actually seriously good-looking.

Gavin sort of regretted chucking a piano at him now but it turned out not to matter because the piano, whilst tumbling down the pile at some speed, was apparently no match for an angry bear. Mogar reared up as the piano approached and batted it away with one huge paw.

“We’re fucked” Ray said. “I’m going to die. We’re going to die.”

“You always say that” Gavin said, though he was feeling a little panicky himself. “Goddammit Ray, why can’t you have a power that’s actually useful?”

“Well I’m sorry, I’m sure.” Ray said tartly. “Clearly I was back of the queue when God was handing out superpowers. Oh wait, sorry that was you.”

“I think we should probably be running” Gavin realised as Mogar seemed to have caught his stride. They took off down the other side of the pile, almost tumbling over in their haste.

“I’m just saying” Gavin panted, unable to drop the argument. “That a bit of lazer vision or even flight would not come amiss right now.”

“If I could fly would makes you think that I would be able to lift you too? I mean Gav, please.”

“Like even if your rays could also melt stuff or something. But no. They just give people radiation poisoning. Really really slowly.”

There was a crash behind them and a roar. Gavin chanced a glance back. An old rusted crane had fallen directly into the superheroes’ path, causing Mogar to stagger backwards.

“Leave them!” the King yelled. “We have to get this fire under control.”

“Leg it” Gavin advised.

The two took off again, sliding along in the slurry of garbage. A few twists and turns finally found them tumbling up and over the chain link fence into an alleyway. Luckily their landing was broken somewhat by some cardboard boxes and, in Gavin’s case, Ray.

“Get off me” Ray grouched, shoving Gavin hard. The both lay on their backs for a second catching their breath. “We were lucky” Ray said after a while. “I think we should keep our heads down for a while. I mean if we haven’t forced your powers to show themselves by now, you probably don’t have them. Sorry, man.”

Gavin thought of Ryan’s blazing eyes. He had to see him again. “I know I have powers, Ray. I can feel it in my balls! We can’t give up now.”

“You really want to take on a bear and a madman?” Ray said incredulously.

“He’s not a madman” Gavin said reasonably. “I mean he’s the good guy. Technically.”

“Maybe” Ray said. “There’s something about him I don’t trust.”

“It will be alright, Ray” Gavin said with confidence that he didn’t feel. “Trust me.”

*

Gavin had never though that that promise would actually come true. He never thought for one moment that they’d actually be able to beat Mogar and the Mad King. It had just been a game really. And now it was Game Over.

But life went on. The whole city acted like they were all under some tyrannical reign, especially the press which called for a hero from a neighbouring city to come and “free” them. But really Gavin and Ray wouldn’t know how to run a tyrannical dictatorship any more than they knew how to dance the can-can. So the city went on in much the same way as it had before. They left the government in charge after giving them a hard stare and warning them not to “fuck everything up” but largely they just stayed out of it.

They were just two twenty-something nerds whose main priorities in life were still food and getting laid. They didn’t have time for a dictatorship. Which was why it was probably a surprise to everyone when there was an uprising.

The giant, twenty five foot robot marched into the square in front of city hall one Tuesday morning with all the subtlety of a freight train. It was pretty hard to miss, a huge circular metal shell with spider like limbs that gave it a creeping gait. X-Ray and Vav were summoned as apparent caretakers of the city but the reality was that they were two idiots with nothing but x-ray vision and some pipe bombs between them. So when the robot mechanically screeched, “This city is mine now,” the two villains could do little more than exchange a nervous glance and say, “Um… strongly disagree?”

“Listen here…” Gavin hesitated.

“You may call me Grif” the robot intoned.

“Grif? That’s a bit shit.”

“When you are enclosed in a giant robot suit, you have no need for fruity hero names” the robot said as dismissively as a mechanical voice could.

“Wait” Ray muttered. He focussed his gaze in the main body of the robot. “There’s a dude in there.”

