I made a sort of diagram to try to explain the connection of my kins with one another, as well as a timeline to when they happened, and their origin. This may change with time (identity is fluid and ever changing).
I was born as a lab experiment as a watcher, then turned human. That's why the watcher it's my strongest kintype, as it represents everything that I am. My body, my mind, my soul. It's simply who I am, and affects the way I see and interact with the world, and the way I think about humans and my thoughts in humanity. I feel my wings physically under my skin, I'm very observant and I love to stare and analyze. Because of this, I believe it's also connected somehow with my autism. This kintype is so strong it actually manifested as a headmate.
From my own understanding, the kintype that I've had experienced the longest (aside from the lab experiment) is my greyhound identity. Ever since I was a little kid, I was fascinated with dogs, not to any breed specifically, but I had an interest in dogs ever since I have memory. I had a dog encyclopedia I was obsessed with, I dressed up as a dog (with costumes) whenever I could, I had gear such as dog ears and a tail that I wore everywhere, I begged my parents for a dog since I was five years old... I also acted a lot like a dog, I had urges and instincts, the whole thing. Not that many phantom sensations, even now, but I'm undoubtedly a dog. The winged cat is connected to this kintype as well, because of similar behaviors and vision of humanity through the lens of a domestic animal.
Then there's the winged cat kintype, the first I discovered, but it's not my strongest kintype anymore. The winged cat is connected to the watcher kintype, as they both have wings, and they both have a connection to the moon as well, the night, the dark. The winged cat has magpie wings, as I also experience a strong connection with them. There's lots of magpies in the area where I live, and I've always been fond of them. I think this kintype stems from a very strong special interest in the book Warrior Cats as a child, around 13 y/o, that translated into developing a lot of cat behaviors and ultimately, in me just being a cat. It felt right.
The next identity I developed is the prey archetrope, even tho I only acknowledge its existence very recently. That's because at first I understood this identity as a kintype (deers and hares) rather than an archetrope. To be fair, I always thought I was some sorta prey, constantly feeling like one, and I didn't really know if it was a kintype or not because until then I only had hearttypes and kintypes. The prey archetrope is related to my own anxiety, directly intertwined with it. It's probably also realted to my self esteem issues and fear of being perceived. Now that I think about it, it's the most an identity has been tied to my own mental health. To be fair, it's in a bad way. But it feels right to call myself a prey archetrope.
The phantom hearttype, the moon hearttype, and the child of the moon archetrope identity are all connected together. That's because they are all connected with the night and, most importantly, with the moon. My connection with phantoms (the minecraft creatures, btw) it's related to my quote unquote hability to “sense” when others are tired. In my flat, I sometimes go at night to check on my flatmates because I can feel they're not sleeping. That, tied to my insomnia, the reason why phantoms are related to my identity in one way or another.
The moon hearttype and the child of the moon are basically the same identity, but explained differently. I'm not the moon as in, it's more of something more suble, I'm related to her (yes, her, personified), but I'm not her. It's “just a hearttype” but it's so important to me I could not get rid of this identity even if I tried. She's not me because I could never be her. She's much more than me, she's beautiful in ways I could never aspire to be (not in a romantic way, it just is, i don't really have the vocabulary to explain it). For me, the moon is super important to my identity and sense of being. It's so deep it is linked to all of my other kins in some way or another. Not only because I'm basically a nocturnal creature, but because the moon, to me, symbolizes protection and security. At night, I can't help to look up to the sky whenever I can't sleep (most nights because insomnia goes brrr) and just Watch her.
The only way I could explain this relationship, this connection, is through familiarity and familiar ties. She's like a mother, a guide, a protector. Therefore, I'm Her child.
Obviously, the watcher identity, the moonhearted and child of the moon are the ones that are the most linked to one another. I think I've never talked about the Watcher's religion and belief systems, because I'm not a religious person, but I should probably talk about this in a separate post.
Because the moonhearted identity and the child of the moon archetrope are basically the same, I could just fuse them and call it a day, but I can't. My connection and relationship with the moon are two separate things, and I can only explain it as two different labels/identities.
I don't know, it finally feels like my identity is more or less stable (finally) . I feel much more satisfied now with my nonhuman identity now than ever before, I don't feel the need to change things up constantly. Obviously, identity is fluid and ever changed (the ammount of times in four years I've changed the way I talk about my gender is insane), for example, even tho I'm an adult and my identity should be somewhat stable (in a developmental way, tho this is completely false, people constantly change and it's okay for things to change). It's okay to get things wrong. But I wanted to make the diagram with a timeline to help me establish and reaffirm my identities. This was fun to do.
