You don’t know if Mitch McConnell is alive or dead until you look inside the box?

*dying noises*

i am 5’3. i would be considered to have larger hands. my hands are still small. because im short. and i have to be at least a TINY bit proportionate.

(Warning: spoilers)

I don’t know if anybody actually worships these gods for real, so no offense intended. Within the context of this book, these gods suck.

They’re dead, but not all the way dead. 🤨 They can barely whisper to Ozar. If they’re so weak what’s the point in turning to them for help? They need the villagers even more than the villagers need them.

I totally agree with Novak. These gods are useless and just want their blood. Will one human life be enough? If they’re so weak, how could one human life be enough? The entire village could die and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Novak is the only one who knows how to survive in this world, but no one listens to him. 🙄

If only they had Billy Crystal to revive these pathetic gods.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 7 Part 8

Warnings: cage, tbh i have no idea what applies here. sorry gang. idk. like mystical whump, magic whump, fuck if i know what this is....but it is whump??? to be clear: nobody is dead. nobody dies. but it look that way sometimes

“Now give me what I want.”

Whumper had been clear. And Caretaker made them a promise. They sighed. This was it. Everything they had fought and raged against was coming true. And they were ok with that. Because Whumpee would be safe. 

Caretaker rose slowly. “No, Caretaker, wait. Please!” Whumpee started to rise with Caretaker, gripping them by their arms. 

“You’ll be ok, my love. I made arrangements for you. No matter what happens, you’ll be safe.” They leaned down and kissed Whumpee softly, sweetly. “This is goodbye, my love.” And before they could lose their conviction, they stepped out of Whumpee’s embrace and strode over to Whumper. Whumpee cried in protest, but Caretaker continued. 

“Ah, brother, this is an auspicious day,” Whumper said joyfully. 

“Shut up and just do it already,” Caretaker sounded tired. Caretaker held out their right arm, palm up. 

“With pleasure,” Whumper clasped Caretaker’s arm in a mirrored movement with their palm down. Whumper inhaled as Caretaker exhaled and went rigid, their power and vitality flowing out of them and into Whumper. Whumper laughed as Caretaker’s grip loosened as they collapsed to their knees, dropping face first to the floor. Whumpee cried out in horror as they watched Caretaker’s inner light darken as they fell. 

“Oh, brother, never did I in my wildest dreams imagine how good this would feel. How right!” Whumper kicked Caretaker’s body over so they could gaze down into Caretaker’s empty eyes. “This is how it was always supposed to be. You and me. Together as one.” 

“No. No. NO!” Whumpee rushed to the fallen Caretaker, gathering as much of Caretaker as they could in their arms. Caretaker was limp and pliable, their eyes dull and empty. “Please. No. Please!” Whumpee wailed as they rocked back and forth with Caretaker. 

“What are you crying about now, little thing?” Whumper turned their cool gaze over to Whumpee.

Whumpee flinched and looked down into Caretaker’s eyes. Eyes that crinkled at the corners when they laughed or smiled. So few and far between. Eyes that burned with a fire so bright as they gazed into Whumpee’s. Eyes that were now dead and empty. 

“Don’t worry, little thing, I won’t hurt you.” Whumper grasped Caretaker’s ankles and pulled. Whumpee resisted, holding Caretaker tightly, but Whumper tugged again and Caretaker slipped from Whumpee’s grasp.

“No, no, no. Please. No. Please.” Whumpee begged. 

Whumper pulled Caretaker over their shoulder. They started toward a door in the sidewall. “Better save this husk in case mine breaks.” Whumper opened the door to reveal a metal cage. They tossed Caretaker down into the cage, slamming the door shut. 

“What are you still doing here?” Whumper stared at Whumpee. “They bought your freedom, little thing. Run along home now.”

“You killed them!” Whumpee sobbed harder.

“Caretaker signed up for it. And it was always going to be this way.” Whumper crouched down in front of Whumpee, grasping Whumpee’s chin between their fingers. They turned Whumpee’s head. “I don’t know what my brother saw in you. Any of you mortals. Disgusting creatures.” They released Whumpee. “Go, before I change my mind.”

Whumpee remained frozen. “Please. Let me...Let me take Caretaker home. We need to....to...to honor them.”

Whumper snorted. “You’re not taking that husk anywhere. Caretaker’s not dead, you idiot. Caretaker is with me. In me.” They thumped their chest for emphasis. “As it should have always been.”

Whumpee stared up into the face they had loved and cherished. Not Caretaker’s face. Whumper. They searched Whumper’s face for the traces of softness, tenderness and love that Caretaker had. But there was none. Where Caretaker’s face was soft and sweet, Whumper’s was harsh lines and smug.

Whumper headed out the door. “You better be gone by the time I return. Or I’ll test out my new power on you first.”

I don't think that I can fake it // Any worse than I'm faking it now