“Not so artificial intelligence” Gavin muttered. That was bad. Robots could be fooled. You just had to find the flaws in their programming. On the other hand there was always capacity for human error. That could be worthy of exploitation.

“Listen here, Grif. I don’t know if you’ve heard but we were responsible for the death of the Mad King. You don’t want to mess with us.”

“You were lucky” Grif grated.

“Shit he’s on to us” Ray muttered. Gavin shoved him.

“No, honestly” he insisted. “We’re proper ninja. You don’t want to mess with us. My friend here has some sick arse powers. And I… I look good in a cape.”

“Pulling up data on X-Ray and Vav” Grif said. “X-Ray. Power: X-Ray vision. Vav. Power: Data not found. Excuse me if I am not trembling with fear. In fact you removed the only factors that were keeping this city safe. I should thank you for that. But I won’t.”

The robot reached out with surprising suddenness enclosing Ray in one iron claw.

“Dude, what the hell!?” Ray yelled, struggling wildly.

“Ray!” Gavin shouted. He pulled the freeze-ray from the holster strapped over his back. He shot it immediately, aiming for the robot’s underbelly. The orange beam rebounded, hitting a nearby fire hydrant which exploded in slow motion. 

“You let go of him right now!” Gavin yelled like he was talking to a naughty dog.

“Affirmative” Grif said and released him. Unfortunately by this point he had already lifted Ray up to his full height and was dropping him from twenty feet in the air onto solid concrete.

Gavin reacted instinctively, shooting the freeze-ray directly at Ray. He has no idea if this would work. The freeze-ray was still prone to odd fuck ups though Jack had assured them that he had worked out a lot of the kinks. But it was the only option open to him.

For one second Ray froze in mid-air and then began to fall again, but slowly so he gently tapped down onto the paving slabs. Grif moved forward, clearly intent on crushing them both.

“Woah. Just woah, OK?” Gavin shouted. Mogar and the Mad King had never seriously tried to damage them. No matter what. But this Grif character was clearly a very different beast. “Calm the fuck down.”

“Run lads” Grif called. “And watch your city burn.”

In fairness they had watched the city burn many times because of their own actions. But they heeded the warning and took off, Ray still moving oddly as he fought the after effects of the slow mo.

“What are we going to do now?” Ray asked as they ran.

Gavin just shook his head hopelessly.

“I suppose there’s only one thing we can do.”

*

Mogar looked very different out of costume. He was all curls, with glasses and a nerdy t-shirt and honest to God freckles. He was nearly adorable and Gavin was almost disappointed.

“Mogar?” he asked when the man opened the door to the apartment.

Mogar frowned at them.

“I no longer go by that name. It’s just Michael now.”

“Well ‘Just Michael’, we need your help.”

Michael peered at them suspiciously. And then the penny dropped. “Oh my God. You’re those dumb kids. X-Ray and Vav.”

“Not so dumb that we couldn’t beat you” Ray muttered petulantly. “And we’re the same age.”

“Ray, please” Gavin said. “Although he does have a point,” he added to Michael.

Michael glared.

“OK listen. I’m Gavin and this is Ray. No doubt you’ve noticed the giant robot destroying the city?”

Michael scratched his chin idly. “Might have seen something about it on the news, yeah.”

“We can’t fight that thing ourselves. We need your help.”

Michael shrugged. “Why do you want to stop him? I thought you were all about the burning and destroying of public property?”

“Only a little bit” Gavin said.

“Look, dude, this guy is seriously depraved” Ray said. “He makes us look like children. And we are really. We never really intended any harm, we just wanted to do our own thing. And then it kind of just became a game. We were dumb, yes. But this guy is malicious.”

“And we really are sorry about Ryan” Gavin added. “I wish he was here now.”

Something odd passed over Michael’s face. “I don’t really do the hero thing anymore” he said.

“We noticed” Ray said and Gavin nodded. “But why? You were always the strong one of the team. You don’t really need Ryan, do you?”

