Eurydice: You're late.
Orpheus: I know.
Eurydice: I've been waiting.
Orpheus: I know.
Eurydice: You always knew.
Orpheus: âŚYes.
Eurydice: You looked back.
Orpheus: I did.
Eurydice: You promised you wouldn't.
Orpheus: I know.
Eurydice: Why?
Orpheus: I've answered that question a thousand different ways.
Eurydice: And?
Orpheus: None of them changed what happened.
Eurydice: Then answer it once more.
Orpheus: I could tell you I heard your footsteps disappear.
Eurydice: They didn't.
Orpheus: I could tell you I thought the gods had lied.
Eurydice: They hadn't.
Orpheus: I could tell you I loved you too much.
Eurydice: You did.
Orpheus: But that isn't the answer you asked for.
Eurydice: No.
Orpheus: I was afraid.
Eurydice: Of what?
Orpheus: That I had imagined you.
Eurydice: Imagined me?
Orpheus: The dead become stories so quickly. I thought if I reached the surface and no one remembered your face except me⌠perhaps I had invented you just to survive.
Eurydice: So you turned around.
Orpheus: I needed one certainty.
Eurydice: And lost it.
Orpheus: Yes.
Eurydice: I hated you.
Orpheus: I know.
Eurydice: For a very long time.
Orpheus: I know.
Eurydice: I hoped you were miserable.
Orpheus: I was.
Eurydice: I know.
Orpheus: I sang.
Eurydice: I heard.
Orpheus: You heard?
Eurydice: The dead hear everything that refuses to die.
Orpheus: So my songs reached you.
Eurydice: They always did.
Orpheus: And you never answered.
Eurydice: I wasn't allowed.
Orpheus: I'm sorry.
Eurydice: I know.
Eurydice: If you'd kept walkingâŚ
Orpheus: I know.
Eurydice: We would've had years.
Orpheus: I know.
Eurydice: We would've grown old.
Orpheus: I know.
Eurydice: You would've annoyed me.
Orpheus: I probably would've written songs about it.
Eurydice: You definitely would've.
Orpheus: I spent so long mourning the life we never had.
Eurydice: So did I.
Orpheus: And now?
Eurydice: We have forever.
Orpheus: It isn't the same.
Eurydice: No.
Orpheus: It never will be.
Eurydice: No.
Orpheus: But it is ours.
Eurydice: Yes.
Orpheus: Can I look at you now?
Eurydice: As long as forever.
Orpheus: Then I won't look away again.
Eurydice: You don't have to.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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AMPHITRITE: The Reluctant Sea Queen and the Subtle Power of Mythic Age
Amphitrite: sea goddess, Nereid queen, and the most done with your nonsense woman in Greek myth.
You think sheâs just âPoseidonâs wifeâ? Try again. She ran away when he tried to marry her. The gods had to send a dolphin to negotiate. That dolphin got turned into a constellation. Ancient myth said, âgirlboss, but make it maritime.â
Sheâs the reluctant sea queen, divine mom to Triton, and ruler of the oceanâs quiet power â the kind that doesnât shout but still wrecks ships. We donât talk about her enough. So I did. At length.
đŹâ¨ Read the full gremlin-classicist dive on Ko-fi:
đ Read it here on Ko-fi! đ
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edit: oh yeah also, in some tellings, Zeus later gave Arke's wings as a gift at a wedding, and they ended up being sown onto Achille's feet, which is why he's so fast, and "swift-footed" is a REALLY literal epithet.
an rating of every piece of arthurian media i have consumed
Hi. So I really like Arthurian mythology. To an deeply concerning and obsessive point. This has led me to consume a lot of Arthurian media, and thus I figured I would give you this. Ratings of all the Arthurian media (up until now) that Iâve consumed.
This is going to be a doozy.
Books!
The Mabinogion. 9/10. Itâs less Arthurian mythology and more proto-arthurian. But itâs welsh as shit and goes hard.
Historia Regum Britanniae. 6/10. 10/10 for iconicness. 2/10 because itâs geoffrey of fucking monmouth. This mother fucker cannot write and basically is responsible for the englishfication of arthurian mythology and eventually the frenchification of arthurian mythology. So I rightfully hate his ass.
Knight of the Cart. 6.5/10. 10/10 for iconicness. 3/10 because if I could accuse a man of cultural appropriation whoâs dead and didnât really commit cultural appropriation, I would pick Chretien de Troyes. Youâre too french and too annoying and canât even do chivalric romance well because the french are actually terrible at it. Like go read avicenna you illiterate french peasant.
