#psprompts

Dear Bestfriend,

Is this a good beginning to something so serious, so explicit?

Or am I being melodramatic as always?

That hopeless romantic of a paranoid girl.

These motions...oh going through the motions over and over and over and...well you get it.

Time is going tick, tock, tick,

Honestly, I need to just drop this shit.

As I hold this rose to my heart and feel the fast paced beating,

I pluck off a petal.

He loves me...he loves me not...he loves me...he loves me not.

Cliche am I right? Wrong.

My love for you has always been so strong.

And to you, I'm constantly drawn.

I would love to say its because of the times we had..., however long ago.

But I know...its so much more than those.

Though I want to believe it's just lust,

So I don't ruin this friendship and us.

I can't lie to you.

That I swore I would never do.

I love you.

And is it your eyes that can search my soul and know everything in the matter of seconds?

Or is it your touch, so soft...so gentle on my skin that then, it's the only thing I'm focused on?

Is it your voice that speaks kind words in the supportive tone I wasn't used to?

Or was it your mind, so intelligent, so strong?

Was it your soul that wrapped around me in the process of what we called falling in love?

When we used to go on dates in the winter and sneak past those glaring eyes of people who didn't matter at the time.

Or living with one another, constantly cuddled up, having those sexual adventures no one could ever believe?

Sleeping in the car with the heat on, wrapped in each others embrace, because just being around the other was all that was important.

Cooking together in the kitchen, slipping in those quiet, quick kisses that no one would notice, even though our eyes gave us away.

My heart aches for those times when we hid away from the world, no one knowing our secret rendezvous points.

And yet, we still do sometimes but now at a different point.

When focusing on ourselves means barely seeing one another and the love I gave to you, I had to hide forever because of people who I consider irrelevant.

But for you, I understood. And I still try to understand.

But it also drives me to think that maybe I'm not the one for you. But that's nothing new. That's not all that matters.

I long for saying those three words without caution, or fear or consequences. Even in secret once more.

I long for those caresses that make my heart beat faster and my breathing get deeper and my body grow limper in your arms.

But I'm your bestfriend.

I will stick to what that entails.

And I will continue to do what we do with you, without those feelings that I hide in the back of my mind and pretend don't exist.

When love doesn't come to be spoken when you kiss me but daddy and master does.

When I hope love may be allowed to enter my mouth in those intimate moments once more.

But until then,

Have a great day.

That's all I wanted to say in this letter.

From your best friend,

The one and only.

My heart aches for you.

For your voice, your body. . .Everything.

I've become numb to this feeling if only to save you from the destruction that is my mind.

I know you think I have options.

But, you're the only one that I notice.

And it's really hard for me to focus.

I know you can probably tell, that it scares the literal hell of me.

You're the only one with the power to give away my deepest secrets or abandon me in a world full of billions upon billions of people.

I love being alone, I always have until I met you.

Suddenly I only wanted to be alone with you while wrapped in each others embrace. . .warm, peaceful and calm.

But the longer time goes on, the less numb I become and waiting turns to aching and aching turns to longing and longing to pain.

The more I crave your sweet kisses and your body wrapped around mine in the night, or your voice that sounds like music to my ears everytime you speak a word to me, or your soft skin rubbing against mine, or your mind and soul that connects with mine so easily, revealing more about you to me everyday.

I hope for this one day and push forward out of my funk to get to you.

But then I stop, and I think...

Even though, I become less numb and I feel the sting of the longing in my bones, I know this is for the best.

I stop that pursuit for my own happiness and stay quiet and still and grow sad and ill.

I must keep you protected and less distracted and away from the destruction that is my mind.