#nbweek

(Image description: white cursive text on a blue and purple background that reads "You dont have to understand another persons gender identity in order to respect them" above smaller text reads "Nonbinary Awareness Week".)

happy nb day 💜🤍💚 (they/them & ey/em)

DAY 5 (July 16): MISCONCEPTIONS

Share what people often get wrong about your gender, and what you'd like binary people to understand.

I haven't been out for that long, so I don't have a ton of things to put on this list (and hopefully I don't have to add more but ya know 🙃).

The binary really isn't real. Like, listen, we made it up to simplify things. Humans love concepts we can wrap our brains around. But the thing is, nobody is quite so simple as any stereotype, gender role, or sex characteristic. No one is quite the ideal, so why even have an ideal in the first place? Why can't we just exist and forget about gender? It's not that hard.

I'm not trying to be a man. I don't shave my body hair as an afab. That doesn't mean I'm trying to be male. That doesn't mean I'm not feminine (especially when I still identified as female—body hair never defined anyone's gender or sex simply because everyone has varying degrees of body hair). Body hair is associated with masculinity because razor companies make tons of money keeping afabs hairless. I have hair that grows naturally. Why should I be ashamed of it? Please ask yourself why you actually think I'm "trying to be [x] gender" by choosing to do [y] thing. Deconstruct your beliefs and values; determine what they're based on, and decide whether that's an accurate portrayal of the world. Gender roles are not rigid or absolute across cultures. Nothing about shaving body hair is intrinsically female or feminine. You were made to believe that.

Sex and gender are not the same. I might have "female" parts, but that doesn't mean you need to know about it or be concerned about it. If you need to know what parts I have in order to treat me with respect, you're not treating me with respect lol. My organs and body parts are none of your business. You are not entitled to anything about me.

The fun part about all of this is that many people really think that I or any other nonbinary person is making a big deal out of their identity. Essentially forcing it on others as it were. But here's the thing: 1) the binary, in many cultures, is compulsory. It is very difficult to opt out of without some kind of social ramification (depending on who you are, where you are, etc.); and 2) in that same vein, us non-binary pals tend to find our identities to be pretty simple. Our gender might be special to us, yes, and we might love to talk about it, but that doesn't mean we want to constantly have to explain it. It isn't a big deal that we aren't in the binary. It's only world-altering to you because you don't understand it. But it's not a wild concept, nor is it anything new, especially to us. Truly, who we are shouldn't be mind-blowing. We aren't asking for all this attention. We just wanted to be treated like normal. We want you to call us by our preferred pronouns, just like you would anyone else. We want you to call us by our chosen names, just like anyone else, and give us the same respect afforded to everyone else, as if we were just another normal part of society. Because we are.

If you don't know what our pronouns are, ask. If you don't know what honorific/prefix we use, ask. If you don't know our preferred label, ask. If you don't know our preferred name, ask. Please don't assume. Asking shows us you care. For example, since no one asked, here is my list of answers: they/them; M. [Name]; agender/non-binary; I don't know my preferred name right now, but you can call me androj.

It's nonbinary awareness week!!!! I noticed this going around and thought it might be fun to participate and spread awareness. This is from @nb.week on instagram run by @gndrqr . They're doin a different theme everyday for the duration of nb awareness week so I might keep doing these. Anyway:

1. Nonbinary means, for me personally, that you identify outside of what we typically think as gender (male or female). It could mean you switch back and forth between feeling masculine and feminine but dont want the pronouns of either, or you dont feel like either so you use neutral pronouns. To me, if you dont feel like the typical gender roles or labels fit you then you're nonbinary in some way. As of right now, I'm just nonbinary. That was hard enough for me to figure out without trying to delve into specifics XD

2. I use they/them pronouns for right now. I may change them in the future but for now they/them feels the safest.

3. I think I'd be okay with any honorifics to be honest but if someday in the future I get to use Mx and someone refers to me as such I think I'd cry of happiness.

4. Yellow represents those whose gender exists outside of and without reference to the binary as yellow is often used to distinguish something as its own.

White represents those who have many or all genders as white is the photological presence of color and/or light.

The purple stripe represents those who feel their gender is between or a mix of female and male as purple is the mix of traditional boy and girl colors. The purple also could be seen as representing the fluidity and uniqueness of nonbinary people.

The final black stripe represents those who feel they are without gender, as black is the photological absence of color and/or light.

This is the most concise explanation I found on what the colors mean. I feel like black would represent me the most as I feel very removed from gender most of the time but also maybe white since I flip flop a lot with how I feel I'm percieved. I dont know, I like all the colors so it doesnt matter too much ^-^

1. (Genderfluid) That I’m just experiencing fluctuating levels of dysphoria and not different genders.

