#nerdywords

This was inspired by a post from @flatlinesunrelenting about wanting to see Patton being extremely built. Hope this is kind of what you were looking for!! (Conversion posted below.

Patton loved to feel the burn, bench pressing double his own body weight at least twice a day. He had to keep himself strong, cus that was the secret to his SUPER hugs.

But he didn’t let any of the other sides know, if they found out just how strong he was, they wouldn’t see him as the lovable puff ball he wanted them to see. He had so much love to give, and if they only saw his muscles they might not confide in him anymore.

As he finished his after workout shower his phone went off, it was Virgil. ‘Hey Pat, trying to fix up this Stang, but I need a hand, you free?’ He just smiled and got dressed to go help Virgil.

As he walked out to the driveway, he saw Virgil’s legs poking out from under his 1965 Mustang convertible, dark purple of course. He had bought it at Auction a few weeks prior, and was still trying to get it running.

“Heya Virge!” Patton said as he knelt down next to Virgil. “What seems to be the problem kiddo?”

“Oh hey Pat, it’s this Damn Axel Perch....”

“Hey, watch the language buddy.” Patton said cutting off Virgil and scolding him for such crass words.

Patton glanced over seeing logan walking up the driveway with bags full of bread and Crofters, he waved as logan paused, looking at the other sides before trying to fumble with the bags to get to his house keys, completely oblivious to the fact the door wasn’t even locked. This happened every time Logan got Crofters. It’s all he could think about and all logic went out the window. Patton just shook his head and turned back to Virgil who let out a heavy sigh.

“Sorry Pat, it’s just so frustrating. I can’t get the pins to line up right, no matter how I move it, it just won’t do what I need it too!”

Virgil got so mad he hit the undercarriage of his car with the wrench, and as he did so the car slipped off the jack, pinning Virgil’s chest to the driveway.

Everything happened so fast. Virgil screamed, Logan shot back as he heard a loud crash, and came running over. “Virgil!!” They both screamed.

Patton didn’t even think, he just reacted. He grabbed the mustangs wheel well, and lifted up with all his strength.

Logan was already over to Virgil, pulling him out by his ankles as Patton held up the car. Once Patton saw that Logan had safely pulled Virgil away he dropped the car back down into the drive with a heavy loud grunt.

He looked over, and both Virgil and Logan were looking at him wide eyed.

“What? Is he ok? Do we need to....why are you looking at me like that?” Patton suddenly registered what had actually just happened. “Oh, that.”

“Yeah, THAT!” Said Logan as he looked over Virgil for any signs of serious problems. “Where in the world did THAT come from?! How are you so strong?”

“Yeah Patton, that was insane” Virgil said, coughing and holding his chest “that was some Super hero level strength”

Patton rubbed the back of his neck nervously “well, I just like to work out is all. The stronger I am, the better bear hugs I can give. I know it seems silly, but comforting you guys is what I am good at, the better the hugs, the better the comfort.”

As Virgil winced in pain and Patton quickly picked him up “we need to get you to the hospital.” He said walking towards his grey Prius. “Logan, go get Roman and let him know what happened, meet us there. You guys can take Romans car.”

Logan, still In shock didn’t even bother picking up the Crofters jars all over the front lawn, he just nodded and headed inside to get Roman who was working on a play in his room listening to very loud showtunes like he did every Saturday.

Patton gently laid Virgil in the back of his car “ don’t worry kiddo, you’ll be ok.” He said.

“I know, Patton, Thanks to you. You saved my life” he let out another painful cough.

“Stop talking buddy, there is no need to thank me, you are famILY....I would do anything for any of you.” He smiled and closed the car door.

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HERE IS AN ADDED LINK TO CHAPTER TWO!!

~Analogical smut~

Warnings

-bondage

-gags

-wax play

Virgil sat on his bed, doodling in his scratch book and listening to music through his headphones. It had been a fairly quiet day. He liked those, they let him just relax and be happy. He was humming along to his music when is phone went off.

