#mod laney

Whether you are quiet or loud, high or low, I want you to know that life is hard and we've been put through some bad shit but I believe a meaningful life with BPD is possible.

Some days it seems like the light will never come and you will never reach the end of your dark tunnel, but I know we can do it. Cause many before us have. Just look at the lady who created DBT to help fellow Borderlines overcome this.

Now, you might not think so cause perhaps you just lost your FP, your significant other decided you were too much (or not enough) and left you. Or maybe your fear got in the way and you were the one who decided to leave or maybe you just tested peoples patience one too many times.

While this disorder does not excuse the unhealthy decisions we choose to sometimes make, this disorder doesn't make us unlovable.

This new relationship has been hard on me.

My partner is great. He really is, but I so get the desire to self-sabotage and leave him behind. I almost did let him go, but he did not let me. Said that what we have is rare and he could not bear another heartbreak and that once we are done, we are done. The thought of losing him forever terrifies me so I stick by. That, and I really do love him. For the first time in my life, I have found someone who does not care if I am overweight, have BPD, and who loves me and consoles me whenever necessary. It is a refreshing change, but also a hellish one.

And I just don't know how to cope!!!

I go on his FB and I search up ppast posts he has written of his ex's or things girls have tagged him in and I set myself off. I get jealous and I become hurt.

I begin to think he is going to leave me.

More than ever, I am aware of my own bad thoughts and I get so scared because what if I am not as good of the person he thinks I am?

It's all too much and I wish I could disappear but to lose his love would be like fucking myself over on my own true shot at happiness.

Me: Yay! I'm getting better!

Bpd: mwahahahaha