“I think you better come in” Michael said abruptly.

It wasn’t until they were all sat down in Michael’s surprisingly cosy lounge, that he explained.

“Ryan has his own powers. Some weird thing with animals. He just has a knack with them. But he’s also a catalyst.”

“Oh” Ray breathed.

Gavin was blank. “What’s a catalyst in this context?”

“Ryan brings out the powers of those who have very little control over them. Sometimes a lot. I always have my super strength. But without Ryan in close proximity, I can’t phase into bear form. He acts as the catalyst.”

“But that can’t be true” Gavin frowned. “Because you phased the day that Ryan died. Right in front of us.”

“Yeah…” Michael said. “There’s something else.”

*

It was a long drive out of town and Gavin was half concerned that Michael was just driving them out into the middle of nowhere so he could kill them without witnesses. But maybe that was just the paranoia talking.

Even so he and Ray had brought back up in the form of Jack. He had always half-heartedly supported their endeavours in exchange for them testing his gadgets for him.

“Need to make sure they’re fool proof” he always said and chuckled to himself. But Jack was just a good guy really and Gavin felt bad that he had got swept up in this. The only reason he knew them was because he supported young people who were trying to discover their powers which is what Gavin had been when he had arrived in Austin. And now he was in the middle of a giant robot shaped mess.

“Okay, we’re here” Michael muttered, pulling up outside a stone farmhouse and killing the engine. Gavin hopped out the van and could swear that even from this distance he could feel the earth shudder under foot where buildings were being levelled in the city.

“Hurry” he muttered.

Michael led the way up the path to the front door. Gavin was still convinced this was some huge wind up. Ryan couldn’t be alive. Couldn’t be living in some random farm south of the city. Not when he had relived his disappearance night after night. Not when he’d had nightmares about the light in those bright blue eyes just winking out.

But when a broad man with perfectly muscled arms opened the door, he knew it was true after all.

“Ryan” Michael greeted him with a friendly shoulder pat.

“Ryan” Gavin whispered and before he was really aware what he was doing he had rushed forward and thrown his arms around him, pulling him into a crushing embrace. “You stupid bastard. I thought you were dead. You have a lot of explaining to do.”

“Umm…” Ryan gently pushed him back, only to hold him at arm’s length to have a good look at him. “No way.” He glanced at Michael and then back to Gavin. “Vav?”

“Hey” Ray said. “X-Ray is here too. You know. In case it matters.”

Ryan glanced at him for a second but then his eyes zoned back in on Gavin. And to everyone’s surprise he pulled him back into the hug. “I’ve missed you, you annoying asshole.”

Gavin just laughed.

*

Once all the proper introductions were out the way and they were all seated around Ryan’s dining table (which he had to shoo a chicken off of) Gavin asked the question that he Ray and Jack were all burning to know the answer too.

“So… how did you do it?”

“Well” Ryan turned to Jack. “Actually your gun worked. Just in reverse. Everything froze around me. At least I thought it had. Turned out it was just moving really really slowly. But I’m going to be honest. I had been thinking of leaving the superhero game for a while. But it’s not something you can just walk away from. Being a hero. People need you. Rely on you. I knew that if I went it would have to look like an accident. And suddenly there was this perfect opportunity presenting itself.

“So I did it. I just walked away. Time was moving so slowly that I simply walked out of there and I knew you would see nothing more than a flash of movement. If that. I came here and started this farm. Me and animals have always had a certain understanding.”

“You just walked away?” Jack asked, finding it hard to hide the disgust in his voice. “But the city needed you.”

“The city never really needed us” Ryan said mildly. “There two were idiots sure but they weren’t truly dangerous. The only reason we engaged with them so much was because we found it entertaining.”

“Oh please” Michael said. “You just couldn’t keep yourself away from Vav.”

“Really?” Ray said. “I thought I was the only one that had to deal with a lovesick partner.”

