Mar 4, 2017
"And sometimes when we balance back and we do it, we don't know how we did it, we just do it." #PieceofMind #Kehlani #TimeisoftheEssence #DoitforYourself #FallingintoPlace #NotPerfect #NeverGoingtobe
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"And sometimes when we balance back and we do it, we don't know how we did it, we just do it." #PieceofMind #Kehlani #TimeisoftheEssence #DoitforYourself #FallingintoPlace #NotPerfect #NeverGoingtobe
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Fuck.
Even after everything you don't care, she's still more important. Stop telling me I'm good enough just to watch me cry...
I've given up!!
I've given up on my hopes of ever singing a solo, every dream I held of singing solo had been crushed and after at least four times this year I've tried out for a solo and hadn't landed single one. I hate my teacher, I hate every person who got a goddamn solo, and I now hate myself for being a failure and not being good enough, because no matter what I'll never be good enough. Not even for myself.
Never going to be perfect..
I’m not perfect. & as much as I’d love to be, it will never ever happen. I’ll always be working on something, or aiming towards a target which sometimes I’ll set so high, it’s impossible to reach. Unfortunately for me, I’m not the girl who looks beautiful in every picture taken, or wakes up flawless. I have to apply make-up before I get anywhere near presentable!! I eat way too much bad food & always promise myself I’ll start eating better come Monday… Gets to Wednesday & I’m digging into a chocolate brownie! Ha! I always think, “oh if I lose a couple of stone, some decent guy will actually want to date me.” But I’m just playing a fool, because I don’t give decent guys a chance anyway, I stupidly go for the bad guys who just aren’t good news.
It takes a lot of effort & practise for me to perfect something, & I don’t get things right first time.. As much as I hope to. With exams or tests I literally have to study like crazy; more so than anyone else because I just can’t take in useful information. Sometimes I’m not positive, all I can think about is the bad things, as much as I don’t want to. I’ll worry & panic over things I can’t solve, as much as I hope or try to. I cry, I’m emotional. Oh god, I’m a cry-baby! I wear my heart on my sleeve & love instantly despite the fact I don’t trust easily. Catch 22 eh? I over-think way too much & plan ahead on things that don’t really need planning! I plan as much as I dream, & I dream big! I have this perfect dream of success, & I hope to get there, but where do I start? & in the meanwhile? I don’t speak with a wide range of variety like other perfect girls do, I repeat the same word over if I can’t think of another word to use. & it’s annoying.
I’m not fashionable. I stick to jeans & jumpers or leggings & blouses.. How creative not! Ha. Just like I am with clothes, I hope to become more adventurous & do things which are cool & different. But when I plan to do something, I become lazy & would rather lounge around all day.
I guess I’m never going to be this perfect “role model” who speaks fluently, & dresses with style, or has perfect hair when she wakes up. But as time goes on I don’t want to be that girl, a role model is someone who tries, not someone who is perfect. Those perfect girls are fake, & that is the last thing I ever want to be. What I’m trying to say is, I hope one day I, classed as a role model for embracing my flaws, not for being perfect.