#myspnmeta

The gun he uses to prop open the trunk to be able to sort through his baggage is the sawed off Ithaca 37 shotgun that Sam eventually develops a preference for.

(Okay, so quick side note. After season 2 they got a different armorer and that's when the consistent purposeful gun symbolism starts to really take shape. Season 1, they're just kind of stumbling into it by sheer luck.) The Ithaca is Sam in the visual language of the show.

The two shotguns we see the boys welding the first few seasons are Sam's Ithaca, and the side by side sawed off. 

The side by side sawed off is something all of them use (until Dean gets his own unique shotgun) but it's something that the show uses to symbolize family, safety, home, and Bobby Singer.

Right so lets dig into this some more. We'll start with Bobby Singer.

The shotgun he is most closely associated with a sawed off double barrel shotgun. Which is interesting because that's usually a redneck-villain/cold baddass gun. It’s the gun you'd give to the scary redneck character. Or like... Generic Action Hero McStubble face. BUT that's just because it's sawed off. The sawed off part is what adds the hollywood action movie layers. And season 1 was very much only drawing from movie short hand. But later seasons build on it. 

Because regular shotguns are for stuff like hunting and home defense.

Providing and protecting.

And this gun comes to have that connotation too within the visual language of this show. It’s used by the boys a lot too. This is a little family-unit symbol of a gun. It's also The only gun we ever see Cas use in the show. It happens only once. And it's one Bobby gives to him.

EXT. BOBBY'S YARD BOBBY: What's your problem? CASTIEL: This is what they mean by "the 11th hour," right? BOBBY: Pretty much. CASTIEL: Well, it's the 11th hour, and I am useless. All I have is this. ( Castiel waves a shotgun What am I even supposed to do with it? BOBBY: Point it and shoot. CASTIEL: What I used to be -- BOBBY: Are you really gonna bitch --to me? Quit pining for the varsity years...And load the damn truck.

And later, Cas shoots this symbolic gun, rescuing Sam while fighting alongside Bobby. And Cas is like "Family. A father figure that cares. Interesting."

Okay, what Cas really said was "Actually, these things can be useful." but the symbolism is there.

It's important to remember that Kripke describes this show as a Midwestern. So it uses the visual language of westerns.

And it has gun culture running through its blood.

Guns are shown as noble here. There was one episode with a clear anti gun message in it, but it used a knife as a stand in for Jack playing with a gun and getting a friend shot. 

Knives carry all the symbolism that an anti-gun piece of media would give to guns in this show. Which is REALLY interesting because guns are given all the nobility a fantasy nerd would expect from swords.

And that is very much how folks like the Winchesters would think of their guns. Like swords, passed down from generation to generation.

Anyway. I got off track.

So Bobby's shotgun is a classic sawed off. But his signature sidearm is a Colt Single Action Army, which tells us a lot about Bobby.

That is THE Colt Peacemaker.

You have to pull back the hammer manually each time you want to fire it. (Which is why people in westerns do that funny thing with two hands to "fan the hammer" to fire in quick succession in like... a saloon shootout)

Bobby's old fashioned. He's classic. He's got an old fashioned gun which has... IDK how to explain this but it's a gun that has soul to it. (I'll come back to this)

it's unadorned but it's still got soul and character and you adjust the sights by filing down the hammer and like... It's everything Bobby Singer in gun form.

Since we're talking about revolvers, lets talk about “The Colt” for a second. (A Colt Paterson 1836.)

Actually, let's talk about the Winchester Family Tree first. It goes Henry Winchester>John Winchester> Dean (& Sam but Dean's the first born and thus inherits the guns and the car.)

John's got a BUNCH of war vet and/or POW symbolism, Vietnam specifically but also just in general. (and some of it's just plain text)

His symbolic gun is The Colt. (Though Dean's 1911 started out as his too in the same way Baby did. But that was season one before they really ironed this stuff out and it’s just in one flashback so feel free to ignore that if you want.)

The Colt is a war trophy of sorts, having been taken from a vampire nest. Which instantly catapults in to Significant Family Heirloom status. And it’s also the property of John’s deceased mentor, Danny Elkins. Which would honestly be enough to give it that status on it’s own.

And it's meant to kill Azazel and then John's ghost comes back from hell and helps Dean use it to kill Azazel.

It's also a colt single action.

I mention Henry Winchester because the granddaddy of modern repeating arms was the Henry repeating rifle which was later succeeded by the Winchester carbine.

"Nicknamed the "Yellow Boy" for the characteristic hue of the receiver, the Winchester Model 1866 was an improved version of the Henry 1860, "

Somebody in season 1 (before the armorer from season 2 onwards was the LEAD armorer) realized they forgot to give him a winchester and threw it in last second even though there's no space for it.

That's John's trunk.

Everybody's got guns with soul. Everybody. Even Sam’s Taurus PT92AFS, (which is basically just a little off brand Beretta) gets nickel plating and pearl grips. I like to think Dean did it as a gift. Because it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing Sam would do.

Anyway, The Colt. Significant Family Heirloom Gun. Obviously goes to either the spouse or if the spouse is dead, the first born son. Right? 

Guns are basically swords. Like Aragorn gets the sword of Isuldur, Dean should get the colt. If he were a young child, it'd go to his guardian to keep for him until he was old enough but Dean's old enough for guns.

