#mottarose

Sugar sat at her desk, trying to make sense of her notes. She had to be able to get through this without Artie, it couldn't possibly be that hard. Right? But then why couldn't she understand any of it? Why did all of it make her head hurt? She grunted in frustration and threw her pen down. This was impossible. Artie was her lifeline. He made her feel calm, he forced her to focus, and explained things in a way she understood. Sugar felt the familiar swell in her cheeks that meant she was about to cry. But she refused to do it. She simply needed another tutor. 

Sugar stomped down the halls in her five inch stilettos, loving the click they made on the near empty linoleum floors of the McKinley hallways. She needed a cigarette, and it was too cold even for her to head outside, so she went to her usual back up, the girls bathroom near the science lab. With all the formaldehyde stench, no one could ever smell the smoke of her cigarettes, and people usually never came in here. She stepped inside and leaned against the radiator under the window as she pulled her half empty pack out of her bag and brought a cigarette to her lips. A flick of her lighter, a deep inhale and she instantly felt calmed as the nicotine hit her system. She pulled out her phone as she exhaled the smoke and began to scroll through her Tumblr dashboard.

Marley went to the girl's bathroom in between Psychics and Pre Calculus. She had had to go for a couple of hours now, but hadn't had the time. She walked out of the stall after she was finished, heading over to the sink and beginning to wash her hands. She looked up as she heard someone stomp into the bathroom, feeling alarmed, but it turned out it was only Sugar. And judging from the way the girl just kept on smoking and looking at her phone, Marley guessed Sugar hadn't noticed her. "Hey, Sugs..." she said softly.

Sugar looked up, slightly startled, when she heard a soft voice say her name. "Oh, Bob, hey." She said back, trying not to be overly friendly. She figured Marley was just as pissed at her as Santana was for beating up two of their friends, and she wasn't really sure where they stood. "I.... didn't realize there was anyone else in here." She added, taking another drag from her cigarette and hitting the button on her phone to save battery before slipping it back into her purse.

Marley "Yeah, not many people come in here," Marley said, offering a small smile. "It was the closest one to my next period, though, so I decided to take my chances."

Sugar nodded awkwardly. "Right.... that's why I come in here when it's freezing balls outside." She lifted her hand to indicate her cigarette and took another drag. "So... off to your next class then, eh?" She asked before exhaling the smoke, directing it away from Marley's face.

Marley "Yeah." Marley nodded her head. "Pre Calculus. So... what are you doing around here?" She asked. "You aren't going to class?" Sugar had been doing better with going to class and doing her work lately, Marley didn't see why she'd decide to skip now.

Sugar shrugged one shoulder and turned her head away from the mirror. "I don't really see much point in it, not as if I'm learning anything anyway." She crossed one leg over the other and leaned further back against the radiator.

Marley "What about your grades?" Marley didn't want to push Sugar too far and make the girl angry (she had a pretty short temper,) but she was fairly concerned. Sugar was slipping farther and farther back into her old self lately, and Marley didn't like it.

Sugar turned her head and glared at the girl. "What about them?" She took a final drag from her cigarette and dropped it to the ground, stomping it out. "What do you care anyway? Shouldn't you want me to fail or something? To prove some kind of point that I'll never be anything after high school and you and your friends will just have it all." She waved her hands in an exaggerated gesture before crossing them over her stomach again.

Marley was surprised at Sugar's hostile tone of voice. "Of course not. That's crazy, Sugar, why would I want you to fail? You're gonna go places in life. You have the ambition for it, you just need to keep up with your work and you'll be fine."

Sugar drew back into herself a bit, she wasn't in the mood to fight. Everything was already too messed up, she hated the way she felt all the time. She felt sick, day and night, a constant tight coil of emotions that made her nauseous and she had no idea how to make it stop. "I don't need a lecture." She said, low and harsh.

Marley "I'm not lecturing you," she said quietly, stepping away from the sink and walking over to the paper towel dispenser. "I'm just being honest. Sugar... you don't seem like yourself lately."

Sugar shrugged again. "So what? It doesn't matter how I act, whether I'm trying to be nice, or being the world's biggest bitch, in the end I always end up the same way. In the end everyone thinks the same things about me, so what difference does it make?"

Marley "Look... you do always go back to your old choices. You shouldn't have hurt Blaine and Jake, but you're not incapable of being nice, okay? If you just stayed on the same path things like this wouldn't happen anymore."

Sugar rolled her eyes. "I gave them both fair warning to back the fuck off and they both refused, not my fault they're too stupid to take a fucking hint when it's spelled out for them! And I happen to LIKE who I am, I LIKE being a bitch, I'm not going to change who I am to please people who don't like me anyway. Why should I?!"

Marley "I didn't see your conversation with Blaine, so I can't judge you for that, but your conversation with Jake was PUBLIC, Sugar. You... you're always picking fights with him for some reason and I don't know why."

Sugar "Because he's a whiney little bitch who thinks he's big and bad, but when push comes to shove, he can't back up his shit. He's a no one, a nothing, he should learn that!"

Marley "I'm sure you think that about all of us nerds, don't you?" Marley said. "You think we should 'learn our place.' Like we're not even allowed to have feelings because we're not popular."

Sugar stepped forward. "What if I say yes? What are you going to do about it?! I don't give a fuck if you and your friends have feelings, I don't care if you have opinions that are different from mine, I don't care if you talk shit about me behind my back, but don't fucking get in my face and try to be all big and bad if you don't want a fight!"

Marley "I haven't gotten in your face!" Marley said angrily, feeling the months of anger and frustration bubbling up inside of her. "You do whatever you want to other people, but NO ONE is allowed to do anything back. Do you realize how unfair that is?"

