Last night we worked a bit on what's called ushiro kubishimi, a choke from behind pulling off-balance. It revealed a contradiction in my head. Being uke first, I felt like it was violating, intimidating, suggesting abduction, hostage taking at knifepoint, instead of openhand attack. It didn't help that my nage was female and a good deal shorter. As nage, I usually lost my balance outright before being able to find solid footing for a sankyo grip, but I didn't feel the same violation I believed was there when I was uke. Oh, and I was uke first because my nage is higher rank. That's how we roll.
So yeah, I have problems performing some attacks still because I'm still more scared of hurting someone than I am of getting hurt myself. This is definite oddness in my mental makeup.
Most of the evening focused on morote dori. The highlight of the evening? Tai no tenkan kosa dori, only moving backward and leaving one hand in place to provide an atemi to the head. The natural reaction to make the head not hit things leads to nage spinning uke around, away from the grasping side, and stepping across instead of beside. You both end up in the same posture as our typical tai no tenkan, but 135° from usual. I never got the timing, but I tried, and my partner kept on showing me how it was done right. Lucky me!