“Lovesick? That’s a bit strong!” Gavin said at the exact same moment as Ryan said, “That wasn’t what it was like at all.”

They caught each other’s eyes and both blushed slightly dropping their gazes.

“Gross” Ray commented and Michael nodded.

Jack cleared his throat. “Have we forgotten why we’re here?” he prompted. “Giant robot.”

“Giant robot?” Ryan repeated.

“Yeah it’s a long story” Gavin said. “Well it isn’t actually. This giant robot just showed up. Started causing shit. We need to sort this out. Are you in?”

“I’m not really a hero anymore” Ryan said uncomfortably. “I’m retired.”

“You said yourself. It’s not just something you walk away from. People need you” Ray said.

But Ryan was shaking his head. “I’m sorry fellers. I really am. But this is a fight that you’ll have to fight without the old King.”

The rest of the team all just stared at him. It had never once occurred to any of them that he would refuse.

“But Ryan” Gavin said quietly. “The game. I know you loved it as much as I did. It’s just like that. But with much higher stakes.”

“I’m sorry, Gavin” Ryan said and he looked it. “I just can’t.”

The silence spiralled uncomfortably until it was broken by Ray who had been staring hopelessly at the floor. “Wait a minute. Is that a cow?”

“Everyone’s attention snapped downward. The floor under the table was made of glass and looked down into a huge basement where there was a single cow.

“Ryan what are you doing in here, you sick fuck?” Michael demanded.

“That’s Edgar” Ryan said. “Trust me, it’s for your own safety that he’s in the hole.” The silence that followed this announcement was even more uncomfortable than the previous one.

“I think it’s time to go” Jack said eventually.

“Yeah” Gavin said. “Agreed.”

As they were all shuffling out the door, Ryan grabbed, Gavin’s arm, pulling him in for a second. “I really am sorry, Gavin. I wish I could help. Especially you.”

“I thought you were a hero” Gavin said in disgust. “But you’re just like everyone else. A huge disappointment.”

Ryan cringed and Gavin pulled his arm free. “Goodbye” he said coldly and he let the door slam behind him.

Outside he turned to the others. “Okay, gang. Revised plan.”

“Is it more than twenty percent of a plan?” Ray asked.

Gavin pulled a face. “Barely. But it’s all we’ve got.”

*

They left Jack safely ensconced in the secret lair which was actually just a shed in Ray’s back garden. He had been up all night tweaking gadgets for them and besides he had very little battle flair. His powers lay in inventive creations. He also had a weird thing for stairs which none of them questioned too closely. But they all knew he would make very little difference in a proper fight.

Gavin was also pretty aware that he would make little impact in a proper fight. But it was what it was, he couldn’t back down now. If he had anything going for him, it was a complete overabundance of faith in his own abilities and that of his team.

They had to drive the van to where they had reports of Grif’s movements. It was not the most triumphant charge in to battle to be fair but even Jack couldn’t whip up the grand battle wagon that Gavin was envisioning, in one night.

“We’re probably all about to die” Gavin said matter-of-factly once they were parked up.

“Not the best start to a motivational speech” Michael drawled. “You dumb fuck” he added for good measure. Gavin ignored him.

“But at least we can die doing what we love. Blowing shit up!”

“What? I don’t…” Michael started to protest but Ray interrupted with a roar of,

“Yeaaah! Super epic fist bump!” He knocked his fist against Gavin’s and then turned to Michael who sighed but complied.

“Alright. Ready, lads?” Gavin asked, hand on the door handle. “On three then. One… two…”

“THREE!” Ray shouted and they all tumbled out of the van. Onto the completely deserted street.

“Okay well he’s a few blocks down” Gavin said. “But it doesn’t hurt to get pumped up.”

They moved stealthily down the streets but they probably needn’t have bothered. Grif was making enough noise to mask the approach of an entire army let alone three ill prepared superheroes. They caught sight of him at last, strange spider limbs scuttling and levelling a diner in his wake.