Sugar threw her hands up. "EXACTLY! Which is why I haven't kicked your ass in a long time! If someone wants to do shit back to me, they can go ahead, I don't go around picking fights I can't handle, unlike your friend Jakey-boy, and I get knocked around from time to time too, the difference is, I don't whine like a little bitch about it to anyone who will listen! In case you haven't heard, Princess, LIFE ISN'T FAIR!"

Marley "I don't understand why you're angry with ME! Jake doesn't pick fights with you, Sugar, but despite the fact that he's a nerd he's no coward, believe me. He's not gonna just let you walk all over him because you feel like you're entitled to treat people however you want to no matter." She glared at the other girl. "Do you honestly think that I'm not already AWARE that life isn't fair? Because believe me, I've been through a lot of stuff. I already know life isn't fair."

Sugar made an exasperated noise as Marley spoke. "I NEVER SAID I WAS MAD AT YOU! Jake picked a fight whether you want to admit it or not, he COULD have walked away, but he didn't, I gave him fair warning and he practically BEGGED me to fight him, I guess so he could whine and moan about it for weeks after and get the sympathy vote. And if you know life isn't fair, WHY DO YOU KEEP WHINING ABOUT HOW UNFAIR EVERYTHING IS?! I'm sorry that you get made fun of because your mom is a lunch lady or whatever, but if you REALLY wanted to change your status at this school you could, so could ANY of your other little nerd friends, so don't fucking whine to me about how UNFAIR it all is just because I get what I want and you DON'T!"

Marley tried to calm herself a little. The last thing she wanted to do was get into yet another pointless fight with Sugar, but it was useless. She had taken far too much from the other girl, and she was about to lose her temper soon. "I'M not whining, Sugar. Jake isn't whining, neither are the rest of us nerds. The only one who's whining in this situation is YOU. You get mad at one of us, you hurt us, you eventually end up apologizing, things are better for a while, but then the cycle repeats over and over. It never stops, and you know what? I'm FINISHED with you! We both know that you can't change your status at this school. Once you're casted in a role you're stuck there until the moment you leave, Sugar!"

Sugar bit her lip when Marley said she was finished with her, yet another friendship ending because she couldn't control the demons raging inside her, she hated herself just a little bit more, but pushed through it, determined not to let it show. "HOW AM I WHINING?! By taking control of my life? By not letting myself get pushed around? Yeah, sounds like real whiney behavior. And that's BULLSHIT! If you wanted to, you could. If I wanted to be a Mean Girl or a jock or a nerd I very, very easily could. It's just a matter of knowing what you want and taking it, something someone like YOU will never understand because you're such a whiney, weak fucking push over and then you want to know why people walk all over you, IT'S BECAUSE YOU LET THEM, SO CHANGE OR GET THE FUCK OVER IT!"

Marley "Because you get upset over little things! You stop talking to people and beat them up for no reason!" Marley clenched her fists against her side. "No, you couldn't. You're Sugar Motta and you can do practically anything, but not that. You're always gonna be a badass around here, just like I'm always gonna be a nerd. It's just the way it is. If I try to change it I get people like YOU telling me I'm wrong for having feelings because I'm a friggin' NERD, Sugar, so don't say that when you and I both know it's not true!"

Sugar "Beating people up is NOT equivalent to whining, you should go check your thesaurus! And I HAVE reasons, they just don't happen to be reasons you or your friends understand, so why don't you stop trying to pretend to care about me and my feelings and who I am and go back to the things you DO understand, like books, and beakers, and ugly clothes!"

Marley "No, the fact that you get upset over NOTHING is the whining part. They're not valid reasons, Sugar. You just like picking fights with people." Marley looked away. "If you don't like us nerds then you shouldn't have even been our friend in the first place."

Sugar rolled her eyes. "Oh fuck off, you have no right to tell me whether my reasons are valid or not when you have no fucking clue when they are. And I never said I didn't like you. I'm not friends with people I don't like, you of all people should know that."

Marley "I may not know exactly what they are, but I think I have a pretty good idea." Marley looked down. "You have a funny way of showing it," she muttered. "Honestly, Sugar, I don't know what to think anymore."

Sugar "I don't know what you want me to say, you know? Like I'm sorry not everything is as black and white as you want it to be, but I'm not about to fucking explain myself to someone who doesn't even care! You pretend to be so sweet and nice and perfect, when really you're just a stuck up bitch who thinks she's better than everyone because she has a high GPA and a football player boyfriend, but when he dumps you for someone who isn't such a fucking mouse and stands up for herself and you get out in the real world where your GPA means SHIT, then maybe we can talk!"

Marley saw red when Sugar said that Ryder was inevitably gonna dump her for someone else. "Oh my God, SHUT UP, Sugar!" Before she knew what had come over her she was moving forward, her hand reaching out and slapping the girl across the face. She was trembling all over. "Don't. Ever. Say. That. Again. You really don't care about anyone else but yourself, do you?"

Sugar felt her head turn with the force of the slap, her hand instinctively flying to her face. Tears sprung to her eyes, not only from the shock and the sting, but because she knew she had it coming. She knew Marley had every right to hit her. She took a deep breath to compose herself, she knew breaking down wouldn't do her any good, and she didn't want Marley's pity. If anything, she knew Marley deserved the feeling of power that inevitably came with slapping someone. "What's the point? Caring about any one else doesn't get you shit." She said softly, not bothering to look up at the other girl.

Marley backed up a little after she slapped Sugar, shocked at what she had done. She was NOT a violent person. This was the first time she had ever hit somebody, and while it felt so wrong it also felt kind of good in a twisted way. "Without other people life is almost impossible," Marley whispered. "If you don't care about others you end up spending the rest of your life alone. I- I'm gonna go," she muttered, making sure she had all of her stuff before making a quick getaway out the door and down the hallway.