i had such a terrible day today. then i got to thinking about how i've actually had quite a few terrible days lately, and oh, i guess i've had a whole terrible month without even noticing it.
i realized a while ago (like, a year or so) that i don't usually talk to my mom about things that have a big effect on me -- positive OR negative. and i thought, well, that's kind of shitty that i have that instinct. she's my mom. she deserves to know what's going on in my life, and she's here for me.
now i'm starting to realize why i don't talk to her about things i care about.
all day (and all summer, really), she's made me feel guilty about the fact that i'm leaving soon. if i so much as mention any task that i have to do get ready, it comes up in an argument later. last weekend, i got my financial aid notification for the fall and i FREAKED out bc of the amount of loans i have to take out just for this year, and she used that reaction to guilt me for being upset when both of my parents have been working so hard and how nice of them it is to let me stay here for the summer (which of course they are and it is, but that was never ever anything i questioned or any part of the reason for my distress).
there's a possibility that i'll be doing birthright armenia next year, which is exciting to me for about 70 different reasons (i'll be the first in my family to visit the homeland since the genocide!! i'll get so much practice in my favorite language!! i'll get to teach kids!! i'll be going with my bff!! etc etc) but i can't bring it up without her scowling about it.
i don't know what the point of this post was. i just really, really can't wait to go.
