#ahhhhhhhhh

The week scraped by. Dennis felt like he was in high school all over again.

Minus the setting. And the fact that he was going over to their house on a regular basis. And honestly everything except the fact that seeing his attendings made his heart gallop in his chest and made him kind of blushy and stupid.

If he thought things were bad before, it’s worse now. Now he knows how Robby takes his coffee. What his voice sounds like early in the morning. How Jack likes to sit in the same chair when he cooks meals. How soft he is with his husband. How Robby's a switch, which means there’s a side of him that he hasn’t seen all sweet and pliant for Jack Abbot. Oh my god, he was fucked. Severly fucked. And not even in a fun way.

Robby’s handsiness skyrocketted, or maybe Dennis was just hyperaware of it now. Every little bump in the arm and hand on his nape, the claps on his shoulder, and most daringly a hand along Dennis’s lower back while he was rushing over to a coding patient.

“You’re like a girl in a Jane Austen novel freaking out over hand holding. Wait, did you read Austen? You seem like you came from a Grace Livingston Hill kinda family.” Trinity had teased while Dennis hung around the nurses station.

“Can I at least be a man in a Jane Austen novel?”

“I dunno, are you going to get the balls to ask them out properly?” She responded smugly. Dennis scowled, wanting so badly to tell her that actually, he had the two of them waiting for a response from him, but that didn’t help the allegations being made against him.

“Should I ask why we’re talking about Dennis’s balls?” Dennis nearly jumped out of his skin as Robby placed a hand on his shoulder, stepping close enough for Dennis to smell the fig and scandalwood cologne he was wearing. Freshy and woodsy. Someone take him out back and shoot him.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy-”

“-it’s nothing, Dr. Robby, just messing around. Was there something you wanted help with?” Dennis only hoped his voice didn’t sound as strained as it felt coming out of him

Robby looked between the two of them, an eyebrow raised before he shrugged. “Just wanted to make sure it was nothing Gloria needed to know about. As you were.” Dennis felt the gentle squeeze on his shoulder before Robby was walking down the hall again. The two of them were silent until Trinity let out the giggle she had been holding in.

“Of course we summoned him by talking about your balls-”

“Trin, stop-”

“-’of course not, Doctor Robby, can I help you with anything Doctor Robby?’ Girl stand up-”

Dennis lobbed a crumpled up sticky note at her head, his face flushed so red he looked sunburnt.

The shift handoff wasn’t much better. That is to say, it went as smoothly as it could in an ER- it was just that he did it while being stuck between his two attendings. The ones who had offered to dom him. The ones he needed to give an answer to by tomorrow.

“-and a nine year old girl who fell out of a tree and broke her arm. She’s stable, we got her on a IV drip and tomorrow she should be good to send to Peds.” Dennis finished, looking between the two of them.

“Well done, mouse! Very succinct. And what about you?” Jack asked, plucking the clipboard from Dennis’s grip.

“I- pardon?”

“Did you eat anything today that wasn’t from a vending machine? Water intake?”

“I- I thought…I had time to answer you by Sunday?” Dennis cast his eyes over to Robby, who held up his hands in a ‘you’re on your own’ gesture that was thoroughly unhelpful.

“Okay, one; we keep that stuff separate from work unless we’ve talked about it thoroughly. And two, taking care of yourself isn’t reserved just for scenes, kid. It’s necessary upkeep. So, how much?” Jack’s eyebrows were raised expectantly, letting the silence stretch on until Dennis caved.

“Um- I had a sandwich for lunch. And a bottle of water.”

“Good, okay. Tomorrow I want it to be two bottles and some more snacks peppered in there, yeah? Can’t have you passing out during a triage.”

“Yessir.”

“Good- good. Alright, I’ll let you go- looks like Santos is ready to go before you both get sucked back in. Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow, mouse." Dennis ducked his gaze away from Jack's warm smile with a quick glance behind him, where Trinity was leaning against the wall and tapping her wrist with an expectant look on her face.

The two of them clamored into her car, the engine letting out a pained whine before grumbling to life. Trinity patted the dashboard like it was a beloved pet before plugging in her phone.

“Heads up, Garcia is coming over tonight.”

Dennis groaned, letting his head hit the car headrest dramatically.

“It’s a Saturday night, Den, you have to expect this by now.”

“Can you give me, like, at least a day’s advance before bringing someone over?”

“Why? I’m not making you leave, I’m just giving you a heads up.”

“Not everyone wants to hear their best friend get railed in the room next to theirs, Trin, has that thought ever occurred to you?”

“You’re being so homophobic right now, you know that?”

“Hey, being a homophobe implies my judgement is for all gay people. I’m just judging you.” Dennis clarified, already pulling up Robby’s contact on his phone.

‘Can I come over tonight and ask some more questions about what you and Dr. Abbot offered?’

