#nadiaibrahim

Something major happened while I was doing a little shopping today. I wanted to freshen up my wardrobe for spring with a few new things so I went to Nordstrom Rack and picked out about 15 articles of clothing; jeans, joggers, dresses, shirts, jackets, even a pair of shorts. I went into the dressing room; bright neon white lights making my skin look yellow, marking every dent and imperfection on my body. Out of everything I tried on, ONE THING FIT. ONE. Usually I would leave the dressing room in a huff, feeling discouraged, pissed off, totally self conscious, defeated...instead, I walked out of there completely unphased. Instead of beating myself up for being “plus sized” and angry I’m not a size small or medium, I just didn’t care! I think the only thing that bothered me was the fact that I spent 20 mins in the dressing room to walk out with one item I wasn’t even crazy about.

So how exactly was this experience different than the dozens of times I’ve gone to a store, tried on clothes and absolutely hated my body? A few things:

1) Recognizing that every brand is sized differently. 

2) Recognizing that not every single thing that smaller people try on fits them, either.

3) Recognizing that a size is just a size. If I need a different size, I will get a different size, and most likely feel like a rockstar in the jeans that actually fit me.

4) Recognizing that my body is just that, a body. And it’s bigger in some areas, and still beautiful. I am my own kind of beautiful. 

5) Recognizing how simply amazing it is that this body works. I can walk, I can run, I can lift weights, I can swim, I can do anything I want to do with this body! How amazing is that?

Happy Sunday!

This is the second Sunday in a row I’ve made Shakshouka! It’s a savory Mediterranean dish that’s recently become popular in North America. Poached eggs on top of onions, tomatoes, red pepper, feta and spices. I essentially looked up different recipes to see how different people make it and their ingredients. I baked the eggs since I didn’t have a lid big enough for this extra large cast iron skillet.

If you're reading this, hi!

My name is Nadia Ibrahim. I am 24 years old and thriving in the beautiful Midwest city of Indianapolis, Indiana. I am a loving, inspiring and abundant woman, among many other things.

I’ve been writing in some way, shape and form since I was a child. I am drawn toward the ability to document life in all its ups and downs through sharing my thoughts, experiences and personal lessons through writing. Recently, my relationship with writing has changed a bit. I inadvertently strayed away from writing because I feel I didn’t have a whole lot to say, and if you know me, you’re probably thinking ‘impossible!’ However, that pause was incredibly important in my process of having ‘writer’ be one of my many identities. Through this pause, one of my realizations has been the fact that I thought writing had to look like a certain thing for me. It couldn’t just BE. I also realized, me sharing certain inklings on social media has been a large part in my journey of writing. It doesn’t matter if it’s on a blog, or on my own website, or in a book. It doesn’t matter how many words I write or for how long, it’s the fact that I actually have been writing this whole time and in a way I felt was important, meaningful and accessible.

Writing, like any passion you possess, is a process. If it doesn’t piss you off or excite you or frustrate you or make you feel whole but confused and not good enough all at the same time, that thing may not be as important to you as you think, and that’s okay. But if you keep coming back to whatever it is, then it’s a passion worth pursuing. Things that matter show up in all different ways; they’re not meant to be fluid, that’d be too easy, right?

After struggling for so long with feeling the need to put myself in this metaphorical box, I finally realized after picking a bunch of brilliant, bold brains that I don’t have to fit in a pre-existing box or define myself in a way that already exists for me to pursue my passion or consider myself a certain thing, and in this case, a writer/blogger. I am already that thing and just doing it in my own way or ways that come most natural to me. And for me, the mechanism that comes most natural to me is sharing my thoughts, experiences, vulnerabilities and lessons through using social media. Where you write is simply a mechanism. Where you do whatever you do, is simply a mechanism. If you are authentic in your passion, you can most likely do it anywhere. You don’t need to be in a certain place, or do it a certain way for it to work. You just have to do it.

I am looking forward to sharing my process and experience being a writer with all of you. I truly believe I can make a difference in doing what I'm already doing, however, doing it more consistently, extensively, intentionally and on a larger platform.

I haven’t written much lately. As I sat down the other day to journal for the first time in four weeks, all that came to me were all kinds of questions. I realize I’ve avoided writing because I’ve - one, been really out here living life, and two, because I’m experiencing a lot of uncertainty surrounding some rather important pieces of life (relationships and career, mainly). I decided to share some of the questions I’ve been pondering in hopes that it brings you peace knowing you’re not alone, and that it’s okay to not know the answer (even though we pretty much always know it, but that’s for another blog post). Here we go…

Q) What’s it going to take for me to stop putting up with shit I don’t deserve?

Q) How patient is TOO patient? When do I draw the line?

Q) Should I have to fight for someone? How long is too long?

Q) How many times do I have to tell someone something until they get it? If they care enough they will listen the first time, right?

Q) Who cares if they apologize if they don’t change their behaviour? Apologies don’t mean shit if there’s no real change.

Q) If I’m going to ‘be a writer,’ how vulnerable do I have to get? I’m afraid of what might be “too much.” But “too much” looks different to different people. At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter, I’m going to be judged regardless.

Q) Why do I even care about others judgments? Do I even care?

Q) How seriously should I take myself right now? What if I’m tired of taking myself too seriously?

Q) Do I start building my empire now or work for “the man?”

Q) What does it mean when I lose track of my passions? Does that mean it doesn’t really resonate with me? Wouldn’t I be all over it if it were meant to be or if I were truly passionate about it? 

Q) What would my world look like if I truly stepped into my power as a woman and stopped being so concerned with getting permission/approval?