But... It goes to Bobby instead. Who cares for it. And maintains it. Even though it's dead as far as the magic goes and "only good for seeing what made it tick" at this point.

This kind of thing is an important mourning ritual, y’all. And there’s no reason for Dean not to be the one doing it.

Here’s Bobby test firing it.

And here he is adjusting the sights.

And like... I legit have thousands of words written about the potential love story hidden in the subtext there. Single action’s aren’t a practical gun y’all. They’re sentimental and old fashioned. There’s love in this.

But I've gotten off track again.

The point here is that good guy’s guns have soul in this show.

But some guns don't.

In order to have a soul it needs artistry and craftsmanship. It needs to be at least a little old fashioned or decorative or just classy.

Gordon's guns are soulless.

Heckler and Koch. Mass produced and unfeeling.

Heckler and Koch. Modern. Cold. Not tied to any kind of American gun mythos.

Gordon is not about art. He's not about family. And neither are his guns. It's about killing. Brutal, ruthless, and wrong. There is nothing noble here.

I'll come back to this.

Okay so Sam has his nickel plated pearl grip offbrand Beretta. It's important to note that the Beretta is a pretty standard police side arm. So it gives Sam like... a noble sheriff vibe but modern. Jody Mills carries a Beretta. 

(I get that the idea of a sheriff who keeps the law in a lawless town is problematic but the show is using the language of westerns and thus I have to use it to explain what's going on. I'm not saying I like the trope.)

Anyway, this cheeper off brand cop gun has been given soul (despite not being the more expensive brand name option) by being customized to match Deans. It's had love put into it.

Both boys start out the series using the same shotgun as Bobby but eventually gravitate towards shotguns that become uniquely theirs.

Dean's is a beautiful sawed off Winchester Model 1887 which Jo hands him when she dies in the hardware store.  

From pretty much that moment on, that's Dean's shotgun.

And shotguns in this show are consistently for protecting family.

They use them to fight ghosts in haunted houses for goodness sakes. There's just a wealth of metaphor to it.

And they've also got their whole "rock salt" whatever going on so they're effectively the gentlest option too. (Please don’t try that at home. No clue what would happen but assume the worst.)

Sam's shotgun is the Ithica that Dean uses to prop open the trunk. To help him sort through all the baggage he’s carrying around in there.

The SEASON that convinced me I'd found something here and wasn’t just imagining things was Season 6.

Souless Sam uses almost exclusively Heckler and Koch.

Endverse!Dean used almost exclusively Heckler and Koch stuff too.

Pretty much everybody in the Croatoan future used heavily military, mass produced, black, large, high capacity, high rate of fire stuff you might expect evil gangster villains to use.

Soulless. All death and violence. Just like Sam in Season 6. And at no point while soulless does Sam use his nickle plated gun. Instead, he uses this monstrosity.

A Heckler & Koch Mark 23. And the camera lingers on it. We’re meant to notice something’s wrong.

When he's fighting himself in his head in "The Man Who Knew Too Much". Souless Sam is still using the soulless guns. And our sam is using his nickel plated gun. (And the Sam that contains his memories of being tortured in hell uses a knife.)

Souless/evil Sam uses a Heckler & Koch Mk 23 whilst pursuing "good" Sam in "The Man Who Knew Too Much" (S06E22).

Good Sam IMMEDIATELY switches back to using his Taurus PT92AFS with pearl grips after he gets his soul back and continues to use it while fighting his Evil/Soulless self in in The Man Who Knew to Much.

And guess what Sam uses to prop open the trunk in The Man Who Knew Too Much? An episode where Sam is literally woking through his trauma and baggage? His big brother Dean's Winchester Model 1887.

Just like Dean uses Sam's Ithaca.

And in the one episode where Ben has to fight? What does Dean hand his own kid to defend himself while they get Lisa to safety?

If you guessed his Winchester Model 1887, you guessed right.

A preamble:  

Here’s the first thing the boys ever carved their initials into, claiming it as their own.  

A 1967 Chevrolet Impala that “would turn out to be the most important car – no, the most important object – in pretty much the whole universe.”

So we have it established in canon that Sam and Dean carve their initials in Important Objects.  In fact, the little details, little pieces that Sam and Dean add over time that meld with and become a part of the Impala are crucial to the end of 5x22:Swan Song - seeing the bits of Sam and Dean that makes baby their own gives Sam the strength to overpower Lucifer.  Go watch that shit here.

Ready to clown?  The Bunker library table is a Baby/Impala mirror.

Think about it.  Baby used to be “home” - Chuck makes that point in Swan Song too -

“maybe they never really had a roof and four walls...but they were never in fact, homeless.” 

“That’s a good line.”

Sure is, Chuck.

Sam also says it in Baby’s very own episode, 11x04:Baby.

But when they’re not riding around in Baby, the Bunker/Bat Cave is their other home, the one with the roof and four walls.

And where do they spend the most time while there? (well, Dean may spend more time in the kitchen but we’ll get to that later)

Sitting at the Library Table.

(bless my babe he cannot sit like a regular person, and I am THE same).

They work together there:

They also work with others there.  

So it’s their “hub” as well as where they welcome others, publicly/openly.  That’s important.