‘My room, five minutes.’ -Logan

Virgil just smirked. As much as he loved his boyfriend, Logan had some control issues. Everyone knew this, but only Virgil knew just how deeply it ran. Whenever Logan was working on a project he couldn’t quite figure out, he would get annoyed, and regain control of what he was trying to accomplish in the kinkiest ways.

Virgil didn’t even bother to text a reply, logan would be to distracted setting up for whatever fetish filled night he had planned. He simply put down his sketchbook and headphones, picked up his bag that, much to Logan’s annoyance he called the ‘funbag’ and headed off down the hallway. The bag had everything Logan normally used on Virgil, from gags, and vibrating cock rings to bondage cord and nipple clamps.

He knocked softly on Logan’s door, bag slung over is shoulder and before Logan could even answer he pushed the door open.

“Ah good evening darling, please come in.” Logan said, as he greeted Virgil with a kiss on the cheek.

Logan grabbed his hand and led him quickly over to the bed.

“no nonsense tonight I see, just right to business? Was the paper that frustrating?” Virgil said as he handed the bag over to Logan who just sighed as he began to rummage through it. He obviously already had a plan.

“You have no idea, but I don’t want to talk about that.” He said fastening a ball gag around Virgil’s mouth. “ I don’t want to talk at all.”

He then pointed to the bed, with its massive metal bar frame. “undress and lay on your back. Tonight we will revisit the theory that you seem to be extremely aroused by heat and fire.”

‘Always so literal, good thing he is so cute.’ Virgil thought as he quickly began to undress.

Logan walked over to the dresser, and removed his tie and belt, unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt, and this drove Virgil crazy. Logan was so methodical in how he did EVERYTHING, even still, the simple act of removing his tie drove Virgil wild.

When logan turned around, Virgil had done exactly as he was asked, laying naked on his back with the gag still on. “That’s a good boy.” Logan said as he walked over to the bed.

Logan grabbed the bag, pulled out the restraint clips, and fastened Virgil’s limbs to each of the bedposts. He was now on beautiful display, cock half hard against his belly, all laid out and ready for whatever was in store.

Virgil hadn’t noticed the candle on the nightstand when he first walked in, only now that Logan picked it up did he fully realized what was about to happen, and all he could do is moan in pure anticipation.

Virgil loved the pain, he also loved it when Logan took over control so completely. It allowed him to just enjoy what was happening and not have to worry about how he was preforming, and when that happened the orgasms were so intense he could see stars after cuming.

~Chapter one~

Writers disclaimer

So I had this idea to write a story where Patton is F2M but wants to have biological children with Roman. I did talk to a friend back home who is F2M and on hormone therapy, and looked up what I could online. Please let it be known this is not meant to hurt anyone, make fun of anyone, or to poke fun at body Dysphoria (I sometimes deal with that myself so I would never try to invalidate someone’s identity) this is just a sweet fluff with a touch of angst I wanted to write to try and push myself as a writer. I am very open to corrections or suggestions, just pm me and I will fix it!! Thanks-Jean

Warning

-slight angst/relationship insecurities

-mention of divorce

-mention of surgery

-mention of body dysphoria

-mention of therapy

Patton paced nervously across the apartment floor, picking his nails and scuffing his feet. Roman would be home from rehearsals any minute and Patton had to talk to him, though he was terrified to do so. The couple had been together since Patton was Alice. Roman has helped him through so much, helped him come out to his family, bought him his first Binder, and even took time off work to be there when Patton had his Top surgery done. He had shared Patton’s fear when it was time to start Hormone therapy, and shared in his joy when his voice started to drop. He had shown him how to shave without cutting himself when he started to get too much facial hair.

After three years of uphill battles, and talking to his husband about there future, he wanted a family. Him and Ro had talked about adopting many times, and while Patton loved the idea of being a Foster home, he wanted more than that.