It’s funny because a lot of these questions have similar answers. Long story short, they’re all up to me. No one can answer these types of questions for us. Each of us have our own threshold for bullshit, our own timelines, our own personal self expectations, our own opinions, our own ideas about what alllll of this can look like. The possibilities are endless.

why is it that heartbreak is so much more common than (feelings of love)?

or is it that heartbreak creates such strong feelings that end up masking the love once felt?

i am so exhausted of getting my heart broken and feeling disappointed by men.

this time was different.

he asked for me to trust him.

he excitedly talked about all our future plans; how we’d spend our birthdays, how he wanted to see me dressed in all black with my hair pulled back, all the places he’d show me.

he made me feel safe, comfortable, warm.

he made me laugh. more than anyone.

he cared about pleasing me.

this was the first time in my life i truly felt safe and hopeful.

then one day, like every other time i seem to fall for someone, he just stopped…

i feel abandoned. i feel like there’s something wrong with me.

why don’t they ever want to stay?

why would someone lead me on like that? what do people get out of making people feel safe and trusting them then acting like they didn’t say or do anything to make you feel that way?

this behavior I keep encountering makes me fearful of love sometimes. my heart feels too big for its own good.

 really thought i had someone who cared about me…

where do we go from here? did i do something? or were you just playing me?

in short:

- friends who hold me accountable

- personal breakthroughs

- patience in progress

- authenticity; in my being, with my loved ones

- family

- my beautiful, unique and able body

A lot happened this weekend. I find myself doing more things I don’t really want to do. I would typically avoid doing this because I convince myself that my energy won’t be needed if I don’t actually desire to be there. That’s whack. Let me share why. For one, it’s a shitty, lazy excuse. Two, I have control over my energy. I have control over the value I bring to each interaction. It’s called being intentional. It feels good getting out of my comfort zone during times when I feel like secluding myself. It feels good showing up positively, sharing love and sharing light. It feels good knowing I can put my own bullshit aside and be present for another person, especially family who I haven’t seen in a long time, my mom, my teammates, etc.

I am grateful for feeling uncomfortable. Having people in your life who hold you accountable on a regular basis are hard to find. I feel lucky I am in a community where accountability is abundant (no matter how uncomfortable or irritating it may be at times.) Before this weekend I could have continued feeling irritated had I not been authentic with people who deserve my authenticity and been open to other’s authenticity. I have realized I haven’t had many breakthroughs or changed a whole lot over the last 5 years because I didn’t have authentic people by my side. We are all afraid. We think we’re afraid to hurt other people by being authentic, when in reality we’re mostly scared that it’s going to push the people we love away. However, once we make it clear what our intention is in giving feedback or sharing a personal feeling and do it with love, chances are we’ll connect with the person further and both will leave feeling connected, vulnerable, loving and more confident in the relationship. 

Being a young adult with only so much experience in “the real world” can be a whirlwind. Every day can leave you feeling a series of invincible, lost, confused, motivated, unworthy, pumped - up all into one. There are days when you may feel like you have to completely start over and create a new path or acquire a new skill. I want to share with you that may not always be the case.

I recently came across a book called Strengths Finder 2.0 by #1 New York Times Bestselling Author, Tom Rath. I was given this book during a pivotal moment in time. I was feeling incredibly lost and insecure about what to do next, feeling like I had to completely recreate myself and acquire all new skills. That is until an incredibly kind, loving and generous woman asked how she could help me. I reluctantly described how I was feeling about trying to find the right next thing for me, and a lightbulb seemed to go off in her head and she said “I have the perfect book for you!” She came back with Strengths Finder and the very next day I cracked open the book not having any idea what to expect from it. Little did I know this book would give me so much clarity.

The whole premise of Strengths Finder can be wrapped up in a simple quote from the book,

“You cannot be anything you want to be, but you can be a lot more of who you already are.” 

The clarity taking this test and reading this book gave me is immeasurable. My results confirmed and defined all the skills I knew I had that I’ve pushed to the side and/or didn’t know how to explain to mentors or potential employers. I learned that most of my skills go back to strategic thinking, relationship building and executing. My five main characteristics are Input, Harmony, Discipline, Intellection and Empathy. I learned I am an Activator - I transform innovative ideas into immediate action. I am good at recognizing people’s skills, putting them in the right places and showing how their efforts fit into the larger picture. I’m a bridge builder, a connector. Moving and removing roadblocks excites me. I enjoy energizing plans and ideas of others. I couldn’t have been able to put any of this into words without reading this book and taking this test. After each characteristic are lists of how you can use that characteristic in the workplace and how to manage people with said characteristic. Maybe at some point I could have figured all of this out myself, but I feel I’d had to have experienced more and learned the hard way. Now, I can go into the next thing with a clear and focused mind and ask for exactly what I want with confidence, clarity and gusto. 

If you are seeking clarity of your skills or in search of how to use them, this book is it. 

About Strengths Finder 2.0: Strengths Finder 2.0 is a new and upgraded version of the StrengthsFinder assessment, gives you a top 5 strengths report according to your own test results, provides 50 ideas for action (10 strategies for building on each of your top 5 themes) and a whole lot more on their website with further payment. 

You can take the StrengthsFinder test online after purchase of the book in about 15 minutes then dive right into action by reading about all the ways you can use the skills you already possess. How empowering is that? This book and this test sets the reader up for success and provides attainable, actionable steps towards being the most awesome version of yourself. There is no need to go learn new skills after taking this short yet worthwhile test. 

StrengthsFinder also dives into what’s wrong with work culture at the moment and how you can personally avoid the hardships, road blocks and stress that comes with feeling the need to develop all new strengths.