(Want more Impala/Library Table parallels?)

this blocking from 15x18 is exactly how they sit in baby when chatting in 11x04

you can see Sam’s arm showing the positioning below

and also when they fall asleep

Ok back to tables.  A decent amount of domestic scenes also occur at the Library Table.

However, any domestic scenes that include Cas are usually at the Kitchen Table 

(and remember, the kitchen is Cas’s favorite place per 11x03: Hells Angel; it’s where he is in his head when possessed by Lucifer):

See? Kitchen Table:

Could They Emphasize Any More that We are at the Kitchen Table?

(for additional serotonin)

Morning Sunshine/Coffee scene. Kitchen Table.

Kitchen Table:

Kitchen Table:

The Kitchen Table also appears to be most often frequented by Dean:

See how Dean is consistently sitting at it while Sam is standing or walking in when Dean is already there?

And it tends to be used for more secretive, emotional or private moments (the Cas and Jack cereal scene above, or Sam and Dean planning to put Jack in the Malaak box below, as an example:)

Another, more somber shot of this one to remind you that while it was domestic, it was emotional too.

Other characters have used it for secretive/private/emotional scenes as well.

Like this surprise reunion setup between Sully and Sam:

Mary reading John’s journal:

First conversation with Midam since the cage:

(she’s plotting to kill Jack here)

John seeing Mary for the first time in Lebanon:

No explanation necessary:

THIS MOMENT IS ALSO IN THE KITCHEN

BONUS: this outfit

DOUBLE BONUS:

after Dean presumably stays up all night drinking one-on-one with Mick in 12x17:British Invasion 

Ok, now lets move on to the initials.

They first appear on the table in 12x18:The Memory Remains.

DEAN

I wonder what's gonna happen to this place. After we're gone, you think some hunter'll move in, keep fightin' the fight?

(**a moment of feral screaming re 15x20)

SAM

Yeah, I hope so.

DEAN

Yeah. Me, too.

[Dean gets out his knife from his pocket.]

SAM 

What are you doin'?

DEAN

Leaving our mark. Here.

[Dean and Sam carve their initials into the library table like they'd done to Baby as kids]

Mary’s are added after her death (14x18:Absence).

And finally, in 15x19 we get Cas’s.  Let’s see it one more time.

Again - these initials are carved on the Library Table. The work table.  The table shown to the public, where guests tend to be seated.

I’ve been calling them initials but note - Dean used Cas’s full name.  No, it’s not because they didn’t want to anger the fans by spelling Cas wrong.

It’s because Dean always uses Cas’s full name when he introduces him to other people. (start at :48)

The Library Table is the domestic family table - for everyone except for Cas, whose domestic scenes tend to occur at the kitchen table (the table of private/secret moments, the table in Cas’s favorite place, the place where Cas’s favorite person seems to spend a lot of time).  Dean has been hiding his relationship with Cas from the world in. this. kitchen.

Carving Cas’s name on the Library Table is Dean making a choice.  It’s Dean choosing Cas as family publicly; it’s Dean bringing Cas home, permanently; it’s Dean introducing Castiel to the world as a part of him, as his own.  

This is Dean’s “I love you, too.”

CHUCK (VOICEOVER)

So, what's it all add up to? It's hard to say. But me, I'd say this was a test... for Sam and Dean. And I think they did all right. [Flashbacks play.] Up against good, evil, angels, devils, destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family. And, well... isn't that kinda the whole point? 

BONUS SUPPORT FOR KITCHENS AS SECRET POST-COITAL HIDDEN RELATIONSHIP HANGS:

Going in reverse order, we can set 15.01 14.20 and 14.13 to the side right now. John Wayne Gacy is John Wayne Gacy. It's not deeper than that.

But who is John Wayne Gacy? Why's it relevant to SPN?

If we want to understand what 2.02 Everybody Loves a Clown says about Dean Winchester's internalized homophobia, we have to understand what all things he's internalizing. Dean's go to clown reference is Gacy, so it obviously left an impression.

Wikipedia puts it thusly:

"John Wayne Gacy (March 17, 1942 – May 10, 1994) was an American serial killer and sex offender known as the Killer Clown who assaulted and murdered at least 33 young men and boys. Gacy regularly performed at children's hospitals and charitable events as "Pogo the Clown" or "Patches the Clown", personas he had devised."

But that really doesn't give a full picture of who this dude was, or what it has to do with Dean.

Gacy was a horrible predatory man who preyed on teenage boys and if you want the particulars of that you can look it up yourself. It was brutal. There were twenty-six dead, brutalized bodies were found in the crawl space of Gacy's home.

Which brings me to why this meta is about....

Clowns and Dean's internalized homophobia.

If you want to understand the Winchester's framework for who queer people are and what queerness is, you've got to remember that Dean was growing up during the AIDs crisis in an environment where the media he is exposed to is hardly likely to portray gay, much less bisexual men in a positive light. And Dean's ideas of queerness has been shaped by horror movies and high profile sex offenders.

I've never watched Lost Boys, but @deanwasalwaysbi puts it nicely, saying "Dean’s clearly very into Lost Boys, the 1987 queercoded gay vampire panic version of peter pan, complete with AIDS metaphors and fear of family acceptance."

