And I need someone to stop me

(I decided to make a weird menu for the VAPOUR Mining Company's cafeteria)

< VAPOUR Menu >

(Almost everything's free)

Deep Fries — sea-salt potato or sweet-potato fries, with the option of being deep-fried. Typically served as a side or starter dish.

Saline Salad — a salty kelp, seagrass, and a sea lettuce salad, with the option of added dressing to the customer’s own discretion.

Something Fishy — a cooked fillet of cod, tilapia, snapper, salmon, or bass. Usually comes with a side of Deep Fries or Pincer Pickings.

Seafloor Sauté — a kelp, crab, and oyster sauce sauté.

Pincer Pickings — a plate of caramelised crab, lobster, or crayfish claws. Typically served as a starter or side dish.

Calamari Concoction — a bowl of Calamari chowder mixed with ether.

The Calypso — a blue lightly-alcoholic drink made from ether, an assortment of earth berries, and springwater.

Clutch of Pearls — a plate of caviar, typically served as a side or starter dish.

Scavenger’s Shore — Cooked or barbecued seabirds with light seasoning, where customers have the option of ordering Common Gull, Pelican, Albatross, or Auk.

Feeling Peckish — Cooked or deep-fried seabird nuggets with medium seasoning, where the customers can choose between Common Gull, Pelican, Albatross, or Auk.

Seafood Soup — an impromptu meal where the customer gets to pick what they want the chefs to put in it, before adding whatever’s necessary to make the soup taste good.

Taste of Home — a unique Soufflé made with ether to give it a unique flavour imitating classical Riis-era foods. Has been known to make survivors of the Whirlwind to cry.

The Appeaser (A-Pizz-ah) — a customisable human-style pizza with the opportunity to choose between various presets and styles including Hawaiian, seafood, Chicago-style, classical Italian, and New York-Style. Ignore the name’s terrible wordplay.

Three-Bottles-Deep — a strong alcoholic cocktail made by mixing wine, guava juice, blueberries, and Ether. Though please do not take the name seriously, because drinking three bottles of this will almost certainly make you regret tonight later on.

Springwater Spring Rolls — spring Rolls made with springwater, given the option to be prepared however and filled with whatever the customer requests.

Breadsticks — breadsticks, typically served as a side or starter dish.

Sea-Cow — a plate of 2-3 beef fillets prepared and seasoned to the customer’s request.

Sweet Relief — as an offset to the amount of salty foods on this menu, we’re offering Strawberry Shortcake for relief. Made with authentic city-grown produce, while also being supplemented with ether to enhance the confectionery’s flavour and texture.

Mind Reader’s Special — a unique product of old salvaged House Scar technology which manages to read the consumer’s tastebuds and tailor the food’s flavour to their liking. However, this product has yet to produce consistent results or success.

Whale’s Quesadilla — an incredibly large cheese-only quesadilla made with a corn tortilla. A food that feels fit for a whale, as the marketing says. Hence its name.

Beach Burger — a Hawaii-inspired burger with customisable fillings and stack-order.

Seaside Shawarma — this is, inarguably and objectively, the best shawarma you’ll ever eat in your whole damn life. It will change you as a person, and that’s guaranteed. It is better than any mythological ambrosia of the gods ever was, because this is the single greatest meal ever crafted. Please ignore all the 1-star reviews; they’re fake, I swear. We also take no refunds, as this is the only meal on the menu with a cost — price is $150. No, this (totally) is not an elaborate scam. Trust us with your food and your opinions.

Full Haul — a meal combo consisting of a pizza, a burger, fries, chicken nuggets, and a milkshake. Which probably makes this the single most filling order option on the entire menu by a longshot.

Sea Dogs — well-done hotdogs with optional mustard, ketchup, barbeque sauce, or relish condiments. The Nevadeans kept insisting we sell these, and would not stop.

Kraken Cuttings — a unique bowl of bite-sized cubes made from cloned pieces of the Web Kraken. Originally sourced out of the chunks that were severed during its entrance to our reality during the Cryptid Invasion, and artificially grown using cloning vats brought over by the Nevadeans in the NRM. Allowing for Giant meat, or at least meat from the Web Kraken, to be sold and stocked in markets abundantly. Despite the fact that no one has been able to accurately describe what Giant meat tastes like — often being compared to a feeling rather than a taste. Web Kraken meat has been repeatedly equated to a taste-based version of that feeling when you know the meaning of a word, but cannot remember the word itself.

Big Mis-STEAK — another result of Nevadean cloning combining with the Cryptid Invasion, this time used to recreate parts of what locals from the other reality are calling ‘Big Charlie.’ However, what they didn’t tell us is that this cryptid is actually made from the combined meat of multiple different animals. So every bite somehow produces a different taste, often even multiple at once. Early sample tastes saw the food — regardless of form or cut — compared to chicken, beef, pork, horse, lamb, mutton, turkey, quail, alligator/crocodile, and even kangaroo.

