#my guy........

Oh the vlogging continues. It continues.

ok just opened cellbit's stream 2 watch somethin while i get ready 2 drive back 2 my hometown. how is the fuckass haircut Worse seeing him in motion

how did wade barret take BIG MEATY MEN SLAPPIN MEAT on sd last night and make it....not funny.

people online keep assuming I'm in my mid twenties while new people irl think I'm like 16. when will my suffering end

louis' confessional scene really does highlight how much of his character is defined by shame. like, sexuality aside, he is miserable about his work. he lets loose all this guilt and shame about the nature of it, the exploitation, the way he has defended it in his mind. his entire season 1 arc is just shame spiral after shame spiral. he has all these ethical standards he keeps failing to live up to. he doesn't want to be as angry as he is, but in repressing it, it most always comes out in a catastrophic way; it starts a fucking race riot (at least, in his mind i'm sure it feels that way); it very probably destroys his relationship with claudia. the desperation to somehow absolve himself of these things or escape them always leads to these pivotal, terrible choices; he becomes a vampire; he turns claudia. these are not things he can 'make the most of'; he just lives with them, with the guilt and the shame of them. he becomes depressed. he makes another bad choice. he is once again ashamed. he cannot escape this cycle. this is a part of him before lestat ever shows up. the man just cannot. make good choices. he tries so goddamn hard but can never escape the life he is living. he always feels trapped. he always lashes out. he always regrets. he is always ashamed.