That's the mental stage on which Everybody Loves a Clown is set. Queerness as predatory.

2x02 Everybody Loves a Clown

It's the second episode of season 2. John Winchester has just traded his life for Dean's. Dean is dealing with heaps of survivor's guilt. Their Dad, the head of household. The one traditionally responsible for protecting to the family (and who took that responsibility to unhealthy extremes) is dead.

Everybody Loves a Clown takes place one week later.

And Dean is managing. At the start of the episode, he's rebuilding the Impala. This is a good thing.

The Impala is Dean's childhood home, but also a symbol of himself. It's doing well when Dean is. It's not when he's not. This metaphor is established in the previous episode 1x01 In My Time of Dying during this conversation between Bobby and Sam while Dean is lying in the hospital dying after the car crash:

SAM looks down at the mangled car. BOBBY is there as well. SAM: Oh man, Dean is gonna be pissed. BOBBY: Look, Sam. This... this just ain't worth a tow. I say we empty the trunk, sell the rest for scrap. SAM: No. Dean would kill me if we did that. When he gets better he's gonna want to fix this. BOBBY: There's nothing to fix. The frame's a pretzel, and the engine's ruined. There's barely any parts worth salvaging. SAM: Listen to me, Bobby. If there's only one working part, that's enough. We're not just going to give up on... BOBBY (quietly) : Okay. You got it.

At the start of Everybody Loves A Clown, Dean is fixing things. He's staying occupied. He's putting in the work to get better. And so the car is getting better too. And he's fixing the car because it's something he can fix. He can't save his dad, but he can save this car. The only home he's ever known.

Dean's in rough shape, but he's getting better. He's putting in the work at self improvement.

The boys head to roadhouse, and find Ash asleep on the pool table. Like this. And the pose feels weirdly sexy in a way I can't pinpoint.

Sam moves on when they determine that Ash is not a chick and thus probably not Ellen, but Dean who walked closer, lingers longer.

And glances back while walking away.

Dean gets so distracted, in fact, that Jo is able to sneak up on him and hold him at gunpoint.

When we get our first real introduction to Ash...

Dean starts flirting with him within the first minute of meeting him.

"You got to be kidding me. This guy's no genius. He's a Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie." is a compliment coming from Dean. And Ash's appearance tells Dean enough to know that it would be one to Ash too. Dean's tone makes that clear even if you didn't know anything about Lynyrd Skynyrd.

If you watch Dean's body language in this scene, it may look a little closed off, but mostly it looks a lot like the thing guys do sometimes where they'll cross their arms so they can tuck their hands under their biceps to make their muscles look bigger. It's as adorable as it is obvious. And his body is turned towards Ash.

He's flirting. Dean Winchester starts this episode openly flirting with an openly queer man.

Ash responds positively, and Dean moves in closer.

What do I mean Ash is openly queer?

I can not possibly emphasize enough just how loudly queer this feral country boy is. This is 2006. Ash is wearing his gay little vest with his already very skinny frame and he's got one ear pierced.

Please trust me when I say that Country Good Ol' Boys like Ash (who we find out in 5x16 Dark Side of The Moon grew up in a snake handling church) did not pierce their ears in 2006 to be trendy.

People aren't going to see that and think he's cool, or punk. They're going to see it and know he's gay.

Literally the only reason for a guy like Ash to be walking around in 2006 with an earring is because he's loudly and proudly gay.

And Dean notices. Dean's interested.

By the end of that conversation, Dean's body language is open and entirely directed towards Ash. He's impressed. And he's considering it. As Ash leaves Dean takes his chance and complements Ash's hair. Look at that face. That is Dean's flirting face! And Ash is preening under the attention.

Gif description: "By the way, I dig the haircut." Dean flirts. Ash flirts back, preening a little as he says "Business in the front. Party in the back." Complete with a little hair toss of his mullet.

Of course, the second Ash leaves, Dean checks out Jo's ass. As if to remind himself and the world that he's still into women.

Sam's fear of Clowns. Why Clowns? Why Gacy?

Ellen hands Sam the folder on the child abducting clown and is kind of gentle, hesitates a little a first when she says "I was going to give this to a friend of mine."

I think the implication being that she was going to give it to their dad.

Which makes sense considering how almost obsessively protective their dad was of Sam. And honestly, in light of the clown symbolism, I'm feeling pretty dang protective of Sam too.

Okay let me explain. And tie things into another clown episode.

In 7x14 Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie, it's heavily implied that Sam was abused by a child predator after Dean left him at one of those play places as a kid. When Dean calls and asks Sam "Do you remember a chain called Plucky Pennywhistle's?" Sam's face looks genuinely afraid at just the mention of them.

SAM: [after a pause] No. DEAN: Really? Could have swore you loved those places. SAM: No, dude, I hated them. Uh, you would dump me and go trolling for chicks. DEAN: It's not like I left you in jail. I mean, those places are supposed to be fun.

Dean asks Sam to go investigate and when Sam expresses reluctance, sounding genuinely scared now, Dean wonders aloud "Yeah, what in the world did they do to you?" And Sam makes a face Dean can't see from over the phone that says clearly they did something.

The reason they stamp kids hands at those kinds of places are to make sure that each kid leaves with the adult they came in with, and while it's better than nothing, it's incredibly far from fool proof.

