#mr-entj

At 22, I’d describe myself as a smug bastard who was slightly self-absorbed, moderately impatient, severely aggressive, and obsessively focused on one single goal: accumulate wealth to secure freedom from the bullshit known as poverty. That’s it. Check my personal tag to learn more about my childhood and struggles with anger management, but my priority back then was to rescue my family from the brink of homelessness and financially set them up for life. I’d label myself as “highly promising, highly problematic.”

The turning point was when I was accepted into a top university that same year with a full scholarship. My university experience deeply impacted me in a Harry Potter-esque way because it removed me from my dysfunctional home life and put me in a place where things were functional. I had never been in an environment where I didn’t have to worry about money and where there wasn’t constant stress and fighting. In college, I lived in an amazing dorm, had access to unlimited gourmet food, and had no distractions except to study and enjoy college life as a “normal” college kid. I was surrounded by competent, educated, and supportive professors, administrators, and staff who did everything in their power to make me successful. I had peace.

I originally came to college with the intention of blazing through it quickly so I could graduate and start making money as soon as possible. I didn’t want to waste time on social events and anything that didn’t contribute to my goals because I felt I had already lost too much time from dropping out of college 2 years prior. This completely changed when I met some of the most brilliant, ambitious, and kind people that became lifelong friends. They taught me the value of friendship, teamwork, support, and networking outside of pursuing pure proficiency. When I think back to college, I don’t remember the A+ on tests, the lab assignments, or my GPA-- I remember attending wild college football games against our rival, our weekly trips to the beach complete with frozen yogurt and pretzels, and rolling out of bed in our pajamas to grab brunch at the dining hall. They made my college years more than simply productive-- they made them unforgettable. They showed me a new normal. I still consider this one of the most transformative experiences of my life.

@mr-entj​ welcome back to the tungl

Dear @mr-entj ,

I already thanked you in a submission but I am simply down by the fact that I would not see a piece of your advice on my dashboard anymore. I think the most impactful piece you did was on your life struggles. Because of you, I started to understand my family better and learned to deal with anxiety. I became an achiever because of your push for us followers to do better. I normally despise motivation books/ blogs and the like but your blog was the first body of writing which truly inspired me. I began introspecting myself trying to understand my weak points and working on them. Thanks to you, I have volunteered regularly the past two years at a underprivileged children’s home, learnt calculus myself, started an international relations club in college, topped my school in my final exams and got a very high GPA in my very first semester of college. I intend to never your golden words of wisdom and I wish to meet you in real life maybe someday when I can rub shoulders with the like on someone super successful like you. Till then best of luck for your definitely bright future. Congratulations on your amazing promotion and I’m sure one day you’ll be made partner in your firm. :)

Goodbyes are difficult but I think I am ready to say this one.

Sincerely,

Back in 2014 when I was still a management consultant, I was driving to meet my team so we could deliver orals (that’s a sales pitch, not a sex act) to a huge potential client when a speeding minivan slammed into me at a traffic light. It completely crushed my car. I got out, called 911, got my car towed, and then limped into an Uber to arrive at the client site in time to deliver the presentation.

We won the engagement. 

Afterwards, I went to the hospital to get checked for a concussion (no concussion, fortunately Mercedes are built like tanks) although my colleagues, most of them medical professionals, screamed at me when they found out why I had been delayed that day.

10/10 would not recommend.

Related answers:

Would you have any advice to share for a woman in a very male dominated field (engineering) who is stepping into a leadership position and must manage a team of predominantly men who may not be pleased with this development? I have read all your insightful leadership posts and I am only asking for additional advice for this particular situation. Thank you, Mr. ENTJ.

Hi Mr. ENTJ! I just wanted to stop by and say that I love your blog and all of the advice that you give to those in the Tumblr community who are curious about you or life in general. Thank you for running your amazing blog. You’re one of my greatest aspirations, so I am determined to be #goals like you in the future! And if you don’t mind answering my questions, what is your ethnicity and how did you deal with stereotypes when you were growing up?

I’m glad it made you smile, thanks for visiting.

For my race, no. I’m in Silicon Valley (Northern California) where Asians (Chinese and Indian, specifically) represent a huge chunk of the tech workforce. The one thing I’ll note is that even though the data skews positively for employment and income, Asian Americans are highly underrepresented in leadership positions. I have my thoughts on that but you asked specifically about personal barriers and challenges– this wasn’t one for me.

For my age, yes. I’m younger than my peers (~5 years) for the senior title, level, and role I currently hold because I accelerated quickly up the ranks to make up for lost time. The issue here is that I manage multiple teams with people who are older than me (~5 to over 20 years) so there’s always that issue of: “You’re younger than me, I’ve been doing this longer than you, you can’t tell me what to do, I know better, etc. etc.” The way I addressed that was straightforward:

Competence. I know my areas of expertise and I’m a high performer which creates respect (no matter how begrudging) between the teams. I bring value to the conversation, clarity to the problem, and structure to the solution. I’m open to learning outside of my scope but I’m confident in my strengths.

Humility. I know what I don’t know. For example, I’m not a software engineer with 20 years of programming experience so I would never attempt to lecture another engineer on code because I’d look like an idiot. My role is to size the problem, build the strategy, and then get input from the specialists in their areas of expertise. My role is not to jam my authority down their throats and engage in a chest thumping exercise.