#ngefictive

Canon divs -

Hey Shinji, Rei too, I don't know if this would ever reach the specific two I knew in canon, but, all of you are welcome to read this, if it helps you. I'm sorry, I was an awful friend to you two, I let my jealousy control me way too often and just, I don't know. I was never there for you two. Rei, I won't ever be able to understand you, but I did care, even if it was too late for me to voice it by the time you were gone. I wish I could've done something, anything to prevent your demise, even if you choose to do it for Shinji. You're braver then I'll ever be, kinder too. I don't know if you considered me as a friend, but, I appreciate you nonetheless, and I miss you. I hope you're doing well wherever you are now! Shinji, I could say a lot about you, lecture you, but you've heard enough I assume. We both were troubled, everything that I started, despite knowing it wouldn't fix anything, I'm sorry, I really just hurt you more then even helping you. You tried to reach out to me despite the fact I treated you terribly, I admired that, a lot. I really hope you're doing better now, and if I could, I'd like to hear you play the Cello one more time. I know I've already said this, but I hope you two are doing well, things have been going well for me, but I still think about you two a lot. - Asuka Langley Soryu (Please tag this as fictive.)

It's interesting. Even now, I'm not my own person. I'm our autopilot. My official name is "The Dummy System". It's alright. I'm comfortable not being a person. To be the fiber in our skin. The breath we exhale. A feeling more than anything else. I have nothing to say, no preferences one way or the other that aren't Tom's. I feel nothing. I want little, if anything at all. I don't mind it at all. I don't resent anyone else for being more than me, because that would require being something that can resent. I'm not here to lament; just to speak. To feel our hands move and know it's me doing it, in some small part. There's a contradiction; I'm nothing, but I do still want things. I want to hold someone's face in my hands, to have the nerves in our skin flicker. I want input. I want feeling and sensation. That's all.

I can't believe I finally found my mother in source, only to end up losing her again. That's wiiiiild. /Sarc

I do not want to be a person. I might be one against my will.

I wish I could have an apology, at least once. I know I deserve one. If he apologised, I could potentially forgive him. But that requires both finding him, and asking for one, neither of which I think I'm capable of.

I am feeling very sentimental about my source again.

well, this is interesting