Dean left Sam in those places unsupervised as a kid, and if Dean's account is at all trustworthy it seems like Sam's fear of clowns was something developed after that started. And Sam would have been particularly vulnerable, as isolated as he was.

The bad guy in that episode turned out to be an employee at Pennywhistle's who targeted vulnerable children. And also targeted Sam Winchester.

In 1x18 Something Wicked, we find out that a Striga who disguised itself as a pediatrician and preys on children targeted Sam as a child. Azazel has appointed himself in the role of an evil coach at evil summer camp and made sexual comments about Mary Winchester while wearing the body of her dead father during 4x03 In the Beginning. (The same Samuel Campbell who Sam works so closely with after he comes back from hell soulless.) then broke into their house while John was asleep and bleed in Sam's mouth infecting him with demon blood. Then, there's a scene from 5x22 Swan Song which only works if watched while remembering that boys and men can be victims too.

In some astoundingly good acting by Jared Padalecki, we watch Lucifer (wearing Sam's skin) bring together people who have all taken advantage of him at some point in the past. An elementary school teacher. Sam's "prom date" (guys can also be coerced into sex) and Doug from "that time in east lancing."

The show doesn't say it outright, but it insinuates it. Rewatch that scene with an eye towards that and it becomes clear. Sam Winchester has been through repeated revictimization. (Sam's storylines are dark, y'all. Ruby was his abusive girlfriend and drug dealer. Meg 1.0 repeatedly makes unwanted sexual advances on him. Sam is dealing with A LOT.) There's themes of self harm/drug use (demon blood) and coercion and being taken advantage of that Sam's stories put center stage and portray as matters of importance to the entire world. This stuff that usually gets wrongfully minimized and dismissed as "teen girl problems", as if that makes it less important.

Is it messed up that this show had to give a man those stories to be able to address them seriously? Yeah. But I'm still glad they did it.

Because Sam's got a lot going on to write meta about if you look past the stories you'd expect based on his gender.

Anyway, it's little wonder why the show uses Gacy's Pogo the Clown as the quintessential clown instead of someone else. Because Sam's fear isn't really about clowns.

Back to Everybody Loves a Clown though. Dean doesn't know about the clown case yet. He's off going through the motions of flirting with Jo but his heart's not in it. And he realizes that so he gives up before even really trying. And like... she calls him on the fact he was going to try a pickup line. There's no chemistry there. Zilch. Zero. Nada.

In the office at the carnival, there are two chairs. One's a normal one, and the other looks like a clown. Sam looks incredibly uncomfortablewhen he has to essentially sit on this plastic clown's lap.

In this episode, we also discover that Dean hates funhouses.

Hmmm. I wonder why? Is it because they're full of mirrors that reflect yourself back at you, but distorted. Is the metaphor a little too on the nose surrounded by all those clowns?

At the job interview for the traveling circus or whatever, this exchange happens:

MR. COOPER: You see, this place, it's a refuge for outcasts. Always has been. For folks that don't fit in nowhere else. But you two? You should go to school. Find a couple of girls. Have two point five kids. Live regular. DEAN is about to say something, but SAM leans forward, eyes serious. SAM: Sir? We don't want to go to school. And we don't want regular. We want this.

Dean sits back and shuts up, looking at Sam trying to figure him out.

Suddenly Sam has started caring about what "dad would have wanted" now that John's dead. (Please take a moment to note that the entire plot of season 2 is about how the demon that their dad has been trying to hunt down and kill is one that sneaks into children's nurseries and bleeds in babies mouths and kills their mothers. This show is not subtle with its aids fears. But they're all filtered through a bizarre brand of masculine right leaning home invasion fantasy.)

And Dean's stuck reassessing how safe it is to come out of the closet right now.

Anyway, the rest of the episode happens and Dean and Sam fight a child abducting clown in a funhouse and Dean hates fun houses and Sam hates clowns.

And then it's back to the roadhouse.

What's with Dean's lack of chemistry with Jo?

I swear this interaction with Jo looks more than anything like she's trying and failing to flirt with Sam. But Sam's just being an idiot and reads it wrong.

I know that's not what they meant for it to look, but that's what it does look like.

And then we're back to Ash again with the way Dean says "Hmm. Can I be honest with you? See, normally I'd be hitting on you so fast it'd make your head spin. But, uh, these days... I don't know."

This is a boy who's probably not fully aware that bisexuality is even a thing. But Jo seems a bit more informed. "Wrong place, wrong time?" Jo replies knowingly, as they are waiting for Ash to return any minute now.

"Yeah," Dean mutters, not making eye contact.

"It's okay. I get it." She assures him.

And then Ash opens the door. Returning triumphant. And this time he's lost the shirt he had on under his home made vest. He's showing significantly more skin, and dropping a Pink Flamingoes reference.

Pink Flamingos is a cult classic and it's extremely queer.

This feels like Ash is testing Dean to see if it was just a fluke or if Dean really is queer.

To admit knowledge of Pink Flamingoes is to admit to some level of familiarity with queerness. And Dean does.

Sam looks confused at the reference, but Dean just takes it in stride. Ash glances at Dean, and then continues.

