Day 4 of 2016 and I've already cut 3 people off. I let a lot of people stay longer than they should have and finally showed me why I need to cut them off. I find myself getting more cut throat by the day. I hate being this way but it’s the only way I feel like I can get through life. People tend to underestimate me because I don’t react straight away or because I don’t catch them out on every lie. I keep tally's’, I make mental notes so that when the time is right, i’ll be sure to let you know. I am not someone that can be taken for granted as i’m very on top of it, I like to think I can figure people out straight away and have a good judgement of character but I’ll admit it, i’m not on top of it as much as I thought I was. I make mistakes, which hurts and I disappoint myself but I need to remind myself that I am human and I, too can make mistakes. I let people in and give them to benefit of the doubt, give them a chance to see if they’ve changed but they always disappoint. I am a big believer that people never change (unless of course they themselves really want to). I am really sick and tired of being considerate to others and never getting the same consideration and respect in return and I honestly think that is something that I will never change about myself, not because I can’t but because I don’t want to. That’s one of the few things that makes me feel human, makes me feel like I still have a heart. I will always treat others the way I want to be treated, I always think “is this is the way i’d want someone to speak to me?” “is this the way i’d want someone to react to me?” I am constantly thinking of others, making sure I don’t hurt them, make them feel uncomfortable, making sure they’re not worried or losing sleep. Things that drive me crazy and get me down, I try protect people from. Even if I don’t know them. Because I know exactly how it feels and I hate it...I tend to think people see this and take advantage of it, then cover behind a fake smile.. One thing humans don’t realise is, they can talk all the want, they can claim to be one way and claim to be like this and that... but their actions is what proves their words wrong or right. People can tell you how they feel but their actions will always tell you something different. It’s time to stop being naive, if you’re gut or your heart is telling you something isn’t right, believe me - it’s true. The sub-conscience mind will pick up on it and will let you know. Don’t ignore it... don’t waste another year on people that do not deserve to stay. Have the courage to cut people off. If they can think about themselves, why can’t you put your self-worth and happiness before others? I don’t care if I end up alone, at least I know that when I go to bed at night, my conscience is clear knowing I haven’t used anyone to get ahead, I haven’t hurt anyone to make myself feel better. That I have done right by myself and by others. Better to be alone than to be around the wrong company. Peace & Love...
