#movedout

“so yesterday we viewed this place sa p. noval, its a condorm good for 4 ppl. the place is nice, theyre nice naman. pero alam mo yung unang tot na pumasok sa utak ko? “how the hell am I gonna fit my stuff in here?”—a glimpse of a journal entry I wrote last 07/10/19

i love keeping things that once sparked joy in me. ever since i was a child, i was labeled as that kid who always has a lot in her, [figuratively speaking hah, pero sometimes literally charot ahahaha] “maraming kanana.” as my tito would always tell. keeping, hoarding, absorbing it all became a habit ever since, as if i never run out of place to store them all. i did that for years. 

and i guess, the universe has its own way of telling or slapping us with the truths we dont really wanna hear. aside from the fact that i was diagnosed with ~mild~ thoracic scoliosis last year, i never realized how hard i was clinging onto my past until i moved out from our condorm four days ago. ang dami kong kwentong sinama sa kasalukuyang, wala naman nang kwenta. as i declutter, yes theres still that spark of joy that flickers in my heart as i flip through the stuff ive been keeping inside my baggage. pero masakit. kasi noong panahong yun, napagtanto ko na sa mga ala-ala nalang pala ako nakakapit.

i need to stop putting up the same old stuff up in my walls, with the hope in my heart that these people will come back and relive those memories with me again. i need to stop taping back some pictures that is clearly falling apart. nakakapagod kumapit sa mga taong, ala-ala nalang yung iniwan sa’yo. isnt ironic how the people who used to make you feel at ease and them existing in your life feels like a warm embrace---almost at home, are now the ones that you knew deep down weigh and cosumed too much space in your bagahes but youre just too soft and kind and in denial because you loved them so much, and pakshet it hurts. 

sometimes, the things that weigh you down or the causes of the exceeding baggage youve been holding onto are the ones that is usually unnecessary. 

it is never too late to cut off ties, to let go of things than only once sparked joy. it is never too late to let go of people, to make space for new ones. it is never too late to let go of your past self, to make room for the endless possibilities of becoming the better of who you were yesterday.

magpaparaya na para maging malaya,