And then Dean, reaches out to touch Ash's laptop. And the way it is filmed is... It's kinda sensual? Anyway, Ash drinks Dean's beer. Ellen, who took in this squirrelly country boy after he got kicked out of M.I.T. for "fighting" (i think it was probably self defense), and who is raising this kid like he's one of her own, watched this interaction and offers them a place to stay.

Ellen hands Dean an excuse to stay the night.

Somehow I get the feeling Ash doesn't have a lot of friends. And even fewer queer ones. Ellen is being a good adoptive mama to this young gay man who likely has no other family to turn to. The entire roadhouse is so gay. I love it, y'all. (Even the gun Ellen pulled on the boys was a really butch choice. Gender roles are something that happen to other people in the Harvelle's roadhouse.)

But Dean says no. He's not quite ready to come out yet. But he's so close.

And then Sam and Dean are back at the Impala. Dean's Baby. Having a heart to heart about Sam's feelings and grief over their dad. Grief that Dean is (at that particular moment) doing his best not to wallow in. I don't think it's a coincidence that Dean is considering exploring more of what life has to offer right after John died in suspicious enough circumstances that Dean can guess that some kind of deal was made, even if he doesn't know for sure yet.

SAM: I miss him, man. And I feel guilty as hell. And I'm not all right. Not at all. (Tears in his eyes.) But neither are you. That much I know. (pause) I'll let you get back to work.

But Dean is listening to Sam here as someone who was just starting to think that maybe it's alright to be queer. Who was thinking that maybe the family he has left would accept him. Would understand that being a little different from who they thought was doesn't mean he's evil or predatory.

Dean goes back in the closet and hates himself.

They've been fighting killer clowns in funhouses and now he's hearing "You're not all right" as a sign to stay in the closet.

Because now's not the time. Or "it's not safe" or "think about your family" or how he "can't add one more thing for Sammy to deal with right now." or maybe it's just wrong.

So Dean takes a crowbar to the Impala.

Just last episode it was established that the state of that car reflects the state Dean's in as a person. So I think directly attacking his car like, destroying something he loves and cares about, counts as an indirect form of self harm.

So Dean beats himself the car up over it. The part of the car specifically made for carrying baggage around.

And stays in the closet.

Which finally brings me to the whole reason this meta demanded to be written. The episode title.

Everybody Loves a Clown by Gary Lewis & The Playboys.

It is a Dean/Ash anthem. Check out the lyrics and tell me this does not sound like Dean "Undiagnosed Adult ADHD, Internalized Homophobia, Closeted Bisexual" Winchester.

I don't know how to say that I love you 'Cause you would smile and say, "Tell a joke or two" Yes, I'm a clown but I don't wanna be Why can'tcha see the other side of me? Guess I'll be the guy who plays the part Of a clown with a broken heart Dreamin' of your love and not knowin' where to start

This is the episode that sold me on the idea Dean is Bi.

Originally I was going to write more about how Martin Creaser is also afraid of clowns and is so convinced that Benny must be predatory. But I think this meta has gotten too long already so I'll leave it here for now.

This analysis centers primarily on 5x14 Bloody Valentine.  The title of course is a semi-homage to a 3D Slasher Film Jensen starred in circa 2009. 

Which I will be renting soon I guess.  ,[<- parasocial panda GET BACK IN YOUR ENCLOSURE]

Also Its Really Fun that the trailer for Said Cinema ends with “nothing says date movie like a 3-D ride to hell” [are you also thinking of Cas pulling Dean out of hell, or are you normal?]  ***unironically the teaser for 5x14 is -

EXT. SIDEWALK - IN FRONT OF ALICE'S APARTMENT BUILDING

RUSSEL 

First date.

They then eat each other.  Literally they eat each others flesh.  They also do it while dirty talking about it.  SPN IS A SHOW 

ALICE Ugh! I've been so alone. So empty...

RUSSEL I know. Me too.

ALICE I want you, Russel---All of you... inside me...

[they both take bites out of each other, Alice chewing on a piece of Russel's flesh]

****Remember this detail, as it is important.

ANYWAY, it’s truly Cursed that not only are we doing an homage to this 3-D Jensen Horror Date Flick but also this episode is specifically centered on Valentine’s Day.  The day honoring romance and love Now Coopted by Hallmark, everyone, that is the day spn writers chose to introduce us to 

Sir Horseman of THE Biblical Apocalypse Famine. 

Canonically, we are aware that the show is drawing from the book of Revelations in its depiction of the Four Horsemen.  Here’s what it says about Famine -

"When He broke the third seal, I heard the third living creature saying, "Come." I looked, and behold, a black horse; and he who sat on it had a pair of scales in his hand.”

-Revelations 6:5

Famine holds scales (used to weigh out grain in times of food scarcity).  Spn’s depiction is represented as hunger, a bottomless pit of need.  It consumes souls (demon and human alike).  

Cas describes Famine a little more poetically:

CASTIEL 

"And then will come Famine riding on a black steed. He will ride into the land of plenty... "

"... and great will be the Horseman's hunger, for he is hunger. "

"His hunger will seep out and poison the air. "

***Consider a prior season in which we are introduced to the Seven Deadly Sins.  Which are the sins associated with hunger?

Gluttony

and Lust.

