#muppetbones

It really helps to be in a familiar environment and in some semblance of a routine. So it shouldn't surprise me (or anyone) that I struggle both to properly regulate my emotions and to be aware of my body and its various cues.

I struggle to rest largely bc of hypervigilance. This, too, is magnified by being away from home.

Idk if this is anything. I feel like I'm really not built to live in this world sometimes. Like I'm not cut out for it. I want so desperately to live and live fully. But let me be very clear in saying that taking care of myself day in and day out is an incredibly difficult job and not one I'm able to do on my own.

So, I guess as a message to my future self:

If you think:

A. you're maybe the worst, and you should just die

B. You're worthless and unlovable and bring nothing to the table

C. You are weirdly emotional about things right now.

D. Any/all of the above

I don't realize how much the smaller meals help until I have a bit too much, and it just kills me. The blood rushes to my stomach to break down the food, and I feel incredibly bloated and horrible.

Still trying to get good at figuring out where that line is of "yeah, I'm still hungry, and the food is good, but I need to stop eating now, or my pots will flare up big time and I'll regret it."

It helps me to remember I can enjoy the specific meal/taste I'm having again another day. It also helps me to eat slower and savor the meals, which in turn helps with the pots, too.

I also think the times I get backed up and it's hard to get stool moving through my system are likely the times when I've eaten a bit too much.