2. In terms of active danger: that we are negatively influencing other people. Which is one that applies to binary trans people as well. Those kinds of misconception can lead to rules and laws that make life dangerous for us. Or physical assault. The misconception I mentioned in response to the first question can also be dangerous because it might lead to us being refused a nonbinary transition. We might be given an ultimatum of “you have to fully transition to (insert binary gender) or not transition at all.”

3. I encounter misconceptions about genderfluid people most commonly in the lgbtq+ community, sadly. I don’t think a lot of people outside the community know genderfluid people even exist. Secondly, I’ve encountered misconceptions about trans people in general at a Christian co-op (The kind with classes, not the kind that’s a store) I have attended. In both cases it’s not that they’re trying to be malicious, it really seems that they just genuinely don’t understand. And fear is born from lack of understanding. It makes me incredibly sad and tired though.

4. I am not a confused binary trans person. I am not a confused cis person. I have taken a lot of time to learn about myself and my gender(s). Every gender experience is different, and that goes for genderfluid people too. Some people only switch between binary genders. Some people only switch between nonbinary genders or no gender. For some people it’s a combination. The number of genders someone switches between varies. The length a gender stays varies. Pronouns vary between different genderfluid people. Some genderfluid people also use other labels to describe their gender or lack there of. Research genderfluidity and talk to genderfluid people if you are uncertain. What binary people need to understand is this: I am not confused even if you are.

What do I love most about being nonbinary?

The fact that I can so easily side-step so much unnecessarily gendered BS. (Why tf is sewing seen as ‘feminine’? It’s a gd survival skill. Why tf is taking out the trash seen as ‘masculine’ by some people? Why tf is it necessary to gender shit like razors, food, and fish? Just... the hell?)

Mostly being able to go with whatever style I want (though I’ll admit that a lot of my personal style has been shaped by how I want to be understood).

What have I learned since coming out as nonbinary?

SO. GD. MUCH.

That it’s safer for me to be out and open about who I am than it would be if I kept it all bottled up and buried. (In my experience people tend not to mess with you if you’re as confident about it as you would be saying a tree stump is made of wood. If my gender is presented as inarguable fact no more worthy of fanfare than a rock on the ground, then people seem less likely to try to argue with or attack me about it.)

Just how ridiculously obvious I was and am. (Seriously, my older sister pretty much always knew but didn’t think about it because it was just me being me. To the point where thinking about binarily-gendered crap in relation to me is weird to her. And one of my dads had a feeling that I was nonbinary when I was little-- though he didn’t have the word for it-- but he didn’t say anything back then because he was concerned about making me uncomfortable. Hell, when I met my favorite high school teacher again during my most recent graduation and came out to her, her response was “Do you really think that no one knew?” I was SO. GD. OBVIOUS.)

Some people will get it with the dawning realization of “OOOOOHHHHHHH, that makes sense now. OKAY.” Other people when you tell them will look at you like a deer in the headlights as their brain short-circuits over someone not fitting into their fundamental understanding of how the world works-- which can be kind of hilarious sometimes, depending on the circumstances.

PEOPLE WHO IMMEDIATELY ROLL INTO GENDER PUNS AND JOKES (of the good variety) WHEN THEY FIND OUT YOU’RE NONBINARY ARE A GIFT TO THE GD WORLD.

What have I gained since coming out?

More than I can ever put into words.

The ability to get misgendered by someone in public and not automatically assume that the person is talking to me. Don’t get me wrong, getting misgendered sucks to all hell and back, BUT it’s a teeny bit less obnoxious when someone’s trying to get your attention and it just sails past your head because it doesn’t even register as having anything to do with you.

Being a hell of a lot more comfortable with my body and myself in general.

No more shitty attempts at hiding who and what I am! YAAAAAYYYY!!! (Seriously, that lying about my gender crap? 0 out of 10, do not recommend.)

A supportive fiance who I love to pieces and has helped me work out so much mental junk.

What’s my favorite gender euphoria/nonbinary affirmation moment?

Good question.

Getting gendered correctly is pretty high up there, especially by people who I don’t know. (Weirdly enough, in my experience little kids are the ones most likely to read me accurately.)

Finding out I was so damn obvious that people who I tried to hide my gender from for most of my life are like ‘The idea of you being anything else is weird’.

People telling me I don’t read as binary.

Seeing nonbinary characters in fiction that are recognized as nonbinary. (Doesn’t happen anywhere near enough, and there are very few things I can think of where there’s more than one nonbinary character in a narrative. But when it does happen, it’s awesome.)

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I've not answered any of the questions the organisers of this have put out until now, but as yesterday was the last day, I'm just gonna answer them all today!