As the keys rattled in the lock, Patton stopped, took in a sharp breath, and waited for his Husband to come inside.

“He sweetheart I am home, sorry I am late, I stopped to get stuff for us to make spaghetti tonight.......are you ok?” Roman said as he closed the door and noticed Patton standing in the arch, rigid, and clammy. He put the bags down on the ground and rushed over to Patton. “Pat love, what’s wrong? Are you ok?” Slight panic in his voice.

“Yes Ro, I am ok. But I want to talk to you about something.....can you come sit down please?” Patton took Roman’s hand, leading him to the living room sofa.

Romans heart sunk in his chest. He was afraid of what Patton had to say. He was afraid this was the end, Patton was almost never this serious unless something was upsetting him.

As the sat, Patton took in a deep breath “ok so I have been thinking a lot lately...” he said putting his hands on Romans knees, holding his hands.

Roman cut him off with tears in his eyes “please, just say it, don’t drag this out. My heart can’t handle it. I’ll leave tonight if that’s what you want, I know I haven’t been here much with the play, and I am so sorry. But I guess....”

Patton put a finger up to Romans mouth, shushing him mid rant. “I am not leaving you my love, take a breath.”

Roman took in a breath of relief, and wiped away his tears. “Well then what’s wrong? I can tell when something is wrong love.”

Patton sighed. “I promise I am ok, I am just nervous, but I am also hopeful. I have been giving a lot of thought to the talks we have had lately, and I too, want children. I want a family with you.”

Romans jaw dropped, tears welled up in his eyes. “oh my....ok!” He said excitedly “I have a few adoption agencies in mind, we also need to decide how far we can travel to adopt if need be, and we should....”

“No my love, I want US to start a family, you and I.” Patton said “I love you, and you have supported me through so much. You also only see Patton, your Husband, and for that I love you. But if you remember....I still have yet to have my bottom surgery yet.”

Realization came across Romans face. This was not at all what he was expecting.

“I have already talked with my Doctor, he says if I stop my hormone therapy now, we should be able to start trying in a few months time. And even if not, we can at that point find an egg donor.....”

He looked at Roman, nervously waiting for a response. Roman just sat there, jaw still ajar for a moment.

“Patton my love, are you sure? I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. And this is a BIG deal. Your body will change drastically yet again, and you will more than likely suffer severe body dysphoria and depression as a pregnancy changes you in many ways. And there are also many people in the world who will not be ok with this, they may be harmful....”

Patton just smiled “my love, I know. But this is what I want. We have made it through so much already, we can get through this together. But I want our child to be half of both of us, and this is the best way to ensure that happens. Plus I don’t care what anyone else thinks, the only thing that matters to me is us, and having a family.”

Roman smiled a huge smile, hugged Patton tightly, and said “well, then I guess we are going to start a family.”

Patton giggled “oh my, Picani is going to LOVE this.”

~ Chapter Two ~ the beginning of the end ~

Writers note- this is a flashback chapter and takes place between the sanders sides episodes Battling Anxiety and A New Year of lying to myself.

WARNINGS

-Deceit the character

-questions of self worth

-hints at emotional and verbal abuse

If I missed any please let me know.

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Virgil sits on the floor in his room, knees against his chest, arms wrapped around his legs, picking his cuticles and absentmindedly biting the inside of his cheek. listening to music loudly on his headphones to try and drown out the noise in his own head was usually the best tactic, but today it wasn’t working. He had tried to get out more, but it just made Thomas frustrated. So frustrated he had to ask Lilly to help ‘get rid’ of him. That made Virgil cry silently into his hoodie after he left Thomas. All Virgil wanted was to get some worries off his chest, but he always seemed to make Thomas upset instead.

“Maybe I SHOULD take part more often like Patton suggests, maybe then I’ll be able to actually help and not just make everyone mad at me.”