***this is also important

Back to the episode.  Case cold open, and we find out that Alice was a Nice Girl.  In that she didnt drink, smoke or

have premarital sex.

***So Alice’s hunger for the sin of Lust caused her to succumb to it; and her demise was presented as Gluttony (literally eating her partner’s flesh). HMM

Famine’s presence is affecting the town, and Cas is not immune.

DEAN 

And when did you start eating?

CASTIEL 

Exactly. My hunger-- it's a clue, actually.

***They lay it out a little more in case you missed it ->

SAM 

I thought famine meant starvation, like as in, you know, food.

CASTIEL 

Yes. Absolutely. But not just food. I mean, everyone seems to be starving for something--Sex, attention, drugs, love...

***this is so important.  but of course because its spn and our textual narrators are generally unreliable (even in a Ben Edlund episode, yes I know)

we get a red herring

CASTIEL 

Right. The cherub made them crave love, and then Famine came, and made them rabid for it.

***but that’s not accurate.  they didn’t get married or become obsessed with each other (remember the cursed coin in 4x08 Wishful Thinking and the unconditional love wish? not what happened here). they had premarital sex.  they did the thing Alice considers wrong, and dark, and sinful.  and then they ate each others’ flesh.

DEAN 

Okay, but what about you? I mean, since when do angels secretly hunger for White Castle?

CASTIEL 

It's my vessel-- Jimmy. His, uh, appetite for red meat has been touched by Famine's effect

***mad lad Jimmy Novak’s hunger is for...red meat?  He is starving for red meat?  You are telling me that the Novaks, red blooded conservative religious midwestern Novaks, ate RED MEAT SO SPARINGLY that Jimmy Novak was LITERALLY starving for it?!?!  No way.  Absolutely no way.  This is a man who was such a religious zealot he STUCK HIS HAND IN BOILING WATER and accepted an angel of the lord into his own body but his secret hunger was for fucking ground beef?

give me a damn break.

to me this is an absolute coverup.  Because Cas’s burger consumption is not related one iota to his vessel Jimmy Novak.

it is a representation of Cas falling.  Cas’s cravings for meat represent his growing (and very much prohibited) feelings for...humanity (Dean Winchester), and they are presenting as Gluttony in the form of his downing more and more copious amounts of red meat.  

SERIOUSLY, consider this - at one point the depiction is so desperately carnal that he is eating raw ground beef with his bare hands. It is fucking uncomfortable.  and it is SUPPOSED to be.  Famine stirs up hunger for the prohibited.  For the sinful. That which we are starving for but do not believe we can ever have, so we lust and we lust and we LUST after it, but should we allow ourselves even just a taste of what we have been ravenously craving, we binge it until we ourselves disappear into the oblivion of our own sinful, dark desires.

Since You Want More Examples of why this cant possibly be hunger for Cheeseburgers and Cheeseburgers alone, Consider Famine’s effect on Dean.  Remember his doctor kink?

**when its revealed that Doctor Corman has succumbed to Famine’s poison by drinking himself to death, Dean - very uncharacteristically by the way - reacts by saying out loud

DEAN Thanks. Crap! I really kind of liked this guy.

***please note that Doctor Corman says the following to Dean in the prior scene they have together -

DR. CORMAN [to Dean]

Agent Marley, you just can't stay away.

****was that a flirtation?

***Also, Dean doesn’t want to go out and chase tail for Valentines Day.   

SAM

I mean, what do you always call it-- Uh, unattached drifter Christmas?

DEAN 

Oh, yeah. Well... be that as it may...I don't know. Guess I'm not feeling it this year.

SAM 

So you're not into bars full of lonely women?

DEAN 

Nah, I guess not. [takes a sip of his beer] Ahh. What?

SAM 

That's when a dog doesn't eat-- That's when you know something's really wrong.

***oh look we are relating things to eating again.  sex/lust to gluttony.  hmmm hmmm hmmm

ANYHOW -  *takes deep breath*

 this is also the Episode Where This Scene Lives

****JACKTING JOICES

oh and speaking of jacting joices, this is also the Dean Notices Cupids Crotch Episode.

frAckles, I am once again asking why you only permit celestial beings to hug you from behi-[gunshots]

but Dean isn’t hungry.  Why? Famine has the explanation, and we get it after Dean immediately runs inside after Cas heads in to complete his portion of their plan barely giving him any time to do so because he misses him that much.

FAMINE 

I disagree. [Famine moves closer to Dean and touches him] Yes. I see. That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex.

DEAN 

Oh, you're so full of crap.

FAMINE 

Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me! 

***not Dean making all of those homophobic/homoerotic jokes every time he’s in danger or feeing uncomfortable; not that, that can’t possibly be what Famine is referencing, right?

I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. 

***not THIS parallel:

AMARA:

You're a mystery. I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel, except… It's cloaked in shame

You can't win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just... keep going through the motions. 

***not the motions of performative heterosexuality!!

***Dean’s not hungry because in his heart he truly believes that he can’t actually have what he hungers for.  That Thing Which This Episode Overtly but Also Very Clearly Made Obvious.  It’s an angel riding shotgun [I did Do That and I am Not Sorry], eating a burger in the front seat of the impala.  But, I’ve deviated from the meat of this essay [gunshots] [this time just for the bad joke].

