if you're still doing the promts: cuddling moceit? maybe with patton being kinda sad/stressed and just needing a hug? really like your writing btw <3
Here you go! I’m not sure if you will see this, it’s been some time, I’m really sorry. After the exams I got in such a slump I could not look at my laptop for a solid few days, not to mention writing. But, here is your order, I hope it will be to your taste! Enjoy!
He didn’t really ask, he just sat next to Janus on the couch, close, not yet touching. When Janus threw him a look, eyes lifting from the book he was reading in tandem with one of his brows, there was a silent question in his expression which Patton decided to ignore. He saw it all from the corner of his eye, not able to look straight at Janus. If he did, he would surely start to cry.
He really did want to, but at the same time he didn’t.
And Janus, well, Janus knew all of them better than they would like to believe. The lack of greeting was one thing, but when Patton refused to look at him even though it was well past the time when his mere sight was repulsing to everyone… You didn’t need a degree in rocket science to know that something was wrong, not when Patton was sitting silently next to you and didn’t even spare a glance or ask about the thing you were doing.
Patton felt the movement, saw in the corner of his eye that Janus was putting the book away, moving his shoulder smoothly to free his arm from the cape. When Patton felt a soft touch on his shoulder it became incredibly hard not to let any tears slip. A soft sound, however, managed to escape his lips before he pressed them tightly shut. Too late.
“Come here,” Janus said as the hand moved to rest on Patton’s opposite shoulder, bringing him close to his chest, voice extremely soft and barely audible.
Patton didn’t protest. He couldn’t. It if was hard to keep his crying under control before, now it became almost impossible. Still, he kept on trying to fight it against his better judgement. Some habits were hard to break.
Janus didn’t need to say anything. He knew that he could fill the silence with sweet reassurances and soft words, but he also knew that it wasn’t what Patton really needed. So he just held him.
And Patton? At some point he surrendered, the warmth of the embrace, the pressure of the hand that lowered itself to rest on his upper arm squeezing him just enough to feel safe, not so tight that he’d feel trapped. He turned his head to hide it in the material of Janus’s shirt when he felt the first tears mark his face with their paths. The smell of their laundry detergent still lingering in the material felt so homey that it made his heart swell with something equal parts comforting and painful.
To know that the embrace of someone else felt more like home than his own mind…
At some point Patton’s hand ended up clutching the front of Janus’s shirt; later on he will feel remorseful for crumpling it, but Janus would dismiss his concerns. Now he just covered Patton’s hand with his own, letting it stay that way for a minute or two before gently uncurling Patton’s fingers and bringing his arm around his own waist, letting Patton hug him properly. Showing that he could.
The position was a bit weird and in hindsight - a bit uncomfortable, but it was exactly what Patton needed. He managed to calm himself down quite considerably soon after he let his composure slip, but it took him way longer to actually stop the tears from flowing, even after he stopped properly crying. When his trembling stopped as well, Janus squeezed him once before slightly loosening his hold – not asking Patton to let go, but rather signalling that he was not going to stop him if he wanted to.
It took a bit more time for Patton to move away, wiping his cheeks with a sheepish smile on his lips, a small chuckle leaving his lips, not unlike the first whimper some unknown to him amount of time before. He didn’t move far, though.
“Thank you,” he said quietly, voice a little rough and still holding the residue of those overwhelming emotions.
“There’s no need to thank me,” was the answer he got, Janus’s eyes scanning his own for a moment before he looked away and casually took his book back in his hand, his other one still very loosely around the other side.
They didn’t say anything after that, but when Patton leaned back into the other, this time letting his back press to the other’s chest instead of hiding his face there, they both started to finally relax. And as Patton took the hand that was now just barely resting on his waist into his own, lacing their fingers, he knew that everything will be okay and that it was okay to depend on others sometimes.
He still felt a spark of guilt pass through his lower abdomen, a voice in his head starting to whisper that he took the time of another person without even asking, such a selfish act, don’t you think?, but he squashed it for now. It was okay. The others had this conversation with him many times before, and the time they decided to give to him was not wasted for them, he was not taking it against their will. It was a gift. And you should accept such gifts. He knew he’d do the same for all of the others in an instant, no matter what he was doing at the time (unless he was cooking – then he’d have to turn the gas off first, but in any other scenario, in an instant). So he should not beat himself about it.
(Those were the words his family used to try to convince him to stop bottling all his emotions down. He tried to remember them and repeat them to himself whenever doubts crept in. It didn’t always work, but he tried.)
It didn’t take much time for Patton to fall asleep, enveloped in the warmth he felt from the other and the gentle rise and fall of Janus’s chest as he breathed. He didn’t even notice when his blinks stopped being blinks as he slipped into a dreamless sleep.
When he wakes up later, he’ll be okay again. Sometimes one just needs to let the emotions escape when they pile up. It’s okay to be vulnerable, it’s okay to let another person comfort you. It’s okay to cry.
With someone like Janus there to always offer his presence in such times, Patton was inclined to really believe those words. With Janus there, accepting him as he was, Patton felt like maybe he wasn’t such a failure for letting bad emotions win from time to time.
He was okay. It was okay. He was safe and loved – in more ways than one.
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