#monkey joke

On a slow Monday night, a man and his pet monkey walk into a bar.  The bartender, being the type of man who will allow a monkey into a drinking establishment, had failed to clean the place thoroughly from the previous night’s revelry.  As the man sat and nursed his whiskey, the monkey explored the bar, and eventually came across an olive that was hidden beneath the pool table.  In some fascination, the bartender watched as the monkey held the olive up in the dim light, examining each and every hair and speck of dirt, and then popped it into his mouth.

“Hey man,” the bartender warned, “your monkey just ate an olive off the floor that looked pretty disgusting.”

“Don’t worry about it,” the man said as he finished his whiskey and paid, “he does stuff like that all the time.”

The next week the man and the monkey came in again, and once again the bar was empty as a crowd had just left after spilling their beer into a bowl of uncracked walnuts.  As the man drank his whiskey, the monkey investigated the sodden bowl of hard nuts, picked one up, and popped it into its mouth.

“Hey man,” the bartender said while clearing away the whiskey glass, “your monkey just ate an unshelled walnut covered in beer.”

“Don’t worry about it,” the man said as he counted out the bills for his drink, “he does stuff like that all the time.

Another Monday, and into the empty bar walk the man and the monkey.  The bartender, having poured the man’s whiskey, watches the monkey amble through the bar, climb on the pool table, and examine the cue ball.  Aware of what would follow, the bartender began to speak up, but before he had the monkey had grabbed the cue ball and swallowed it whole.

“Holy shit, man,” the bartender exclaimed, “your monkey just ate an entire cue ball!”

“Eh,” the man said as he tossed back his drink, “He’ll be fine.”

A week passes again, and again the man and the monkey walk in.  The monkey, this time, seemed slightly subdued, staying close to the man as he drank his whiskey, but eventually it reached over the bar and grabbed a cherry from the jar kept there.  The monkey stared at the cherry for a minute, and then, to the surprise of the bartender, bent over and inserted it in its ass.

With the bartender looking on in abject horror, the monkey then pulled the cherry from its ass and popped it in its mouth.

“For christ’s sake, man,” the bartender exclaimed, “your monkey just stuck a cherry up its ass then ate it!”