“Okay, guys?” Ray checked. The other two nodded. “Then take to the sky!”

“I’ve always wanted to do this” Gavin crowed gleefully and slapped the side of his boots. He shot into the air, Michael close in his wake.

“Jack’s a fucking genius” Michael said in something like astonishment. The boots were surprisingly easy to manoeuvre with and soon they were flying like they were both born to it.

“Remember the plan?” Gavin checked, coming in close.

“Ye” Michael said. “Let’s do it.”

Gavin swooped first, dropping straight down onto the unsuspecting robot’s head. Grif roared, though Gavin could have been no more than a pesky fly was to a lazy bear.

“Get off me, dude!” Grif clanked in a surprisingly human turn of phrase. But of course there a man inside of him.

“Aw sorry, mate. Didn’t see ya there!” Gavin said, patting the great metal casing. One spidery limb came up to swat Gavin aside but he was ready for it, tucking and rolling to one side so the claw swept harmlessly over him.

“Did you know?” Gavin asked conversationally, swooping around to hang directly in front of the great glass visor that he assumed served as the eyes. “That if you flip a coin three times, there are eight possible outcomes?”

“…What?” Grif said, actually pausing in his active limb flailing to stare Gavin down. “That’s bullshit.”

“Ok” Michael muttered into the communicator on his wrist. “Gavin’s got him distracted.”

“Right” Ray acknowledged, running out of cover to get close enough to use his powers. “Alright. Weak spots. Where each leg joins the body. The centre of the visor is pretty breakable.” He whistled through his teeth. “That’s about it. Aim good.”

“Aim good” Michael repeated. “Great advice.”

He swept in under Grif’s notice. Gavin was still gabbling a mile a minute, trying to explain some stupid coin thing that he had brought up last night until Michael had just stared him down. Grif seemed about as impressed as he had been judging by the angry clicking noises he was making.

Michael pounced. In one quick movement he swooped down onto the leg nearest him and crashed both fists directly into the joint. The leg didn’t come off but the metal buckled under the impact and the robot screeched angrily, another limb snaking around to bat Michael out of the air. He spiralled wildly for a few seconds before righting himself.

There were two of them in the air but Grif had eight long limbs which was unfortunately more than enough to keep them both busy and keep the robot’s body suspended. Still, Michael did his best, ducking and weaving through the flailing arms and landing another hit. Unfortunately on a different joint.

“It’s not working!” he yelled frantically into the communicator.

“Yeah I can sort of see that” Ray admitted. “Keep trying.” Down on the ground, Ray sorted through their arsenal and finally picked a gun. He was a sharp shooter which was why he had been voted to stay on ground. He hoped he could live up to that now.

He had picked the shrink ray, in the scant hope that it would actually work. He took aim and hit the robot directly in its visor. The shot had absolutely no effect, simply dissipating against the glass. Ray glanced around frantically.

Michael swept in, landing another solid blow to one of the leg joints while Gavin just circled annoyingly around the robot’s head, shouting obscenities. Ray was pleased to see some of the metal splinter. A weak point.

He took careful aim again. He completely missed that time, the robot was rocking around so much, it was hard to get a clear shot. The second shot merely grazed the metal armour, almost hitting Michael in the process. But the third shot was true, hitting Grif directly in his damaged joint. If Ray was hoping for a miracle, he didn’t get it. The leg did shrink, causing the robot to stagger for a second as he was thrown off balance. But aside from that the gun had achieved very little.

“Alright get clear” Ray muttered into the comm. “Time for the big guns.” He picked up a rocket launcher.

*

Up in the sky, Gavin was blissfully unaware. They only had two communicators and Ray and Michael had them, a fact that Ray has possibly forgotten. So Gavin couldn’t understand why Michael suddenly pinged away, putting as much distance between himself and Grif as possible.

“Wha-?” Gavin started to say and then heard the tell-tale boom of the rocket gun. He did the only thing that made sense at the time, and shot directly upwards.

