Cassian, in many ways, is a victim of his own insecurities and the society he’s grown up in. He’s constantly trying to fit in but never quite gets there. He’s always trying to please someone, especially Rhysand. There’s this deep-rooted need for validation—probably stemming from his childhood as a bastard in Illyria—where he was treated like an outsider. Psychologically, this is a textbook case of someone with low self-esteem. He’s never really believed he deserved to be in the position he’s in, and it shows in the way he talks about himself, constantly referring to himself as a “brute” or a “bastard-born warrior.” That’s classic negative self-talk right there, and if you don’t accept yourself, it’s impossible to truly accept others.

Cassian doesn’t just want to belong. He wants to be seen as more than the brute he calls himself. He’s constantly aware of this divide between who he thinks he is (a muscle-bound, lowborn warrior) and who he wants to be (someone Rhysand can rely on and the mate Nesta can respect). And this is where it gets interesting because this isn’t just insecurity. Cassian is caught in an identity crisis—he’s trapped in the psychology of cognitive dissonance.

Let’s break this down. Cognitive dissonance is when someone holds conflicting beliefs or attitudes, and it leads to mental discomfort. In Cassian’s case, it’s the belief that he’s just a brute, a soldier, a low-born bastard—juxtaposed against the role he’s trying to play: a respected commander in Rhysand’s court and Nesta’s equal. He knows he doesn’t quite fit into this polished world, but instead of working through these feelings of inadequacy and dealing with his imposter syndrome, he clings to this role while tearing himself apart internally.

And here’s the kicker: validation-seeking behavior runs deep with Cassian. Everything he does, from his attempts to train Illyrians to the way he handles himself in the Inner Circle, is driven by his need to prove his worth. And this need for external validation is so strong that it blinds him to the toxic dynamics he’s enabling. He can’t protect Nesta from Rhysand because he’s spent his entire life trying to earn Rhysand’s approval. So when push comes to shove, Cassian defaults to the behaviors that have kept him in the Inner Circle’s good graces—being Rhysand’s loyal brute, a yes-man who ignores the fact that the power dynamics around him are actually pretty messed up.

Now, we’ve got to address the elephant in the room. I get it—Cassian should absolutely be defending Nesta from Rhysand’s controlling behavior. And while I totally agree with that sentiment, let’s really think about why he doesn’t. The simple answer? He can’t. Why? Because Cassian has spent centuries bending over backward to gain Rhysand’s validation. Cassian’s sense of self-worth is so tangled up in Rhysand’s approval that he doesn’t want to jeopardize that hard-earned status by going against him. It’s the classic case of dependency theory—Cassian’s entire self-concept is tied to this external source of validation. If he loses that, what’s left?

This isn’t just about power dynamics; it’s also about Cassian’s own emotional immaturity and insecurity. Cassian desperately wants to be seen as worthy—worthy of being High Fae, worthy of being part of the Inner Circle, worthy of being Nesta’s mate. But deep down, he’s terrified that he’s not. This makes his character less of the confident warrior we’re supposed to root for and more of a man who is constantly trying to prove something, even to people who already care about him. He’s perpetually stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, seeking external validation instead of working on internal healing.

So even if we suspend disbelief for a moment and say that Nessian could work as a couple, it’s just not the right time. Nesta has her own emotional baggage, and Cassian has to get over his own issues of insecurity and unworthiness. Both of them need to heal individually before they can even think about being healthy partners for each other. Cassian needs to stop trying to please everyone—especially Rhysand—and start working on his own self-acceptance. Until he does that, any relationship he’s in, whether it’s with Nesta or anyone else, is going to be built on shaky ground.