#mono num

I think they'd have a lot of fun cooking together!

Sure, it throws Mimi off that every spice is on the lowest possible cabinet but she can more or less take in stride. This is Mono's kitchen so she gets to drive, Mimi can chill totally be chill about it (no she can’t, her brain is still screaming about the lack of spice organization). It is nice to have someone to compare notes and recipes with that doesn’t rise out of a coffin every morning though!

Mono for her part is very intimidated. Not just because Mimi is a cool beauty but because she’s silent. Mono can’t read people all that well when they do talk to her! She could be annoying the hell out of the older pirate and would even know it! Once they get into a rhythm she forgets her worries and locks in but later as she’s drying off some plates and remember hopping on Mimi's foot with her full weight and want to disintegrate.

Since it’s the holidays and the spirit of giving is in the air, I’m here for to tell you about what the Sneak-Waves gave each other for secret Santa;

Rein to Mono: A Calendar for the new year (It’s got a bunch of pretty girls in it…barely clothed as well)

Mono to Jolene: Fine Liquor imported from Fishman Island.

Jolene to Cherry: The complete Lord of the Rings series, plus bonus content in both video and hard copy books.

Cherry to Michael: 72” flatscreen TV and 4K snail camera.

Michael to Hati: A scented plushie (Smells like Jasmine)

Hati to Sol: A peach seed

Sol to Rein: …couldn’t decide so nothing yet

Leave it to the Sneak Waves to not skimp on the presents!

Rein knows Mono so well. Miss July is a particularly spicy mermaid with very voluptuous seashells. 🧜‍♀️

Jolene finished that bottle of Whale Tear Whiskey in about five seconds. A new personal record!

Cherry's gonna be busy with the extended version and audio commentaries into the new year!

Hati making his little sweet-smelling cuddle buddy walk across the mountain of wrapping paper from the present massacre of Christmas morning.

Sol will cherish that peach seed like it's the shiniest of Shandian gold. But first, she's gotta get some gold for her boyfriend. Her BOYFRIEND!! She can actually say that out loud now!

———————————————————————

Rein (popping out of a portal): Heya Jackie, need your opinion on—*steps out of portal and immediately begins falling* AH!

Jackie (free-falling): *yawn*

[Rein transforms and scoops Jackie up onto an awaiting arrow]

Rein: You okay? In the middle of a fight or something?

Jackie: Only the fight against sleep. I thought a little mortal peril might help but *louder yawn* nope, still sleepy. I’ve had like 3 cups of coffee and 4 energy drinks and still nothing! At some point it just becomes unfair!

Rein: *checks her pulse and is surprised when it’s normal* You are a medical mystery Pidge

Jackie: Says Patient Zero himself.

———————————————————————

Mono (peering out portal): Hi Jackie-AAAA *covers eyes with hands*

Jackie: You’re doing so well ma'am, final push!

Pregnant Lady: No, no! I’m gonna die! I’m gonna die!

Baby: *crying*

Jackie: Congratulations, it’s a beautiful baby girl!

Pregnant Lady: Oh thank you, thank you—! *sees Mono* A mermaid? Why am I seeing a mermaid? AM I REALLY DYING NOW??

Mono: *scared speechless*

Jackie (quickly looking at Mono before turning back): Why, what excellence! This is good fortune from the Mother Ocean herself! Your child will be blessed by the seas!

Pregnant Lady: So I didn’t mess it up? I’m not dying?

Jackie: Alive and knocking motherhood out of the park.

Pregnant Lady (looking at Mono with tear full eyes): Thank you..

Mono (also crying): Congratulations *hops back into portal*

———————————————————————

Sol: HEY NEWS GIRL! I NEED THIS ARTICLE RETRACTED-Huh?

Announcer: Yes Ladies, Gentlemen and those who do not align with either, it’s not everyday our very own Lady of Darkness makes an appearance at The Ten Rings Arena! The Anarchy Apostles may have the numbers advantage but they might find themselves on the ropes if they underestimate Her Ladyship!