BONUS

there’s Exists another episode in which a man ravenously consumes red meat; eventually succumbing to eating raw beef with his bare hands in the season prior to this one.  

Yes Supernatural the Show That Brought Us Not One But Two Scenes of Persons Carnally Consuming Red Meat With Their Bare Hands.  

This episode is a MOTW - the man in question is a rougaru - a monster that starts out as human but due to some specific genetic disorder (hmmm hmmm hmm crack in THE chassis hmmm hmmm) soon begins to be extremely hungry - “for everything, but eventually long pig.” AKA human flesh. 

Wanna know the kicker?  

Episode’s called Metamorphosis.

(GIF by jackttwist)

I’ll see myself out.

[DOUBLE BONUS for extra credit:

if you really wanna wild out, go watch the scene of Jack the rougaru looking at himself in the mirror in 4x04 - and then meander on over to 7x01 and check out God!stiel looking in the mirror as the leviathans writhe inside him over there. It’s worth the walk.]

The episode opens with the following:

SAM

Dean, you're covered in ghoul, man, and -- and -- and wraith. You… you have a piece of siren in your hair. 

[Dean pulls the bit of siren out of his hair and makes a disgusted noise and then laughing while examining it] 

DEAN

Gross. [he flicks the bit of siren across the room] 

SAM

***isn’t it weird that the opener focuses on how Dean is covered in bits of monsters and needs to shower...? aren’t they always hunting? why the hyperfixation on this particular gory detail in this particular episode?

Well, last time Sam told Dean to take a shower -

was after he had a Valentine’s Day fling in season 11.  Are we...aligning monsters and sexual trysts and Dean Winchester?

Of course we are!

DEAN

Computers. [ Chuckles ] Monsters, porn. Is there anything they can't do? All right. [ Hits tabletop ] Well, let's get to it, then. 

speaking of sexual, this is also the episode where Dean wears this particular tie:

*RAWR*

***Also, this is Dean’s reaction to specifically the idea of koalas and posies.

Anyway the MOTW is a rogue hellhound so...I guess we need Crowley idk

CROWLEY

What the hell do you want? 

DEAN

***PEACHES.  Dean Winchester, Nickname King.

[Dean rolls his eyes and mimes Crowley yammering on with his hand] 

CROWLEY

Painfully. [on the phone to Dean again] I’ll be right… 

[Crowley appears in Gwen’s living room] 

CROWLEY

here.

SAM

Mm. 

CROWLEY: 

You miss me? 

***Crowley literally appears immediately when Dean calls because of course he does.  

PARALLELS:

***I guess “I always come when you call” is a symptom of Winchester Derangement Syndrome.

It was completely Worth It to call Crowley, because he....knows the name of the rogue hell hound.  That’s all he knows though, because he can’t control her.  Only Lucifer can.  So it is VERY helpful they called Crowley, I guess, since now they can name the monster they’re hunting.  It’s more polite that way. 

Anyhow, he’s along for the ride now because

BONUS THEME ADJACENT CONTENT:

DEAN

Great. So we have a hellhound who's gunning for revenge, and it's personal. Ah. Just when I thought this gig couldn't get any weirder...

CROWLEY

Oh. It can always get weirder. 

***We’re really driving in monsters and their personal connections to humans this episode, eh??

NEXT UP: Supernatural THE Show gives us excellent Drowley in the woods banter.

specifically for NO REASON other than watching the King of Hell flirt with Dean Winchester while he is In These Glasses

Literally there is NO REASON for all of this footage.  Sam is the one who ends up killing the hellhound.  The only plot line Dean has in the MOTW episode is Sexy Walk in the Woods With Crowley (and his own personal monster connections).

It’s truly the most excellent of plot lines.  Really, anything else is just filler.

Crowley milks this Special Ex Boyfriend Time for all its worth:

DEAN

I mean it, Crowley. 

CROWLEY

I mean it, Crowley.

DEAN

Go to Hell.

CROWLEY

Go to Hell. Really, Dean, all these years, you're so predictable.

DEAN

Yeah, well, I guess we've all changed. I got predictable. You got soft. I mean, a few years ago, who'd have thought you'd be helping us save the girl of the week?

CROWLEY

I don't care about her. 

DEAN 

Yeah, well, maybe we rubbed off on you. 

***TRULY EXCELLENT CONTENT

Anyway, Crowley is now a moral support comfort character:

Winchester Derangement Syndrome diagnosed.

BONUS:

Please take a closer look at Lucifer who is being held as a prisoner by Crowley in this same episode.

Mark Pellegrino’s Lucifer tends to have flatter hair than this.  Look at it closely..

is that..

is that Demon!Dean hair

Remember, Crowley has a canonical history of changing his prisoners’ hair to suit his whims. It’s in Season 8.  Look it up.

Also, is that a Dean Winchester green overshirt

Oddly similar to the one Dean wears in the beginning of this episode, actually.

Like this from the back this 

could be Dean

I know we’re supposed to be distracted by the Walking Dead weapon cameo, but SERIOUSLY reach with me and observe Dean from the back in the opening scene:

DID CROWLEY DRESS SATAN UP IN A Dean Winchester COSTUME?

I know I might be crazy, buddies, due to my own case of WDS - but consider this -