The rocket slammed into the robot’s tough shell and exploded against him, causing him to screech loudly in what might have terror for the first time. But the robot was angry now and one of his wildly snaking claws caught Gavin right on target, smashing one boot completely.

Gavin swung dizzingly in the air, trying to regain control. But one boot alone was not enough to hold him up. He tried gunning it further and he shot a couple of metres upwards before the boot beeped dismally and completely cut out.

“No!” he yelled, twisting desperately and smacking the side of the boot repeatedly. But it was no good. He was falling. And fast.

Gavin had mere seconds to take stock and if he was honest, things weren’t going entirely to plan. In fact things weren’t going well at all. He had to realise that a) he was in fact falling to his death b) the others were nowhere to be seen and c) this was kind of, almost entirely his own fault. Also he was about to be smashed up by one pissed off robot but, really, one ridiculous problem at a time.

Gavin had read a thousand things on how to survive bizarre situations including high drops but he forgot all of it and just screamed loudly, praying for the ground over the robot.

And then something huge sprang out of nowhere. And suddenly he was being snatched up by a furry brown creature. A bear, Gavin thought wildly. What the…?

The bear caught Gavin against its chest and then rolled into a protective ball around Gavin’s body to lessen the impact. It was still by no means comfortable. The wind had been knocked out of him on impact and Gavin was half afraid he was going to get crushed instead of splattered and with a mouth full of bear hair to boot. But then the world went suddenly still and he could breathe again and hear the comforting thud of the bear’s heart next to his ear. After a long second the bear slowly uncurled itself, releasing Gavin from its lifesaving grip. Gavin staggered to his feet, staring in awe at the huge bear.

“Michael?” Gavin breathed. The bear turned to peer down at him, giving him a look that clearly said “well duh.”

“But that means…” Gavin said and someone behind him cleared his throat.  

“You didn’t think I would miss the party, did you?” Ryan asked sheepishly.

“Ryan!” And Gavin had just had near death experience and just seen a very attractive man that he was actually head over heels in lust with and he really couldn’t be responsible for his actions in those next few seconds. Which was to pounce on the unsuspecting Ryan and kiss his stupid face off.

“Gross” Ray said and Michael made a bear noise of agreement, covering his face with one giant paw.

Gavin didn’t hear any of this. He just clutched Ryan’s blazer, pulling him into a crushing kiss that Ryan returned eagerly, his arms tightening around Gavin’s narrow waist and nearly pulling him off his feet.

“You know” Ryan murmured a little breathlessly against the shell of Gavin’s ear. “You could have saved yourself a lot of trouble and minor injuries if you had just asked me for coffee.”

“I’ve never been very conventional” Gavin mumbled back, laughing his way into another messy kiss.

“Well well well” clanked a mechanical voice from behind them. “This is all very touching I’m sure. A little misfit family all back together again. Of course it won’t stop me crushing you.”

The heroes scattered, all except Ryan who held stubbornly on to Gavin’s hand. “I’m not letting go of you again” he said. “If we go down, we go down together.”

“That’s all very lovely and everything” Gavin said. “But I would rather no one went down at all.” He picked something out of his belt. “Pipe bomb” he explained. A flick of a lighter and then he threw it with all his might at the charging robot.

And for the first time in his life, with Ryan’s hand grabbing his again, he felt the unmistakable surge of power to his fingertips. “A catalyst” Gavin breathed. “That’s all I needed. Of course.”

He thrust his free hand out in a needlessly dramatic gesture that seemed to fit the moment. And somehow that bomb hit the exact right target and exploded with the power of a hundred pipe bombs. All four heroes were thrown onto the ground and there was a great metallic screeching sound as the great metal body finally crumpled.

“He’s breached!” Ray yelled, using his powers to see through the waves of billowing smoke.

Michael roared.

“That means, leave it to him” Ryan translated still sprawled on the floor.

