#mostly a ramble

I gotta preface not all of the dialogue was accurate cause I was dying internally from failing to describe any of the guys..

Those two love bringing up that Ao3 fic I wrote…I mean it’s public BUT I don’t have a beta reader 😭 Editing 82k words was a nightmare I don’t wanna look back at it probably has soooo many continuity errors.

Doesn’t help that I’m still editing the oneshots by myself 🫩 god I’m hoping to get that beta reader thing sorted out so I can post them all…

ALSO! Bonus!! When I was getting a different friend to help me with the uh…shirtless drawings! (They’re all 70% done! :D I just HATE BACKGROUNDS so I might get lazzzzyyy)

I’ve been in and out of my gp for the past month due to horrible pain during menstrual cycles - its to the point it’s very debilitating and I can’t get out of bed some days due to the pain

I’m currently getting blood tests done and I’m literally about to have an ultrasound to check for PCOS, my gp thinks it might be either endometriosis or PCOS, so I’m currently getting tested for it

I really truly love the Pushing Daisies fandom, even though it’s very quiet and kind of dead lol

But seriously, I don’t mean to get into a rant about new fandom culture and how so many fandoms die off the second the show ends, but there is such a charm to it when fandoms persist for years. As much as we joke about it I think we all know there’s no guaranteed 3rd season or movie or reboot ever happening and even with the constant flood of remakes and reboots coming out every year the likelihood of Pushing Daisies being alive-agained (specifically done well) looks worse and worse. But there are still a lovely handful of people I can talk to EVERYDAY online about how much I love this show, and they love and miss it too, without needing more episodes to fill that love. I used to post clips on my TikTok page and there would be a lot of comments of people remembering the show and being happy to be reminded of it, or people who started watching recently. It’s pretty special when art stands the test of time, and in TV world almost two decades is a looonng time compared to how quickly a lot of modern streaming shows get hyped up and then never spoken of again.

I wanted to tell y’all a boring, only kind of related little story; My mom died when I was really young, I did not get to know her well. I heard about her all the time when I was growing up though, and I was often compared to her about a lot of things (honestly it sometimes felt weird how much we had in common,) and one thing my dad told me a lot was how she would get obsessed with her favorite tv shows the same way I would. She was a fanatic and knew every episode like the back of her hand. I remember her shows being on in the house all the time for awhile after she died, her favorites were The Waltons and The Andy Griffith show. A few years ago I found out that in her final year, back in 2006, she was very active on an old fan site for The Andy Griffith show. I was able to go back and read all her posts, her opinions, her chats with her friends, her absolutely CRUSHING everyone at trivia, or just her sharing recipes and talking about her day. She was active during the worst parts of her dealing with cancer, chemo, surgeries, fulfilling her dream and opening her own restaurant, and raising 4 kids, and kept posting all the way up to the end. I saw the things her friends said about her after her death, missing her. Reading all of that was an indescribable feeling, it was like I got to get to know my mom, and it was odd and special that it was through the lens of her talking to her internet friends about her favorite show. A lot of the people she chatted with are still online, still friends, and all remembered her to this day.

I don’t know, sometimes that level of community and warmth gets to me. That’s more old school fandom love.

And then he is swept into a world where there are people who do see him. All of him. And he has friends. And maybe he's fighting for his life. But he has friends.

And then he dies.

A few years ago I bought Tater Rounds Beauty’s Vampire Hunter D-inspired perfume and enjoyed it, so I have been keeping my eye on their Hellsing-inspired one for a long while now. I finally bought it, and it isn’t quite what I expected.

The website description of the scent is “deep red wine, dark oak wood, sweet plums, warm vanilla and a touch of spicy ginger.” I was not expecting it to be so sweet! The plummy fruit scent is definitely at the forefront when first applied, although it settled down after a little while. If I’m getting wine, it’s definitely fruity rather than tannin-heavy, and the vanilla is stronger than anticipated. I don’t see myself wearing this as much, although I actually think teenage me would have liked it better.

I realise a lot of people wouldn't even have known about this film if it weren't for Andrew Scott, and who knows, I might not have known about it either. I am really glad that it got the attention that it did; that because of Andrew's success, people worldwide have seen an independent Irish film. That's huge. We're such a small country, and our film industry is only beginning to really blossom, so that scale is incredible, especially for a film with so small a budget. And I adore Andrew, I do. Considerably. He's extremely talented, and so lovely on top of it, and I'm very pleased he's receiving such acknowledgement.

But this is where the problem begins.

I expected the attention to center around Andrew at the beginning. You know, seeing him as a main role on the big screen, very exciting! Naked Andrew Scott? More exciting! It's all good, it's understandable, but time went on and still the majority of the posts were about Davin. The gifsets, the photosets, the comments.

I'm going to be honest here, Davin is nowhere near the best part of the film. My personal favourites are the Kevins, and the Machine just makes it. I applaud Peter McDonald's performance. He was pure comedic genius. And he was a co-writer. Oh yes, The Machine's actor co-wrote the script. Which, may I just say now, was some incredible writing. I like to think I can say that with a bit of weight behind my words, considering I study Creative Writing, that I am one year away from a degree, and that I have also just spent my summer on a scriptwriting course working with professionals. 

As for the Kevins; here we have finally been given what the majority of tumblr seems to hunger for: a long term gay relationship that is comfortable, affectionate and accepted (for the most part) by the other characters. There is no "coming out" dilemma. There is no gay panic. There are just two people who have been together for six years, clearly love each other, and happen to be in a same sex relationship. 

The queer representation in this movie was done so well and I haven't seen anyone else acknowledge it. I want gifsets and stills of every moment of the Kevins interactions, but I scroll through The Stag tag and all I see is Davin Davin Davin. Neither Kevin is particularly camp, and even within their relationship, the general expectations are turned on their head. Little Kevin is portrayed as the one in control, the dominant, and big Kevin, with his beard and generally more masculine appearance, is portrayed as gentle, hesitant, and unwilling to engage in stereotypical "manly" behaviour, "I just know I'm not going to be any good at this." 

All that aside, they're also fricken cute as frick. Did you know in the tent scene they have their sleeping bags unzipped so they can cuddle? Did you know that? If you hadn't noticed, I couldn't even point it out to you, because no one has gifed those cute lil shits for me to aggressively reblog. 

I don't know if either of their actors are actually gay, but one of the writers is, and at least one of the actors is. The premiere was during the time Russia was bringing in a lot of its anti-gay laws, and everyone involved with the film wore buttons to the premiere to show their support. No one spoke about this.

No one speaks about how this film had such a low budget, or how beautiful the shooting locations are, or how it portrays male relationships in depth, with tenderness and affection and trust; that it explores men who don't feel comfortable pursuing activities that are stereotypically masculine. No one talks about how amazing the writing is, how there are just as many aching bittersweet moments as there are laughs. It's almost 3am, and I'm not entirely sure I'm making 100% sense, but I wanted to have my say. From where I'm standing, everyone just seems to get distracted by Andrew, and fails to give The Stag the full praise and acknowledgement it deserves.