Seafarer’s Sushi — a small plate of Eliksni-style sushi (because yes, they had sushi back on Riis) prepared with fish of the customer’s choosing, and lightly spiced with ether.

Hard-Shelled Hospitality — the meat of a giant clam, seasoned mainly with herbs and the option of select spices, served in one of the giant clam’s shell halves as a plate.

Pisces Pasta — an classical italian-style pasta made with extra virgin olive oil, sea salt, garlic, tomatoes, and a hard cheese of the customer’s choosing. This meal was actually yet another result of us being pressured into adding a menu item by the Grunts. Except, something about them felt… off, even by Nevadean standards. They went around calling themselves the ‘VendeVice,’ while loudly insisting that Italian-style pasta was a forgotten relic to us. When I asked if their Nevada had Italians, they didn’t even know what Italy is!

Carbon Carbonara — we have successfully transformed the cure for carbon monoxide poisoning into a palatable dish. Remember that old House of Scar tech we were using in the Mind Reader’s Special? Yeah, well, turns out that it still works well enough to spit out medicine! Then Okirys, the madman that he is, decided to take the medicine and mix it with that “pasta” stuff we were forced to familiarise with by the VendeVice Grunts. Then all of a sudden, we have a creamy Carbonara dish that can cure carbon monoxide and taste good while doing so. So now if a VAPOUR Fundamental, somehow, manages to poison themselves, they can come back from that shift and immediately get rid of their sickness with a tasty bowl of pasta. Though, the VAPOUR Fundamentals shouldn’t be able to get carbon monoxide poisoning in the first place — no one is allowed to remove their rebreathers down in those mines for safety reasons, as per Drelkaaks’ own decree)

Salvager’s Sprite — they can’t keep getting away with this! At this rate, I’d almost think that Okirys is inviting them to harass us into adding their Nevadean ancient-earth-foods just for the chance to expand his cooking palette. Because now, we’re selling soft drinks at the VAPOUR cafeteria! Nevadean soft drinks! Like that Sprite or Cola or L&P humans love. We’ve been bullied by faceless, limbless, grey-skinned imports into adding foods.

Ch’Yaviirsi — a platter of ether-infused Earth-fruits, made to mimic the taste of old fruits from Golden-Age Riis.

Yirel’tenar — turns out, Okirys has been trying to grow a selection of old Riis-Era Eliksni fruits and vegetables in specialised Ether-based gardens at VAPOUR’s cafeteria kitchen backend. Hence why they have been able to consistently supply the Eliksni-equivalent of potatoes, which work really well in a roast. Being a hardy and comforting meal for plenty of Eliksni, who grew up on being fed on similar foods.

Diileyav — glasses of freshwater mixed with specific concentrations of Ether and a few other selective elements, crafted as a direct imitation of how water used to taste back on Riis, according to the testimony of Eliksni who had lived before the Whirlwind came.

Mithpellauk’Riis — translating quite literally to ‘Our heart wants Riis/home,’ this meal is a shameless and wholly unapologetic appeal from VAPOUR’s chefs to those Eliksni who survived the Whirlwind, and still remember what their home was originally like. Resulting in a meal which is entirely foreign and strangely alien for us humans, but who recreates the taste of Riis perfectly in almost every regard, even down to how the cuts of meat are prepared and then cooked. The meal itself is fairly simple — a tough, thickly-scliced cut of ether-seasoned beef; served with a selection of salads, vegetables, fruit, freshwater, and flavoured bread made in the old House of Dancers / Devils’ style. But with the way this meal is prepared, everything now tastes like an old memory of Golden-Age Riis.

Marina Munches — a plate of cooked oysters, taken from old marinas that were largely abandoned during The Collapse. Cleaner water from centuries of disuse means cleaner oysters, too. Eat up, folks!

Double-Cheesies — a snack bowl of cracker sticks filled and coated with fresh cheese.

Crispy Croaker — professionally fried frog legs on skewers, harvested from the remains of Brazil and Columbia after nearby mining / dive operations have properly concluded.

OKAY SO, my dndestiny session 1 is today, session 0 went well all things considered. Here's the Eliksni npcs that'll help the party/be their main base/the tower equivalent. From top to bottom and left to right we have: Keksas, Paskak, Maksis, Tiksis, Vithraax, Ekrokan, Brakloks, and Viksek. They're a house kings offshoot that refused to join house dusk

Oh, also the map of the place for funzies.

I mean, 4 arms. Need I say more?

[Commission]

The crowns' decree is following: you're all royalty!

i've got your back, you've got mine