[Jackie, decked out in athletic attire, gracefully dodges an array of DF attacks as the arena stage shifts and spins at random intervals. Her opponents heckle her for her silence, faltering only when a ghost of a smile flickers on her lips. She lines up an arrow and sending it flying with a spinning heel kick, sending all three fighters (who had unknowingly lined up in their haste for victory) knocking into each other as they soar out of bounds and into the water.]

Announcer: AND THERE IT IS, A TRIPLE SHOT ARROW-EJECTOR! WHAT A KNOCKOUT! GIVE HER THE BELT AND A HAND FOLKS!

Audience: *cheering wildly*

[Jackie playfully bows before taking the belt and head into her dressing room. She waits a beat before pulling Sol who had jumped into her pocket, out.]

Sol: Can’t believe you’re not all skin and bones *pokes Jackie’s bicep*

Jackie: It’s called having a sleeper build and I prefer it in hibernation all things considered.

Sol: FIGHT ME!

Jackie: Mmmm No. You are free to register to fight here though if you’d like, I’ll even help.

Sol: COWARD! But fine, been needing some new punching bags shikikiki! How come this place is called Ten Rings, aren’t there only nine?

Rein: So have you all ever wanted to have a little dwarf friend of your own? Well look no further as I teach you, larger than life Blue Planet Citizens, to make friends with such a diminutive species.

*Rein pushes the camera over to the side where Sol is standing before pulling it back over to him*

Rein: Alright let’s go!

*We cut the feed and when it comes back, Rein is standing in an alleyway in a city*

Rein: Now the first tip to making friends with such a small and petite race is to first be aware of where you walk, always keep one eye on the ground. Now I am already friends with this one, so I’ve had long enough to learn how to do that.

*Rein points the camera down towards Sol who looks up at him in confusion and embarrassment*

Sol: *She Blushes* (Nervously) W-What are you doing Big Man?

Rein: Making a “How-To” Video, the topic is “How to make friends with a dwarf”.

Sol: *She Blushes* T-That’s stupid!

Rein: Shush, I’m still filming. (To the Camera) So anyways, once you find a Tontatta you just need to use basic people skills as they’re just like you or me but just way smaller and a lot more gullible.

Sol: (Defensively) We are not gullible!!

Rein: (Unbelievingly) Right…here’s some chips.

*Rein hands Sol an obviously trapped tube of chips*

Sol: Thanks Big Ma-Agh!!

*As Sol opens the lid, plastic snakes come flying out and send her flying before she begins to burn up the snakes*

Rein: As I was saying, more gullible than you or I. While these levels vary from dwarf to dwarf, they’re still prevalent in all of them. See how Sol is still burning at the “Snakes”?

*Rein points the camera over to a burning Salamander Sol yelling as she incinerates the snakes*

Sol: Die Traitorous Serpents!!!

Rein: Let’s cutaway for now…

*The feed cuts out and when it cuts back in, Rein is aboard the Waves of Fortune and in front of the camera*

Rein: For this next part of the video, I’ll need someone else to help me hold the camera. That’s why I implored the help of my dear friend Mono, say hi to the people Mono.

*Mono flips the camera around to wave at the camera before flipping it back towards Rein*

Rein: This next part of the video will be about how to gently pick up and hold your Dwarf friend, remember to have express consent before you do this. Don’t just pick up any dwarf you see, the Tontatta needs to trust you.

*Rein walks away from the camera and up towards Sol while smiling*

Rein: Hey Sunny, how are you?

Sol: (Confused) Good? Why, what’s up?

Rein: And scoop…

Sol: (Surprised) Hey!!

*Rein gently picks Sol up and holds her up to the camera*

Rein: See how I am neither constricting or fully gripping my Dwarf, this is important as you are very easily able to push the air out their lungs if you aren’t careful…

Sol: (Embarrassed) WE AREN’T MADE OF GLASS!!

