#nfty-mar

This weekend with NFTY-MAR was amazing. I had an insane amount of fun with so many best friends, lots of them Kutzniks that I haven't spent much time with since July. The South won color wars (go go Gryffindor!). All the drama that I've been experiencing since June magically disappeared this weekend and I was able to simply let go and enjoy myself. Emotional moments - at Havdallah last night, I sat in between two of my favorite boys in the world. We sang a slowed-down version of "Home" and "Fix You." Both boys cried. One's a sophomore but the other's a senior, and I realized that this might be the last Havdallah I ever spend holding his hand. Deb closed Havdallah teaching Max Chaiken's Eliyahu Hanavi, the first time I've heard it outside of Kutz or Convention. I had the same moment again during the Bedtime Shma when I sat with two of my senior boys. I felt it all through friendship circle but I didn't cry until I was already on the bus when it hit me that in less than six weeks, I will be seeing my best friends for the last time in NFTY. My senior friends have been so central to my NFTY experience and to my life as a whole and I don't know what I'll do without them next year. And now I'm crying again because I just opened my letter to myself from Kutz last summer. I'm crying because I miss 46 Bowen Road and the community that lives there more than anything, because as soon as I held the envelope in my hands I could remember lying on the floor of the Beit Am on the last full day, surrounded by my best friends for one last time as we penned our letters, because I've far exceeded the goals I made for myself in July, and because I can't wait to go back home in 98 days. My mom always thinks that when I come home and cry, it's because I didn't have a good time. Actually, I'm crying because I had the best time in the world.

So after reviewing the schedule for the weekend (which can be found here with the password "LAnfty5773")  i think the best time for our tumblr meetup is on Monday during lunch! It'd be awesome for all of us to finally meet each other!! So i'll be tweeting all weekend, obviously, and i'll try to post here too, but follow me (here and on twitter) to find out like exactly when and where we'll be meeting! 

Once tumblr like realizes it's legit, i'll post the rsvp link! 

JELLO IS TOMORROW. HOLY FUCKING SHIIT. 

I tried to hold myself together all weekend, but now that I'm finally alone, I just can't stop crying. I'm not even THAT upset about losing. I don't even really know why i'm crying. I'm insanely excited for next year- I literally get to do whatever the fuck I want at events, I'm probably going to be chairing thevent and hopefully i'll be on ruach committee! I just hate how nothing went the way I wanted it to go this weekend... I put so much time and effort into all of this for literally nothing. Yeah I got some cool pass downs (Whaddup Promiscuous Princesses) but thats not what I wanted. I wanted to be on board and I wanted to be a leader of the region.. but that just isn't going to happen. And the hardest part is that now I have to watch the new board all year, which is just going to kill me. 

I just sent the email with my questions, bio, and picture for elections. I'M FREAKING OUT! Literally everybody in the region gets to see it and gahh I can't deal with thiss.