The Vulgate Cycle. 5/10. Itâs good. Itâs iconic. Itâs french.
Bulfinchâs Mythology. 4/10. It gets what the basics of arthurian mythology is, but fails to understand the actual point of Arthurian mythology and what itâs trying to do and itâs function.
The High King. 8/10. Such a good reference book on Arthurian mythology and the history behind the name and the title and how he came to be.
The Mists of Avalon. 5/10 itâs a solid retelling, and I like the arguably feminist stance it takes. Iâm knocking 3 points because of quality, and 2 points because it isnât gay, and I think the author got a little confused about what Celtic is. Like they clearly know itâs wales, but they seem to have gone for the bad folk etymology that Morgan le Fay/Morgana is somehow related to the Morrigain historically. Which sheâs not. Also because the author shouldâve gone full ass in on the anti-colonialist messaging. And neither of them did.
Grailquest. 3/10. Itâs just⌠not good enough. Also for some odd reason itâs in Ancient Greece because a spell went wrong? So I think the author was just trying to make it enjoyable for youn boys.
Avalon High (the book). 4/10. Itâs just not good enough.
Merlinâs Blade. 1/10. Literally the worst. Merlin is Christain and weird as shit in this. I would give it a 0/10, but Iâll give it kudos for having a blind MC. Even though he keeps talking to God about it and it sucks.
Le Morte dâArthur. 8/10. One of the ogâs. Honestly of the better cycles in the Arthurian canon. You can, and will, read worse than this one.
Legendborn Cycle. 10/10. Perfect. Should literally be added to the actual Arthurian canon. I donât care if this is an unfinished YA book series that started coming out in 2019. Yâall are fools if you havenât read this and I fucking laugh at for calling yourself an Arthurian Mythology fan if you havenât. Literally laugh.
The Once and Future King. 8/10. So I love this book. That being said, this was written in the 40s by a british white man. Like⌠it fails me. And thatâs where those two points have gone. A fun fact is that this book wasnât published during WW2 because the author really hated war.
Magic Tree House. 6/10. Good. Could be better. I deeply appreciate that the entire series is Morgana and Merlin fighting for a fucking tardis treehouse. That alone makes this worth reading.
Idylls of the King. 0/10. Literal colonial propaganda. Fuck you Tennyson.
The Fall of Arthur. Like a 5/10. Unfinished. Not Tolkienâs better work.
The Green Knight (Tolkien Translation). 5/10. LISTEN I LOVE TOLKIEN BUT THSI ISNâT A GOOD TRANSLATION. He uses such estoric language sometimes that it shouldnât be counted! As a fucking! Translation!
Camelot Rising. 4/10. Idc what you say and if itâs feminist. Itâs not good enough for a higher rating. It also shouldâve been gay and thus has been docked points
Once and Future. 4/10. I really really really wanted to love this book. Itâs a queer arthurian retelling where arthur is sapphic and arabic. But it so deeply reeks of white queer people who make being queer a central part of their identity to avoid talking about queerness. On top of which, for some odd reason, the like⌠five thousand year old sorcerer seems to struggle with the concept of genderfluid people to me. Which makes no sense. Itâs not good. Itâs really bad. Iâm giving it 4 stars for at least being gay and not outright offensive. Itâs also a decent adaptation
Sword Stone Table. 10/10. ITâS AN DIVERSE ARTHURIAN SHORT STORY ANTHOLOGY. IF YOU DONâT LIKE ONE YOU CAN READ THE NEXT ONE. EXCEPT THEYâRE ALL EXCELLENT.
Once and Future (2019 comic). 7/10. YEAHHHH FUCK BREXIT. Itâs just a good comic by my favourite comic book writer. Mr kieron gillen (not to be mistaken with karen gillan).
Gails: Quests of the Dawn. 5/10. I love Neil Gaiman but this short story collection reads like a roster of the white men of SFF. Which makes it mediocre compared to Sword Stone Table. Also OSC.
Plays + Operas + Music
Spamalot. 7/10. Not as good as the movie. Two extra points were given for Tim Curry as King Arthur. Yes. Local queer icon Tim Curry gets two points by his lonesome.
Camelot (Philippa Soo Broadway). 5/10. I love Philippa Soo. She does a really good job in this role. But she looses all the camp of the original versions.