Rein: That may be true but you should always remember, gentle is better…unless specifically told.

*Rein increases his hold on Sol and makes her squeak a little bit as his hand “hugs” her*

Rein: There are many other ways to hold a Tontatta but please make sure not to smoosh or pull at the tail, it is deeply sensitive despite it’s harder than iron features.

Sol: (Whining) Is not!!!

Rein: (Unbelieving) Really now?

Sol: (Defiantly) Uh Huh! 😤

Rein: Alright than…

*Using his middle and index fingers, Rein fashions a “pincher” and gently tugs at Sol’s tail. This causes the dwarf to scream out in an embarrassing way*

Rein: Remember, don’t pull tails. This stubborn crew mate of mine just likes to think she’s above the rest of her species because of her high bounty.

Sol: (Shocked) Shikikikiki I! You!! I-Shikikiki!!!

Rein: Tune in next time as I show you all how to befriend a mink, Nah I’ll save you and me the trouble. All you need is nice food and a good attitude.

*Sol and Mono sit on the couch and watch the Snail TV with Mono reading a magazine between episodes before putting it down and looking at Sol*

Mono: You think Boss will get any better soon?

Sol: (Confidently) In his own time, he’ll snap out of this. It’s just a funk, I’m sure of it. He’s a great man.

Mono: *She Chuckles* It’s good that your crush is still strong, even at his lowest.

Sol: (Defensively) I do not have a crush on him!! He’s a Lanky Weirdo and now he’s a Dirty, Greasy, and Lanky Weirdo!!

Mono: Ok Ok…It’s still cute though.

Sol: (Annoyed) Ugh, I’m out!!

*Sol walks down the halls and sees Rein singing and jostling a bottle of wine as she walks past his room*

Rein: (Drunkenly) sing 🎵98 bottles of Wine on the wall!! Dun-Da-Dah, Nananananana!!🎵

Sol: (Curious) What are you doing Big Man?

Rein: (Drunkenly) Hey!!! It’s you!!! How are you doing!?

Sol: I’m fine, what are you doing?

Rein: (Drunkenly) I’m drinking from my private reserves, I’ve earned it. Kohokokoko!!

Sol: “Private Reserves?”

Rein: (Drunkenly/Slurring) S-Some “Cabernet Sauvignon”, want some?

Sol: Ew no!! You put your mouth on it!!!

Rein: N-No I haven’t, I’ve just been doing this.

*Rein lifts the bottle over his head and waterfalls it into his mouth, spilling over on the sides of his mouth and dripping onto the table below him. Sol watches…absolutely dumbfounded*

Rein: Kohokokoko!!! So do you want some?

Sol: (Flustered) Um…N-No t-thanks, I need to…um uh

Rein: *He rolls his eyes* Ugh come here you Silly Dwarf.

*Rein grabs Sol and places her right on the desk before laughing*

Rein: (Excited) You seriously gotta try some of this stuff Sunny!! It’s got a nice full body.

Sol: (Flustered) D-Don’t say things like that.

Rein: Try some? Come on, it’s good.

Sol: *She blushes* (Flustered) F-Fine. Here let me see I-

*Suddenly, Rein pours some of the wine over Sol and completely drenches her in*

Rein: (Drunkenly) Oops…I think I overdid it. Kohokokoko!!! I guess that’s why Alcohol and Hand Eye coordination don’t mix!!

Sol: I-I-I…

*Sol runs off while holding her face in her hands, Rein just shrugs and continues to drink. Eventually, Sol goes back to the couch and sits next to Mono again*

Mono: *Sniff Sniff* Is that…wine? Are you covered in wine?

Sol: (Flustered) P-Perhaps

Mono: So is he still just a “Dirty, Greasy, and Lanky Weirdo!!

Sol: (Defensively) Yes, Yes he is!!

Mono: (Slightly Teasing) You like it though don’t you?

Sol: (Embarrassed) I am not admitting to anything…but I don’t hate being covered in wine.