He sighed, trying to be quite so Deceit wouldn’t here him and come in with his backhanded comments, claiming he was trying to help, telling him trying to help was pointless and that no one really cared about him. All that ever does is make Virgil MORE anxious, because he can never tell for certain if Deceit was lying or being honest.

This caused a lot of fights, and a lot of nights where Virgil would sleep on the couch in the mindscape instead of next to his boyfriend. He always would wake up before anyone else and return to his room so he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone.

“I went to Patton for help, maybe I should actually listen to him.

I mean being around him sometimes is hard because he is always so happy, but it seems to help ease the dark thoughts. So maybe being around the other sides and not around Deceit so much will help calm me.”

Virgil grew more anxious at the thought of Deceit finding out he was thinking of leaving, He would not take it well. He knew Deceit would try to do anything to keep Virgil all to himself. Heck he had already started. Patton had already asked Virgil to participate with the group and to try and work TOGETHER to help Thomas two different times. But Deceit has a way with words, convincing Virgil that no one wanted him around, and that he was the only one who would ever understand him.

“I can’t keep doing this, I am so lonely, and being alone with me around is never a good idea for Thomas. I need to get out!”

Virgil took in a deep breath, let go of his knees, wiped away the tears he had streaming down his face and stood up.

“I can’t keep letting Deceit make all my choices for me, I am not even sure I still want to be with him. But I don’t know if I can do this alone.....only one way to know for sure.”

Virgil slowly walks down the hall to Pattons room, shuffling his feet slowly, fidgeting with the strings on his hoodie and hesitating for a moment before knocking twice.

He could hear the spongebob campfire song song playing in the background, when it suddenly stoped. it was then flowed by a small crash, a giggle, and happy whistles.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come, I don’t think I can do this!” Virgil turned to run back down the hallway as fast as he could, but it was too late.

“Anxiety, what are you doing here son?!”

Virgil stops, and cringes slightly at being called son. This is the exact reason he won’t tell anyone his name, the other sides already drive him nuts with puns and jokes, and nicknames, why give them more power?

“Hey Patton” he says rubbing his neck and turning around. “And I am NOT your son.”

“Well what can I do for ya kiddo?”

Virgil sighs, slightly annoyed at being called kiddo, realizing it was better than son and he was fighting a losing argument.

“Well you see....I’ve just..... I have been thinking lately that....well maybe....maybe you were Right?”

Now the floodgates were open, Virgil started talking really fast, picking at his fingers and looking at his shoes, trying to get it all out before he started to cry.

“Maybe I do deserve to be an actual part of the other Sides. I mean I deserve friends right? I deserve a chance right? I mean I just want to help but i just feel like all I do is bring everyone down all the time. I really don’t like being so negative all the time, I can’t help it, it’s just....”

Virgil stops suddenly before saying too much. had yet to tell Patton he and Deceit had been together for quite some time, or told anyone for that matter. That’s the way Deceit wanted it, and what Deceit wanted, he got. he didn’t like the other sides, he said they wouldn’t accept or understand Virgil.

“Awe kiddo, you know your dad is always here for you right? Come inside, I just got done making COOKIES!! Come sit and we will talk. You can tell me everything that’s bothering you and we will just laugh and cuddle, and eat cookies, cookies fix everything! You can always talk to your good old Dad about anything!”

“Uh...yeah ok, sure.” He said rolling his eyes and shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets.

“Is this what it should be like?” Virgil thought to himself as he slowly walked past Patton and into the room. “Somehow I feel at ease, this is great! The voices are already going away and I can breath. I never ever feel this way with Deceit. Maybe it IS time to move on....”

Patton smiled at Virgil, as if he had just heard his thoughts. He put a hand on Virgil’s shoulder, and closed the door behind them.