The answer was quick, barely a few minutes before he got a response.

‘Of course. Just let me know when you’re on your way.’

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It was easier talking to Robby one-on-one. Not in the sense that Jack was hard to talk to, but in the sense that he felt like he was on more equal footing. The two of them were a force of nature when they were together. Where Jack let silences stretch on while Dennis floundered with his words, Robby was happy to patiently fill in the gaps in Dennis’s sentences. Maybe it was something about subbing solidarity.

They were sitting on the couch, tilted towards each other like sunflowers; Dennis curled up while Robby had his legs sprawled lazily on the footrest by the coffee table. He was grateful for the small glass of whiskey Robby had poured him, about a half serving of his own.

“I, um… I’ve never really had someone help me down. Growing up I was just constantly given new tasks to do if I got restless. I didn’t get time to rest unless it was time for bed. I think my parents thought it was good for me- they weren’t bad people, they just…” Dennis trailed off, staring into the woven designs of the rug under the sofa.

“...didn’t know how to parent that?” Robby finished, to Dennis’s nod.

“And then college, and then med school, and now it's like ‘oh, I never learned how to do this.’ And it seems so easy for everyone else.” Dennis continued. “And now I’m here. And…you guys know so much.”

“Well, we didn’t start by knowing a bunch. It took a long time to learn, and there’s…not really a time where you’re supposed to know these things by. Jack had to teach me that too.”

“What is it…supposed to feel like?” Dennis asked softly.

“What, subspace?” Robby asked, shifting to look at Dennis a little easier. “It’s…warm. Kind of like when you’re drunk. Your inhibitions kinda just float away for a little bit. You feel settled. If you have the right person, you just feel safe because you have someone who can take care of you.”

Dennis nodded slowly, musing over the information. It seemed to line up with what he’d read. “That sounds nice.”

“It is.”

“How did you and Jack get together?”

Robby’s face softened at the question, his eyes growing impossibly fond.

“Mmm, medical school. We both had a lot of the same classes and… being a sub or switch in the medical field wasn’t the easiest. He was someone I could trust not to be a bigot.” Robby inhaled deeply and let out a big sigh, like an old content dog. “Well, he went on to be an army medic. I furthered my career with the PTMC. It was a good handful of years before I saw him again- put some things into perspective. He started working at the PTMC for night shifts and…helped me when, uh, I was having a bit of a crisis.” Robby shifted a little, clearing his throat before continuing. “And he told me right then and there.”

Dennis thought back to that time in Peds, during Pittfest, the cold lighting on the bright murals of animals, seeing Robby curled up on the floor. Did Jack witness something similar? That sinking feeling in his chest?

“I’m… nervous. About-” Dennis cut himself off, trying to think through his words. The alcohol made them flow from his mouth if he wasn’t careful. “-at the farm, if I went off for the weekend to visit friends or family in the city, I would come back and it…would be harder for me to lift the bales for a day or two. I had to carry them continuously, or else it was like my body forgot how to lift them up again.” The words felt safer, the confession flowed out of him easier talking about something so simple at surface level. Dennis’s throat clicked as he swallowed before continuing.

“And if- if I got used to not carrying them, then… if I needed to carry it by myself, I was scared I couldn’t.” Dennis let his eyes flick over to Robby, baleful and shining with emotion. Do you understand? Please don’t make me say it.

There was silence, save for the muffled noise of the street and the creaking of the house. Robby sighed again, more weathered, a palm coming up to rub the back of his neck.

“Shit, Dennis, I… I think you’re going to be surprised at how familiar we are with that.”

The relief made Dennis feel like Jello, letting his shoulders fall from his ears.

They got ready for bed. Not a lot of words were spoken, but as Robby and Dennis separated to go to their respective rooms, Dennis looked back- just a moment’s hesitation and saw Robby looking at him too. Twin huffs of laughter, Dennis’s face already flush from what little alcohol he had that evening, but then Robby opened his door wider.

“I mean, you might as well.” Was all he said. It would have been gruff if Dennis didn’t know better.

That was all it took. Dennis padded along behind him, trying not to look like he was staring as he looked around the room he and Jack shared. The low lighting made it hard to make everything out, but he caught little glimpses of photos and knick knacks stacked on the cluttered bookshelves. A little collection of sleek glass bottles Dennis guessed was cologne on the dresser off to the side.

Robby climbed into bed with a grunt, laying down and patting the bed next to him when he caught Dennis’s wandering eye. Maybe it was the whiskey, but it felt like the most natural thing in the world to curl up next to him and throw the blankets over the both of them. Everything smelled like JackandRobby in a way that made him inhale deeply and sigh. Robby had his glasses on, reading a little paperback, and when he caught Dennis’s stare he dragged one of his hands over Dennis’s face, prompting a giggle. “Stop staring and go to sleep already, you little creep.”

He couldn’t have ignored it if he tried.

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