#mpmwritings

Be reckless with me.

By every definition of the word.

Let's drive away from here,

Our hearts creating a music we didn't know existed until we felt...freedom

Run away with me with no expectations, no thoughts of a life before us filled with drama, bills and sadness.

Expect the unexpected with me.

Let's run away to an unknown destination with no directions on where we're going.

Be oblivious with me

Dance in the rain with no fear of getting wet or sick or cold.

Let me warm you with the love of my heart and the adrenaline I give off as I know we're alone together.

Kiss me as if it will be the last time we have this moment.

As if your mouth were filled with salt from the ocean and I'm the freshwater to quench your thirst.

As if you were gasping for air and I was the one who gave it to you with every kiss and every touch.

And embrace me as if I may disappear at any second.

As if the reaper was jealous of our love and he thought taking me away from you would change everything...

Love me as if this will be the last time we make love and the last time you may hold my body against your own.

Dance with me to music in our heads on a dirt path, waving our arms and jumping up and down until we slow dance to the beats of our hearts.

Grab me and make a scene about our love, embarrassing us both as we look up at the birds watching us from overheard.

Scream your love to the world and then let me whisper my own in your ear as proof that you are my world and I can only talk so loudly until you believe my proclamation.

Love me openly, recklessly and without fear and abandon.

Dear Bestfriend,

Is this a good beginning to something so serious, so explicit?

Or am I being melodramatic as always?

That hopeless romantic of a paranoid girl.

These motions...oh going through the motions over and over and over and...well you get it.

Time is going tick, tock, tick,

Honestly, I need to just drop this shit.

As I hold this rose to my heart and feel the fast paced beating,

I pluck off a petal.

He loves me...he loves me not...he loves me...he loves me not.

Cliche am I right? Wrong.

My love for you has always been so strong.

And to you, I'm constantly drawn.

I would love to say its because of the times we had..., however long ago.

But I know...its so much more than those.

Though I want to believe it's just lust,

So I don't ruin this friendship and us.

I can't lie to you.

That I swore I would never do.

I love you.

And is it your eyes that can search my soul and know everything in the matter of seconds?

Or is it your touch, so soft...so gentle on my skin that then, it's the only thing I'm focused on?

Is it your voice that speaks kind words in the supportive tone I wasn't used to?

Or was it your mind, so intelligent, so strong?

Was it your soul that wrapped around me in the process of what we called falling in love?

When we used to go on dates in the winter and sneak past those glaring eyes of people who didn't matter at the time.

Or living with one another, constantly cuddled up, having those sexual adventures no one could ever believe?

Sleeping in the car with the heat on, wrapped in each others embrace, because just being around the other was all that was important.

Cooking together in the kitchen, slipping in those quiet, quick kisses that no one would notice, even though our eyes gave us away.

My heart aches for those times when we hid away from the world, no one knowing our secret rendezvous points.

And yet, we still do sometimes but now at a different point.

When focusing on ourselves means barely seeing one another and the love I gave to you, I had to hide forever because of people who I consider irrelevant.

But for you, I understood. And I still try to understand.

But it also drives me to think that maybe I'm not the one for you. But that's nothing new. That's not all that matters.

I long for saying those three words without caution, or fear or consequences. Even in secret once more.

I long for those caresses that make my heart beat faster and my breathing get deeper and my body grow limper in your arms.

But I'm your bestfriend.

I will stick to what that entails.

And I will continue to do what we do with you, without those feelings that I hide in the back of my mind and pretend don't exist.

When love doesn't come to be spoken when you kiss me but daddy and master does.

When I hope love may be allowed to enter my mouth in those intimate moments once more.

But until then,

Have a great day.

That's all I wanted to say in this letter.

From your best friend,

The one and only.

A fragment of the fire, was falling in love with you.

A spark that lit my soul, and burned me from the inside out.

Something that consumed me as a fire consumes everything in its path.

My sight, a blaze as red as the flames engulfing my body.

A fiery mix of pleasure and pain in my heart.

My thoughts sizzling and sweltering at the thought of you.

Burning me slowly as I think of you loving me back.

Searing me into oblivion as I whisper that I love you.

I see myself in you.

In the way you hold his hand

And whisper sweet nothings in his ear.

How you laugh at his terrible jokes,

And how you can mend his broken heart, once again

I see myself in you.

I do.

By the way you gasp at his words

And his touch makes you shiver in the most pleasant of ways.

How every kiss makes you turn redder and your breathing faster.

And how you can barely resist those eyes...

How you can stare at them for days upon days upon days....

I see myself in you.

In the way you touch him gently as if he might break if you grasp to hard.

And the words you form only come from your heart but are smart and kind.

How every kiss is perfectly placed and made as if it may be the last one.

How you collide with him in such a way that only we could do.

I see me in you.

I wish I didn't but I do.

My heart aches for you.

For your voice, your body. . .Everything.

I've become numb to this feeling if only to save you from the destruction that is my mind.

I know you think I have options.

But, you're the only one that I notice.

And it's really hard for me to focus.

I know you can probably tell, that it scares the literal hell of me.

You're the only one with the power to give away my deepest secrets or abandon me in a world full of billions upon billions of people.

I love being alone, I always have until I met you.

Suddenly I only wanted to be alone with you while wrapped in each others embrace. . .warm, peaceful and calm.

But the longer time goes on, the less numb I become and waiting turns to aching and aching turns to longing and longing to pain.

The more I crave your sweet kisses and your body wrapped around mine in the night, or your voice that sounds like music to my ears everytime you speak a word to me, or your soft skin rubbing against mine, or your mind and soul that connects with mine so easily, revealing more about you to me everyday.

I hope for this one day and push forward out of my funk to get to you.

But then I stop, and I think...

Even though, I become less numb and I feel the sting of the longing in my bones, I know this is for the best.

I stop that pursuit for my own happiness and stay quiet and still and grow sad and ill.

I must keep you protected and less distracted and away from the destruction that is my mind.

It's funny how suicide is not important.

Oh right! Excuse me, that was explicit.

I'm sorry I meant not important until it becomes a show in the media.

A TV series where you see a girl struggling,

Juggling all these emotions.

It's troubling.

And for all those who say,

“Oh no” but don't do anything.

The truth is suicide still happens.

You aren't changing it.

You aren't trying to make it.

You're not catching the blame.

So it's not the same as if it was in a show.

You're unfit to say, “Oh I care. I want to be there. Don't go. I'm sad. I'm scared.”

As you watch it happen and play out never lending a hand.

How DARE you!

Now you want to put up signs.

But you still bully others and make fun of those who cry.

It makes me sigh.

Because TV shows and movies are the only things that hit this generation.

As suicide keeps elevating.

It seems it went back to how it was before.

Nothing changing.

Its funny how suicide isn't important.

Rarely see it in the media anymore.

Where did all the memes go?

Where did all the people offering help go?

Where did all these people who just a month ago wanted to post and post and post about a serious issue go?

It wasn't big in the media so along with the show went suicide prevention.

It wasn't worth mentioning.

It was over.

Suicidal media is a thing.