A link to chapter one!!

https://nerdychef-jean.tumblr.com/post/173900021235/deceits-anxiety-chapter-one-warnings-deceit

Warnings

-bdsm

-language

-strong sexual content

-sub/dom dynamic

-rough forplay

As Romans own erection grew in his trousers, he caressed Logan’s long hard shaft, making the logical side squirm, and moan. While Roman loved to hear the sound of his love moaning in ecstasy, non of the other sides knew about their sexual escapades, and that made it all the more fun, so he had to silence his beautiful nerd.

“My love, if you can’t keep quiet, I’ll have to gag you, remember?” Roman said as he ran his hand up Logan’s chest, grabbed the front collar of his shirt, and ripped it clean in half.

Logan took in a sharp breath of air, and groaned loudly. “Please my Prince, please, tie me up....” he begged “gag me, bind me, fuck me, and make me yours.”

Roman just smiled and untied his red silk sash. “With pleasure my love.” As he took the sash, folded it in half, and tied it into a gag in Logan’s mouth he slowly backed him up against the wall, kissing and biting his neck.

As they reached the wall, Roman took Logan’s bound hands, lifted them above his head, and dropped the knot on a hook. Logan looked up surprised, this was new. Roman must have installed the hook into the wall recently, ‘had he been planning this night of bondage and passion for a while now?’ He thought to himself, but before he had a chance to think any more on the matter, he gasped as Romans warm mouth wrapped around his throbbing erection.

Roman couldn’t help it, his sweet little sub was on beautiful display, hands bound above his head, silk gag in his mouth, and almost completely naked, minus the torn polo hanging from his shoulders. He had to reward Logan’s beauty somehow.

As Roman took Logan into his mouth, he felt Logan’s hips buck, much to Romans delight, forcing his member farther down the princes throat. He continued, passionately. As he did so he unfastened the buttons of his tunic, and slid it off his shoulders, exposing his chiseled pale chest.

He then grabbed Logan’s hips, and took the entirety from his erection fully into his throat, making logan moan and writhe in his hands.

as he pulled away and Logan let out a sound that can only be described as a whimper, Roman just smiled and stood. Taking Logan’s wet shaft in his hand he undid his own trousers, and let them and his boxers fall to the ground, kicking them away, as kissed Logan’s neck he whispered “don’t worry my love, there is plenty more in store for you, for the night is young, and you are delicious.”

They couldn’t handle the stress anymore. They sat on the edge of Their bed, shaking and rocking back and forth holding Their knees, crying with anger, and they very rearely got angry. Moving 1500 miles with Roommates was the best and yet the word decision ever. Non stop working and exhausting themselves just to pay bills that Their Roommates wouldn’t.

JJ couldn’t take this any longer, they were so stressed out that after 4 years of not smoking JJ had just gone and bought a pack of smokes and smoked 3 in ten minutes. Their husband BJ was just as irritated but was doing everything to calm them down. “ sweetie, you need to take a deep breath, we will figure this out.” He said placing his hand on JJ’s shoulder.

They just glared through their glasses at the wall. “I’ll be fine once we actually get out of here. I am so fucking sick of picking up all the extra slack with bills! Just because both of us have good jobs doesn’t mean they don’t have to pay their half of the bills!” They yelled shaking “I swear to god if we have to cancel this trip home that we have been planning for 6 months simply because they can’t act like adults and take responsibility I will lose it!”

BJ just looked at his spouse with a sympathetic look, hand pulled them into a tight embrace to keep them from having a full blown panic attack. They both realized this was the beginning of the end of their friendship with their roommates, after all it’s always money isn’t it?

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This is actually what happened today. I am so infuriated with my roommates, I can’t do this anymore, I want to look for someone to take over the last year of our lease. We originally had over $950 saved up for our trip next week, we currently have only $325. And they don’t intend on paying us back either. They feel it’s our responsibility to pay more simply because only one of them has a job right now. And that is by choice might I add.

Just an update, more for myself than me actually thinking anyone cares lol.