#ms stuff

it hasn’t been a bad 5 years, tho some days i feel waaaay fucking worse than others, and for the most part i feel “normal” (or at least... i think i feel “normal”... whatever the fuck that is anymore because, again, i can’t remember tbh...) and i feel i act normal and hide it pretty well since no one seems to notice anything and i mean tbh nothing of it has gotten me pretty bad that it would start showing anyway... ‘least, not yet....

but then there’s all those little things i notice... ahah... and i know they’ll only get worse with time. probably a lot of time since meds seem to be doing what they’re meant to do but... still...

i remember when they diagnosed me they said “oh don’t worry, they’ll have a cure in 10 years”.... well we’re halfway there and i’m only halfway hopeful... on the one hand, others have said just 20 years ago, they didn’t even HAVE meds for this, but on the other hand i still don’t see it getting any closer... idk who knows... 

5 years since this disease has also been messing with my head. literally i know i didn’t have all these mental health issues before i was diagnosed, or at least they weren’t AS bad. it just literally triggered all that kinda hell... 

....

and i was like...

*exhales*

ofc. ofc they are. and there’s not much i can do about them besides just... be aware of that and fucking apologize when i go out of it. nothing i can do... just like with these tremors... and these random fucking pains. and my stuttering. and my fatigue. and my... other symptoms... fucking. nothing.

tho honestly as far as MS goes... i’m still pretty lucky. so far. for now i guess...