Tristain und Isolde (Wagner). 3/10. Iâm not a fan of wagner.
High Noon Over Camelot. 1/10. This is a bad retelling and I dislike the Mechanisms music. Itâs also obnoxiously white.
Movies + TV Shows
Camelot (the movie). 7/10. Itâs camp as fuck and thereâs a song called the lusty month of may. Which is just about fucking. And i think thatâs actually perfect.
Avalon High (the movie). 7/10. When I tell you that this movie rewired my brain and truly ignited my passion for Arthurian mythology? I mean it. This set me down a hole for years. Sure, is it gay? No. Is Arthur a girl in this though? Yes. And that makes it better than the book
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword. 2/10. I fucking hate this movie so fucking much oh my god. I DONâT CARE WHAT PEOPLE SAY ITâS NOT GOOD. THIS IS A BAD ADAPTATION.
The Green Knight. 9/10. I loved this movie! Weird as shit. But I did really love this movie. And Dev Patel is hot.
The Last Legion. 3/10. Itâs a fine movie. But itâs a 3/10 as an arthurian adaptation because while I appreciate the attempt at historicity. Itâs actually just bad at that.
The Sword in the Stone. 8/10. Itâs less racist than the book which gets it points. Itâs also not as *good* as the book.
Shrek 3. Both a 9/10 and a 2/10. Terrible Arthurian adaptation. But Shrek movies are so fun anyways.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail. 9/10. Unironically one of the best Arthurian adaptations ever. Itâs so funny and ads and discuss the canon in a fantastic way.
Knightriders. 8/10. Itâs a Romero film, who lowkey *invented* the zombie film. But itâs also⌠anti-capitalist? And gay? Also trying to not be racist? (Trying. Itâs the 80s. But p successful). They are also REN FAIRE ACTORS ON MOTORCYCLES.
The Sorcererâs Apprentice (2010). 4/10. I like this movie, but itâs, say it with me, a terrible Arthurian adaptation.
Transformers: the Last Knight. 2/10. I will not speak further on this.
The Kid Who Would Be King. 6/10. Bad movie. Decent adaptation with fun characters who understand their point in this story.
Merlin. 9/10. Honestly a really good Arthurian adaptation that understands it doesnât need to be source accurate. Also while it doesnât commit to the gay. Itâs still gay-tinged.
Camelot. 3/10. I hate the lighting and everyone in this is weirdly angsty and incestual.
Cursed. 5/10. Itâs not good enough to be more. Itâs just not good enough. But I do appreciate the diversity and Nimue as the MC.
Stargate SG-1. 0/10. Racism. I hate stargate because itâs just so obnoxiously racist.
The Librarians. 3/10. Itâs not a great arthurian adaptation and it drops all the arthurian bits after a while. But it is a 9/10 tv show.
Trollhunters: Tales of Arcadia. 6/10. Solid Arthurian adaptation. I just think it was a bit weak and put them in there to give credence to itâs magic things and system without having to justify them further to the watchers. Which makes this not really arthurian.
Fate/stay night. 8/10. I havenât watched any of this. But Arthur is a woman who was called a man in this version because of sexism. And sheâs kinda fruity. So that gives this an 8/10 in my book.
Hellboy. 4/10. I like Hellboy a lot. Itâs just their Arthurian deal is just a single lone sad merlin.
Quest for Camelot. 2/10. Itâs really just not worth watching.
A Kid in King Arthurâs Court. 1/10. I donât even hate this one. Itâs just so painfully mediocre itâs amazing.
Legends of Tomorrow. 7/10. Itâs a really really good show and I like that itâs implied that King Arthur is Sara Lance who is just here to fuck.
TTRPGs + Video Games
Pendragon. 3/10. I appreciate itâs structure having read this entire game. Itâs just⌠not got a great structure.
Runescape. 5/10. Itâs fine. Itâs just fine. Itâs iconic. And itâs fine.
Sonic and the Black Knight. 1/10. Because I do actually have something against this. I hate the fact that Sonic is King Arthur and thus will be cuckooed. It causes me physical pain to think of this.
And that is literally every Arthurian adaptation I have consumed to date. I plan on reading Spear after I read this indigenous anti-colonial dragon fantasy book. Iâm wary of Spear because although itâs gay, the author set it in ireland. And arthurian mythology isnât fucking irish. Have respect and do what the rest of us do and set your arthurian adaptation on a different fucking continent.