Mono: Oooh!!!

Sol: (Sternly) Shush!! Watch your Reality STV in silence.

Mono: Alright but I gotta say this…(Sing-Songy) You like gritty Rein!!

Jackie: Hello Hello!

Rein: If you weren’t a living compass, I’d be concerned you were something of a stalker.

Jackie: Oh I’m much too busy to stalk anyone, though I admit, I've been dying for an introduction to be made with your newest member.

Hati (bursting through door to the deck): Captain! I smell another person on board!

Jackie: Y'know, if it wasn’t for the Mink's uncanny sense of smell I’d be offended by that statement.

Hati: :0! You sound like the nice lady from the phone! Are you really here this time?

Jackie (sitting on deck to be at eye level): Live and in person. Nice to meet you Hati. May I ask what exactly you were smelling before?

Hati: You just don’t smell like anyone else on the ship! You smell like *sniffs* the wind, paper, ink and *pause, then sniff Jackie's bag* this one smells long.

Rein (staring at bag): Take this as a sign to clean your stuff more Jackie. Nothing in this world should smell long.

Hati (touching his snout): Maybe my nose is broken??

Jackie (patting Hati while sending a playful glare to Rein): Neither of those things are true. This bag is no ordinary bag so it lacks an ordinary smell. It’s eaten the Bottom-Bottom fruit and has become a Bottomless Bag. It can carry infinity.

Hati: :O!! That's so cool! Doesn’t that get heavy though?

Jackie: It is very cool! And not to worry, it’s also light as a feather regardless of its content. It’s quite literally the perfect accessory for a girl on the go and no Rein, it is absolutely not for sale.

Rein: Kohoko, am I that obvious! Just thinking about all the beri I could take with me…

Jackie (laughing): You have potentially the world's stealthy ship and a robot hand with almost half a thousand uses and you still need this bag? Does your greed know no end!

Rein: KOHOKO! OF COURSE IT DOESN’T!

Jackie: Hate to crush your dreams here but even if you could take it, you wouldn’t be able to use it anyway. The bag doesn’t open for anyone but the previous owner, who is dead of his own volition, and me.

Rein: Can’t believe you're presenting a master thief something that’s never been opened and not expect me to go for it.

Jackie (standing up) : I’m fully expecting it, just don’t want you to get your hopes up. Here are the ground rules: You have until I finish my lunch break (hour and a half) to open it, you may get assistance from your crewmates and weapons/DF abilities are allowed but if you rip the leather I’m charging you for it.

Rein (nodding along): All fair. What happens if I do the impossible?

Jackie: Guess we have no choice then to fight to the (not) death for it. *pulls out lunch from bag and hands it to Rein* Have at it big guy.

Rein: Mono! Sol! Jolene! Need you on the deck pronto!

[Mild time jump]

Rein: …And we have until she finishes her lunch so let’s give it all we got!

Jolene: Sorry kid but we're definitely taking the infinite booze bag!

Sol: SHIKIKIKI! YOU MEAN THE INFINITE WEAPON BAG!

Mono: C-can it really hold anything anything like.. *gulp* people?

Jackie (unscrewing thermos): Could probably fit a giant in there but I have no idea if there’s air so I haven’t tried. Also your time start 27 seconds ago.

Rein: Alright, let’s do this!

[Montage of the Sneak-Waves trying to open the infinite bag while Jackie and Hati chat and split Jackie's lunch.]

Hati: Thank you for the food Miss Jackie!

Jackie: Not a problem, I’m just glad you liked it. Here *passes over a brownie* something sweet for after dinner.

Jackie (loudly speaking): I do believe your time is up!

[Jackie walks over to the now disheveled Sneak Waves and gently takes the bag, looking down to see Sol hanging off it with her teeth.]

Jackie: Kinda need this back now.

Sol: *indecipherable shouting*

Rein: It’s alright Sunny, we tried our best. *carefully wrenches Sol off the bag and into his hand*

Jolene/Jackie: 😏😏/👁️👁️

Sol (red-faced): SHIKIKI! STOP LOOKING AT ME!

