#mon ew

alexa order me a clown costume to be delivered weekly starting this coming tuesday

-Alex Danvers: Killed her sister’s only surviving relative with a Kryptonite sword (that could kill her sister too, btw). Her father switched sides and spent 15 years working for a terrorist organization, she believed in him no matter what only to be ultimately betrayed by him (still missing, by the way, but she hasn’t mentioned him for a whole season). Is a trigger-happy Black Ops operative. And a badass. And I love her. Could not do anything wrong ever even if she went crazy and tried to rule the world.

-James Olsen: wasn’t happy with the way justice was being handled in a city that has a resident superhero and a governmental agency dedicated to battling crime. Turns into a masked Vigilante to literally take matters into his own hands (fists). Calls himself Guardian though no one asked him to guard anything. Despises and criticizes a woman he doesn’t know based on her family’s deeds. Let’s take into account he broke into a jail to try and prove that woman was EVIL (btw now he’s dating her because why not, sounds healthy).

-Winn Schott: son of a criminal, still a cinnamon roll, basically a genius, but feels his potential is wasted (basically every Spider-Man’s villain origin story, will never ever do any wrong though, because he’s perfect like that).

-Mon-El: Former slave-owner and heir to a terrible fascist empire. When given the opportunity to go back to his home planet and try to lead a revolution to free his people, he refused because he wanted to be with his girlfriend of a few weeks, leaving millions of lives behind. Left a girl he just screwed to die. Robbed a pod to escape to Earth. Lied about his identity as long as he could to get into a girl’s pants. He did go to the future though, where he became a self-proclaimed hero. Also, he wanted to kill a guy because he liked her then-not-girlfriend and was very, very annoying about it.

-Kara/Supergirl: Superpowered being that does not respond to justice in any way. When called out on her behavior by a trained, legitimate law enforcer, she said (literally) ‘protocol gets in the way of swift justice’. Which justice? Hers, of course. Also, she said she doesn’t look before she leaps because she can fly. Such modesty, so classy. This behavior has been seen in other episodes where Supergirl seizes moral high ground. Was actually a dictator in another reality. But this one, we love. She’s an asshole, yes, but she’s OUR asshole, y’all.

-J’onn: Says he’s the good guy but basically just crosses his arms and does nothing when all these kids do all these crap.

And finally, Lena Luthor:

-Her adoptive brother who she loved with all her heart goes mad, kills lots of people, goes to prison and then tries to kill her. She changes his company name and vows to make it a ‘force for good’. Creates a device to identify aliens. A reporter she’s known for two days points out it’s dangerous, so the device is never seen again. Her mother tries to recruit her for her terrorist organization. She basically fools everyone, saves all aliens and turns her mother over to the authorities. Her mommy issues lead her to trust a woman that screws her over and incidentally creates a portal for an alien invasion, and can you believe this dork wanted to use it to end climate change? She modifies another device to end the invasion, then hands the switch to Supergirl. Never gets credit, nobody thanks her. Did I mention she has a hospital for children? Well, she does. She thinks she’s responsible for poisoning children so she steps down from her company and her new acquired media empire in the name of neutrality and freedom of the press. Tried to kill a guy, didn’t do it, ended up on a plane full with toxic materials, told Supergirl to let her go so she could save the city. Then confessed the murder attempt to her best friend, who said: “You’re not a killer”. A friend of hers turns out to be a supervillain though she really isn’t because her personality is split in two so she uses all her scientific knowledge and resources to try and save her friend. Gets accused of being BAD because she used Kryptonite, which is the same thing as accusing me of being evil because I eat melon from time to time (my wife’s allergic, but she knows I don’t want to kill her if she sees a melon in the fridge. She knows it’ll be ok as long as she doesn’t eat it. She knows the melon is for me because I like it and I’m not allergic and it’s good for my hypothyroidism, she doesn’t get mad because the melon can kill her, she knows I love her and I wouldn’t force her to eat melon, and the melon will always be safely labeled in case she somehow mistakes the melon for anything else).

Anyhoo, one of these characters is going to go evil at some point. Guess who?

If Mon el stays imma lose my shit