#my faults

I know I’m sad a lot, I’m sorry. It’s like my heart retained the memory of when it was more full, before it hardened and took this callus form.

As the doors get closed and the windows shuttered, I still remember when there were other ways out of this fucking room. Perhaps the stardust in my cells longs to unbind and become one again with nothing at all. 

I never wanted to be anything; hardcore anti, a nonviolent observation of reality. Definition meant certainty, predictability, this is that, and therefore will do this. They told me it was determined, they said it was the same. I remember thinking, I will not obey. Rebellion isn’t donning another uniform, and freedom is never expecting the fight to be over.

Creativity throws the mind at ease when it feels there are games to play. Games that throw in jealousy harm to the minds sincerest apologies, that have already given way.

Fires can shove the soul to please but follies will never stay The tricks seem to bring on empathy For the love of the world’s most enduring qualities And the hope that they will stay.

and like I had no idea

probably because I never tried it

But anyway. My fiance suggested we try it and man. I get so impatient.

like dude, I JUST used runic, why would you use magic now.

I am trying to tone it down. Today I played as Celes (bc she’s my fav) and Sabin (since fiance doesn’t know any of his blitz commands) and my fiance played as Locke and Edgar, since he figured he could handle those two.

I mean, it is kinda fun. It makes it trickier to me (I think we are still kinda oped right now though) but like it’s interesting since I’m like okay well Sabin’s dead, and Celes is confused can you do something????

???

ahhhh just attack me we are a dying!!

He’s be like mugging everything. Even if he already got an item from that enemy

And he seems to be a fan of using noiseblaster but then like attacking enemies that are confused even if there is an enemy not confused and it would make more sense since they can attack us.

but also I suck at healing since I am a riskier player so we keep almost dying. Plus I play on active at the fastest battle speed setting and he doesn’t know yet all of the attacks and items we have and such.

but yeah this is really interesting. I didnt know about this. I knew you can do it in 9.

I am gonna try to not get impatient. really testing myself here.

Back when I was like 6 I tried to teach my grandma (she played FF4 and Zelda) and I remember fighting Whelk in the beginning and she kept attacking the shell and I was like “No you aren’t supposed to do that!” and she got mad at me and never played again.

I have narcissistic-tendencies, trust issues, body issues, low-self esteem, low emotional intelligence, low self/confidence, and tons of insecurity. And I’m really really anxious.

I can be absent minded, with addictive tendencies and selfish.

I have bad habits and sometimes I have a very big mouth that I don’t know when to shut down.

I can be insensitive and rude without meaning to. I’m a chatterbox with no social cues, and can be really harsh and not realize it.

I’m full of traumas that I’m still discovering daily. I over apologize. I hate bothering people. I let people go easily, instead of fighting them to stay. I can’t ask for help, and I have a hard time accepting help.

I’m fussy and picky, and complicated. I can be so annoying.

I’m a coward, impatient, can’t read people, can’t flirt, missing a sense of humor, and childish. I can be grown up in a lot of things, and then be like a kid who never had a chance to grow up in others.

I can be judgmental and klutzy. I’m lazy, naive, nervous, nosey, mono-thematic, stubborn, and pessimistic. I’m hopeless.

I have high expectations of myself that are unachievable, and have a hard time dealing with them.

I write long messages that can annoy people.

I cry a lot. I hide what I feel. I’m a people pleaser who has a hard time saying no, even when I really don’t want to do something.

I’m broken and damaged. And most of the time, I end up thinking that I’m probably toxic.

Someone said I was good. So I had to write down all of my faults, because I can’t be good. Not with all of this stuff right there, proving how I’m not good.