#monsterhood

I loved caring for the various animals at the academy(horses, birds, cats, dogs, wyverns, pegasi, etc) but I am uncertain if any one represents me.

There are the Golden Deer which I was a member of. And I am quite fond of them.

I was alleged to be a werewolf and was born under the red wolf moon... I suppose there is reclamation in identifying with such things.

Then a monster touches your hand and it turns the monster colour. At first you try to deny it, maybe the monster just cursed you. Buy your father confirms that you are one of the monsters. Those who eat naughty children in the bedtime stories.

Now you can’t stop staring at your hand afraid it would reveal the monster inside. You refrain from touching your loved ones so that you don’t accidentally harm them. You overthink why puberty hit you way too early. You bite your tongue with your teeth as hard as you can to check if they can pierce it. You stop eating meat fearing it would cause you to start craving children flesh. You stop looking in the mirror, you swear you can feel the phantom ridges all over your body. You wonder if being a monster made you perceive the world differently. Do you see colours the same with your red eyes? Does everyone hear people walking several floors below?

the head of a monster

sometimes you look in the mirror and you see a monster. but a glorious one, even if sometimes a stranger. wouldn't it be so lovely to have claws and teeth to fight back with, the visage that you feel raging inside you on the surface: like you could make all the thorns and roots and brambles in your blood and chest something monstrous and beautiful --

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I've written about this before but I simply cannot stress the intimate and deeply significant that monster hood has to disability (and many other persecuted peoples).

Alienation, assumptions of morality, personhood and the hostility of a world not made for you are key parallels between disability and monsters.

Personally I love the superhero genre and new takes on fantasy creatures and curses. But disability is critical to these understandings and the questions they raise. Take X-men for example, lets say you have acid for skin. First thing, cover your skin! Most of your problems are solved! Vampirism? Just ask! Maybe get blood donations! Werewolves? Making a safe place is a viable solution!

In the above examples Alienation is a strong theme and we can see traces of it, intentional or not in many other works. Even Superman has this as despite being a 100% all american kind kansas beef boy, Kent can only truly connect and be fully himself with those in the know about his powers.

But all that, even minimal, thought is tossed out the window once the person or creature is sufficiently inhuman looking. This point isn’t to make people feel bad or shameful or guilty about doing this! In fact it is entirely natural that people do do this! Instead just pause to think about it.

What, exactly, makes a monster, a monster?

We like to think we judge people by whats on the ‘inside’ but that’s just straight up not true. Most people’s first instinct if they find a church with a bunch of corpses and a slime monster would be to attack the monster or bring reinforcements to attack it. We see the dead, see the monster and in our minds the obvious conclusion is that the deaths are the fault of the monster attacking.