Michael leapt forward. He always revelled in this. The freedom of his bear form. He had missed it fiercely. He charged at Grif’s metal shell, not needing to use his eyes to sense his way through the acrid smoke. The hole that had been blown into the side of it was huge, the entire visor had shattered and half the legs were hanging uselessly off the torso.

Michael grumbled and thrust one big paw into the gap. It only took a few swipes to hook the man in his claw and pull him from the wreckage.

He was bearded and tattooed and currently unconscious. Michael roared, calling the others in.

“I can’t believe he survived that” Ray commented, staring down at him.

“The robot suit protected him” Ryan said sombrely. “Though what are we supposed to do with him now?”

Gavin was less concerned about that. “Oooh yeah. We kicked robot arse! We need a dramatic super hero team name. Like… the Avengers!”

“I think some assholes in New York already took that name” Ray said.

“Oh” Gavin deflated slightly. “OK. How about the Fantastic Four!?”

Ryan and Ray exchanged a look. “We can discuss a name later” Ryan said quickly. “What about this asshole?” He kicked at the man disdainfully.

Grif moaned, instinctively twisting away from the pain. “Hey!” Ray yelled, shaking him. “Come on, man. Wake up!”

“Is that wise” Ryan asked mildly.

“Ah he’s not so big without his robot suit. Are ya?” Gavin said, also nudging the man with his foot.

“What the hell happened?” the man moaned, sitting up slightly and examining the wreckage around him.

“We beat you down” Gavin said proudly. “Is what happened.”

“Oh” Grif blinked and looked mournfully at the destroyed robot suit. “Shame about that. Rampaging around in that thing was fun as dicks.”

“Fun?” Ray said.

“As dicks?” Gavin added incredulously.

“Oh come on, lads. You know how fun a bit of wonton destruction is.”

“That’s your reason?” Ryan asked. “You were just bored?”

Grif shrugged. “Would it help if I said I was very very sorry?”

“Aw” Gavin said. “Can we keep him?”

“Gavin!” Ray and Ryan shouted together along with an annoyed grunt from Michael.

“He said he was sorry!”

Ryan shook his head. He could see he was going to have his work cut out with Gavin. “Come on” he said. “Let’s get this douche in the van at least.”

Grif went without resistance. Maybe it was the proximity of Michael’s teeth or maybe he just knew when he had been beaten because he allowed Ray and Gavin to frogmarch him back to the van and throw him in the back before cable tying his feet together for good measure.

“Right” Ray said, brushing his cloak down. “What now?”

Michael walked out from behind the van, having phased back into human form. “Pizza” he declared. “And milkshakes. I’m pretty sure there’s a diner around here.”

“I think Grif flattened it” Ray said.

“Oh. Well fuck I’m sure we’ll find something. Come on, Ray.” The two boys strode off, leaving Gavin and Ryan to hang back slightly.

“So how does it feel to be the hero for once?” Ryan smiled down at him.

“Pretty good. But I mean I never wanted to be a villain. I just er… wanted to see you again” he said sheepishly.

“I noticed. And as I said before. Next time just ask. You were making my job so much harder than it needed to be.”

“You make me so much harder than…”

“Gavin please. Just shut up” Ryan said and pulled him in for a bruising kiss. “You’re dumb.”

“Didn’t stop you coming back for me though” Gavin crowed happily.

“I came back for the good of the city” Ryan said in a dignified tone.

“I bet my arse helped a little bit, though didn’t it?” Gavin grinned.

“Your ‘arse’ helped a lot” Ryan admitted, giving it an appreciative pat. “Now come on. Let’s get pizza.”

“Sounds great” Gavin said, taking Ryan’s offered hand. They wandered in the same direction as Ray and Michael. “Ok. How about this for a name? The Justice League!”

“Gavin.”

*

If any of the heroes had remained near the van they might have heard Geoff talking into his own communicator.

“Hello? Jack? Yeah the prototype robot suit was an almost complete success. Time to move onto phase two.”