Rein: I guess that’s it. My dreams of the infinite money bag are over…

Hati: *patting Rein's leg* Sorry Captain.

Jackie (putting thermos back into bag and walking off): Who’s to say really. If you were to get me another great story like Grand Tesoro, you might catch me during another lunch break.

Rein (perking up): Kohoko! You’ve got yourself a deal! Prepare for stories that’ll blow your mind!

If we take into account your headcanon of Mermaid Scales making others sound different when held to the throat (How’d you think of that, that’s actually kinda cool.)

Mono’s scales would give you a voice that sounds like Dolly Parton.

Hehe thank you!!

With how exploited and disrespected mermaids are in canon, poachers and slavers would have absolutely tried to squeeze every bit of potential worth out of them. Through this they discovered that by placing the scales directly on skin one can change the pitch, tone and accent of their voice to match the mermaids. It doesn’t last forever but it is invaluable in the game of espionage and otherwise hidden activities.

What they didn’t realize is that the effects varies based not the method of application but the process of attainment. Scales taken forcibly will work but it will also slowly rot one's voice from the inside out until it is gone. It is said to the curse of the ever anger Mother Ocean Umi herself, a divine punishment for those who dare mess with her people.

On the flip side, Scales obtained peacefully and respectfully have no such ill side effects beyond the scales being a bit painful (like ripping off a bandaid levels) and itchy after removal. Even with the lack of punishment, people like Jackie use it sparingly.

(But if she’s ever in needed of a soft midwestern timbre she knows exactly which disaster lesbian to hit up!)

Rein: Alright Mono, do you know why I’ve let myself into your room and sat down at your desk for 2 hours waiting for you?

Mono: (Concerned) No, why would you do that?

Rein: I need you to design and make lots of easy Sol Merchandise.

Mono: *She takes a deep breath* I…am ready to complete this mission.

*Mono confidently sits down at her desk as Rein stands back up to let her work*

Rein: I’ll be back to check in the progress in 2 hours, I trust you’ll be able to workshop something in time?

Mono: *Confident head nod*

Rein: Great, I’ll be seeing you soon.

*2 hours later, Rein walks back into Mono’s room and see Mono painting something*

Rein: Alright, what did you make after about 2 hours?

Mono: Well since the Marine Laws only operate outside of the colosseum, I’ve decided to make merchandise of Sol with and without her Fuego disguise.

Rein: Smart, a little bit of added showmanship or Au Naturale. So what did you make?

*Mono hands Rein a life size carving of Sol, complete with faux hair and painted skin*

Mono: (Excited) Completely life sized Sol carvings with added Fuego Flare!!

*Mono places a little mask on the carving and smiles at Rein, who’s completely befuddled*

Rein: (Confused) D-Did you carve this?

Mono: Yes.

Rein: (Less Confused) Where did you learn woodcarving also, why are you almost scarily good at it? *He begins to inspect the carving* This is exactly her, what the actual Hell?

Mono: (Awkwardly) Um…as a child, I had a lot of free time and would regularly carve driftwood into fish. When I got to a certain age and realized my um…“tastes”…I began carving that driftwood into “Fish”.

Rein: So you’re one of “those” figurine people huh?

Mono: (Nervously) Please don’t judge me.

Rein: I won’t, I just want you to be honest with me. How many of these did you make?

Mono: 240

Rein: (Shocked) 240!!!?? I was gone for literally 2 hours, how did you make 240 of these things!!?

Mono: I have artistic problems beyond artist’s block, I sometimes suffer from “Artist’s Flow” where I physically can’t stop making art.

Rein: You know what, it’s kinda odd but we’re gonna sell them.

Mono: (Happy) Yay!!

Rein: I’m taking this one, I have a plan for it. *He holds up the carving*

Mono: Ok, I’m gonna make more Sols.